DECEMBER 1925
THE UNITED AMERICAN
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
The Insult. “Why did you strike the
telegraph operator?” the judge asked
the darky.
“Well, yo’ honah,” said the culprit, “it
was jest like this: I hands him a tele
gram for mah girl, an’ he starts in
readin’ it. So I jest nachurally ups an’
hands him one.”
—American Boy.
this variety ov spelling any better than
our readers, but mistax will happen in
the best regulated phamilies, and iph the
ph’s and c’s and x’s and q’s hold out we
shall ceep (sound the c hard) the Cyclone
whirling aphter a phashion till the sorts
arrive. It is no joque to us—it’s a
serious aphphair.” —National Republic.
No Joque. Congressman Guy Hardy
[of Colorado has a faded old clipping in
[his possession about the difficulties of
a pioneer newspaper out in his country,
which reads:
“We begin the publication ov the Roc-
cay Mountain Cyclone with some phew
diphphiculties in the way. The type
phounder phrom whom we bought our
outphit phor this printing ophphice
phailed to supply us with any ephs and
cays, and it will be phour or phive weex
before we can get any. The mistaque was
not phound out till a day or two ago. We
have ordered the missing letters, and
will have to get along without them til
they come. We don’t lique the loox or
New Check Protector. “A woman
went to the bank and asked for a new
check book. “I’ve lost the one you gave
me yesterday,” she said. “But it doesn’t
matter. I took the precaution of signing
all the checks as soon as I got it, so,
of course, it won’t be any use to anyone
else.”
—Everybody’s Magazine.
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JAMES J. CROSSLEY
Portland, Oregon
The Joy Killer. Druggist (to his stout
wife): “Don’t come into the shop for
a minute. I am trying to sell six bottles
of my fat-reducing mixture.”
—Photo Digest.
Page Twenty-seven
sad. Sometimes I feel sorry I didn’t let
him slash all he wanted to. It might
haye saved his reason: Shampoo sir?”
“Yes.”
—Globe and Anchor.
The Terror
A pale, proud girl turned to the big,
heavy-browed man, who was gazing at
her intently. He held a glittering knife
in his hand. “Have you no heart?” she
asked in low, even tones.
“No,” he growled.
“Then give me ten cents’ worth of
liver.”
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I Overbeck-Cooke Co. I
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BROKERS
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Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton
Members Chicago Board of Trade,
Portland: Board of Trade Building.
Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash.
Direct Private Wires to Logan &
Ryan, of New York and Chicago.
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Additions to the Family. Adolphus
Annum, clerk, who, according to the
California Advertiser, was always late
at the office, usually managed to smooth
over the boss in a most extraordinary
manner, which was the admiration and
envy of his fellow workers. But one
morning Adolphus arrived at 10 minutes
past 11, and explained to the stern boss:
“I’m sorry, sir, but my wife presented
me with a son last night.”
“H’m! Did she?” asked the boss.
“It’s a pity she didn’t present you with
an alarm clock.”
“I’ve an idea she has done so, sir,”
was the retort.
—Exchange.
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Still Hope
He — Why the deuce do I struggle
with this piffling job?
Fair Typist — Don’t be discouraged;
think of the mighty oak — it was once a
nut like you. — Boston Transcript.
• Passenger (fumbling through pock
ets): I’m afraid I’ve lost my ticket.”
Irate conductor: “What do you mean,
lost it; you couldn’t lose a ticket a yard
long.”
Passenger: “I couldn’t hey? Say, you
don’t know me. I lost a bass drum once.”
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LIGHT
POWER
HEAT
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Northwestern Electric Co.
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Washington at Tenth
PORTLAND, ORE.
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The place to trade
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STAPLES
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The Jeweler
266 Morrison Street
Candidate for Republican nomi-
nation as United States Senator at
May 21st, 1926, Primaries. Raised
on an Iowa farm, served four years
as C o u nt y Superintendent of
Schools, nine years in Iowa State
Senate, where he drafted and se-
cured passage of the Iowa State-
wide Primary Election Law, and
served six and one-half years
as United States Attorney in Alaska
appointed by Roosevelt. Twenty-
nine months in World War from
Oregon, overseas with front. line
divisions in Champaigne and Oisne-
Aisne and with Rainbow (42ndj
Division in Argonne.
Will work zealously for develop-
ment of Oregon and Oregon ports,
for irrigation and reclamation and
fulfillment of measures for real
benefit of farmers as suggested
by their organizations. Favor World
Court;, Reform Senate Rules and
will support necessary provisions
for Law Enforcement.
Paid Adv,
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CLASSIFIED
Professions—Business
|_________ ATTORNEYS_________
NELS JACOBSON
| 806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416
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DAVID E. LOFGREN
| 1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462
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Tonsorial Salesmanship. “Poor Jim
has been sent to a lunatic asylum,” said
the barber, flourishing a shining razor
over his customer.
“Who’s Jim?” asked the man in the
chair.
“Jim is my twin brother, sir. Jim
kept brooding over the hard times, an’
I suppose he finally got crazy.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes; he and me worked side by side
for years, and we are so alike we
couldn’t tell each other apart. We both
brooded a great deal, too. No money in
this business now.”
“What’s the reason?”
“Prices too low. Unless a customer
takes a shampoo, it doesn’t pay to shave
or cut hair. Poor Jim, I caught him
trying to cut a customer’s throat because
he refused a shampoo so I had to have
the poor fellow locked up. Makes me
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Phone Main 1165
Dr. Harold 6. Trommald
DENTIST
Regular office hours every day
Evenings by appointment
805-807 Journal Building
Cor. Yamhill and Broadway,
Portland, Ore.
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Phone Main 4389
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DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
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DENTIST
Plate and Combination Bridge |
Work a Specialty
Office: 1221 Selling Building
Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon |
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Reg. Office Hours
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Eve. by Appointment
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