Home-schooled student struggles finding new friends
Dear Harlan,
I’m a 19-year-old female and
home schooled from the eighth
grade until I got my GED two
years ago. I was home schooled
because of severe depression that
required hospitalization four
times and medication. I'm still on
the medicine and still struggle
with daily life. My problem is
that I’ve been totally cut off from
everything since I left school.
I only leave the house to go to
my part-time job where I work
alone. I have no friends and I
never got my driver's license be
cause I never went anywhere. I
want to have a life and friends,
and go to college and all the nor
mal things, but I don't know
where to start.
I’m incredibly shy and have a
really hard time thinking of
things to say to people. They
think I’m stuck up or weird be
cause I’m so quiet. I don’t know
what to do.
Stuck at home
Dear Stuck,
Finding a friend without be
ing around people is like finding
a filet in a vegetarian restaurant.
You need to start by putting
yourself in the right place in or
der to find what you seek. It
would be much easier if there
were friend stores, but they've
yet to open up retail friends in
strip shopping centers.
The closest thing to a “friend
store” is going to a place where
you can find people with similar
interests. If your doctor clears
you, start by finding a part-time
job where you can work around
some people. When you're not
working, try getting involved in
a group setting where talking is
part of the activity. A book club,
a religious studies group, com
munity theater, group sports, or
any activity that intrigues you
are all the perfect way to get
started.
Making friends takes time, pa
tience and a deliberate effort.
Take the time, make the effort
and make new friends.
Dear Harlan,
I like this girl from work and
want to invite her to a sort of cel
ebration at my college the night
before classes start. It will be very
public and there will be food and
music and dancing and fire
works.
My problem is knowing if she
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Commentary
Ask
Harlan
already has a boyfriend without
looking completely foolish by
simply asking her out? The ask
ing out will be easy, it's knowing
if she has a boyfriend that's both
ering me. I do not think I can just
ask her without seeming interest
... ed and I'm
not into spy
ing or asking
a gossip for
information
either. What
can I do?
Not the
fool
Dear fool
After get
ting your letter, I did some ask
ing around and followed this girl
for a couple days. I'm still not
sure if she has a boyfriend, but I
know she walks fast and has no
problem using pepper spray and
blunt kicks to the head when be
ing followed.
Regardless of her dating sta
tus, you're not a fool. Sitting
around and pondering any
longer would be foolish. Unless
she's used to dating psychics,
you have to ask to find the an
swers. It's not like you're asking
her anything so incredibly per
sonal. Avoid asking for her so
cial security number in addition
to asking her for a date and
you'll avoid being a big fool. If
she says she has a boyfriend, ask
her if she wants to go as a friend.
Anything less would be foolish.
Dear Harlan,
A year ago, I found out some
thing very terrible. My fiancee
was diagnosed with HPV and she
caught the disease from me. Nev
er in my life did 1 experience the
effects that are caused by HPV.
Our lives have totally changed.
We are not intimate anymore and
her love for me is not as strong as
it used to be. I even asked her if
she still thinks about marrying
me and she replies, “I don’t know
anymore.” We have four years to
gether now and I have no idea
what to do.
A part of me tells me to be mis
erable, alone and not be remind
ed every day of this terrible dis
ease and that I'm the cause of it. I
had no idea I had it.
Now, I know that sex is not
everything, but I think it plays a
very important part in a relation
ship. I've gone into support
groups over the Internet and they
have helped out a lot, but I want
to talk to those who have gone or
are going through the same thing.
What do I do? Please help!
Miserable
Dear Miserable,
The good news is that you no
longer have to worry about giv
ing it to each other.
You can find support from
about 24 million people, because
according to the National Insti
tutes of Health, that's approxi
mately the number of Americans
with HPV (Human Papillo
mavirus).
Some people have HPV, the
virus that causes genital warts,
and never even know it. Symp
toms can appear where the
naked eye can't see.
Married couples must learn
to deal with adversity. If this
thing is going to tear you two
apart, you're not meant to be to
gether.
As for the HPV, your girlfriend
needs to make sure she has a
pap every 6 months (sometimes
every 3 months with active
warts) and she needs to consult a
doctor. Yes, it can be uncomfort
able. Yes, you always carry HPV,
even without active warts. Yes, it
can be a precursor to cervical
cancer, but it can usually be con
trolled.
Millions of people with HPV
live normal and happy lives.
And who knows? Your fi
ancee might have unknowingly
given it to you. For support and
information call the STD hotline
at: 1-800-227-8922 or contact
your local hospital.
Dear Harlan,
I'm freaking out. I'm 16 and
have only had one boyfriend and
that was three years ago. Since
then, I have only gone out with
one guy while all my friends are
dating a lot.
I have a lot of friends, and I'm
not ugly or anything. I also don't
think there's anything wrong
with me in general. So, I can't fig
ure out why I don’t have one.
Any thoughts?
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
I have thoughts about dinner,
thoughts about the weekend,
and thoughts about what it
would be like to be a Backstreet
Boy, but your letter doesn't re
quire much thought.
It's not about quantity; it's
about quality. You might be so
dynamic that most guys are too
intimidated. It might take a very
confident guy to find the courage
to ask you out or you just asking
a guy you like to hang out.
You could also ask your
friends to ask their boyfriends to
set you up. Whatever you do,
stop freaking out because you're
totally normal. Try giving more
thought to dinner instead.
Harlan is not a licensed psychologist,
therapist or physician, but he is a
licensed driver.
Write Harlan via e-mail at harlan@help
meharlan.com or online at:
<http://www.helpmeharlan.com/>
www.helpmeharlan.com.
All letters submitted become the
property of the column.
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