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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 22, 1966)
Clergy Advises Pre-Marital Counseling By MAXINE ELLIOTT Regardless of its size, a girl’s wedding will remain forever a special event in her mind. In or der to make the wedding as per- ] feet as possible, certain customs should be observed. Of course, the wise couple dis cusses these with the clergyman when reserving the church. How ever, a certain familiarity with some of the customs should be a prerequisite before meeting with the pastor. Generally speaking, the couple will be asked to participate in pre marital counseling. According to the Rev. James E. Merlin of Eu gene's Emerald (American) Bap tist Church, counseling "is not a requirement, but 1 advocate it and, in some instances, practic ally insist on it." Rev. Merlin said that his view is "probably pretty representative of most Protestant ministers. Pretty Well Educated “Usually I meet with the cou ple for at least one 45-minute session. We’ll discuss things such as financial arrangements, em ployment, family relationships — things like that. . . Birth control? They're usually pretty well edu cated on this point," he chuck led. “Most of all, though, I try to emphasize the spiritual aspects of marriage—that it’s an insti tution ordained by God.” According to Rabbi Louis Nei manc of Temple Beth Israel, he tries to work out counseling ses sions prior to the wedding. '•They're rather elastic, de pending on how much time we have and how much interest the couple shows," he commented, "We assume they know enough about the economic and physio logical side of marriage, but we do discuss the religious values of marriage. “The subject of birth control1 sometimes comes up,” Rabbi Nei mand admitted, “but since Juda ism has no specific teachings on the subject, our talks usually cen ter around the couple’s attitude towards children and the sex re lationship as a spiritual concept." Sometimes a Necessity A local Catholic clergyman told the Emerald that "premarital counseling is a necessity only when a non-Catholic marries a Catholic." Counseling involves six one hour sessions during which time the couple are instructed in their mutual rights and obligations in religion. “We frequently counsel other wise,” he said, 'but this is not ordained by church law. “Birth control is not as big a topic as you might imagine," he said. "Regarding the sex act, we believe that artificial control frus trates the essential meaning and is against nature. “You realize,” he continued, “that the topic of birth control is very involved. I'd suggest that cou ples discuss this very thoroughly with their priest rather than take my word for it.” A SPARKLING YOUNG DRESS fashioned of silk linen is mod eled here and on the front cover by Carol Edmunds, a senior in history. Flowers with seed pearl centers are appliqued on the center panel of her ivory gown. The proper attire for male mem bers of the wedding party in a formal ceremony—a traditional white tuxedo—is modeled by Henry Drummonds, a junior in politi cal science. Quaker Ceremony The Quaker ceremony is with out fanfare. It usually precedes the regular monthly meeting. The bridal couple come down the aisle and take facing seats in front of the meeting. Because the Society of Friends have no cler gy, the couple repeat their vows to each other in the presence of the Committee which has been ap pointed to oversee the marriage An “intention to wed” must be read before the meeting at least one month in advance. A com mittee investigates “the suita bility of the marriage" before a , definite date is set. Features Simplicity The regular monthly meeting of the Society usually follows the marriage ceremony Orthodox Wedding The Orthodox Catholic wed ding is much more elaborate than the Roman ritual. The marriage ceremony is preceded by a ten minute betrothal service in front of the altar screen. The hands of the bride and groom are lit erally bound together. The phras es are repeated three times, sig nifying the Trinity. The bride and groom share a cup of wine after reading of the Gospel. Concerning marriage of per sons with no religious afliliations, reaction was divided. Rev. Merlin said he would per form the ceremony if the couple had a healthy attitude toward a religious marriage. “Some pastors won’t however." he said “Theoretically, I suppose." the priest said, "I coidd marry such \ a couple. I mean, they have a li- i cense and I'm legally able to do it. I doubt, however, that I would since there are just so many other things to do.” No Disabilities Rabbi Neimand pointed out that according to Judaism, there would be "no disabilities in per forming such a marriage, if at least one of the persons involved is Jewish heritage. You must real ize that in our faith you're always a Jew unless you embrace an other faith.” Both Rev. Merlin and Rabbi Neimand agreed that they would marry divorced couples in the Church. Rev. Merlin pointed out that all Baptists, regardless of which branch, are free to marry whomever they choose. “I’m happy to marry such cou pies in instances where the di vorced person shows real repen tence for the failure of the mar riage, and understanding of the marriage and subsequent di vorce,” he said. The Catholic clergyman point ed out that such marriages are legal under church law only un der certain circumstances. "It depends on whether t h e former bond was a true one," he explained "This might include civil ceremonies, death of the for mer spouse following the divorce, proof that the former spouse ac tually meant '1 don’t” when In said “I do,' or that the former spouse had no intention of hav ing children. "Again, L advise that the cou pie discuss this pretty thorough ly with their priest.” Advise Against Large Wedding The three clergymen admitted that they sometimes perform cer emonies within the church when the bride is pregnant. "They don't usually tell you she’s pregnant, Rev. Merlin said, "and sometimes you wish they would. “I’d marry them, anyway, since I believe marriage would be tht* best solution for most cou ples, but I’d advise them against a large wedding. "Many brides want one, regard less of whether or not they're pregnant, but it's not really right. Aside from the fact that it isn't proper, the large wedding and accompanying publicity often serves to llx the wedding date in people's minds, and later, they may wish that everyone wasn’t so sure of the date," he concluded. "Most Catholic clergymen wouldn’t marry such a couple if there was any evidence that it hinted of a "shotgun' affair," the priest said. "1 know I wouldn't. "But if the couple genuinely wanted to marry,” he said, "1 might do it, although I would l>« inclined not to, since pregnancy isn't reully a solid foundation for marriage " Rabbi Neimand pointed out that when a couple comes to him and the girl is pregnant, very of ten he has found that they have been married previously in a civil ceremony and would like [ to be married in the church prior to the arrival of the child. "Of course, there's no ques tion then," he said. 5 diamonds shine Zale's Constellation diamond collec tion is growing in size and beauty. Diamond experts carefully select just the right diamonds to convey the full magnificence of these contem porary designs. There is a Constella 'tion diamond design for every taste, every personality, every romance. And remember Zale's value guar antee. If you can find a better dia mond value within 60 days, return your purchase for a full refund. Illustrations enlarged AMERICA'S LARGEST JEWELERS 110 W. 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