Clergy Advises Pre-Marital Counseling
By MAXINE ELLIOTT
Regardless of its size, a girl’s
wedding will remain forever a
special event in her mind. In or
der to make the wedding as per- ]
feet as possible, certain customs
should be observed.
Of course, the wise couple dis
cusses these with the clergyman
when reserving the church. How
ever, a certain familiarity with
some of the customs should be a
prerequisite before meeting with
the pastor.
Generally speaking, the couple
will be asked to participate in pre
marital counseling. According to
the Rev. James E. Merlin of Eu
gene's Emerald (American) Bap
tist Church, counseling "is not a
requirement, but 1 advocate it
and, in some instances, practic
ally insist on it." Rev. Merlin said
that his view is "probably pretty
representative of most Protestant
ministers.
Pretty Well Educated
“Usually I meet with the cou
ple for at least one 45-minute
session. We’ll discuss things such
as financial arrangements, em
ployment, family relationships —
things like that. . . Birth control?
They're usually pretty well edu
cated on this point," he chuck
led.
“Most of all, though, I try to
emphasize the spiritual aspects
of marriage—that it’s an insti
tution ordained by God.”
According to Rabbi Louis Nei
manc of Temple Beth Israel, he
tries to work out counseling ses
sions prior to the wedding.
'•They're rather elastic, de
pending on how much time we
have and how much interest the
couple shows," he commented,
"We assume they know enough
about the economic and physio
logical side of marriage, but we
do discuss the religious values of
marriage.
“The subject of birth control1
sometimes comes up,” Rabbi Nei
mand admitted, “but since Juda
ism has no specific teachings on
the subject, our talks usually cen
ter around the couple’s attitude
towards children and the sex re
lationship as a spiritual concept."
Sometimes a Necessity
A local Catholic clergyman told
the Emerald that "premarital
counseling is a necessity only
when a non-Catholic marries a
Catholic."
Counseling involves six one
hour sessions during which time
the couple are instructed in their
mutual rights and obligations in
religion.
“We frequently counsel other
wise,” he said, 'but this is not
ordained by church law.
“Birth control is not as big a
topic as you might imagine," he
said. "Regarding the sex act, we
believe that artificial control frus
trates the essential meaning and
is against nature.
“You realize,” he continued,
“that the topic of birth control is
very involved. I'd suggest that cou
ples discuss this very thoroughly
with their priest rather than take
my word for it.”
A SPARKLING YOUNG DRESS fashioned of silk linen is mod
eled here and on the front cover by Carol Edmunds, a senior in
history. Flowers with seed pearl centers are appliqued on the
center panel of her ivory gown. The proper attire for male mem
bers of the wedding party in a formal ceremony—a traditional
white tuxedo—is modeled by Henry Drummonds, a junior in politi
cal science.
Quaker Ceremony
The Quaker ceremony is with
out fanfare. It usually precedes
the regular monthly meeting. The
bridal couple come down the
aisle and take facing seats in
front of the meeting. Because the
Society of Friends have no cler
gy, the couple repeat their vows
to each other in the presence of
the Committee which has been ap
pointed to oversee the marriage
An “intention to wed” must be
read before the meeting at least
one month in advance. A com
mittee investigates “the suita
bility of the marriage" before a ,
definite date is set.
Features Simplicity
The regular monthly meeting
of the Society usually follows the
marriage ceremony
Orthodox Wedding
The Orthodox Catholic wed
ding is much more elaborate than
the Roman ritual. The marriage
ceremony is preceded by a ten
minute betrothal service in front
of the altar screen. The hands
of the bride and groom are lit
erally bound together. The phras
es are repeated three times, sig
nifying the Trinity. The bride
and groom share a cup of wine
after reading of the Gospel.
Concerning marriage of per
sons with no religious afliliations,
reaction was divided.
Rev. Merlin said he would per
form the ceremony if the couple
had a healthy attitude toward a
religious marriage. “Some pastors
won’t however." he said
“Theoretically, I suppose." the
priest said, "I coidd marry such \
a couple. I mean, they have a li- i
cense and I'm legally able to do
it. I doubt, however, that I would
since there are just so many other
things to do.”
No Disabilities
Rabbi Neimand pointed out that
according to Judaism, there
would be "no disabilities in per
forming such a marriage, if at
least one of the persons involved
is Jewish heritage. You must real
ize that in our faith you're always
a Jew unless you embrace an
other faith.”
Both Rev. Merlin and Rabbi
Neimand agreed that they would
marry divorced couples in the
Church. Rev. Merlin pointed out
that all Baptists, regardless of
which branch, are free to marry
whomever they choose.
“I’m happy to marry such cou
pies in instances where the di
vorced person shows real repen
tence for the failure of the mar
riage, and understanding of the
marriage and subsequent di
vorce,” he said.
The Catholic clergyman point
ed out that such marriages are
legal under church law only un
der certain circumstances.
"It depends on whether t h e
former bond was a true one," he
explained "This might include
civil ceremonies, death of the for
mer spouse following the divorce,
proof that the former spouse ac
tually meant '1 don’t” when In
said “I do,' or that the former
spouse had no intention of hav
ing children.
"Again, L advise that the cou
pie discuss this pretty thorough
ly with their priest.”
Advise Against Large Wedding
The three clergymen admitted
that they sometimes perform cer
emonies within the church when
the bride is pregnant.
"They don't usually tell you
she’s pregnant, Rev. Merlin said,
"and sometimes you wish they
would.
“I’d marry them, anyway, since
I believe marriage would be
tht* best solution for most cou
ples, but I’d advise them against
a large wedding.
"Many brides want one, regard
less of whether or not they're
pregnant, but it's not really right.
Aside from the fact that it isn't
proper, the large wedding and
accompanying publicity often
serves to llx the wedding date
in people's minds, and later, they
may wish that everyone wasn’t so
sure of the date," he concluded.
"Most Catholic clergymen
wouldn’t marry such a couple if
there was any evidence that it
hinted of a "shotgun' affair," the
priest said. "1 know I wouldn't.
"But if the couple genuinely
wanted to marry,” he said, "1
might do it, although I would l>«
inclined not to, since pregnancy
isn't reully a solid foundation for
marriage "
Rabbi Neimand pointed out that
when a couple comes to him
and the girl is pregnant, very of
ten he has found that they have
been married previously in a
civil ceremony and would like
[ to be married in the church prior
to the arrival of the child.
"Of course, there's no ques
tion then," he said.
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