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About The united American : a magazine of good citizenchip. (Portland, Or.) 1923-1927 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1925)
Page Nineteen THE UNITED AMERICAN OCTOBER 1925 Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside Sane to the Last.—“Well,” said the dying business man, “you better put in a clause about my employes. To each man who has worked for me twenty years I give and bequeath $50,000.” “But,” said the lawyer, “you haven’t been in business twenty years.” “I know it, man, but it’s good advertising.” —Everybody’s. Picnickers Beware!—The entire Brown family was attacked by ptomaine poison ing. The family doctor was called, and ns soon as emergency treatment had been administered, he tried to find the source [of the trouble. “Did you all eat something that had been left standing in tin?” he asked. Mr. Brown thought hard for a moment. ’“By gosh, doc,” he cried, “that’s just what we did. We had a piciiic yesterday, sand we left the lunch in the Ford all [morning!” —Judge. Any One of Whom.—-“You know Peter [—the chap who was always telling the [bright things his son did? Well, he was found shot dead today—no clues.” ! “Good Lord! I thought he didn’t have an enemy in the world!” “Maybe not—but he had lots of [friends.” —American Legion Weekly. Juvenile Logic.—Two small girls were [playing together one afternoon in the park. [ “I wonder what time it is?” said one of them at last. “Well, it can’t be 4 o’clock yet,” replied [the other with magnificent logic, “be tcause my mother said I was to be home at 4—and I’m not.”—The Tatler, London. I Maybe a Christmas Gift.—Little Brother |—Say, mister, whatcha goin’ to do with 'our gate? I Parlor Visitor—Why, nothing that I know of. I haven’t got your gate. I Little Brother—I know, but I heard big She Knew the Breed.—Little Marion and her next door neighbor, Donald, were engaged in an absorbing conversation. “What are anarchists?” asked little Marion. Then Donald swelled with wisdom. . “They want everything any one else has got, and they never wash them selves,” he replied. “Oh, yes!” cried little Marion, with enthusiasm, “I see—they is just little boys growed up!” —Gulf Coast Lumberman. half a day and ain’t seen no panthers yet. I don’t believe there’s any here. George—Course dey ain’t. I made sure of dat befor’ we come.—Trinidad Tribune. Commands for Cash.—.“What are money orders, pa?” “Your mother’s letters to me when she’s at the seashore, my son.” Queer Mortals.—G. H. L. writes: “A man never brags about that of which he has reason to be proud.” ¿llllllilllllllililllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllHIIIIIliilHIItllllllllllll Overbeck-Cooke Co. BROKERS Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton Members Chicago Board of Trade. Portland: Board of Trade Building. Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash. Direct Private Wires to Logan & Ryan, of New York and Chicago. LIGHT POWER HEAT In Training.—“Jack, I wish you’d give that young brother of mine a talking-to. It’s time he thought of choosing a career. “Judging by the hours he keeps, I thought he was studying to be a night watchman.” Northwestern Electric Co. Washington at Tenth PORTLAND, ORE. Lets Hope So!—On safe ground. New Hampshire paper—“Friday, generally fair, probably followed by Saturday.” —Boston Transcript. The Jeweler 266 Morrison Street High Cost of Thinking.—The increased postage for private postcards makes the local postmistress remark: “Two pennies for your thoughts.” —Tom Masson in Collier’s. CLASSIFIED Professions—Business ATTORNEYS NELS JACOBSON 806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416 Columbia River Packers Association Pakers of Choice Columbia River and Alaska Salmon Astoria, Oregon Not Hungry.—Mother: “Get up, Elsie. Remember it’s the early bird that gets the worm.” Elsie (drowsily): “Let him have ‘em —Ex. mother. I’m not hungry.” DENTIST Regular office hours every day Evenings by appointment 805-807 Journal Building Rent Dodger.—Farmer’s Wife Westersund & Dahlgren Cor. Yamhill and Broadway, Automotive Electricians PHILCO Diamond Grid Batteries 211 West Bond St., Astoria, Ore. btrmHiiiiiiitimiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiihfHiiii I Wholesale and Retail Phone 833 I Finnish Meat Market, Inc. I I I Fresh and Salt Smoked Meats and Fish 199-201 Taylor Ave., Astoria, Ore. Why Did He.— Freddy—Ma, didn’t the missionary say that the savages didn’t wear any clothes? Mother—Yes, my boy. Freddy—Then why did papa put a button in the missionary box? Portland, Ore. | Phone Main 4389 I DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL | I | i DENTIST and Combination Bridge Work a Specialty Office: 1221 Selling Building Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon f Reg. Office Hours Plate Eve. by Appointment fiiinitiiiiiiiiiiitiiiHimniiitiiiiiiiituimiiiiiiiittiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiMiiiiHnNimH. Place Your Orders With The United American Advertisers—and Tell Them Why
