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About The new Northwest. (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887 | View Entire Issue (June 2, 1881)
'4 THE NEW NORTHWEST, THUBSDAY, JUNE 2, 1881 THE MIRTHFUL MUSE. MXBCELLAKEOUS ADVKRTWKMENTH. ' u . -rt "DKVICB THE NEW GROAN. "'OF A" CONOBEQATION TO : . WITH tN. ORGANIST, DISPENSE -.-A- v The Flrsf tfrwbyterlan congregation of Brlgh- An vs.. had far several years ycarneu ror an ' rsan. The small melodeon whleb was ut to Accompany the singing of the choir wm not uly squeaky and excessively out of tune, but it was the subject of Methodist derision, anu me rresoy terians could not help feeling ashamed of it. A I1 V" tremendou8efrort was finally made to raise the . .jiecessary fynds for the purchase or a real organ. There was a fair, a picnic, a .stereoscopic exnioi tlon, a New England kitchen, and a series of grab bags of unusual attractiveness.; and there was great exultation; among the congregation wnen it was '--'' found that the net combined profits of the various ' relltrious ceremonies amounted to fll(W. This -- made the purchase of the organ entirely possible. - - and the minister, on the following Huuday. made a feeling allusion to the prospect that Hie etivltros and wicked opponents of the rasnel would soon be made to hang their ears with shame as they lis- . tened to the grand tones or tne first rrestiyterian . organ. When the members of the congregation began to discuss the question of what kind of an organ f hould be bought, Elder Klmpson took occasion to denounce the whole race or organists, lie pointed out that ever since the introduction of the melo deon Into the choir the organist hnd been a fruit : ful source of evlt Eitlier le-w arnet tnany I ii which cae he constantly quarreled with the soprano and Insulted the tenor, or he was a care less worldling who played snatches of opera houffe whenever lie had an opportunity, and thus vio lated the sanctity of the -meet ing-house. The 1. elder admitted that a musical instrument of some kind was very desirable, and he felt strongly on the subject of the Methodist gibes at the inability of the Presbyterians to buy an organ. Still, he had said that, inasmuch as an organ could not be ' without an organinf, he doubted whether It. Was. . , not aduly to deny llienisel ves any'iiiusical Instru ment whateer. - This speech' gave rise to a heated debate, which ' might have had the moat painful couseiuences had not the pastor happily suggested a conipro4 r --tnlse. lie --mrortnetf his nocR tnai a mechanical oriran could be Durchased which would nlav two - dozen tunes without an orginist after once being wound up. Such organs were In use, so he was . told, In several concei t ia!oon in New York rand - 1; iie saw no reason why one of them should not be consecrated to the use of the sanctuary. This pro posal met with great favor, and a committee was appointed to have an automatic organ built to - order, and to select the tunes to be plavcd by it. '. In the course of the .next six months, the new organ arrived and was set up In its place. It was constructed so as to play twenty-two of the best Jwalnr tunes, and the committee, with a view to airs and other entertainment", had instructed the maker to (it It with two secular tunes, namely, a tum wK-ami the phIod from Offenbach's '4Orphee."The arrival of the Instrument created A great deal of excitement in the village, and on the following Sunday hundreds or Methotllsts and worldly people went tothe'Presbyterian meeting- fiAtian wt 1 1 u t x n fr Ii aa naw mAan -It had ben understood that the management of . an automatic organ was a very simple tiling, and as a printed code of instructions was forwarded to .the committee by the maker.it was supposed that no difficulty would be found In inducing the In . strument to play whatever tune might be desired. j-The sex ton, aftertlie. matter was .expjalned.lo rhlm, said that he would "work the thing," and v accordingly took his place by the organ, ready to touch the spring that would set it in motion as .soon as the minister should give out a hymn. The - first hymn given out was to be sung to the well known tune of "Ortonvllle," and the moment the minister had finished reading the hymu theorgaa struck up the tune and the choir sang with enthu siasm. Every bisly was satisfied with the performance - of the organ except the visiting Methodists, who could find . nothing with which to find fault. - When, however, the hymn was finished, the or gan did not stop. It kept on and played two " " more verses, much to the .delight oflihe Metlio dlsts and the chagrin of the committee. When It finally, got through with "Ortohvllle," and the minister arose, and remarking, "let us pray was about to begin a long prayer, the organ un- expectedly burst out with "Windsor.". There was ; no possibility of making any headway with the -prayer In Apposition to the organ, and the minis ter, realizing that fact, sat down and waited for the sexton to stop the machine. The unhappy man tried every means In his power, but he, had forgotten the location of the proper spring, and the organ played on Until It had gone through with 'Windsor" six times, when, to the great re- lief of everybody. It momentarily ceased ' v- ' Again the minister remarked, "Let us pray," but, as before, he was Interruptedly the dreadful organ, which began to play "Coronation," with ' every sign of exulting in its own wickedness. Six verses of that tune were listened to by the anxious Presbyterians, while the visiting Metho dists visibly chuckled andjnne ofrthem remark-, Jng in an audible tone that he did not propose to .. attend a concert on Sunday, took his hat and went out. The organ went on from one tune to another. Every' time It stopped between two successive tunes the minister vainly tried to get his innings, but every time he was beaten and forced to retire. The committee went to th organ loft and tried to stifle the diabolical thing with carpets, but noth . Ing could overcome Its grand, clear tones. At last Its stock of religious melodies were exhausted, and it began to play the "Ileautifullllue Danube." 'The minister, struck with horror at this sacrt leger shut up his Illble with a loud bang, and, .shouting a benediction at the top of his lungs; dis- mlsscAliecougn'gatlonTliey-passe4atJf-iliA building to the strains of Straus, and while they were yet on the threshold "the organ began, the dance musicironi "Orphee." This was more than the minister could bear. Jle seized an axe from a neighboring woodpile, rushed to the choir, and with a few blows stretched the automatic organ a - voiceless ruin .beside him. The committee will, It-1 understood, remove to . other towns, and It wt probably be-years-bef ore a l'reaby terlan will venture to meet a Methodist In the street and en dure the calm smile and the sarcastic question of the latter as to the eondltioiTof the First Presby terian organ. f. Y, Timet. : A young Iadyrsemble Ammunition because iaeTowttcri requireU-beiore Iho LaJl. POETICAL VS. PRACTICAL. MiaiajC " " j Whenever the Suutb wind blow, fUralgbt to lbs ell IT I hie; Jllttle back from the edge. On the brown 4arf, down I lie And there I ponder -and muse ; '.. I hea what the Heutb has to say ; To ms U is seldom hewa, " For I bear It every day. 1 IJlllan thinks Uta the iitlr - . ' Tb eternal aound , of lb sea ; ' ' '' Tl not ol tbe ea but of her, ' ' I " And ber rlryiu love for uio. - y. ' ' J. ii. Jforte, in Srribnrr or Ay.. ; silly cm. . . rri.,...., . On the rock where the llsards lie, ' ' ' Afd Uie.roMea never have sinned,' There atande the (ainlly font 4, ' With bla Ul to the northeast wind. Apd there he ponders and thinks, -And his thoughts are doubtleaa sublime j Uut It la not new, for he stand Tbere jiaually moat of the time. IJlllan aaya tla the sign , Of a alorm ; but I tell her nay Tta only 'a sign that the goat Prefers to atand that way. ' . , Andrew' Bnrnir Cjnie. .'THE EMIUKANT KUOM AKKANHAW, Though grout are all the ktura that draw -In llrud-'a champion combination, The emigrant from Arkamiaw IrWlghlciit In the poiiHtellatlon. He shlnea a rider and a clown, t And, though jfe'rtiH a Ultle coarMC, he Keat Willi the hlKlieat In the town, " lio gladly hol-und-no with lkpwy. Whenever he prf uport snd gain Knacts the role ot carMt-Hgger, Or to extend IiIm jmrty' relitn lKf acrvice an a lullj"niKK,'f, , So well hla nrt he Recnm to ily. Ami such a wealth of artful force be Puts In the Kle, that MHile aay -TJieres none who can compete with lorcy. Soon as he understood the game, Kllence,. IH vision and Addition,. Two rules he added to the same- He now ran Juggle with the rings, . , And gain fronvmany an unknown source he -Can draw at will, and pull the strings That caused the cash to flow to Ircyr " . - Thls emlxrantrora Arkansaw - - r Is ready for Investigation; .,. " lie dreads no vote, he fears no Jaw, . m - . Nor carea foj- puMIe Indignation While others tremble In the dark, -And fear lestih-jr expooe their sorea,.he Is glad to. Ie-a shining mark, SP R I N C AN NO U NCE MEN T I .... n , p 3. lyAN- BEUBDENi . HT-nnl Itml, rertlMsU refjeau ArriTal of a Sew and Well-Select 1 Stock lajmiwOt esssaa DIAMONDS, SILVERWARE, WATCHES AND JEWELRY. DIRECT lUPORtiTIOR Of IHt NEWEST FRENCH, ENGLISH AND AMERICAN PATTERNS. MnkeM (i Hitjlulty oif tlio Muunfucturo of Diamond MountlnffS, , ma217t , -r " NOTICE TO M 1 1aj INEBS. We are now opening our 2T33 ,.or... IYI I L L I KM E RY GOODS! I?0HTE3 DIRECT THOil THE EASTERH IXAOTFACTTKERS, Which we wll. 8ell Lower than Any Other Houee rv . . " on the Coast. ' Special Inducements Offered to Milliners Starting Business. LEWIS & STRAUSS, 1QO First Qtroot, Portland, T. l. HAUKINMr-' ' ' C. AV. PATKItsOS. EAGLE MARBLE WORKS. HARKINS tc PATERSON, 7 ... rilAnd spread the name and fame -of Horsey. He Vifrk Am a. UN EH TO A PREMATURE MOHUl'ITO. Unwelcome Inseet, lhat-wlth feeble wing -Intrudrst-thMa npnn-thje barkwmrd Hprnr A -rental blunder, - ' ' u 'y Brief In this chilly world will be thy stay. And If thou seest the eve of --one eool day,', r Twill be a wonder. v 1 When mother Nature from a bed of slime JHval.ved. UtaaevnU-weeka 4ileety--t4ft, V What freak convulsed her? Why did she send thee, lean and naked, forth To face the biting breesea of the north, ; Without an. ulster f ; With drooping pinion, guiltless of a s lug. Thou seemcstjnowa ioor ainLbruken-UUuv Asking protection ; -Notone whose droning song with night Ix gln. Joyful In dooming heated human skins To Tlvlnertlon. . . ; Thou shouldnt have dH hereafter. In the strife Of angry hands upraised to take thy life And give no quarter,. ' . ' - Sow tjuli k consumption, or hacking cough, When life has scarce begun, will take fUee off, A proto-martyr. ,1' I will not hurt thee.. Innocent, snd young. ".i. 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Hort breeaea blow Hweet odors. to me where I worship now, .1 - It resteth ,now where every eye. may see - The ripest peach' Is garnered sure for me. ... This fruitage of the choices postal clues ', Has reached me here on the orchard grass. -Why why did 1 no torn away In wratt ..And pluck some Job low hanging In my pstaT Because, fomothL I wisely knew shrewd mt The ripest peach must sometime leave tbe tree. .". ... ..-.', Ororfft SlrH (ttiitvimted:. - THE VERY LATEST. , ' . "Do you hive me, sweet f was the wail he wcle, Aa he pyesiod her close to his heart's wild throbbing; Ilocriove'i ncflTdeTirfirate yur aoul? Is your heart with mine simultaneous bobbing V- - Iter. soulful eyes flew up to his face,' '"" f And pierced his -own with their lovely glitter Then soft she murmured with witching grace T" ' -Ito I love you, George T Well, I should twitter r. 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