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About The united American : a magazine of good citizenchip. (Portland, Or.) 1923-1927 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 1, 1925)
DECEMBER 1925 THE UNITED AMERICAN Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside The Insult. “Why did you strike the telegraph operator?” the judge asked the darky. “Well, yo’ honah,” said the culprit, “it was jest like this: I hands him a tele gram for mah girl, an’ he starts in readin’ it. So I jest nachurally ups an’ hands him one.” —American Boy. this variety ov spelling any better than our readers, but mistax will happen in the best regulated phamilies, and iph the ph’s and c’s and x’s and q’s hold out we shall ceep (sound the c hard) the Cyclone whirling aphter a phashion till the sorts arrive. It is no joque to us—it’s a serious aphphair.” —National Republic. No Joque. Congressman Guy Hardy [of Colorado has a faded old clipping in [his possession about the difficulties of a pioneer newspaper out in his country, which reads: “We begin the publication ov the Roc- cay Mountain Cyclone with some phew diphphiculties in the way. The type phounder phrom whom we bought our outphit phor this printing ophphice phailed to supply us with any ephs and cays, and it will be phour or phive weex before we can get any. The mistaque was not phound out till a day or two ago. We have ordered the missing letters, and will have to get along without them til they come. We don’t lique the loox or New Check Protector. “A woman went to the bank and asked for a new check book. “I’ve lost the one you gave me yesterday,” she said. “But it doesn’t matter. I took the precaution of signing all the checks as soon as I got it, so, of course, it won’t be any use to anyone else.” —Everybody’s Magazine. ¿UIIIIIMflllliUllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllDIIIIIIIIIHIIItlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll JAMES J. CROSSLEY Portland, Oregon The Joy Killer. Druggist (to his stout wife): “Don’t come into the shop for a minute. I am trying to sell six bottles of my fat-reducing mixture.” —Photo Digest. Page Twenty-seven sad. Sometimes I feel sorry I didn’t let him slash all he wanted to. It might haye saved his reason: Shampoo sir?” “Yes.” —Globe and Anchor. The Terror A pale, proud girl turned to the big, heavy-browed man, who was gazing at her intently. He held a glittering knife in his hand. “Have you no heart?” she asked in low, even tones. “No,” he growled. “Then give me ten cents’ worth of liver.” ¿ttllilllllllllllllllllllllllllllltlllllllllllllllllllllillllllllllllilllllllliilMlimiluiiiliiiitililliiin I Overbeck-Cooke Co. I | | i | | i BROKERS | Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton Members Chicago Board of Trade, Portland: Board of Trade Building. Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash. Direct Private Wires to Logan & Ryan, of New York and Chicago. I i | | = | | = = | | | | | | | | | | | = | | | | i | '«HlUUHUUlllllllllllllllltlllllllllllllllllllllllllll IKIilltllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllL i | ftmiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiimimiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiiff Additions to the Family. Adolphus Annum, clerk, who, according to the California Advertiser, was always late at the office, usually managed to smooth over the boss in a most extraordinary manner, which was the admiration and envy of his fellow workers. But one morning Adolphus arrived at 10 minutes past 11, and explained to the stern boss: “I’m sorry, sir, but my wife presented me with a son last night.” “H’m! Did she?” asked the boss. “It’s a pity she didn’t present you with an alarm clock.” “I’ve an idea she has done so, sir,” was the retort. —Exchange. I I | f Still Hope He — Why the deuce do I struggle with this piffling job? Fair Typist — Don’t be discouraged; think of the mighty oak — it was once a nut like you. — Boston Transcript. • Passenger (fumbling through pock ets): I’m afraid I’ve lost my ticket.” Irate conductor: “What do you mean, lost it; you couldn’t lose a ticket a yard long.” Passenger: “I couldn’t hey? Say, you don’t know me. I lost a bass drum once.” I Í LIGHT POWER HEAT | Northwestern Electric Co. | Washington at Tenth PORTLAND, ORE. = | ¿uuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinriiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiHE The place to trade | STAPLES | The Jeweler 266 Morrison Street Candidate for Republican nomi- nation as United States Senator at May 21st, 1926, Primaries. Raised on an Iowa farm, served four years as C o u nt y Superintendent of Schools, nine years in Iowa State Senate, where he drafted and se- cured passage of the Iowa State- wide Primary Election Law, and served six and one-half years as United States Attorney in Alaska appointed by Roosevelt. Twenty- nine months in World War from Oregon, overseas with front. line divisions in Champaigne and Oisne- Aisne and with Rainbow (42ndj Division in Argonne. Will work zealously for develop- ment of Oregon and Oregon ports, for irrigation and reclamation and fulfillment of measures for real benefit of farmers as suggested by their organizations. Favor World Court;, Reform Senate Rules and will support necessary provisions for Law Enforcement. Paid Adv, | | | %'mmui|||||||||||t||||||||||Hllimilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllttlll1llllllllltlll**~ £IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHHilltlllllllllllllllllllllliltlllllllllllllllllltlllllllllllllll>llllllllllimilll&- i 1 CLASSIFIED Professions—Business |_________ ATTORNEYS_________ NELS JACOBSON | 806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416 | DAVID E. LOFGREN | 1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462 I | | | | | aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimuiiiiiiiiinitiiiiiim Tonsorial Salesmanship. “Poor Jim has been sent to a lunatic asylum,” said the barber, flourishing a shining razor over his customer. “Who’s Jim?” asked the man in the chair. “Jim is my twin brother, sir. Jim kept brooding over the hard times, an’ I suppose he finally got crazy.” “Is that so?” “Yes; he and me worked side by side for years, and we are so alike we couldn’t tell each other apart. We both brooded a great deal, too. No money in this business now.” “What’s the reason?” “Prices too low. Unless a customer takes a shampoo, it doesn’t pay to shave or cut hair. Poor Jim, I caught him trying to cut a customer’s throat because he refused a shampoo so I had to have the poor fellow locked up. Makes me | f | | Phone Main 1165 Dr. Harold 6. Trommald DENTIST Regular office hours every day Evenings by appointment 805-807 Journal Building Cor. Yamhill and Broadway, Portland, Ore. | | | | Phone Main 4389 I DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL | | DENTIST Plate and Combination Bridge | Work a Specialty Office: 1221 Selling Building Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon | | Reg. Office Hours i | Eve. by Appointment I | TiiiiniiiiiiHiiiiiiiiiiuiiuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinituiiiiiiiiiitiiiimiiiiiiiiuiuiiHiiiiiiiiHwnioioNn.3 Place Your Orders With The United American Advertisers—and Tell Them Why
