Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 9, 1986)
| Off the ( nil Photo by Ross Martin A New Form of Litter is Afoot I don't want to alarm you. hut Kugene has a new litter problem, and it's not just a local issue either. The shady boulevards weav ing through Golden Gate Park have the same problem, as do the dusty mountain roads bran ching off the McKenzie Highway and Interstate 5 blacktop. The one-shoe-in-the middle-of-thc-road appears everywhere, and I’m still trying to figure out why Where do they come from? They’re all shapes and sizes: sturdy men's dress shoes; sleek, sexy high heels; well worn, fuz zy slippers; scuffed, battered sneakers and even palm sized baby sandals All abandoned, lonely and streetwise I'm no social scientist, but I've got a few theories about how these footloose critters come to park themselves in the middle of the roadway. I'm sure the stork didn't bring them, nor did the opossums playing dead beside them How often have you heard the lament, ‘I really put my foot in my mouth this time!’? It's much easier to do this after removing your shoe, isn't it? My sociological hypothesis is that once people take off their shoe to insert fool, they often forget to put the shiv on again In fact, individuals displaying chronic foot-in-mouth aberra MAINSTAGE CABARET and JIN ROBERTS present Tickets: 16.00. Regular Student discount 1 hour before curtain MOO with current student I D mepcmiCD scatinq with dinner reservations TKIMI *1 l «*••»> l *** • %»»■»»■■ • Call - 683-4368 EUGEHE'S BEST MUSICAL THEATER BARGAIH Seymour'* Restaurant 996 Willamette Street tional tendencies may find it more convenient to have one fool shoeless at all times to allow for quicker oral insertion. Or perhaps this phenomenon makes more sense from a psychological perspective. Parents who survived the Great Depression, and children reared by the survivors, carry a shoebox full of guilt under their arm whenever they're tempted to discard a pair of shoes with still lots-of-wear-in-'em The leather is in good condition, but the style is outdated The shoes still fit. but the color nflrhmger pleases. Now, if a person accidently loses one shoe then there’s in stantly a guilt free reason to buy a new pair “Mom, as Johnny and I were driving to school this morning, hanging our feet out the car window as we always do, my old running shoe just unlaced itself and dropped off when I wasn't looking " My one shoe ism' principle of economics is not without merit either The conspiracy theory ties in as well. Only the com munists can't claim credit for this one These conspirators pixliatrists and shoe sellers — plan to create a more secure foothold in your discretionary income. Studies show that within a two-mile radius of every foot doctor and shoe store, more one shoe in-the-middle-of-the-road litter collects than in any other area Makes sense, doesn't it? If one shoe disappears from your doorstep or closet, you'll be forced to wear the remaining one out of economic necessity. At least until the blisters and ab normal gait become chronic. Then you hobble to your neighborly p*xiiatrist to seek relief. The doctor, in turn, prescribes a visit to your friend ly shoe merchant for a new pair of shoes, just as they planned it under the Golden Arches. Economics, however, can't explain the entire one-shoe pro blem That’s where the politics of shoe-ins fit. Inspired by the love-ins and sit-ins of the tur bulent 60's, political activists a biological explanation of one shoe-in-the-middle-of-the-road. In the New Age of Aquarius, our conciousness and awareness may be evolving. Why not our bodies as well? From quadruped to biped to umped. Awakening in the middle of the night. Schrieber was astonished to discover that his two legs had fused into one. Hopping out of bed. he tried to hide the truth from Hemuone lying next to him Now, if a person accidently loses one shoe then there’s instantly a guilt free reason to buy a new pair: “Mom, as Johnny and I were driving to school this morning, hanging our feet out the car window as we always do, my old running shoe just unlaced itself and dropped off when I wasn’t looking.’’ arc now ready to organize shoe ins to demonstrate for equality and civil rights Walk around in another's shoes, they cry If the shoe pinches economically, the oppressors will negotiate when the shoe’s on the other foot, they shout. Flashing the peace sign no longer makes a strong political statement. Instead, leaving one shoe-in-the-middle of the-road lets people know ex actly where you stand Finally, your stand on the theory of evolution may deter mine your willingness to accept by heaving the extra, un necessary shoe out the bedroom window. He heard it larul (thwunk!) on the street below. Relieved, he fell into a fitful, restless sleep. Confused? I am. loo. So many theories but no concrete answers. Where do all those one-shoe-in-the-middle-of-the road come from? Maybe, in the fall, when the shoe trees shed their . . . KAREN D. MYERS Spectrum _ A publication of the Oregon Daily Emerald Editor. Curtis Condon Assistant Editor...Stephen Maher Contributors: Sean Axmaker, Karen Creighton, Steve Hayes, Ross Martin, Mike McGraw, Karen D. Myers, Steve Wall, Michael Wilhelm. Cover illustration by Steve Hayes I he editors util not he responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. Submissions must include a stamped, self addressed envelope. Vl riter »• guidelines may be puked up at the Oregon Daily Emerald office, Km. KX), Erb Memorial Union Mailing address for Spectrum magazine is P O Box M59, Eugene, CXrcgon 9740 k
