Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1981)
spurts OSU chokes again in NCAA regionals Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccu Horton dumps team on Oakland Raiders By GROATY FURRY Of the Immorald Citing a desire to “clean up the University,” newly selected University Pres. Pat Horton has sold the Oregon football team to the Oakland Raiders. “With misfits like John Ma tuszak and Ted Hendricks stomping around the Coliseum, I figure the Raiders wouldn't notice another 95 losers,” Horton said after announcing the sale Tuesday evening. Horton bartered away the team — except for coach Rich Brooks, whom he plans to shoot personally — to the NFL cham pions for $1.98 and 100 pounds of paint chips from the Golden Gate Bridge Horton said the chips will be mounted in myrtlewood and sold at the Saturday Market Proceeds from the sale will be used to bail out the University athletic department, which is $3 trillion in debt. Raiders’ owner Al Davis, con tacted at his grass farm in Big Sur, said the deal was “ben eficial for both sides Besides, I can’t wait to see Rozelle’s face when he hears I've imported a whole new shitload of ‘criminal elements.’ ” Former Oakland coach John Madden wasn’t sure what to think of the deal. “Oh sure, you could get ex cited about something like this,” Madden muttered as he clutched an Indict beer at Lefty O’Doul’s, “but I’ve learned to relax. Now, I’ve seen misfits come and go, and you can choose any one of the them But for my money, Horton’s got the best group of goofoffs in the country! Of COURSE you could go to UCLA! SURE you could go to USC!! Even Kush at ASU!! BUT I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS!! OREGON IS THE WORST!!!" 6 Marathon short-cut NEW YORK — New York Marathon winner Alberto Salazar was greeted by fans and photographers as he emerged from a New York City taxi cab. Salazar, who shared the cab with women's victor Rosie Ruiz, said he was pleased with his victory. "You know how hard it is to catch a cab during rush hour,” Salazar said as he sprayed water on his face and shirt. "It’s extremely difficult. Worse than getting a seat for an OSU basketball game." Coming soon in the Immorald Classifieds! GO-TO-HELL NOTES •Tell your prof where he can put his tests! •Break up with your girlfriend! •Castigate your roommate! Twenty words for only $1.50 if placed by midnight, April 15. Available at the ODI office or UO Bookstore. I Johnny Jackal hasn’t killed a peasant in three days. Johnny needs your help. For only 63c a day, you can help support Johnny and other needy mercenaries in their quest to kill, mutilate and terrorize oppressed people — for a profit. j-V-j YES! For only $19 a month, | SPECIAL! / want to support a mercenary in... J El Salvador □ Africa □ Afghanistan □ Miami J for only S15 INVEST IN THE OPPRESSED! Join the United Mercenary Fund Alexander Haig and Fidel Castro, honorary chairmen Immorald classifieds bring results • • • maybe Sane won’t quit AD for Soviet job Former University Athletic Dictator Ahmin Sane an nounced he has rejected an offer to coach the Soviet Union’s women’s basketball team and threatened to spend another year at the University at a press conference held Tues day afternoon. “The Soviets are a nice bunch of guys — they believe in win ning and their girls can really do it on the floor,’’ Sane said. "But I have too much of an axe to grind here to consider leaving " Late last week, the Asphyx iated Press reported that the Soviet newspaper Prodya had reported that Soviet Premier Alexei Kosygin, whom American Kremlinologists had long considered dead, or at least boring, had offered the women’s basketball coaching job to Sane. Regarding the coup d’etat during spring break that was believed to have meant the end of Sane at the AD, he said, "You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ve been around football all my life.” ZAPMAN CRAMMING CENTER TEST PREPARATION SPECIALISTS SINCE 1968 346-CRAM
