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Wednesday, July 3, 2019 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Commentary...
Old fears and new tools
By Katy Yoder
Correspondent
I was honored to be a
workshop presenter at The
Healing Trauma Conference
last month. The event was
created to provide resources
and access to new modali-
ties for healing past trau-
mas and learning new tech-
niques to achieve resiliency.
Co-founders Cheryl Mills and
Susanne Frilot worked for 9
months putting it together,
and when it finally breathed
its first breath, it proved to be
a labor of love that took on a
beautiful life of its own.
Participants listened to
a panel of six experts dis-
cussing the main effects
of trauma: mental, physi-
cal, nutritional, spiritual,
social and emotional. Then
Elizabeth Bouvier-Fitzgerald
was interviewed about her
amazing story of triumph over
trauma. Before we broke for
lunch, Barbara Largent, MD
spoke about her own experi-
ence with trauma, how she9s
found healing and her innova-
tive and non-traditional meth-
ods for helping patients.
After lunch the workshops
began. I taught two <Healing
through Writing,= classes.
I was nervous about how it
would go. I know writing
about my trauma has healed
me, but if it would reach oth-
ers was something I wouldn9t
know until I shared my pro-
cess. I was supposed to record
my introduction but was too
nervous and didn9t remember
to turn on my phone9s record-
ing device 4 oh, well, maybe
next time.
The response from the
people in my class was posi-
tive. We enjoyed a quick 45
minutes together and just
began to scratch the surface
when it was time to wrap it up
and move onto another work-
shop. Next time, I9ll allow
more time, so we can keep
going when the creative and
healing juices begin to flow.
I came home happily tired
and excited to teach again.
When and where that will
be is yet to be determined,
but I got the first time over
with and I9m ready for more.
I slept great that night and
woke up eager to continue
work on my own story of dis-
covery. But the next night I
was sleeping alone and was
reminded that recovery from
trauma is a slow, repeated
process with a timetable of its
own making.
With my husband, Gary,
visiting his mother out of
state, I was home alone.
After I was sexually
abused as a child, I became
deeply afraid of being alone
4 especially when it was
dark. Only 10 years old, and
unable to tell anyone about
the abuse, I didn9t under-
stand the powerful emotions
and terror I was feeling. All
I knew was danger got worse
when it was dark; especially if
I had no one to protect me. If
I was in our home by myself,
my stomach tightened up, my
chest would feel searing hot
and my heart pumped like it
was going to burst out of my
chest. My breathing quick-
ened and got shallow. I9d
head for the kitchen and grab
the biggest knife in the drawer
and carry it with me. I could
feel someone behind me. I9d
turn around repeatedly try-
ing to see them. I9d look out
the window of our long glass
hallway and see shadows in
the dark. It felt like they9d
run up and crash through
the glass at any moment.
Then there was the terror
that took over when I was
asleep. I9d see animals, peo-
ple and unrecognizable things
in my room. I9d wake up 4
or think I was awake 4 and
scream until my throat hurt.
Only light could make them
go away. The sleep terror dis-
order haunted my childhood,
followed me to college, then
my first time living alone and
eventually when I got mar-
ried. I never knew when I9d
end up screaming. Sometimes
I woke up, other times I was
unaware of the fear I caused
my sleeping partner. My
screams scared my husband
so badly he was afraid he9d
have a heart attack. When I
couldn9t recall screaming,
Gary had to tell me what hap-
pened the next morning. I felt
powerless and guilty for scar-
ing him. But there was noth-
ing I could do.
This time, the first night
Gary was away, I took a long
hot shower and got ready
for bed. As I walked across
our room, my heart began to
speed up. I didn9t feel afraid
but when I lay down, my
heart was pounding. I tried
to breathe calming breaths
into my lungs and heart. I
reminded myself that feel-
ing afraid when I was alone
happened when I was trig-
gered by an old fear that was
no longer relevant to my
current life. My home was
secure, I had two dogs and I
was a strong adult who could
take care of herself. My mind
knew that was true, but my
heart wasn9t buying it.
I finally fell asleep, but
later woke up screaming.
I couldn9t remember what
caused my screams, but our
big, sweet and protective
dog Beau jumped up on the
bed and looked down at me
with concerned brown eyes.
He took a big breath and laid
down next to me, snuggling
in close. I felt better immedi-
ately and soon fell asleep for
the rest of the night.
I woke the next morning
perplexed about what had
caused my reaction. Then I
told myself there9s no reason
to overanalyze it. I9m slowly
getting better, but it9s a long
process. My mind and my
subconscious are still work-
ing on syncing up. What I
can9t control isn9t worth get-
ting upset about. All I can
do is keep investigating new
ways to heal, writing what
comes up and having faith
that eventually, I won9t be
afraid of what9s not there.
Deputies
make drug
arrest in
Sisters
Sheriff9s deputies checking
on a couple sleeping in a car
arrested a woman for drug pos-
session on Thursday, June 27.
Sgt. William Bailey of the
Deschutes County Sheriff9s
Office reported that depu-
ties responded to a call on
Thursday morning regarding
a man and a woman sleep-
ing in a vehicle on a prop-
erty on Locust Street just
across the street from City
Hall.
Deputies contacted the
couple and the woman was
allegedly found to be in pos-
session of methamphetamine.
The woman was taken into
custody and transported to
Deschutes County Jail on
a misdemeanor charge of
possession of a controlled
substance.
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