r
College
Sex
Quiz
An increase in teenage preg
nancies and venereal disease
had led many health officials to
question the quality of sex
education America's youth re
ceives from the schools. In a
public service effort, the Im
morald has joined forces with
local health officials and
drawn up a battery of ques
tions to evaluate the sex know
ledge of college students. To
taling the points for each ans
wer will determine whether
you are a shy, inhibited person
or whether you should be fitted
for a "special" white jacket.
v.
Have you ever held hands? 2
Have you ever french kissed on the first date? 5
Have you kissed anyone below the neck? 8
Do you receive many packages in plain brown wrappers? 6
Are you a life subscriber to Fredricks of Hollywood? 8
Do you have an instant replay video tape set up
in your bedroom? 11
Have you ever cut your tongue on your partner’s braces? 10
Do you often mistake Tampons for colorfully wrapped cigars? 12
Have you read Hamilton Jordan’s “How to pick up
a single woman”? 15
Do you frequent the small appliance department in
hardware stores? 20
Do you tell your doctor the scratches on your back are
from the cat? 18
Is the crotch area of your pants made of stretch material?
Do you have a fetish for sucking toes? 55
Are black and blue your favorite colors? 77
When did you first enjoy shinnying up flag poles? 56
Do you own a cordless soda pop bottle? 65
Do you have a great Dane chained to your bed? 55
Do you run through more than a gross of head-sized
grocery sacks per week? 59
Do you think Moby Dick and Grape Nuts are
venereal diseases? 69
Do you own more than one leather whip? 62
(Add 10 more points if it’s black)
Do sheep intuitively shy away from you? 89
Ever been penalized for unsportsman-like conduct? 110
Have you ever confused the Rolling Stones with Benwa balls?72
Do you use a Western saddle? 100
Have you ever thrown back anything too small? 88
Have you ever been in the PE shower area and been
hesitant to bend over and pick up the bar of soap? 91
Do tables suddenly rise when you are sitting with
beautiful women? 105
Do you use one or two hands? 99
Have you ever dropped your diaphram-jelly side down? 101
Do you know any positions when you can’t see your
partner’s face? 150
Do you randomly drop Spanish fly in the drinks of
other people? 121
Are you a connoisseur of galactic pudding and
cosmic custard? 500
SCORING GUIDE
2 or lower
3 to 25
26 to 150
151 to 250
250 or more
Frigidaire
Catholic
Lucky
Numb
The Fonz
THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO FACES
I f«E—- • ■ h »
THE IMMORALD FACE-BANK
WOULD LIKE TO HELP THEM.
You’ve probably had a nightmare at some time of your life where you looked into a
mirror and saw nothing. But you always woke up from it. Yet, for over 250,000 people in this
country, this dream is a reality.
The Immorald Face-Bank (a non-profit organization) is helping these face-aplegics
every day. Through our assistance, many donors have been found for face-transplants
Maybe one of your friends has had one, and you never knew it.
But we can’t go it alone. We need your help. Face-abstentia is not a birth-defect but a
dangerous communicable disease. At our research face-ilities in Eugene, we have made
great stndes in locating the cure, but there is still much much more to be done And that
takes money.
. _ The next time you “see yourself in the shine,” take a long, hard look and face the
tacts. For them.
I’m losing my head over this disheartening affair.
□ Send me a descriptive brochure.
□ I would like to contribute $_
□ I would like to donate my face.
Prevent a faceless society.
Mall In this card today.
Mail to:
Name.
I Address
I--1
The Immorald Face-Bank,
Eugene, Oregon 97403
Lecture slated
for sometime
An empty lecture, to be held
Tuesday of last week somewhere
in the EMU, will be held sometime.
It might have already been held.
The speaker, Clyde Zero, noted
vacuum salesman and director of
the Hot-Air Religious, Cultural,
and Weird Cult Enterprise Sys
tems (HAR-CWCES), will direct
his speech toward issues which
offer a constructive breakdown of
everything.
According to Zero, “My aim is to
offer nothing; however, I hope to
get something for nothing.” Zero
will be paid $3,000 for his hour
long lecture.
Zero went on to say he believes,
“More students should recognize
the importance of nill, joining into
the universal zilch and cosmic
crunch of time to thwart back at
those who oppose nothing.
Immorald adds
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CLASSIFIEDS
(Continued from Page 11 A)
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