Deal with death truthfully, Camp says
By Sandy Johnstone
WUMfiiwnH
Children should be told hon
estly about the death of a parent.
■ even if it seems brutal, ’ ’ because
then they can deal with the grief
more effectively, says Delpha
Camp, director of the University ’s
widowed services program
Camp recommends that the
remaining parent use the word
death or dead to "convey the
finality” of death to the child
Telling a child that “God is
lonely and took your mother to
heaven" will be "anxiety provok
ing to a child, because what if he
gets lonely again' and takes away
the remaining parent, Camp says
Saying the parent “went to sleep''
or "got sick” is particularly de
trimental because children may
become afraid to go to sleep and
feel severe anxiety if the surviving
parent gets sick even with a cold
"Children are concerned with
their own mortality and others
around them," she says. "It’s not
helpful to give them no informa
tion because you think they can’t
take it."
"They can imagine far worse
things," Camp says "The hon
esty should be at the level of the
child, just enough so he can han
dle it.”
Group meetings for children of
deceased parents are sponsored
by the widowed services pro
gram. The all-volunteer program
started the sessions last term and
were “very successful," Camp
says She is planning to continue
offering the sessions each term,
particularity in the summer when
WIDOWED
SERVICES
PROGRAM
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Survivors often need help coping, says Delpha Camp, director of University widowed services.
children are more available
The first few group meetings
are especially difficult for the chil
dren and counselors “We need
to get the respect and trust of the
children because they are not
particularly trustful of adults,"
Camp says. “It's difficult to get
past the teacher / pupil role — they
are familiar with it and don't par
ticularity like it."
In the first group, the children’s
parent had been dead for several
years so Camp had to deal with
repressed emotions. "They had
all bottled up a lot of feelings and it
all came pouring out," she says
Camp says danger signals
which may show an abnormal
grief include anger, behavioral
problems in school, brooding,
crying easily, insomnia and
especially an obsession with "if
onlys.”
"The children seem to exhibit a
kind of relief in knowing their
feelings of loss are legitimate,"
she says "It is validated by shar
ing their feelings with other kids
who have also lost a parent "
A lot of children feel responsi
ble for the death of a parent,
Camp says This is especially true
if a child yelled "I hate you" or
even thought it before the par
ent's death
Talking it out helps relieve the
pain, Camp says, which "leaves
the way open to remember the
good times with equanimity "
However, she says the pain may
return on special occassions such
as birthdays or holidays
Children go through the same
basic feelings that adults do after
the death of a loved one including
shock, disbelief, denial and de
pression, Camp says They may
also worry about money,
especially if there has to be a
change in lifestyle or if they think
the parent is worried about fi
nances
One factor the remaining par
ent should realize is that the
children may feel very protective
toward them "There is a tremen
dous anxiety about the remaining
parent, even after the child has
stopped mourning," she says
Many children resent the curio
sity of their peers at school
because "somehow they feel es
tranged from their peers Even
with the rising number of divorces
and separations a stigma is per
ceived by the children," Camp
says
She cites one case where chil
dren she worked with did not tell
any of their friends for three years
that their father was dead
"We hope that (after the ses
sions) the child feels easier within
himself about what happened to
him and particularly that we
reduced the anxiety, guilt, and
anger so he can carry on life with
more cheerfulness," Camp says
"It sounds simple, but it's no
small job to accept what hap
pened, let go of the feeling of pain
and realize it's not a stumbling
block in the way of everything you
do "
Craft Center offers diversion
“Some people jog, some use the Craft
Center,’’ says Diane Hoffman, assistant coordi
nator of the EMU facility that has become a
popular diversion for University students, faculty
staff and their families.
And just as a person doesn’t need to run a
four-minute mile to enjoy jogging one doesn’t
need to be a master of fine arts to utilize the craft
center
“Most people just want to play at arts and
crafts,” she says "We want to set a nice informal
environment where people don’t have to worry
about grades or credit ”
At the same time, many serious artisans take
advantage of the materials and facilities the craft
center provides
"That's what's kind of neat about it We’ve got
the serious craftsman as well as the rank begin
ner working together.” says Tom Urban, Craft
Center director
The Craft Center, located in the basement of
the EMU, offers instruction, materials and facili
ties for people of all skill levels interested in
photography, woodworking, ceramics, jewelry,
painting, sewing, dyeing, metal works, rug mak
ing, weaving and many other crafts
EMU Craft Center membership is $6, which
enables a person to use the facilities for a term
For $1, a person may use the facilities for one
day
People wanting to learn a craft can enroll in a
variety of instructional workshops which cost
from $7 to $39 Experienced craftspeople from
the community, many of whom are nationally
known, are hired to teach a wide array of work
shops
"It’s an economical way to study pottery,”
explained Tewa Werner, a student enrolled in
several ceramics workshops this term
"I just get real inspired working around other
people doing the same thing. It makes it real fun,''
she says.
These half-hour to hour-long demonstrations,
called noon freebies," are designed to instruct
people in areas like furniture care, sewing ma
chine operation, doweling, table saw operation,
woodworking, photography welding, and many
other topics
Topics and dates will be posted at the Craft
Center
The Craft Center will be open from 10:30 a m
to 10 p.m. Monday through Thursday, from 10:30
a m to 6 p.m on Friday, from 10:30 a m to 8 p.m
ori Saturday, and from 12:30 to 6 p.m on Sunday
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