Oregon daily emerald., May 20, 1977, Page 2, Image 2

Expenses finally Californicate Oregon
By JOCKROT FATFIELD
Of the Immorald
In what can only be termed a
monumental action, Gov. Bob,
Strobe has given the University of
Oregon to California.
“We just can’t handle it finan
cially,” Strobe explained in a
press conference Thursday night.
“We have already taken out our
third mortgage on the thing, costs
are going up, and students pull
vfv\
one of their protests every time we
try to raise tuition. California can
have it.”
Strobe said he got the idea for
the donation from a proposal
authored by University Pres. Nul
len Void. In a copy of the proposal,
just released to the press, Void
points out the number of students
paying out of state tuition would
increase if the University became
part of California. “Instead of
having 80 per cent of our stu
dents in-state and 20 per cent out,
it will be reversed. We ll be rich!"
said Void.
So far, student reaction has
been less than enthusiastic. “It's
an unprecedently dumb deci
sion,” said Student Pres. Oliver
Jan upon hearing the news. “It’s
too ridiculous to be true. At least
they could have given us to some
one respectable, like Washington
or Nebraska!”
In the letter Void argues that
California has a highly advanced
civilization. “They have computer
registration, grade point averages
and all that kind of stuff," he says.
California Gov. Brown was
elated to hear the news. “I've al
ways considered University of
Oregon students Californians at
heart,” he told an Associated
Press representative. “We can
use their water too, but don’t print
that."
Some questions of legality of
Strobe s action have been raised
in the Legislature. “Can he do
that?” it reacted in chorus.
Brown thinks there will be no
problem transferring the school to
California domination. "If West
Germany can do it with Berlin, we
can do it with UO," he said.
“We've been trying to expand
California’s boundaries for some
time, but until now we've been
running into a little opposition
Asked of his plans for the Uni
versity, Brown replied, "Well, first
of all we ll have to sift out and exile
those reactionary rednecks that
grow up there. Then we ll have to
explain to the natives what a com
puter is, and show them what
studying is all about, maybe with
the help of some missionaries "
Brown says he is toying with two
names for the University, Univer
sity of California at Oregon, and
the University of Berlin.
Brown says he hopes to make
Oregon keep the University Sci
ence Building, and says he might
offer it to the redneck exiles as a •
homeland. “But I don't want any of
that ‘UO lives’ crap,” he added.
Brown told University students
not to worry about the change in
ownership. "View it as an end to
the Dark Ages," he said.
California will take possession
of the University at the end of the
month. Customs stations will be
established by Mac Court, Gilbert
Hall and on the lawn in from of
California Hall.
Interviewed about the transfer
on a man-on-the-street basis,
students expressed a mixture of
apprehension and disbelief. “So
where do I send my tax return
again?” asked one freshman.
“I'm worried about getting my
sack lunch through customs,
said another.
Other students were more op
timistic about the University's fu
ture. "Listen," said one. "Nothing
could be worse than the total
anarchy we have now "
Asked why he suddenly de
cided to give away the University
after two years of doing nothing in
office, Strobe replied "I wanted to
do something monumental, some
thing that would show my leader
ship abilities, and get me into the
AP. Getting nd of UO filled the
bill."
According to Brown, Oregon
State University was also offered
to California, but as Brown exp
lained, “We didn't want it.
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By YOUR NAME HERE
Of the Immorald
Lane County Commissioner
Archie Whinestein voted to cut
_today over the __
protests of Commissioner Bob
Would.
In proposing the cut, Whines
tein said the is a waste of
and he could do it easier
himself. Mrs. Whinestein, how
ever, disagreed
"The last time he tried to
,'she said, "he
all over the floor. I had to clean up
the myself. I think it
would cause real problems for
county employes."
Commissioner Jerry Must said
Whinestein's was
mostly and instead sug
gested the county form a
to help increase the whale popula
tion.
"That's a of an idea,"
said Whinestein
In other business, the commis
sioners voted to
and and re
cinded an earlier in
which they voted to The
vote on the proposal was to
to
Immorald gets new type
By VIP MERGENTHALER
Of the Immorald
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New! Improved! Bigger! Better!
Coming Soon!
Oregasma 1977
now on sale for our LOW price of $50
Order your copy now and get your favorite 4-LETTER WORD stamped on the cover in
genuine 13.9 karat gold! jj
The Oregasma provides a stimulating look at life at the U of O in 1977, complete with a
centerfold look at University Pres. Nullon Void by Dirty Duck.
The perfect graduation gift—Oregasma 1977
v J
Page 2
Oregon Daily Immorald
The Oregon Daly Immorald is published
annually (rf we can gel away with il three years
id a row) in a smal room in the bowels of the
Millrace cate This year s issue it lull at witty
|oke$. hard-hitting satire, and a lot ot things
that would be rejected at tie Glenwood sanit
ary landfil People with complaints or compk
merits on today s issue should write tiem m
side a rolled tant ol Columbian and mail them
to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Any similarity to real people or places in
(action and non-liction is purely cancidental
Or that s what we II claim should we be sued
Stall Infections
Wally Benson
Jeml Nilson
Chris Norman
Terry Geraths
Cad Bryant
Kate Seigal
Nick Gallo
Tom Fluhady
Lora CuykendaH
Steve Sandstrom
Paul Waldschmidt
Jack Wilson
Greg Wasson
Non-contnbutor
Instigator
Grossness Editor
Ms Wondedul
Money-changer
VIP
Refreshment Edilor
Rotator
Albany Bureau Chief
Very Graphic Edilor
Wired Editor
Chief Diatriber
Salem Correspondent
Friday, May 20. 1977