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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 27, 2000)
Girl should confess to sleeping with sister’s fiance Dear Harlan: I have a huge problem. My sis ter’s fiance and I are really good friends. She’s in college and isn’t home most of the week so he and I go out every Thursday night. Last time we went out we had a little too much to drink. He told me that he really didn’t want to marry my sis ter anymore, and he wanted to be with me. One thing led to another and we had sex together. Now whenever I see him I feel really strange. I feel like I have really be trayed my sister, and on the other hand, I think he and I go perfectly together. She doesn’t deserve him. What should I do? - Sister in need Dear Sister: You should feel terrible you be trayed your sister’s loyalty and trust by sleeping with her future husband or you should feel proud that you were able to prove what a disgusting and disloyal person you and her future husband could be to your sister. If you want to salvage any po tential relationship with your sis ter you need to stop hanging out with this terrible man and he needs to break off the engagement with your sister. If he won’t coop erate, tell him you’ll talk to your sister and tell her the truth. At least this way, your sister won’t have to know just how reckless you and this guy were with her feelings. Unless your sister doesn’t love the guy and would rather see you with him, there’s virtually no way of salvaging a relationship with him and your sister. But really, he gets drunk and sleeps with his fi ancee’s sister. That takes a really disgusting man - sober or drunk. Of course, you could pretend like nothing happened and betray your sister, but that’s no way to live your life. With that said, if you’re drinking to the point that you sleep with your sister’s fiance, you might have a serious drinking problem. If you don’t have a drinking problem you’ve got some other problems because healthy people don’t sleep with siblings’ 008411) all events are FREE thu • apr. 27th 9:30-11:30pm Ifri • apr. 28th eclectic open mic music > performance art ► theatre Sign-up to perform at The Break (located next to The Buzz) For more info call Melanie at 346-3725 sat • apr. 29th 9:30-11:30pm Imon ► may 1st 9pm-11:30pm tamaras acoustic rock poetry open mic Sign-up to perform at The Break (located next to The Buzz) For more info call Melanie at 346-3725 tue ► may 2nd 8-1 Opm wed ► may 3rd 9:30-11:30pm university jazz combo nicole barrett acoustic thu » may 4th 9:30-11:30pm jubal rock band the buzz * emu ground floor Recple • Recycle • Recycle • Recycle wpwrTmn Community Center for the Performing Arts 8Ul & Lincoln ■ Tonight ■ Tony Levin, California Guitar Trio, Sean Malone Iktss Virtuoso $15 advance, $17 door, 8:00 pm ■ Friday ■ Kin? Black Acid, The Inside, Hi^h Violets Psychedelic Rock $7 door, 9:00 pm 009174 ■ Saturday ■ Poster Children, Drive, Phoenix Thunderstorm Rock $7 door, 9:00 pm ■ Sunday ■ Zulu Spear, Paul Prince African $8 advance, $8 door, 8:00 pm ■ Monday ■ KWVA 7 Year Birthday Bash with Dub Narcotic Sound System, Sub Debs, Internal-External Soul $7 door, 8:00 pm Sacred Music Sacred Dance for World Healing Tibetan $14 advance, Sij, door, 7:30 pm ■ Thursday ■ An Evening with KeolaBeamer Hawaiian $14.50 advance, $16.50 door, 7:30 pm All Ages Welcome • 687-2746 spouses. Dear Har lan: I’m writ ing in re sponse to your col umn about the hetero sexual girl interested in a platonic relation ship. While her friends, who proba bly really aren’t her friends, call her desire to have a platonic rela tionship with a man abnormal, perhaps they are the ones who aren’t normal. She sounds like a normal, healthy human being to me, not perverts like some people. Perhaps her lack of enthusiasm for kissing and hugging other people means she’s a little uptight around strangers. As for walks in the parks and telling jokes, I’m sure she will meet a man who respects her and loves her for who she is and can enjoy liking her on the same terms. All she has to do is find her confidence and not allow other people to take her beliefs away from her. - Concerned Dear Concerned: Your letter was supportive, but yet so edgy. You seem so angry at people with sex drives. While it’s nice for this girl to know she’s normal, there’s no reason to call everyone who hungers for hot flesh a pervert. If not for alleged perverts, neither of us would be Advice Ask Harlan nere. I only want this girl to laugh and tell jokes while feeding the ducks in the park and be sure there’s no medical problems. I’m sure she’s fine, but she needs to be certain. Dear Harlan: Recently, my fiance and I dis covered during a premarital physi cal exam that we both have genital warts. Since we both shared our first time together I don’t under stand how this could have hap pened. I’ve been 100 percent faith ful, so I can only suspect him of infidelity. He has been spending a lot of time with my best friend’s boyfriend, “Adam.” They have a lot in common but sometimes it seems like they are a little “too close,” if you catch my drift. I think my boyfriend did go through a period of uncertainty during high school, but I thought he had worked it all out. Should I con front him about “Adam”? I have to know where this disease came from. Are there any other ways to get it? He lives in a dorm, so maybe he got it from the toilet seat or a shared towel or something. Please help me figure this mess out. - Infected Dear Infected: Unless he was sitting on a toilet seat and towel with “Adam” there’s pretty much no chance this was something he just caught while simply living his everyday life. I catch your drift, but your boyfriend might have gotten warts long before he knew you. He did n’t have to have intercourse to get genital warts. HPV, the virus that causes genital warts is transmit ted by skin to skin sexual contact. His warts might have come and gone without him ever noticing, but the HPV stays in his system forever. Basically, your boyfriend or even you might have been the one with warts and never have even ♦ known it. On the other hand, he could be sleeping with “Adam.” Talk to him and hear what he has to say. Only then can you de cide if it’s something from his past or possible infidelity. Just know that you’re never alone and that treatment and support is always available. For more information contact the STD Hotline at: (800) 227-8922. Dear Harlan: This is a note regarding the HIV positive guy from a couple of weeks ago who was having unpro tected sex with strangers via the In ternet without disclosing his HIV. I believe you left out a very im portant statement. In many states, it is a felony crime to knowingly have sex with someone while HIV positive and not inform them. Check that with the health depart ments. The guy should report him to the police and health depart ment. The HIV positive guy needs counseling and help as he is a threat to the community. - Urgent reply Dear Urgent: I appreciate the note. These particular laws vary from state to state. Regardless, it’s vitally im portant to contact your local po lice department or health depart ment so they can investigate the situation and see if any legal ac tion can be taken. It’s also impor tant to make sure local health offi cials are aware of the potential risk in your community. If any thing, they can issue some kind of community alert to remind peo ple that HIV is a very real risk. Harlan is not a licensed psychologist, therapist or physician, but he is a li censed driver and a syndicated colum nist. Write Harlan online at: www.help meharlan.com. All letters submitted become the property of the column. A&E briefs Symphony to perform 12 popular movie scores The Eugene Symphony will perform a movie-lover’s medley of popular film scores Friday evening at the Silva Concert Hall of the Hult Center, One Eugene Center. Conductor Miguel Harth Bedoya will lead the symphony in performing Hollywood classics, box office blockbusters, Academy Award-winners, and a lOOth-an niversary tribute to Alfred Hitch cock. The dozen scores to be per formed include hits such as “Casablanca,” “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” “Lawrence of Arabia,” “Psy cho,” “Star Trek,” “Star Wars,” and “Mission: Impossible.” Tickets are $12-$18, $10 for youth and students, and are avail able at the Hult Center Box Office (682-5000) and the EMU Ticket Outlet. Parade begins Shakespeare birthday celebration A parade around campus will begin at 11:30 a.m. Monday at Villard Hall and end up in the EMU Amphitheater at noon to kick off this year’s Shakespeare’s Birthday Celebration. From noon to 3 p.m., actors will perform scenes and mono logues from Shakespeare’s works and those of his contemporaries, such as Christopher Marlowe. The celebration will also include songs, dancing, fighting, and jug gling. The events are free and are sponsored by the Pocket Play house. For more information, call Rhaetia Hanscum in the theater main office at 346-9171.
