Page Nineteen
THE UNITED AMERICAN
OCTOBER 1925
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
Sane to the Last.—“Well,” said the
dying business man, “you better put in
a clause about my employes. To each
man who has worked for me twenty years
I give and bequeath $50,000.”
“But,” said the lawyer, “you haven’t
been in business twenty years.”
“I know it, man, but it’s good
advertising.”
—Everybody’s.
Picnickers Beware!—The entire Brown
family was attacked by ptomaine poison
ing. The family doctor was called, and
ns soon as emergency treatment had been
administered, he tried to find the source
[of the trouble.
“Did you all eat something that had
been left standing in tin?” he asked.
Mr. Brown thought hard for a moment.
’“By gosh, doc,” he cried, “that’s just
what we did. We had a piciiic yesterday,
sand we left the lunch in the Ford all
[morning!”
—Judge.
Any One of Whom.—-“You know Peter
[—the chap who was always telling the
[bright things his son did? Well, he was
found shot dead today—no clues.”
! “Good Lord! I thought he didn’t have
an enemy in the world!”
“Maybe not—but he had lots of
[friends.”
—American Legion Weekly.
Juvenile Logic.—Two small girls were
[playing together one afternoon in the
park.
[ “I wonder what time it is?” said one
of them at last.
“Well, it can’t be 4 o’clock yet,” replied
[the other with magnificent logic, “be
tcause my mother said I was to be home
at 4—and I’m not.”—The Tatler, London.
I Maybe a Christmas Gift.—Little Brother
|—Say, mister, whatcha goin’ to do with
'our gate?
I Parlor Visitor—Why, nothing that I
know of. I haven’t got your gate.
I Little Brother—I know, but I heard big
She Knew the Breed.—Little Marion
and her next door neighbor, Donald, were
engaged in an absorbing conversation.
“What are anarchists?” asked little
Marion.
Then Donald swelled with wisdom.
. “They want everything any one else
has got, and they never wash them
selves,” he replied.
“Oh, yes!” cried little Marion, with
enthusiasm, “I see—they is just little
boys growed up!”
—Gulf Coast Lumberman.
half a day and ain’t seen no panthers yet.
I don’t believe there’s any here.
George—Course dey ain’t. I made sure
of dat befor’ we come.—Trinidad Tribune.
Commands for Cash.—.“What are money
orders, pa?”
“Your mother’s letters to me when
she’s at the seashore, my son.”
Queer Mortals.—G. H. L. writes: “A
man never brags about that of which he
has reason to be proud.”
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Overbeck-Cooke Co.
BROKERS
Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton
Members Chicago Board of Trade.
Portland: Board of Trade Building.
Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash.
Direct Private Wires to Logan &
Ryan, of New York and Chicago.
LIGHT
POWER
HEAT
In Training.—“Jack, I wish you’d give
that young brother of mine a talking-to.
It’s time he thought of choosing a career.
“Judging by the hours he keeps, I
thought he was studying to be a night
watchman.”
Northwestern Electric Co.
Washington at Tenth
PORTLAND, ORE.
Lets Hope So!—On safe ground. New
Hampshire paper—“Friday, generally
fair, probably followed by Saturday.”
—Boston Transcript.
The Jeweler
266 Morrison Street
High Cost of Thinking.—The increased
postage for private postcards makes the
local postmistress remark: “Two pennies
for your thoughts.”
—Tom Masson in Collier’s.
CLASSIFIED
Professions—Business
ATTORNEYS
NELS JACOBSON
806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416
Columbia River
Packers Association
Pakers of Choice
Columbia River and Alaska Salmon
Astoria, Oregon
Not Hungry.—Mother: “Get up, Elsie.
Remember it’s the early bird that gets
the worm.”
Elsie (drowsily): “Let him have ‘em
—Ex.
mother. I’m not hungry.”
DENTIST
Regular office hours every day
Evenings by appointment
805-807 Journal Building
Rent Dodger.—Farmer’s Wife
Westersund & Dahlgren
Cor. Yamhill and Broadway,
Automotive Electricians
PHILCO Diamond Grid Batteries
211 West Bond St., Astoria, Ore.
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I Wholesale and Retail
Phone 833
I Finnish Meat Market, Inc.
I
I
I
Fresh and Salt Smoked Meats
and Fish
199-201 Taylor Ave., Astoria, Ore.
Why Did He.— Freddy—Ma, didn’t the
missionary say that the savages didn’t
wear any clothes?
Mother—Yes, my boy.
Freddy—Then why did papa put a
button in the missionary box?
Portland, Ore.
|
Phone Main 4389
I
DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
|
I
|
i
DENTIST
and Combination Bridge
Work a Specialty
Office: 1221 Selling Building
Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon
f
Reg. Office Hours
Plate
Eve. by Appointment
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