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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (March 18, 2020)
Wednesday, March 18, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon Your Story MATTERS Audry Van Houweling, PMHNP Columnist Sex, spirit and shame Let9s talk about sex. Let9s talk about spirituality. Let9s talk about shame. The interplay between the three are powerful, complex, and deserve honest discussion. When we talk about the need to feel known, the free- dom to be vulnerable, the drive to connect with and understand, to give and to receive, are we talking about sexuality or are we talking about spirituality? When we lie naked with another, versus baring our soul to a greater power, is the implied vulnerability and trust really so different? Could it be that sexuality is one of the most powerful means of express- ing spirituality and that spiri- tuality is a primary means of bringing meaning to sexuality? Unfortunately, our society and in particular, popular cul- ture and religious institutions do not always acknowledge, and many times deny, the implicit correlations between sexuality and spirituality. Sexuality and spirituality are too often in opposition to each other, rather than allowed to coexist and feed each other in the symbiotic relationship they ought to. This societally driven divorce allows too much room for tension, shame, hiding, and perversion. Popular culture too often portrays sex as a physical transaction with the primary goal being pleasure versus intimacy. Thoughtfulness and respect can at times be lost as there may be a refusal or denial to acknowledge the meaning behind such vul- nerability. Popular culture also generally prioritizes and favors the pleasure and pur- suits of men versus women. By too often depicting sex as a masculine-driven, hedo- nistic venture, our society diminishes the value of true intimacy, which can so too fracture the connections to soul and spirit. A person can have a lot of sex with very little intimacy and despite so many physical interactions, it can be altogether lonely. Religious institutions too often go too far in denounc- ing sexual expression or feelings of pleasure. The emphasis on modesty can too often be married with shame as women and girls especially are made to feel that the universal urge to physically connect with somebody must be sup- pressed and unseen. Implied in this belief is the notion that suppression of sexuality is somehow associated with an exalted spiritual state and that pleasure is an impedi- ment to devotion. Sadly, this has at times created a culture of hiding that only bolsters feelings of shame. Particular harm can come when persons of authority representing a faith or set of spiritual beliefs exploit their power and abuse another. Too often has this happened, too many stories where simultaneously the beauty of sexuality and spiri- tuality are tarnished amid trauma. Popular culture too often exalts the body9s pleasure to the point of denying the spirit while religious institutions too often exalt the spirit to the point of denying the physical body. There can be severe consequences with both. The majority of my cli- ents are women and girls. Both popular culture and reli- gious institutions historically also objectify the female body. Too often, whether a woman is wearing a string bikini or head-to-toe cloak, her virtue and desirability are still reduced to her external appearance, and either the expression, or suppression of her sexuality. She may wres- tle with modesty being asso- ciated with virtue while the display of her body is associ- ated with desirability. When it comes to sexual expres- sion, women and girls fre- quently feel damned if they do, damned if they don9t. A woman9s appearance should never be the sole gauge to measure either virtue or desirability. She is ultimately far more complex. I will cel- ebrate the day when women universally are given room to be desirable, sexual, and yes, virtuous all together. Too often our experience with sexuality and/or spiritu- ality is fractured by trauma, abuse, or corruption, and we can be left struggling to truly connect, find intimacy, and meaning. In extremes, we might try to deny these needs or trivialize them. Trauma can be complex, and so too can be responses to trauma. Sexual trauma can cause some to isolate and withdraw CARPET CLEANING — Credit Cards Accepted — ENVIROTECH 541-771-5048 from physical intimacy, while others may seek some level of control or pleasure amid so much pain by allowing risky or dangerous situations to repeat themselves. Spiritual trauma can similarly lead to isolation, fear of closeness, mistrust, poor self-value, and lack of meaning. Sexual trauma and spiritual trauma may happen apart from one another, but the impact is very often bidirectional, and shame can encapsulate each. Rather than trying so hard to buttress the unsustainable barrier of shame our society often wedges between spiri- tuality and sexuality, per- haps we can do a better job of acknowledging the beauty that can come when they are allowed to coexist and sup- port one another. By continu- ing to divide sexuality and spirituality we are doing our- selves (men and women) no favors, as we may feel pres- sure to fulfill unrealistic roles that leave too much room for judgement 4 against our- selves and others. READY FOR TIRE CHANGEOVER? Call and make your appointment now for no-wait service! DAVIS TIRE 541-549-1026 Serving Sisters Since 1962 188 W. Sisters Park Dr. In Sisters Industrial Park Dr. Thomas R. 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