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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 2, 1938)
Emerald Now Quoting Quips . Of Bright Profs (The Emerald starts today a “bright sayings of intelligent professors” department. Say ings of professors with their quotations carefully written will be welcomed.) * * * Kirby Page, assembly speak er at the University of Oregon on Thursday, has covered the topic of "War; Its Causes, Con sequences and Cure” in a book of 204 pages—probably much to the amazement of Dr. E. C. A. Leach, professor of English, who maintains that war and peace can be adequately covered only by life itself. * * <• “They say in England that the peers are all equals, but that some of them are better,” said James D. Barnett, profes sor of political science, com menting on the English nobil ity. “It’s the same as they say about beer—all of it is good, but some is better. Personally, I think all of it is bad, and some of it is worse.” I “In fact,” he said, “if the American public knew of all the schemes that are carried on over business men’s lunches, I’m sure they would vote to abolish lunch.” # * * “—some wives lead their hus bands a hel—a, a terrible life,” stammered Dr. Hayes in the hy giene class Thursday. (That’s all right, Doctor, we have ex actly the same sentiments.”) Much Teaching (Continued front page one) according to a recent super-sur vey of “Boy Meets Girl,” taken on the campus. Only 19 per cent of the men were of this amazing be lief, while the other 81 per cent are content to bide their time for a while. And from the results of the women’s questionnaire, they will have to wait a long time. Eighty per cent of the UCLA wo men will refuse the “fresh” Bru ins’ second attempt. The other 20 per cent will date again the too persistent male. # » * Spots ... Radio Comedienne Gracie Allen in offering a bearskin prize as an award of ingenuity to the man graduating from college with the lowest marks . . . University of Pittsburgh students are now work ing on their second all-campus Rowe's Soupbone t Above is Schoolboy Kowo, De troit Tiger hurling ace, who’s lame wing makes him still a question mark. Date-Getting Authority Gives Lowdown on Methods Of 'Strong’ Sex as Gamma Alpha Chi Deadline Nears By JOHN PINK In answer to hundreds of requests from lonely male students who have a deep desire to swing out tonight at the expense of some female student, I have prepared this last minute guide giving you all the methods, both new and old, good and bad, by which you can translate your desires into the fait accompli stage. In order to forestall any stampede on the part of the women, I must announce that I am not available for the evening; also I want to impress on the minds of those 17 females that have been plaguing me with phone calls, letters, telegrams, Hopi In dian runners, and African gun bearers, that I can’t go. My wife dropped in unexpectedly. Fellows, you haven’t much time, so your work must be fast, neat, and effective—no frills, everything to the point. I know that you are of various temperaments, and use different styles in stalk ing the wary female so I have classed my approaches into six classes: very subtle, subtle, medium subtle, not very subtle, point blank, and hit ’em over the head with a double bladed axe. VERY SUBTLE: Call her up and ask her for a date to the Intimate Theater production. If she has any feelings at all she will say, “Oh, I have a better idea. Let me take you to the Gamma Alpha Chi dance tonight. I’ll take care of everything.’’ You say, “Gosh, was that tonight (act embarrassed here—if you don’t know how to act embarrassed run down to the College Side, have your suspenders give out, your pants crumple around your ankles, then look down and discover you forgot to wear any shorts, then record your actions). Put on a good show in this approach; make her think it was her idea all the time. One of my friends tried this last night. He’s going to see “Hay Fever’’ with the wench. SUBTLE: Phone her or bump into her, and say, “Did you phone me this afternoon.” She’ll answer in the negative, because you know she hasn’t. Then proceed, “Well, my landlady said some girl phoned, and you’re the only one I could think of that would phone me (blush and look down at the point of your shoes—if you are wear ing square-toed shoes, do something else). I thought maybe you wanted to ask me to the dance tonight.” This method was also tested last night. The girl said, "You know darn well you don’t have a phone at your house.” Clever creature, wasn’t she. MEDIUM SUBTLE: You should have prepared the stage for this some time in advance by telling her what a big, handsome cousin you have who goes to Stanford. With that setting you hop to the phone (I’m expecting some royalties from the phone company for these plugs) and gargle, “Listen, honey, my big handsome brute of a cousin just dropped in on his way south, and I’m looking for a supper date for him. You’ll go out with him? Swell. Say, I’ve got a date to the Gamma Alpha Chi dance, you two can come with us. OK, be over about nine with the cousin. Sure, I’ll explain to him that you are going to foot all the expenses, ne n unaersianu. Get some mercurochrome, some gauze, some adhesive tape, and fix yourself up to resemble a very lucky accident victim. Burst into her house. Pour out the bloody details of how your cousin and your girl both broke their legs and were taken to the hospital when your car overturned. Then offer yourself to her. She should accept. This recipe was also tested before handing it down to you. Everyone connected is now in the infirmary. NOT VERY SUBTLE: In this system employ “leading” questions. That is you lead along a definite route which is certain to end in success. Here is the way to do it: You: Do you know what I am doing tonight? She: No. You: Nothing. Do you know what I’d like to do? She: No. You: Go to a dance. Do you know who I’d like to go to a, dance with? She: No. You: With you. Do you know what dance I’d like to go with you to ? She: No. You: The Gamma Alpha Chi dance. Do you know what you are supposed to do now? | She: No. You: Dammit. Woman, ask me, ask me. Why, I’ll even accept without your asking. This one would have worked last night but central cut our man off before he got a chance to finish. POINT BLANK: Of course, this method is crude. But so are women, so don’t let that bother you. Just go up to the girl you have chosen and say, “You’re taking me to the dance tonight. No arguments now. What time will you call for me?” You’ve got to dominate the wo man in this approach. For any man under 6 feet 4 inches this isn’t so effective, and it isn’t very effective on women over 6 feet 4 inch es. A big brute friend of mine tried this last night. The girl an swered, “What dance?” HIT ’EM OVER THE HEAD WITH A DOUBLE-BLADED AXE: This is a more emphatic variation of the point blank method. If you haven’t this type of axe handy around your room, the Co-op is having a special on them this weekend. The last time this method was tested was at Mortar Board last spring. For an accurate summarization of the results achieved write convict No. 2766-W, Death Row, Cell 947, Oregon State Penitentiary. On second thought you had better telegraph, for he is due for his snootful of gas any time now. If all these methods fail—but I will stake my little red phone number book that they won’t—just ring me up. I left for Astoria last night. NY A Workers Do Large Part of Work in Library By ELIZABETH ANN JONES One fourth of the work of the reserve libraries is being handled by National Youth Adminstration helpers, according to Willis C. Warren, reserve librarian and executive assistant at the University of Oregon library. NYA students have been placed in the circulation and periodical departments as well as in the reserves. They do page work, shelve the books in the stack rooms and check books in the reserve sections. A few of the students have had previous experience in library work and are engaged in cataloguing, typing and filing the newspapers downstairs and supervising their use in the evening after the regu lar staff is finished for the day. “In view of the lower budget provided for the library during the movie . . . Northwestern univer sity sororities have given up hell week activities . . .Newspaper Columnist Dorothy Dix awards $100 annually to the Tulane uni versity student writing the best human interest story . . . The Uni versity of Colorado next fall will offer a two-year course for the 53 per cent who spend only that amount of time in college anyway . . . Experts estimate that there are 4,000,000 youths between 17 and 24 who are unemployed . . . At the University of California at Los Angeles 7,846 students drive to college daily in 4,654 cars . . . John D. Rockefeller, who gave the University of Chicago more than 34 millions, visited that in stitution only twice in his life . . . The University of Washington has received a WPA grant of $140,730 to “improve recreational facili ties.’’ # $ $ Point Lost . . . Students in a Texas university voted culture as one of the “last essential" qualities of a girl seek ing marriage. What is the most essential was left unsaid. past few years, the National Youth Administration has helped us to “get by” in a way we wouldn’t have been able to do without them,” said Mr. Warren. He ex pressed the hope that the library would be able to return to the regular basis of employment of trained individuals in the near fu ture, as the somewhat erratic hours of the workers decrease effi ciency. Student aid in the library is com posed of fourteen student assis tants, whose wages are provided for in the annual library budget, aside from the 32 NYA students who average 28 hours a week of work. Warren explained that the NYA students are seldom “fired” be cause of the quality of work they do, because ,if it is found that a student is unsuccessful in one place he may be transferred to a post to which he is more fitted. A wide variety of jobs allow the.employers to fit the people to the available work. 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