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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 23, 1998)
CONTACTING US NEWSROOM: ADDRESS: (541)346-5511 E-MAIL Oregon Daily Emerald P.0 BOX 3159 ode@oregon. uoregon edu Eugene, Oregon 97403 ONLINE EDITION: www.uoregon.edu/~ode Perspectives EDITOR IN CHIEF Sarah Kickler EDITORIAL EDITOR Mike Schmierbach NIGHT EDITOR Holly Sanders i ' y, mu a i: m ~ ms - sa x? s & FOWL PLAY! This WINTER THE CHICKENS HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST! Sunday’s Golden Globe awards revealed several surprises to Hol lywood bigwigs. After all, who ac tually thought Peter Fonda still had it? The most impressive surprise, however, was that college students could win an award for best screenplay. 1 figured with a handful of newspaper clip pings and a vivid imagination, I, too, could write a powerful drama. Our story begins in a courtroom. While the judge holds back a smile, Barney, everyone’s fa Jonas Allen vorite purple dinosaur, silently gives the San Diego Chicken the finger. The Famous Chicken, as the mascot is formally called, lis tens to the charge drawn against him — a copyright and trademark infringement for as saulting and mocking a Barney like character during perfor mances at sporting events. Barney is seeking $100,000 lor eacn time tne L,nir.ken per formed his skit. The scene fades out and goes to a quiet farm in Hong Kong. As the farmer tends to his morning duties, five members of the Hong Kong police swarm around a chicken coop and cut the chick ens’ throats. The officers then throw the dead chickens into trash bags and haul them off to a county landfill. Flying over the countryside, the cameras find their way into a Nebraska office where scientists are inspecting a sample of cough medicine. These researchers warn that a key ingredient in cough syrups and tablets has caused severe de fects in chicken embryos. Because of these de fects, the scientists advise pregnant women to CHRIS HUTCHINSON/Emerald ill avoid such medicines. With the exception of Barney flipping the bird, all these scenes come directly from your local newspaper. And all in all, it hasn’t been a good year for chickens. Our screenplay has to start this way because it’s the order in which the events happened. More important, however, is the need for a good court scene in every blockbuster drama. The Famous Chicken case seemed trivial when it first hit the news. The case seemed more like something to laugh about more than take se riously. But it really started the snowball rolling for a bad year in all of Chickendom. The farm scene is vital to this movie’s success. Not only will it appeal to the ever-important Iowa movie market, but the topic is still in the news. In mid-1997, a three year old contracted a dis ease that primarily infects birds. Since then, six people have been killed by the “bird flu,” and at least 12 more have been infected. (Can anyone see a connection between our fact-based screen play and “Outbreak”?) Scientists can't figure out how a bird virus, H5N1, infected humans. Fortunately, on Jan. 15, scientists announced that the virus had not mutated into something that “could spread easily from person to person and cause a worldwide epidemic.” That’s fantastic news. But the screenplay still has to focus on the 1.4 million chickens the Hong Kong government slaughtered while try ing to halt the virus. I can see the action sequences now: Police in SWAT gear chasing the villainous chickens with machetes. Farmers actually hiding their chickens from police, only to have their farms raided by government officers. Dogs and pigs rummaging through mishandled trash bags in search of slaughtered poultry. Between sequences, the movie flashes to a dark, smoky room where government officials re veal their plot to kill, disinfect and bury every chicken in Hong Kong. But when they realize their 24-hour operation has turned into a three day, fowl ordeal, those same officials are forced to apologize. Remember, all of these events actually hap pened in the last few months. Like every good drama, the screenplay has to get emotional at the end. We see hundreds of poultry workers so upset about losing their jobs that they fill the streets of Hong Kong in protest. Now to a hospital room, where those infected by the “bird flu” lie helpless against a disease, progressing rapidly into critical conditions. Pan ning up from the victims, the camera shows the Nebraska scientists’ cough syrup announcement on hospital television. The screenplay ends with the Famous Chicken fighting for his right to entertain. This is sure to be a blockbuster. Okay, maybe not. Jonas Allen is a columnist for the Emerald. His work appears on alternate Fridays. His views do not necessarily represent those of the newspaper. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Uphold conduct code Editor’s note: The following is an open letter to University President Dave Frohnmayer. We are writing in response to the recent decision by the Appeals Com mittee to maintain the hearings offi cer’s decision that Danta Graham Preston was in violation of the Student Conduct Code. We feel that it is crucial to both the safety of all students on campus and to the valid ity of our conduct code to comply with the findings of the board. By denying a decision that has essen tially been made four times, we feel the conduct code that students have advocated for will be ultimately weakened. As a staff, we acknowledge that women are not safe against sexual violence, not only on the University campus, but also in the society we live in. We also understand that everyone involved, men and women, need to be educated about sexual violence and the rape culture. Because of this, it is a necessity that the process currently underway be supported by your endorsement of the final decision by the committee. Sexual violence will only end when the entire community not only stands by the judicial process we have created but also takes responsi bility in advocating and supporting those who are affected by sexual vio lence. You now have the power to do this, and we ask that you take into consideration what the students on this campus are asking of you. ASUO Women’s Center staff Seeking Oregon info Our fourth grade class from Gifford Grade School is studying the United States. We would like your help. We would like your readers to send us letters and postcards telling us about your state. Thank you for your help. Please send them to: Mrs. McClain’s Fourth Grade Gifford Grade School #188 406 S. Main Gifford. IL 61847 Alison Ouden Gifford, IL Thumbs TO THE WHITE HOUSE: Officials an nounced they will put an end to road building in most federal forests. While tire move is i only a step toward eliminating the economically and environmentally harmful subsidies that have propped up the timber in dustry, it is an ad mirable proposal. TO PRINCETON: The Ivy League symbol of elite ed ucation has taken steps to make pri vate college more affordable for the middle class by al tering the way fi nancial aid is cal culated. Plans Include shifting many packages from loans to grants and not counting homes as an asset for middle-class fam ilies. All this be cause private schools are finally realizing they're losing intelligent working-class students because families simply cannot afford $30,000 a year. TO HIGH LIABILITY COSTS FOR EXCHANGE PROGRAMS: The Associat ed Press reported that the risk of lawsuits against exchange pro grams that travel into “dangerous" areas may make the cost of such trips impossibly high. Not only is this troubling be cause of the value of exchanges, but it is also alarming because it risks forcing schools into potentially racist choices about what con stitutes a “safe” nation to visit.
