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Page Nineteen
THE UNITED AMERICAN
SEPTEMBER 1925
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
Blarney with an Object.— “Why is a
strong man like you found begging?”
“Ah, madam, it is the only profession
in which a gentleman can address a
beautiful lady without the formality of
an introduction.”-
Get an Accurate rule.—Professor—
How would you tell the height of a tower
by means of a barometer?
Student—I’d lower the barometer from
the top of the tower and then measure
the rope.
Powerful car.— That’s a powerful car
you’ve got there?”
“Whatayou mean powerful? It’s just
a Ford.”
“I wasn’t judgin’ by the size. I was
judgin’ by the smell.”
In the same boat.—The near sighted
guest, who had vainly tried to decipher
the bill’of fare, finally turned and said:
Waiter, will you please tell me what is
on this card?”
“Sorry, ma’am,” the waiter replied
sympathetically; “but I can’t read either.”
—Philadephia Ledger.
Radio benefits.—Another reason the
radio will never take the place of the
newspaper is that you can’t hide behind
a radio set at the breakfast table when
you don’t want to talk to your wife.
Hiking a La Mode.-—A Kansas paper
says: “Two young men, hiking from
coast to coast, got off the train here.”
Night-life.— There is plenty of night
life in some of the small towns—
cockroaches, mosquitoes and everything.
Meaning “Make.”—“Locke was ar
rested for failing to fake an income-tax
return,” says a Seattle paper.
He deserves credit.—Son—Pop, don’t
you think that anyone who gets out of a
tight place deserves a lot of praise?
Pop—I certainly do that, son.
Son—Well, Pm no longer in college.
How Big.— “Hey, Mike, how big is a
battleship?”
“What size battleship?”
“Oh, a big one.”
“How big?”
A Job for a Joshua.—Here is a fine
mid-summer problem raised by the Hart
ford Courant, which is losing sleep over
this conundrum: If a baby is born about
midnight, daylight saving time, and later
on daylight saving is abolished every
where, which will be celebrated as the
youngster’s birthday?—Manhattan Union.
Not Demanding Payment.—He was a
colored farm tenant. He was in debt to
his landlord and certain time merchants.
He was a product of the tenant system.
He owned his soul but not his soles. He
stood on a corner and heard the Salvation
Army sing hymn’s. Then a tambourine
was held out to him. He ignored it. “Just
can’t/’ he said, repeatedly. “You owe it
to the Lord.” he was told. “Yes, I know
it, but He ain’t pushing me like the rest,”
he said.—Raleigh (N. C.) News and O’os.
HOW THE ROSE SPEAKS
By IDA CROCKER DUNCAN,
in The Christian Science Monitor
Why praise the modest rose?
When everybody knows
The rose speaks for itself,
It speaks so. sweet and low
That everywhere it blows
The rose speaks for it self
It speaks so sweet and low.
It speaks for lovers, too,
When hearts are full of rue
The rose may speak of them
It speaks so sweet and low.
Wherever hearts are true
The rose may speak for them
It speaks so sweet and low.
33
TO MARKET FROZEN ÁSSETS
FROZEN ASSETS of more than one
hundred Northwestern banks, trust
companies, farm loan organizations and
insurance companies will be marketed
through a corporation organized for the
purpose at St. Paul, Minn.
Thousands of Northwestern farms have
been turned over to this marketing
agency and they will be sold on an easy
payment plan to the type of farmers who
more than a decade ago settled the last
of the homesteads in this territory.
—New York Times.
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Overbeck-Cooke Co.
BROKERS
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Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton
Members Chicago Board of Trade.
Portland: Board of Trade Building.
Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash.
Direct Private Wires to Logan &
Ryan, of New York and Chicago.
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REVOLUTIONARY CURRENCY
EALERS in foreign currency report
that there is an ever increasing de
mand from numismatists for coins and
currency emitted by revolutionary govern
ments, both in Latin America and in
Europe, at surprisingly high prices. Such
dealers will make reasonable offers for
any revolutionary currency, certain of a
good market for it, even though little of
it is worth anything in the country
original issue.
A good example is the paper issued by
Pancho Villa in Mexico, when he was
keeping the country in constant turmoil,
several year ago. His notes are worthless
as money in Mexico, but collectors here
and in Europe have bid it up until it now
sells for more than its face value.
D
LIGHT
POWER
HEAT
Northwestern Electric Co.
Washington at Tenth
PORTLAND, ORE.
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The place to trade
The Jeweler
266 Morrison Street
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CLASSIFIED
BACK IN THE OLD SHOP
Professions—Business
OR SOME years the traveling sales
ATTORNEYS
man had seen former President Taft
breakfasting at the table next his own
NELS JACOBSON
several times a week, when the present
806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416
chief justice held the Kent Chair of inter
DAVID E. LOFGREN
national Law at Yale. The- scene was
1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462
that favorite haunt of commuters and
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early travelers, Mendel’s restaurant in
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the Grand Central.
A genial soul was the former presi I Phone Main 1165
dent, replying affably to his waitress’
gum-choked efforts at small talk.
Then, after President Harding had
DENTIST
draped Mr. Taft’s ample shoulders with
Regular
office
hours every day
the ermine, the salesman saw him no
Evenings by appointment
more at those early and solitary break
805-807 Journal Building
fasts, for the chief justice of the supreme
court naturally, no longer traveled peri
Cor. Yamhill and Broadway, Portland, Ore.
odically to New Haven.
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One morning the familiar figure bulked
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large again in the doorway and Justice
Phone Main 4389
Taft proceeded to his customary table for
breakfast.
DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
“Ain’t seen you in a long time,” com
DENTIST
mented his waitress. “What’s th’ matter,
Plate and Combination Bridge
ain’t you with them New Haven people
Work a Specialty
any more?”
Office: 1221 Selling Building
“No,” replied the chief justice, gravely,
Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon
“I’m back with the first people I used
Reg. Office Hours
Eve. by Appointment
to work for. Good job, and better hours.”
—The New Yorker. TiiimiuiuiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiimimiiiiiiiHiiiiiiimiiiiiiitiiimtiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiitiiiHiii
F
Dr. Harold fi. Trommald
Place Your Orders With The United American Advertisers—and Tell Them Why
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