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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 27, 1982)
Deal with death truthfully, Camp says By Sandy Johnstone WUMfiiwnH Children should be told hon estly about the death of a parent. ■ even if it seems brutal, ’ ’ because then they can deal with the grief more effectively, says Delpha Camp, director of the University ’s widowed services program Camp recommends that the remaining parent use the word death or dead to "convey the finality” of death to the child Telling a child that “God is lonely and took your mother to heaven" will be "anxiety provok ing to a child, because what if he gets lonely again' and takes away the remaining parent, Camp says Saying the parent “went to sleep'' or "got sick” is particularly de trimental because children may become afraid to go to sleep and feel severe anxiety if the surviving parent gets sick even with a cold "Children are concerned with their own mortality and others around them," she says. "It’s not helpful to give them no informa tion because you think they can’t take it." "They can imagine far worse things," Camp says "The hon esty should be at the level of the child, just enough so he can han dle it.” Group meetings for children of deceased parents are sponsored by the widowed services pro gram. The all-volunteer program started the sessions last term and were “very successful," Camp says She is planning to continue offering the sessions each term, particularity in the summer when WIDOWED SERVICES PROGRAM GBB-4ZZ0 i Survivors often need help coping, says Delpha Camp, director of University widowed services. children are more available The first few group meetings are especially difficult for the chil dren and counselors “We need to get the respect and trust of the children because they are not particularly trustful of adults," Camp says. “It's difficult to get past the teacher / pupil role — they are familiar with it and don't par ticularity like it." In the first group, the children’s parent had been dead for several years so Camp had to deal with repressed emotions. "They had all bottled up a lot of feelings and it all came pouring out," she says Camp says danger signals which may show an abnormal grief include anger, behavioral problems in school, brooding, crying easily, insomnia and especially an obsession with "if onlys.” "The children seem to exhibit a kind of relief in knowing their feelings of loss are legitimate," she says "It is validated by shar ing their feelings with other kids who have also lost a parent " A lot of children feel responsi ble for the death of a parent, Camp says This is especially true if a child yelled "I hate you" or even thought it before the par ent's death Talking it out helps relieve the pain, Camp says, which "leaves the way open to remember the good times with equanimity " However, she says the pain may return on special occassions such as birthdays or holidays Children go through the same basic feelings that adults do after the death of a loved one including shock, disbelief, denial and de pression, Camp says They may also worry about money, especially if there has to be a change in lifestyle or if they think the parent is worried about fi nances One factor the remaining par ent should realize is that the children may feel very protective toward them "There is a tremen dous anxiety about the remaining parent, even after the child has stopped mourning," she says Many children resent the curio sity of their peers at school because "somehow they feel es tranged from their peers Even with the rising number of divorces and separations a stigma is per ceived by the children," Camp says She cites one case where chil dren she worked with did not tell any of their friends for three years that their father was dead "We hope that (after the ses sions) the child feels easier within himself about what happened to him and particularly that we reduced the anxiety, guilt, and anger so he can carry on life with more cheerfulness," Camp says "It sounds simple, but it's no small job to accept what hap pened, let go of the feeling of pain and realize it's not a stumbling block in the way of everything you do " Craft Center offers diversion “Some people jog, some use the Craft Center,’’ says Diane Hoffman, assistant coordi nator of the EMU facility that has become a popular diversion for University students, faculty staff and their families. And just as a person doesn’t need to run a four-minute mile to enjoy jogging one doesn’t need to be a master of fine arts to utilize the craft center “Most people just want to play at arts and crafts,” she says "We want to set a nice informal environment where people don’t have to worry about grades or credit ” At the same time, many serious artisans take advantage of the materials and facilities the craft center provides "That's what's kind of neat about it We’ve got the serious craftsman as well as the rank begin ner working together.” says Tom Urban, Craft Center director The Craft Center, located in the basement of the EMU, offers instruction, materials and facili ties for people of all skill levels interested in photography, woodworking, ceramics, jewelry, painting, sewing, dyeing, metal works, rug mak ing, weaving and many other crafts EMU Craft Center membership is $6, which enables a person to use the facilities for a term For $1, a person may use the facilities for one day People wanting to learn a craft can enroll in a variety of instructional workshops which cost from $7 to $39 Experienced craftspeople from the community, many of whom are nationally known, are hired to teach a wide array of work shops "It’s an economical way to study pottery,” explained Tewa Werner, a student enrolled in several ceramics workshops this term "I just get real inspired working around other people doing the same thing. It makes it real fun,'' she says. These half-hour to hour-long demonstrations, called noon freebies," are designed to instruct people in areas like furniture care, sewing ma chine operation, doweling, table saw operation, woodworking, photography welding, and many other topics Topics and dates will be posted at the Craft Center The Craft Center will be open from 10:30 a m to 10 p.m. Monday through Thursday, from 10:30 a m to 6 p.m on Friday, from 10:30 a m to 8 p.m ori Saturday, and from 12:30 to 6 p.m on Sunday imported Coffee &Teas 764 E. 13th Ave. -Kinko’s* 344-7894 Applications are now being accepted for Fali 1982 OREGON STATE UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF PHARMACY for information call 754-3424 or write: School of Pharmacy, Oregon State University, Corvallis, OR 97331
