Girl should confess to sleeping with sister’s fiance
Dear Harlan:
I have a huge problem. My sis
ter’s fiance and I are really good
friends.
She’s in college and isn’t home
most of the week so he and I go out
every Thursday night. Last time
we went out we had a little too
much to drink. He told me that he
really didn’t want to marry my sis
ter anymore, and he wanted to be
with me. One thing led to another
and we had sex together. Now
whenever I see him I feel really
strange. I feel like I have really be
trayed my sister, and on the other
hand, I think he and I go perfectly
together. She doesn’t deserve him.
What should I do?
- Sister in need
Dear Sister:
You should feel terrible you be
trayed your sister’s loyalty and
trust by sleeping with her future
husband or you should feel proud
that you were able to prove what
a disgusting and disloyal person
you and her future husband could
be to your sister.
If you want to salvage any po
tential relationship with your sis
ter you need to stop hanging out
with this terrible man and he
needs to break off the engagement
with your sister. If he won’t coop
erate, tell him you’ll talk to your
sister and tell her the truth. At
least this way, your sister won’t
have to know just how reckless
you and this guy were with her
feelings.
Unless your sister doesn’t love
the guy and would rather see you
with him, there’s virtually no way
of salvaging a relationship with
him and your sister. But really, he
gets drunk and sleeps with his fi
ancee’s sister. That takes a really
disgusting man - sober or drunk.
Of course, you could pretend
like nothing happened and betray
your sister, but that’s no way to
live your life. With that said, if
you’re drinking to the point that
you sleep with your sister’s fiance,
you might have a serious drinking
problem. If you don’t have a
drinking problem you’ve got some
other problems because healthy
people don’t sleep with siblings’
008411)
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eclectic open mic
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Community
Center for the
Performing Arts
8Ul &
Lincoln
■ Tonight ■
Tony Levin,
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Malone
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$15 advance, $17 door, 8:00 pm
■ Friday ■
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■ Sunday ■
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■ Monday ■
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■ Thursday ■
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spouses.
Dear Har
lan:
I’m writ
ing in re
sponse to
your col
umn about
the hetero
sexual girl
interested in
a platonic
relation
ship.
While her friends, who proba
bly really aren’t her friends, call
her desire to have a platonic rela
tionship with a man abnormal,
perhaps they are the ones who
aren’t normal. She sounds like a
normal, healthy human being to
me, not perverts like some people.
Perhaps her lack of enthusiasm for
kissing and hugging other people
means she’s a little uptight around
strangers.
As for walks in the parks and
telling jokes, I’m sure she will
meet a man who respects her and
loves her for who she is and can
enjoy liking her on the same
terms. All she has to do is find her
confidence and not allow other
people to take her beliefs away
from her.
- Concerned
Dear Concerned:
Your letter was supportive, but
yet so edgy. You seem so angry at
people with sex drives. While it’s
nice for this girl to know she’s
normal, there’s no reason to call
everyone who hungers for hot
flesh a pervert. If not for alleged
perverts, neither of us would be
Advice
Ask
Harlan
nere.
I only want this girl to laugh
and tell jokes while feeding the
ducks in the park and be sure
there’s no medical problems. I’m
sure she’s fine, but she needs to be
certain.
Dear Harlan:
Recently, my fiance and I dis
covered during a premarital physi
cal exam that we both have genital
warts. Since we both shared our
first time together I don’t under
stand how this could have hap
pened. I’ve been 100 percent faith
ful, so I can only suspect him of
infidelity. He has been spending a
lot of time with my best friend’s
boyfriend, “Adam.” They have a
lot in common but sometimes it
seems like they are a little “too
close,” if you catch my drift. I
think my boyfriend did go through
a period of uncertainty during
high school, but I thought he had
worked it all out. Should I con
front him about “Adam”? I have to
know where this disease came
from. Are there any other ways to
get it? He lives in a dorm, so
maybe he got it from the toilet seat
or a shared towel or something.
Please help me figure this mess
out.
- Infected
Dear Infected:
Unless he was sitting on a toilet
seat and towel with “Adam”
there’s pretty much no chance this
was something he just caught
while simply living his everyday
life. I catch your drift, but your
boyfriend might have gotten warts
long before he knew you. He did
n’t have to have intercourse to get
genital warts. HPV, the virus that
causes genital warts is transmit
ted by skin to skin sexual contact.
His warts might have come and
gone without him ever noticing,
but the HPV stays in his system
forever.
Basically, your boyfriend or
even you might have been the one
with warts and never have even ♦
known it. On the other hand, he
could be sleeping with “Adam.”
Talk to him and hear what he
has to say. Only then can you de
cide if it’s something from his past
or possible infidelity. Just know
that you’re never alone and that
treatment and support is always
available. For more information
contact the STD Hotline at: (800)
227-8922.
Dear Harlan:
This is a note regarding the HIV
positive guy from a couple of
weeks ago who was having unpro
tected sex with strangers via the In
ternet without disclosing his HIV.
I believe you left out a very im
portant statement. In many states,
it is a felony crime to knowingly
have sex with someone while HIV
positive and not inform them.
Check that with the health depart
ments. The guy should report him
to the police and health depart
ment. The HIV positive guy needs
counseling and help as he is a
threat to the community.
- Urgent reply
Dear Urgent:
I appreciate the note. These
particular laws vary from state to
state. Regardless, it’s vitally im
portant to contact your local po
lice department or health depart
ment so they can investigate the
situation and see if any legal ac
tion can be taken. It’s also impor
tant to make sure local health offi
cials are aware of the potential
risk in your community. If any
thing, they can issue some kind of
community alert to remind peo
ple that HIV is a very real risk.
Harlan is not a licensed psychologist,
therapist or physician, but he is a li
censed driver and a syndicated colum
nist. Write Harlan online at: www.help
meharlan.com. All letters submitted
become the property of the column.
A&E briefs
Symphony to perform 12
popular movie scores
The Eugene Symphony will
perform a movie-lover’s medley of
popular film scores Friday
evening at the Silva Concert Hall
of the Hult Center, One Eugene
Center.
Conductor Miguel Harth
Bedoya will lead the symphony in
performing Hollywood classics,
box office blockbusters, Academy
Award-winners, and a lOOth-an
niversary tribute to Alfred Hitch
cock.
The dozen scores to be per
formed include hits such as
“Casablanca,” “Raiders of the Lost
Ark,” “Lawrence of Arabia,” “Psy
cho,” “Star Trek,” “Star Wars,”
and “Mission: Impossible.”
Tickets are $12-$18, $10 for
youth and students, and are avail
able at the Hult Center Box Office
(682-5000) and the EMU Ticket
Outlet.
Parade begins Shakespeare
birthday celebration
A parade around campus will
begin at 11:30 a.m. Monday at
Villard Hall and end up in the
EMU Amphitheater at noon to
kick off this year’s Shakespeare’s
Birthday Celebration.
From noon to 3 p.m., actors
will perform scenes and mono
logues from Shakespeare’s works
and those of his contemporaries,
such as Christopher Marlowe.
The celebration will also include
songs, dancing, fighting, and jug
gling. The events are free and are
sponsored by the Pocket Play
house. For more information, call
Rhaetia Hanscum in the theater
main office at 346-9171.