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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (May 21, 1951)
I I Goose Steps | By Bart Johns SOX Sports Editor I'.vrr hear about tin- terifi^athlotic set-up that wav established over at Hear I Diversity (HI')? Most practical tiling of the half century. Sit back. We'll tell you about it. HI was a well-to-do school, see? HI’ was in the western half of the forest. Years and years before, most of the voting bears in the west woods had been point; into the armed ser\ ice. The west woods had to stay strong because the bears over in the cast w oods were getting some ideas about (.militaristic expansion. So to stop these ideas, all the bears in the ive-t woods got together and whipped up a real strong military force. This is the Way ... 'I lint stopped it. 'flic east hear' kicker] out of their head grizzlic with the imperialistic ideas and went hack to eating their own honey. (They had claimed they had to expand because they didn't have enough honey ; and because the hears in the west woods were exploiting the bees and it was the fluty of the east hears, they thought, to 'top this exploitation.) Anyway, all fear of war between the west woods and the woods to the east was over, and the necessity for having a ttrong military force no longer existed. Now, all the young ears could go back to BU. And, since the west wood government's monev wasn't being put into the armed scr\ ices, great amounts of capital were poured into the institutions of higher learning in the we>l wood'. Having an alert board of regent hears, BL" got a good cut of 111i' government money. Ami the money could he toed in any w av to better Bear l 'Diversity. \\ ell, the regent hears thought as they pa well their fuzzy chin-, things were really going to he nice now. They could afford to put in new hollow logs all over the campus (green ones). And the Only Way . . , ()f course, the athletic department would get a big boost from thi- extra money. A new bear-hall stadium was erected. A huge new field house was planned and huilt. It even had places for honey concessions built right into the walls. (It should be mentioned that the Office of Bear Affairs at BU had long ago forced all the concentrated-honey shops and distilled-honey shops to move miles from the campus. So the bears had to settle for plain old ordinary honey concessions at the bear-ball games and cave dances.) Well, the III’ athletic department was really loaded now. Had a fine plant, hired some great coaches. All they needed was a I bunch of athletes. Now, the west woods had a strict code among I their institutions of higher learning about paying bear athletes. | The bear athletes could be paid 75 kopeks a month, and only it1 they worked for it. To Win Games ... III.' tried this for a few years. Sometimes they had good teams and they would pack the stands at bear-hall games. Other years the team looked as if they should have stayed in their caves every time they played a game. It just wasn’t practical. Other schools had graduate hears who would subsidize the athletes—made for ujl^tir competition. It was especially bad up at that stinkin' school called Orange School of Culture (OSC). The rich farmer bears who claimed to have graduated from OSC paid the Orange athletes handsomely. So finally the HU regents got together and decided, by jings, thev’d just withdraw from the league and go professional. It was a little tough at first. The pros gave them some bad tnaulings during the first fall that HU entered the pro ranks. Hut the professional bear-ball games fetched good crowds, and good crowds paid to get in and bought lots of honey while watching the games. Eventually, the money began to really roll in. BU bought better athletes every year. Eventually BU’s team was beating the ebst of the pros—even the Angelos Rams were taking a butting. Professional bear-ball, if managed right, turned out to be a danged good business for Hear University. The profits at the end of each fall were tremendous. The regents could hire the best lecturing bears and build the best dormitory-caves for the coed bears. (Bear sororities had been abolished years before. They wouldn’t let their girl bears go out with black bears or any other bears of a different color.) And Make Money The other schools were still going along winning once in affile and losing most of the time. Ail the good athletes were going from cub directly to BU. Now, is that a practical athletic set-up or isn’t it? BU is rolling in money, (lot lots of fine buildings and the best profs. And the bear-ball team. Boy ! What a squad this next year-line averages 835 pounds (they imported some Kodiaks). The Chose Olympic Rules Are Modified; USSR Profits By JOaiRrald KorHgn News Bureau Officials of the International Olympic Committee announced to day that the pole vaulting rules have been changed for the 1952 Olympic Games. The height of the vault will be correlated with the age of the par ticipant in determining the winner. This is thought to be a concession to Soviet Russia, the Games’ new est participant. "Joseph Stalin, renowned U.8.S.R. premier, indicated previously that he would enter thaevent if he could be certain of victory. “ As the inventor of this here pole vault,” he said in his Georgian dia lect, “Ah think ad deserve to win. Don't you all ?” Premier Stalin further insisted that the stands at Juntura, Ore., the site of the Olympics, be com pletely evacuated for safety reasons while he performs. "I may even enter the broad jump," the aged vaulter sighew! with a suggestive leer. “Broads! have interested me since I was 11 years old." The coach of the United States track entry was noncommittal when questioned about the new de velopment. Harry Truman, bom bastic seller of hats, was committal but his comments have been cen sored into nothingness. -SDX TBP Continues IM Dominance Theta Beta Pugh took advantage of a forfeit Friday to win the all campus table tennis tourney. The Thetas attempted to play off their final match with the Crew man Klub Friday but their oppo nets had gone home for the week end. Intramural Director Saul R. Hogwashke upheld them in their demand for a forfeit. The Crewman Klubbers had waited three weeks for the Theta's to play them. The Thetas' national vice chairman, I. M. Bibe, was visiting them through this period, and they were kept busy enter taining him. "It was most unfortunate that we had to win by forfeit," gurgled Coach Tympany Glockenspeil. "But we called five minutes before the j match was to start. I don't know what else we could have done." Ho explained that the match had to be played Friday for another guest, a representative of the Lucky Lager Brewing Co., arrived Saturday and will remain with them until the end of the term. Director Hogwashke, a Theta alum himself, chuckled "It's kinda embarrasin' for dem Thetas to keep winnin' all dere games by forfuts.” -SDX— UO Officials Honor High School Youth Dean Parsons, Eugene High i senior, was named today as captain of the Oregon football team for 1951. "We had to do something to get him here,” rasped Coach James Aching. He intimated that Lincoln High School's Wade Halbrook and all j seven of his feet might receive a similar honor in basketball. "This sure beats giving them con vertibles, "Aching concluded. SDX Basketball Coach (Continued from pane four) Johnson's only answer was: "I am sorry I did it, but I guess that guy Strand will stop shouting about my figure when I go out on the court.” —-SDX If all the Sigma Nil’s who have been awarded "O” letters were stood side by side, it would be the biggest iine-up of brain-power of this type since the Paleolithic age. White Hope for Warren NEW .1 C TRANSFER Flitlus Nethead, above, announced over tbe weekend his plans to attend the University of Oregon next vear. Net head was chosen all-junior college forward last year. Oregon hoop authorities figure the discipline committee won’t get Nethead because thf* lanky fellow won’t talk—he'H mute. Larson Chosen Miss Lorna Larson, junior in Journalism was chosen last week as the outstanding woman athlete at Oregon for 1950-51. SDX makes this award each spring to some husky young thing on the Oregon campus. Miss Larson specializes in moun tain climbing. She climbed to new heights this year. SDX Do you read Emerald ads? Some 1 of them are a scream—especially j the classifieds. Butane Honored Donald M. Butane, IT. O. snooper, has been chosen as the outstanding athletic supporter for the school year of 1950-51 by SD.\. Congratu lations, Mr. Butane. HAND DIPPED Chocolates &• Fudge Made in Eugene SUGAR PLUM 63 E. Broadway FACTS ABOUT EUGENES WATER & ELECTRIC UTILITIES Eugene average residential electric rate is 1.14 cents per kilowatt hour. This is one of the lowest residential rates in the United States. ElGENE ftAfER iTtCTRIC BOARD CAN YOU COMPLETE THIS REBUS J / The answer is an "often quoted" saying by a famous American.^ I +@-ICE+^-KE+T + ^-ON + ^ - LL + O-NG - GHT + 4§ - IMBLE + AN + ^-ENT+ l+^f-COY+NT= Delicious, chocolaty, chewy.Tops in quality.
