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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 1, 1996)
Oouble Take You know the old saying, When in Rome...”? Well, thanks to the International Stu dents’ Guide To The U.S.A., for eign students can assimilate into that bizarre and mysterious American student subculture with little effort. These are the brilliant nuggets of wisdom the hook offers: Greetings “For hello, [young Ameri ins] prefer hi, hey, howdy, fiat’s up?, what’s new?, what’s cooking and what’s skakin’?' “For a casual goodbye, • nations include: so long, let’s ■■o, take it easy and we’re outta 're (outta = out of)." Making friends “This recipe is guaranteed make you popular with ther students: chocolate chip cookies.” ’/ocabulary “To space: To forget some ' -ng. Sorry, man. I totally aced." •ood "Eating in a cafeteria can an important time to social as well as eat. Of course, no .'dent would survive without ting pizza at least several ■ nes a week.” DUST BY DAMIAN SHAW Arizona State U. Illustration by Grfc Hardin, U. op Kansas IT LURKS IN THE shadows and behind bushes at night. Beware: the relation ship. One year ago, I was in the early stages of dating my girlfriend, Jamie. 1 was the ultimate bache lor. Beer bottle collec tion, a pile of old pizza boxes on the floor and a black book full of girls’ names and numbers. That was then; this is now. I now share an apartment with her, but there is nary a beer bottle or pizza box to be found, and my black book gathers dust. Instead of recovering from a hangover on Saturday morning, I’m at the mall. On a bench. Holding a purse. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I don’t want to give the impression that having a girlfriend is all bad. After all, don’t we all wind up in a relationship at one time or another? lamie treats me well and I love her, but it’s certainly a change. And that’s an understatement. The nights of sticking beer bottle caps to the ceiling have been replaced by days of neatly hanging art that we “both agree on.’’ As long as she likes it. Out: Monday night football. In: Melrose Place. Out: Dinner at Hooters. In: Sunday dinner with her moth er. Out: All parties at which the police show up. In: Renting Don Juan de Marco. Out: Picking up department store salesgirls. In: Shopping at Contempo. Out: Working marathon hours. In: “I’m on my way home right now, honey.” Out: Being a slob. In: Cleaning up after myself. In the process of living together and creating a union, I’ve also lost my own identity. I am no longer just Damian. I have morphed into someone called “Jamie-and-Dami an.” We are one. Even my mom finishes her messages on the answering machine with, “I love you guys.” On the positive side, I am improving as an individual. It seems I’ve been insensitive to peo ple all my life. Who would have known? Thank goodness my girl friend has shown me the error of my ways. Sometimes I would go places and not invite her. I should have known she would want to go to the shooting range. What was I thinking? Besides all of this, I am happy that I have left the single life behind. Lots of great womanizers have fallen under the spell of just one woman. In recent history, even Warren Beatty has become a one woman man. A relationship isn’t a curse; it’s a blessing. 1 get three square meals a day, I have a balanced budget and, most importantly, I have someone who loves me. What can I say? I, er, I mean we, have never been happier. Damian Shaw may cater to his one woman \ every whim, but he s not whipped. No sir. IJh uh. Not Damian. Off Course, Hugo Ayala, Massachusetts Institute of Technology >5: r i p INANT TOHeATZ. ALL A COOT YOU1? PATE Wrrw rlW LAST TIZ-ITAr WENT To see A Hovie A Movie? TWAT-S. THe. NOEST Possible TWKe todoon A flKST tATe. YOU SHOULD WslOvM T-HAT. you can't eer to know A PERSON AJrtlLE V^TOHN6 ANOJIE. IT'S Al_U pATSfcc. aH£> You cam't even tau< , W«A l IM TrfC. V\IQfcil£> ma-de rou TAKE HER TO A MO/lt? ttu&o!
