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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 21, 1985)
Men Continued from Page 1 intense examination of what you think, feel and believe and do, and what others think, feel and believe and do." Though Hymen found the symposium uncomfortable and intense at times, he said, “It’s made me think about the roles I’ve adopted as a man.” Hymen described an ex periential workshop he attend ed with about 40 other men and women who shared ideas and frustrations about sexuality. First, the men sat silently in concentric circles around the women, who expressed difficul ty in finding sensitive, com municative men who were will ing to commit themselves to a relationship. Hyman said that when the groups traded places, however, the men voiced feelings that women too often stereotyped them, rather than meeting them as individuals. Also they said the women weren’t alone in having problems finding members of the opposite sex who were sensitive and communicative. Hymen said that while many women commonly feel a man’s main motive for dating is to have sex, many of the men feel women are primarily after a free dinner or a free night on the town. “Men can be friends and that while sexual interest or attrac tion is what brings many men towards women, it’s not the on ly thing men want to explore,” Hymen said. “But it is there, and not something men should feel guilty about,” he said. “Sitting on the outside, listening to the women talk was angering because you couldn’t talk, and you wished they could hear why men do those things, act that way,” Hymen explain ed. "I felt as though they didn’t have the full picture, and it’s hard to expect them to because they’re operating from a women’s perspective. I felt both angry and curious and also ex cited to hear how women feel.” Some of the women said they had gotten negative reactions when they initiated a romance with a man. However, Hymen said this surprised him, and that he wished women would share this risk of rejection with men more often. Although the workshop had tense moments, Hymen said it ended on an optimistic note. “There still remains a signifi cant gap in communication, understanding,” he said. “Yet all the participants expressed a determined interest in commit ting themselves, in wanting to improve the communica tion ... to be more open, more direct, more communicative, to bridge some of the gap." Meanwhile, at another sex uality workshop — this one ex clusively for men — Stephen Schweitzer, assistant counsel ing psychology professor, talk ed with another man, and they each shared an intimate memory. “It was a very positive experience,” he said, adding that men don’t usually ex change emotions about sexuality. At a Saturday workshop, San Francisco-area psychologist and author Jed Diamond led about 40 men and women in a masculinity and power workshop. The group divided into “wimps” and "wife beaters,” and participants walked silently about the room, portraying their assigned roles. After several minutes of walking, each “wimp” matched up with a “wife beater” for a one-on-one non-verbal communication ex ercise. The “wimps” sat on the floor, looking up at the “wife beaters” towering over them. Then everybody switched roles, and repeated the exercise. Diamond instructed people to exaggerate their roles as they walked, and many “wife beaters” began swinging their elbows aggressively. After everyone had played both roles, Diamond instructed participants to choose one or the other, and go to designated sides of the room. On one side, about half of the men and women discussed why they opted to be “wimps,” while on the other side of the room, the rest of the group compared their decisions to be "wife beaters.” The choice was difficult for Marv Clifford, a Portland clinical social worker who at tended the workshop. “Since I had to choose between the two, I did not like not having power. It wasn’t positive power necessarily.” Clifford said the workshop was trying at times. “I had feel ings. Roles like ‘wimp’ and ‘wife beater’ were hard.” On the other hand, McCrea decided to go to the “wimps’” side of the room. “When I was a ‘wife beater’ it felt real uncom fortable to be standing over someone,” he said. McCrea said he was afraid to become a "wimp,” and that the others in his group expressed the same inhibition. ‘‘You find out that a lot of your feelings are shared feelings, and that you’re not weird,” he said. ‘‘Putting a label on it as ‘wimp’ makes it not OK, I guess. It's just having fears. It’s not being wimpish. Fears like everybody else.” Diamond said, “When we start to embrace the ‘wife beater’ and the ‘wimp’ and not run away from them, we begin Photo by Jim Marfco Psychologist Jed Diamond, author of "Inside/Out: Becoming My Own Man,” conducts a conference workshop on male relationships. TUESDAYS ONLY lacolime. CRISP BURRITOS ©1985 Taco Time Int ' 1 . , Inc . to feel... the lo9t part of ourselves.” He said, “Both lack basic trust in the world.” As Diamond guided the group through a creative visualization exercise, he discussed the “warrior” ability in an individual — to recognize and allow the expression of both the aggressive and the passive personalities. In Saturday’s opening speech about masculinity and power, Raymond Lowe, a counseling psychology professor, said peo ple often use domination to gain a sense of control when they feel inferior. Lowe told the story of a little boy who punched his friend in the hallway at school, and an nounced that the two of them are “the worst.” “How little do we appreciate that to be the best ‘worst’ gives prominence within the group,” Lowe said. Inferiority complexes — depression and low motivation — often overtake people with power syndromes who don’t get their way, Lowe said. The feelings of inferiority are natural, but people get in trou ble when they don’t know how to channel those feelings suc cessfully. The myth of masculinity calls for male dominance, he said. It is a myth as ancient as the Old Testament. “We do have a brain. We do have a conscience. We do have a will for the good. As long as the man clings to the myth of male superiority he cannot live in peace with himself or with women,” Lowe said. “Indeed, social equality is probably the greatest struggle of our time.” Rent an Electric Typewriter. Rent now! Avaitability limited. At your Bookstore.
