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About The united American : a magazine of good citizenchip. (Portland, Or.) 1923-1927 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 1, 1925)
MM M Page Nineteen THE UNITED AMERICAN SEPTEMBER 1925 Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside Blarney with an Object.— “Why is a strong man like you found begging?” “Ah, madam, it is the only profession in which a gentleman can address a beautiful lady without the formality of an introduction.”- Get an Accurate rule.—Professor— How would you tell the height of a tower by means of a barometer? Student—I’d lower the barometer from the top of the tower and then measure the rope. Powerful car.— That’s a powerful car you’ve got there?” “Whatayou mean powerful? It’s just a Ford.” “I wasn’t judgin’ by the size. I was judgin’ by the smell.” In the same boat.—The near sighted guest, who had vainly tried to decipher the bill’of fare, finally turned and said: Waiter, will you please tell me what is on this card?” “Sorry, ma’am,” the waiter replied sympathetically; “but I can’t read either.” —Philadephia Ledger. Radio benefits.—Another reason the radio will never take the place of the newspaper is that you can’t hide behind a radio set at the breakfast table when you don’t want to talk to your wife. Hiking a La Mode.-—A Kansas paper says: “Two young men, hiking from coast to coast, got off the train here.” Night-life.— There is plenty of night life in some of the small towns— cockroaches, mosquitoes and everything. Meaning “Make.”—“Locke was ar rested for failing to fake an income-tax return,” says a Seattle paper. He deserves credit.—Son—Pop, don’t you think that anyone who gets out of a tight place deserves a lot of praise? Pop—I certainly do that, son. Son—Well, Pm no longer in college. How Big.— “Hey, Mike, how big is a battleship?” “What size battleship?” “Oh, a big one.” “How big?” A Job for a Joshua.—Here is a fine mid-summer problem raised by the Hart ford Courant, which is losing sleep over this conundrum: If a baby is born about midnight, daylight saving time, and later on daylight saving is abolished every where, which will be celebrated as the youngster’s birthday?—Manhattan Union. Not Demanding Payment.—He was a colored farm tenant. He was in debt to his landlord and certain time merchants. He was a product of the tenant system. He owned his soul but not his soles. He stood on a corner and heard the Salvation Army sing hymn’s. Then a tambourine was held out to him. He ignored it. “Just can’t/’ he said, repeatedly. “You owe it to the Lord.” he was told. “Yes, I know it, but He ain’t pushing me like the rest,” he said.—Raleigh (N. C.) News and O’os. HOW THE ROSE SPEAKS By IDA CROCKER DUNCAN, in The Christian Science Monitor Why praise the modest rose? When everybody knows The rose speaks for itself, It speaks so. sweet and low That everywhere it blows The rose speaks for it self It speaks so sweet and low. It speaks for lovers, too, When hearts are full of rue The rose may speak of them It speaks so sweet and low. Wherever hearts are true The rose may speak for them It speaks so sweet and low. 33 TO MARKET FROZEN ÁSSETS FROZEN ASSETS of more than one hundred Northwestern banks, trust companies, farm loan organizations and insurance companies will be marketed through a corporation organized for the purpose at St. Paul, Minn. Thousands of Northwestern farms have been turned over to this marketing agency and they will be sold on an easy payment plan to the type of farmers who more than a decade ago settled the last of the homesteads in this territory. —New York Times. £IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUIIIII1IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII<> Overbeck-Cooke Co. BROKERS | | | | | Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton Members Chicago Board of Trade. Portland: Board of Trade Building. Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash. Direct Private Wires to Logan & Ryan, of New York and Chicago. | | = | 1 | ñriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiüiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiii? ¿llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllIllllllillilUlllllill REVOLUTIONARY CURRENCY EALERS in foreign currency report that there is an ever increasing de mand from numismatists for coins and currency emitted by revolutionary govern ments, both in Latin America and in Europe, at surprisingly high prices. Such dealers will make reasonable offers for any revolutionary currency, certain of a good market for it, even though little of it is worth anything in the country original issue. A good example is the paper issued by Pancho Villa in Mexico, when he was keeping the country in constant turmoil, several year ago. His notes are worthless as money in Mexico, but collectors here and in Europe have bid it up until it now sells for more than its face value. D LIGHT POWER HEAT Northwestern Electric Co. Washington at Tenth PORTLAND, ORE. ftimiimiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiniiiiininiumiuiiimiimiiiiiiimn? ¿liumiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiriiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiíuHiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiimiiuc The place to trade The Jeweler 266 Morrison Street •«MiMmiiiiiiiiiiiHiiiiiiiiiNiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiH't*-' ¿iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiimimiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiimiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii CLASSIFIED BACK IN THE OLD SHOP Professions—Business OR SOME years the traveling sales ATTORNEYS man had seen former President Taft breakfasting at the table next his own NELS JACOBSON several times a week, when the present 806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416 chief justice held the Kent Chair of inter DAVID E. LOFGREN national Law at Yale. The- scene was 1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462 that favorite haunt of commuters and iiimmiiiimiiiiiiiiimmiiimmiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimimimiiiiiiiiimiiiii early travelers, Mendel’s restaurant in aiimimiimimiimiimiimmiiiiimimiimiiiiiimiiiiiuuiiiiiiimimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimii the Grand Central. A genial soul was the former presi I Phone Main 1165 dent, replying affably to his waitress’ gum-choked efforts at small talk. Then, after President Harding had DENTIST draped Mr. Taft’s ample shoulders with Regular office hours every day the ermine, the salesman saw him no Evenings by appointment more at those early and solitary break 805-807 Journal Building fasts, for the chief justice of the supreme court naturally, no longer traveled peri Cor. Yamhill and Broadway, Portland, Ore. odically to New Haven. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUIIIIIIIIIIIIIHIIillllllllK One morning the familiar figure bulked iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'jç large again in the doorway and Justice Phone Main 4389 Taft proceeded to his customary table for breakfast. DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL “Ain’t seen you in a long time,” com DENTIST mented his waitress. “What’s th’ matter, Plate and Combination Bridge ain’t you with them New Haven people Work a Specialty any more?” Office: 1221 Selling Building “No,” replied the chief justice, gravely, Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon “I’m back with the first people I used Reg. Office Hours Eve. by Appointment to work for. Good job, and better hours.” —The New Yorker. TiiimiuiuiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiimimiiiiiiiHiiiiiiimiiiiiiitiiimtiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiitiiiHiii F Dr. Harold fi. Trommald Place Your Orders With The United American Advertisers—and Tell Them Why MBM 13' > HI L»|»|»|»|»|»i»| 72.46 72 05 20.37 54.01 4186 «274 | 62 79 11 ■24.45 16 83 1306 -38 01 52.00 3.45 5088 55.93 I 68 80 -40.49 | 30.77 30.01 81.29 |-12.72 0.60 I i . m i.w 2.04 241 Colors by Munsell Color Services Lab »S
