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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1978)
r College Sex Quiz An increase in teenage preg nancies and venereal disease had led many health officials to question the quality of sex education America's youth re ceives from the schools. In a public service effort, the Im morald has joined forces with local health officials and drawn up a battery of ques tions to evaluate the sex know ledge of college students. To taling the points for each ans wer will determine whether you are a shy, inhibited person or whether you should be fitted for a "special" white jacket. v. Have you ever held hands? 2 Have you ever french kissed on the first date? 5 Have you kissed anyone below the neck? 8 Do you receive many packages in plain brown wrappers? 6 Are you a life subscriber to Fredricks of Hollywood? 8 Do you have an instant replay video tape set up in your bedroom? 11 Have you ever cut your tongue on your partner’s braces? 10 Do you often mistake Tampons for colorfully wrapped cigars? 12 Have you read Hamilton Jordan’s “How to pick up a single woman”? 15 Do you frequent the small appliance department in hardware stores? 20 Do you tell your doctor the scratches on your back are from the cat? 18 Is the crotch area of your pants made of stretch material? Do you have a fetish for sucking toes? 55 Are black and blue your favorite colors? 77 When did you first enjoy shinnying up flag poles? 56 Do you own a cordless soda pop bottle? 65 Do you have a great Dane chained to your bed? 55 Do you run through more than a gross of head-sized grocery sacks per week? 59 Do you think Moby Dick and Grape Nuts are venereal diseases? 69 Do you own more than one leather whip? 62 (Add 10 more points if it’s black) Do sheep intuitively shy away from you? 89 Ever been penalized for unsportsman-like conduct? 110 Have you ever confused the Rolling Stones with Benwa balls?72 Do you use a Western saddle? 100 Have you ever thrown back anything too small? 88 Have you ever been in the PE shower area and been hesitant to bend over and pick up the bar of soap? 91 Do tables suddenly rise when you are sitting with beautiful women? 105 Do you use one or two hands? 99 Have you ever dropped your diaphram-jelly side down? 101 Do you know any positions when you can’t see your partner’s face? 150 Do you randomly drop Spanish fly in the drinks of other people? 121 Are you a connoisseur of galactic pudding and cosmic custard? 500 SCORING GUIDE 2 or lower 3 to 25 26 to 150 151 to 250 250 or more Frigidaire Catholic Lucky Numb The Fonz THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO FACES I f«E—- • ■ h » THE IMMORALD FACE-BANK WOULD LIKE TO HELP THEM. You’ve probably had a nightmare at some time of your life where you looked into a mirror and saw nothing. But you always woke up from it. Yet, for over 250,000 people in this country, this dream is a reality. The Immorald Face-Bank (a non-profit organization) is helping these face-aplegics every day. Through our assistance, many donors have been found for face-transplants Maybe one of your friends has had one, and you never knew it. But we can’t go it alone. We need your help. Face-abstentia is not a birth-defect but a dangerous communicable disease. At our research face-ilities in Eugene, we have made great stndes in locating the cure, but there is still much much more to be done And that takes money. . _ The next time you “see yourself in the shine,” take a long, hard look and face the tacts. For them. I’m losing my head over this disheartening affair. □ Send me a descriptive brochure. □ I would like to contribute $_ □ I would like to donate my face. Prevent a faceless society. Mall In this card today. Mail to: Name. I Address I--1 The Immorald Face-Bank, Eugene, Oregon 97403 Lecture slated for sometime An empty lecture, to be held Tuesday of last week somewhere in the EMU, will be held sometime. It might have already been held. The speaker, Clyde Zero, noted vacuum salesman and director of the Hot-Air Religious, Cultural, and Weird Cult Enterprise Sys tems (HAR-CWCES), will direct his speech toward issues which offer a constructive breakdown of everything. According to Zero, “My aim is to offer nothing; however, I hope to get something for nothing.” Zero will be paid $3,000 for his hour long lecture. Zero went on to say he believes, “More students should recognize the importance of nill, joining into the universal zilch and cosmic crunch of time to thwart back at those who oppose nothing. Immorald adds Jart to staff rr Journ lism PVROFM Hack Jart h s on hired bh th gimmort s a general assionmnt reportem IVMMOT Oditor Matty Hn on an nounced othirshmn gjrt ha nevr Ion nor a newsp pr in h lifen except nor thmonth stint as polic rhorter nor the EVIGN GlnguardeddRegistm orart t ch th o ic journalism coir n tmhich provides th pron ional foundation for th oivniversity’s journ I m o duat mnsHn on i h tlh nt n nother reporter, but felt sorry for Jart and hird himmffffsTh glorsted CLASSIFIEDS (Continued from Page 11 A) — Y°u have 901 the greatest BIF JQJQQQQQ ***' W- Won t someone please come over and — ptn. « Jony,. 393039 YJt*B*» — Qooooh, you powerhi pas „ mb* c*n the Mce out of me _ 65733 Qr*P*lp* 520 Jones Family Bookstore W*|»htyour used books tor dddty-shtt and aeN them back to you suckerstudents at 100 percent mamupr ■*•**„„ 4949676
