Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 16, 1998)
■«'vyf#. 5~! ‘rt^TjV. £-K‘iL fe'*jnzi. smr -n. omj;.vEbry/ vsn j r-zxjih - ft. EDITOR IN CHIEF Ryan Frank EDITORIAL EDITOR KameronCole What's the L&VIHsky President Clinton’s fiasco dcjes not deserve the world’s attention big deal? Just the other day, after a few pitcher rounds at the locaJ pub with my friends and after fun with the opposite sex had to me been continuously denied. I de cided to drive to the sw eetness of my home to spend the rest of the evening indulging in some televised entertainment. Got home, slumped in the comfort of my lounge room couch and switched on the tube. However, my dreams of late night TV' fun went quickly down the drain. As the set flickered its first images at me I immediately got quite a fair idea of what was coming my way: That infamous plump countenance smooching the cheekies of our perverted president is what I saw. Oh, not again! I’d seen that image more than 100 times be fore. Couldn’t stand that whole Clinton-Lewinskv-Starr-Im peachment Process anymore. So out of sheer loathe, anger and desperation I scurried up to my room to try to do something about this pathetic ordeal. That’s why, although I know this is a rather wearisome sub ject, I’d still like to submit to you, good reader, a few final thoughts on this tragic soap that has choked our stinking air waves and bored the shits out of us all for almost a year now. So here we go. fellas, a few fi nal thoughts from me. To start with, it is really hard to believe that the presidential Opinion \ince Medeiros late ottnemost powerful nation in the world can really turn be cause of a semen stain left on the cocktail dress of a White House intern. And at the same time the entire planet stands slack jawed and mar veis at me iact mat may actually happen. People must also ques tion themselves what crazy cir cumstances and interests have led us to witnesses an impeach ment inquiry based on the pres ident's sexual behavior. And, more important, is that what we should be worried about and forced to put up with every time we turn our sets on? That the man could not con trol his zipper, that we already knew. That his sexual appetite is fairly intense appears to be consensus amongst the popula tion. That Bill Clinton has had numerous flings while married to Hillary is also news to no one. That he may have Bed under oath during a sexual harassment deposition last January seems to be pretty clear to most Ameri cans as well. That some of Bill Clinton's “genetic material”—as some of the more religious like to put it—was actually found on the intern's party apparel seems to be pretty evident, too. And, laklv, after reading the full-length, pornographic, Shel donesque novel by the mega-per vert, privacy-invador, top voyeur Ken Starr, which left the cyberspace uncommonly clogged for more than a week, the whole world “finally” found out that—surprise, surprise—he did have sex with that woman. And guess what? Besides all the common knowledge above cited, besides the fact that the report was a ter rific read, that kids found a good way to get off on some cybersex without the intimidating use of gynecological images, and be side the fact that it was a great laugh to find out how Bill and Monica fooled around inside the Oval Office, nobody cared. That’s right, nobody cared. Poll after poll, be it Newsweek's, Time’s, Gallup's or CNN’s, they all indicate that the sneaky per vert has the American people standing behind him. So, fellas, I say to those grumpy, old, puritan-minded, moralist-retards, ultra-conserva tive men in Congress: Stop wast ing your precious time with this impeachment process rubbish. Don’t bore us with that crap for another year. There’s more im portant stuff out there and the president needs to be left alone so he can work properly. Because while the global economy is collapsing and mil lions around the world are be ing forced back into the inferno of misery and starvation; while Kosovo is being the scene of the most atrocious violence and tor ture; and while here, in our very backyards, the number of peo ple living under the poverty lev el raises by the month, this my opic obsession with the president’s lustful adventures doesn’t look like it should be any of our priorities. Should it? Vince Medeiros isa columnist/or the Emerald. His i ieu s do not nec essarily represent those of the netespaper. c~ THE AUKS WOULD LIKE TO PROPOSE A SETTlTAAfNT OUTLINE FOB YOO to CONSIDER.. J J ...WHM OBSESSION, mb president? INTERNATIONAL 1 MONICA I FUND
