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About Morning Oregonian. (Portland, Or.) 1861-1937 | View Entire Issue (March 24, 1910)
8 'THE MORXIXG OREGOXIAX. THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 1910. ! : FOBILASU, OREGON. Entered s.t Portland. Oregon, Postofflce as Second-Class Matter. Subscription Rates Invariably in Advance. CBT MAIL..) Dully, Sunday Included, one yearl . . . .$8.00 rally. 6unday Included, six months... Daily. Sunday Included, three months.. '-'- finally. Sunday included, one month ? ' Dally, without Sunday, one year 6.00 rally, without Sunday, six months.... 3.2J .Daily, without Sunday, three months l.ia i Dally, without Sunday, one month....- -;0, t Weekly, one year iiX aSunday. one year r, -' Sunday and weekly, one year -u i (Br Carrier. J Dally. Sunday Included, one year 9 00 .Dally, Bunday Included, one month J How to Remit Send Postofflce money herder, express order or personal check on J your local bank. Stamps, coin or currency J are at the sender's risk. Give postofflce ad j iress in full, including; county and state. I i Fostan Rates 10 to 14 pages. 1 cent; 18 to 28 paces. 2 cents; 30 to 40 page 3 cents; 40 to 60 pases. 4 cents. Foreign postage f double rate. Eastern Business Office The S. C. Beck Jwlth Special Agency New York, room; 48- 30 Tribune building. Chicago, rooms 510-B1-Tribune building. PORTLAND, THURSDAY, MARCH 24, 1910. AX ADMOKI TORY ESCTDENT. Election of a Democrat In one of the strongest Republican districts in Massachusetts to fill a vacancy in the House of Representatives Is an inci dent that attracts attention. While local contentions between factions doubtless had much to do with the result, nevertheless it is plainly an indication of Republican dissatisfac tion with the general situation at Washington. A time had come when the electors in the Massachusetts dis trict felt it incumbent on them to give Notice by their votes that represen tatives at Washington were not ful filling the expectations emphasized by phenomenal majorities when the pres ent Administration was called into power. Few experienced observers believe the Republican party has more than the slenderest possible chance to control the next House. Moreover, it is most probable that Senators will be lost to that party In a considerable number of states. As to the Presi dential election of 1912. the time is too distant to justify speculation about it, since a great many things of first importance may occur between now and that tirqe. In the wage-earning districts, of which this Massachusetts district is a typical example, the advance In prices of nearly all commodities, caus ing unusual and, indeed, hitherto un known increase of the cost of living, is dwelt upon by political orators as a consequence and fault of trust meth ods and tariff legislation. But how to destroy trust methods nobody Is able to say.' Loud as the complaint Is, no body comes forward with a remedy; and so many causes of subtle kinds are in unusual and active operation, to produce advance in prices, that in fluence and effect of trusts and tariff are . unquestionably " exaggerated, in making up the account. ' All food products of the farm are high at the farm: and the general extravagance, resulting from changes In social cus toms and the introduction of innu merable expenses hitherto unknown, push all prices up and keep them at high pitch. The country is more pros perous than ever, before in its history, and high prices attend an active pros perity.. Unless wage-earners can be con vinced that high prices of what they must consume are due to wider causes than politics and laws, multitudes of those who hitherto have acted with the Republican party will vote against It. That may not fetch prices down, it Is true; but if it should, there would soon be dissatisfaction on the other hand with the Democratic party. It can't make much difference, anyway, as matters now stand, whether one party or another shall be nominally in the ascendant; and this feeling is likely to carry over, for a time, many voters to the present party of the minority. An additional motive with many electors is the mere desire of change. For fourteen years, ending with the present Congress, the House, has been Republican; and there are those who have helped to make and to keep it Republican, who now, for novelty, if for no other reason, are very likely to try the expedient of changing their votes. To many in such novelty there is sort of luxury, to be indulged when it may be deemed safe to do so. Such opportunity has not been presented since Grover Cleveland's day. On the behavior of the Democratic party dur ing the next two years will depend the growth and extent of this inclina tion among the electors of the coun try. But it is useless to ignore the fact that the remarkable vote in the Mas sachusetts district has an admonitory emphasis. That district undoubtedly will be Republican again In a general election; but the vote in it is sugges tive that many close districts, on which the Republican majority in the House depends, are very likely to" be carried by the Democrats in November. No one should be surprised to find in the next House of Representatives a Democratic majority of one hundred or more. It would, however, be no argument, for any contention that the country had turned to that party be cause of new confidence in It, but only because there was no other way to register dissatisfaction with things as they are. "ORLD'S GREATEST LOUiER PORT. Fifteen years ago, the export lum ber business out of Portland was of luch Insignificant proportions that the city was hardly mentioned as a lum ber port. It is but little more than a dozen years ago that W. D. Wheel wright, pioneer of the "big cargo" lumber-shippers, dispatched the first 3,000,000-foot cargo that ever went out of the river. Since that time, the growth of the business has been rapid and today Portland holds the record for shipping more large lumber car goes than any other port. In Febru ary, our lumber exporters sent out more than 14.600,000 feet of lumber, and the exports thus far this month have been in excess of 12,000,000 feet, with tonnage of a capacity more than 12,000,000 feet still loading In port. ' This remarkable Increase in the ex port lumber trade from Portland is coincident with a decline in the pro portions of the export trade from Puget Sound ports. Not all of the business that has been lost by the Puget Sound ports has come to Port land,', for Grays Harbor has been a heavy shipper of foreign cargoes and Willapa Harbor Is a prominent fac tor in the coastwise cargo trade. The reason for this shifting of the busi ness from the older ports on Puget Sound to the Columbia River and Grays Harbor is the growing scarcity of logs that are easy of access. Some of the largest mills on Puget Sound have been cutting lumber for the ex port trade for more than fifty years, and nearly all of the big lumber ports on Puget Sound were famous through out the world before Portland was known as a lumber exporting port. Naturally these mills made their first drafts for raw material on the supply nearest at hand, and, for many years when the Industry was young, hand-logging along the banks of the streams was about the only method followed, there being an abundant supply of logs obtainable by this method without the necessity of going very far Into the woods. As the bull team, the donkey en gine and finally the railroad followed the hand-logger, the forest line rap idly receded from the waters' edge and the cost of putting logs into the water increased In keeping with the distance over which it was necessary to move the logs. Under these changed conditions, the neglected timber dis tricts of the Columbia River came to the front, and today logs can be de livered at the export mills in ' this city at a lower figure than at any of the Puget Sound mills. At the rate in which the supply of raw material is being exhausted. It will, of course, be merely a question of time before our own timber resources will feel the effect of the steady drain which the mills are making on the supply. Meanwhile the industry Is placing in circulation, more .money than any other industry. OREGON STREET BRIDGE PIER. Referendum petition against grant of space for the pier of the public bridge at Oregon street has been filed. Very well; If the people of Portland don't want the O. R. & N. to build a bridge there which they may cross on, so let it be. But it may be doubted whether this petition represents the wish of the people of Portland. The O. R. & N. doesn't want to build this section or portion of the bridge say, rather, this additional bridge for use of the city and of the public. If the people don't want the O. R. & N. to build this bridge, they needn't have it. It is easy for blatant roustabouts like Kellaher to get up a petition and get signers for It. Most will sign rather than be bothered with the harangue put up by those who circu late , the paper. But when it comes to marking the ballot it's a very dif ferent thing. Nothing is granted to the railroad by the ordinance which this petition would annul. The grant is for a rest ing place for a pier, for use of the city. Does the city expect the bridge to be built for its use. while It with holds space for the pier on the East Side to rest it on? Some of our mu nicipal statesmen are very peculiar, Indeed. 1ET VOTERS CHOOSE DELEGATES. Any well-founded criticism, 'that delegates to Republican assemblies In Oregon this Summer were not popu larly chosen, will be damaging to the assembly cause and perhaps fatal to candidates involved. The State Cen tral Committee, which on February 12 recommended county assemblies and called for a state convention, had this warning constantly in mind. It advised that delegates to county assemblies be chosen In precinct caucus, so that the county gatherings resulting therefrom shall be widely, representative and re sponsive to popular sentiment. ' This plan was seen to be very necessary, because , county gatherings are to choose the delegates to the state con vention. As an additional guarantee of wide representation in the state gathering, the number of delegates was fixed at more than 1200, which will allow one delegate for every 50 votes cast for Taft. The State Committee did not pre scribe Multnomah's method of select ing delegates to its county assembly, and left this matter to the decision of the county central committee. Some members of the county committee are said to desire that the committee se lect the delegates to the county con vention. This arrangement would certainly not find popular approval as would that of choosing delegates in precinct caucus: It would not disarm criti cism as the precinct meeting plan would do. Precinct gatherings widely advertised, held on a day and at places that all interested Republican voters would know beforehand, would con vince the public that the people and not the bosses were choosing the dele gates and that the delegates would at tend to business strictly in the public Interest. The Multnomah Republican Central Committee will probably not make the mistake that the State Central Com mittee sought to guard the counties against, in its recommendations of February 12. This county's committee is expected to set a day and an hour and a place in eac'n precinct, for the delegate-choosing caucuses. . If any members of the committee disfavor this method, the body of Republicans should look them up and lead them back into the right path. , TAFT AND HUGHES. Persons who like to read more or less subtlety into politics think they see a nice play of unavowed motives in the refusal of Governor Hughes to run for his office again and the urgent desire of President Taft that he should do so. From the point of view of Mr. Hughes, it is quite possible that his political fortunes might be ad vanced faster and farther if he went into retirement for a time than if he were re-elected Governor of New York. If he retires at the close of his term, disasters to the Republican party are pretty sure to follow and these disasters he would naturally re gret; but he might discover consola tions for them. As Governor for an other term, the most he could hope for would be an administration steered with great labor and difficulty through storm and stress to an unsafe haven. Tempest and shipwreck loom on the horizon for' all but the luckiest poli ticians, and it is not entirely certain that the fortunes of Mr. Hughes as Governor for another term would sail the turbulent seas unharmed. But as a sage in , retirement, one who takes no hand In the strife, his position would be most enviable. Everybody would turn to him with a sigh and say, "If only Mr. Hughes had been at the helm, how different the vbyage would have been." He would be the longed-for desideratum, the be wailed and bemoaned panacea, the star of hope, the political Messiah. It Is incredible that Mr. Hughes does not understand all this. Virtuous as he is, he is still no fool. One may imagine that Mr. Taft understands it, too. No doubt his mind is principally and almost wholly occupied with the cares and responsibilities. of ruling this glorious land, but now and then he finds time to think of the future, and glimmering like a diaphanous specter on the far horizon he cannot help dis cerning the figure of the Governor of New York. He would prefer to see that figure mingling in the strife of -politics and taking his share of good and evil, especially evil, rather than hehold it serenely biding its time in retirement. CLASS LEGISLATION? The anti-vaccinationlsts of Califor nia will find some much-needed com fort in Judge) Smith's decision that the law which excludes from the public schools children who have not been vaccinated is unconstitutional. The principle of tne law Is not invalid, it appears. It is defective because it does not apply to private schools. If it did Judge Smith would approve it, we gather. . It must be admitted that his objec tion to the law Is sound. If it Is a good thing for children attending pub lic schools to be vaccinated, it is an equally good thing for those attend ing private schools. If it is bad in one case, it is bad in the other. A child infected with smallpox will communi cate the disease to his companions fully as speedily at a private school as at one supported by public taxation.. No reason can be conceived why a vaccination requirement which is made for one class of pupils should not apply to the other class, except possibly that the California legisla tors found it to their interest not to offend those who control the private foundations. So far as we can see Judge Smith was entirely right in deciding that the restriction of the act to public schools made it class legislation. Moreover, It was class legislation of a singularly discreditable species. If the legisla tors believed that vaccination was a bad thing for school children it-was wrong for them to require it in the public schools. If they believed it was a good thing it was wrong not to require It In the private schools. Upon one horn or the other of this unpleasant dilemma, they can hardly avoid empalement. KEEPiyo THE PEACE. Common sense compels one to agree with Mr. Taft that peace is best se cured by keeping the country prepared to fight. Advocates of disarmament remind us that an unaggressive indi vidual may pass through a mob of ruffians unharmed even if he carries no arms. Indeed, he Is safer without arms than with them, and they wish us to conclude that the same rule ap plies to nations. The more peaceable and helpless they are the greater their security. Happy would it be for mankind If this were the case, but it is not. An unarmed Individual is safe in a crowd of ruffians because he neither irritates them nor excites their cupidity. If he did either, they would soon make an end of him. We must observe, too, that mankind as a collection of Individuals has been trained for some centuries in at least a pretense of fairness and conslderateness. On the other hand, mankind as a group of nations has consistently repudiated fairness and has not even made a pre tense of practicing justice.. The law has been for every nation to take whatever it wished if it had the power, and the world has made no effectual protest. The fact is undeniable also that every nation, large or small, possesses at least one thing which every other nation desires, and that is land. No matter how peaceably disposed the population of a country may be, the natural increase of its numbers will ultimately create land hunger. The primitive impulses of savagery are re established in spite of everything, and then let its weaker neighbors look, out for themselves. They may preach and plead and descant upon the beauties of peace as much as they please, but, If they wish to retain what belongs to them, they must fight for it. The parallel between an unarmed country therefore, and the sweet-tempered man who insinuates his harmless way through a howling mob is inexact. It would be much more accurate to com pare every nation to a man .carrying a bag of gold through a band of thieves. The gold is .safe only as long as he is able and willing to shoot. Mr. Taft thinks that we may per haps be able to pause in the building of warships after the Panama Canal Is finished and- our Navy has been doubled. Of course, that will depend on what other nations may be doing at that time. If they continue the competition in sea power, how can we Btop them any more' than now? The truth of the matter is that the necessity for building' warships is one from which there seems to be no way of escape. It is all very well to say that unless it ceases the nations will become bankrupt. Undoubtedly they will. The industries of the world can not indefinitely support the drain of armaments, especially since it ''in creases every year; but on the other hand, how can they escape from it? Mr. Taft says he stands ready to fol low the good example of any nation which will begin to disarm, provided all other countries will follow it. too. Every other ruler, even the German Emperor, says the same thing. ' The world is caught in a vicious circle. To keep moving in It seems ruinous. To escape from it seems impossible. It is a harder riddle- than the Sphinx ever dreamed of. The Spokane "terminal rate" fight, which has caused so much bitterness among the business interests of the city, is to be submitted to the voters at a special election to be held in June. The heaviest shippers of Spo kane and the people who are most fa miliar with the economip laws which govern rate making, understand the folly of attempting to force the Mil waukee and North Coast railroads to grant "terminal rates" so long as Spo kane is not a terminal city, and other roads already built will not and can not grant such rates. A great volume of misleading theory on the matter has been circulated by some of the Spo kane newspapers and It, is not sur prising that the real facts In the con tention are imperfectly understood. The result of the June election will de pend largely on the energy and skill of those who undertake the campaign of education which seems to be neces sary to make some Spokane people un derstand that they cannot enjoy water competition rates until water carriers discharge freight at Spokane. . Whether the long hat pin is a nec essary weapon of defence, or merely an .ugly, unnecessary implement for removing the eyes or jabbing the fea tures of those who get within the range of its sweep is a question on which opinions differ in the East. The Washington, D. C, police authorities state t"hat it is very necessary that the women of the capital city be provided with long hat pins. In Chicago the City Council makes it a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of $60 for a wo man to wear one of the offending pins. The Washington, D. C, excuse for the long hat pin seems to be more logical than any that could be offered. In Chicago, hat pins are not worn as weapons of defence. Still, the bowie knife, properly handled, could make as effective a puncture as the modern weapon and it was quite a favorite in the South before the long hat pin or even Chicago was heard of. Census Supervisor Robert W. Hill, of Seattle, is arranging for a reason ably comfortable place on which to alight after the explosion which will follow his failure to find more than 300,000 people in the Elliott Bay me tropolis. He discloses acute knowl edge of human nature especially Se attle human nature In the state ment that "People with optimistic views begin counting the increase each successive year after a census is taken, and add a little too much each year, until by the end of the decade they have swollen their estimates far be yond the actual growth of population." Seattle is not .the only city that is scheduled for a shock when the final returns are all in, but census optimism has probably run higher there than at any other city on the Pacific Coast. Seattle is ambitious to put herself, on the census, into the class of cities exceeding 300,000. We could wish she might, but she will not. All her exhibit over 200,000 will be a contri bution to her greatness; but her real struggle will be to beat 200,000. It may be done, if Georgetown and other suburbs can be got into the city in time. The registered vote of Seattle, and her school census, indicate a pop ulation of about 200,000. The show ing may be and doubtless will be helped by "padding" the Japanese population. Even so, 200,000 people are a good many. The great fault of the Hindus seems to be a pestiferous eagerness to work. The dusky alien who dares to insult self-respect of the free-born American by stooping to manual toll when he might beg or steal deserves to have his head broken and his pocket picked. It is astonishing that the British Con sul cannot take a rational view of these matters. If the Congressional insurgents re ally wish to be represented on the new rules committee there is an easy way to accomplish it. They need only se cure a majority of the votes in the House and the deed is done. If the majority is against them what right have they to complain? If nothing more can be done on the Madison-street bridge till the river falls it is not likely that the bridge will be completed this year. It will be August, perhaps September, till the water is much lower than now. Time was fooled away last Fall and early Winter, when the water was low. The Portland man who thinks he has made a great discovery In learn ing that sterilized fruit will not decay would find it highly instructive to study the career of Louis Pasteur. That erudite Frenchman discovered the same thing some decades ago. Speaker Cannon now, shorn of power, doesn't feel any responsibility for the course of legislation. He is Indifferent, therefore a new experi ence for the Speaker of the House. It never has been known before, since the beginning of our Government. Let nobody fear that Gifford Pln cho.t, getting near to Roosevelt, will induce Roosevelt to go back on Taft. Taft, let it not be forgotten,- was Roosevelt's selection for the Presi dency. And a good and sensible selec tion it was. If conservation treated Guggen heims and settlers as equals, there would not be so much complaint. But conservation enables only the Gug genheims to buy the use of the re sources. Moore started a bank with less than $7000 and kept it going a number of year. We wonder if all persons who are still making a big show with other persons' money will reach their finish. The husband of the North Yakima woman who put four diamonds in her stocking and lost them while shopping, if he said anything at all, probably ejaculated. "Darn it!" Champ Clark says that the next House of Representatives will probably be Democratic. But what have the American people ever done to deserve a fate like that? Dr. Cook Is certainly a brave man to be coming home from South Amer ica at the time that the big-stick foe of the Ananias Club is coming back from Africa. ' Gifford is hastening to Teddy to tell all about Ballinger. But we imagine that Teddy years ago acquired his opinion about "tattle-tales." Anyway, the alleged comet has en abled a lot of persons to air their knowledge of the world's Ignorance about astronomy. A local mental scientist says fear brings disease. Well, many people fear poverty all their lives and die poor. . Carnegie may start a paper. A great many persons need that kind of charity. Some persons fear weather that never comes, especially this time . of year. Concerning Pinchot, Roosevelt has nothing to say Just now. Oldfleld breaks a world's record and others break their neck WHAT BETTER. CAESAR T A Democratic Journal Kany a to Hold the Mirror Up to Republicans. -Charleston S. C.) News and Courier. In some subtle way. the Republicans of the Middle West have been able to change the distrust of Republicanism itself into an attack on Cannon person ally, so much so that candidates in that part of the country have offered as pro Cannon or anti-Cannon. The effort to spread the Impression that the evils of our present system of government are incarnate in the person of the Speaker have been singularly success ful, and the hope of many seems to be directed entirely to the elimination of Cannon from public life. Has Cannon-changed the rules of the House? He has not. Is Cannon respon sible for the principle, now dominant in our Government, that the manufactur ers must be protected at any cost, no matter how the people suffer? He is not. Is .Cannon responsible for the ex travagance that has made the ordinary revenues of the Government insuffi cient to meet ordinary expenditures? He is not. It is true that he is the pliant instrument of the majority in the sense that he stands for all that Republicanism has stood for In America since 1SB0. Republicanism has stood for the pillage of the public, and Can non is a Republican. Republicanism has stood for the enrichment of the few at the expense of "the many, and Cannon is a Republican. Republicanism has stood for special privilege, for mon strous land frauds, for dishonest offi cials, for broken promises, for section alism In administration, for absurd pension lists, for everything that ought not to be and for nothing that ought to be, and Cannon is a Republican. It is absurd to object to Cannon and indorse the plundering and blundering party that he represents. As Repre sentative Kitchln says: "What better Caesar do you promise us?" Cannon Is a mere accident; it is Republicanism It self that stands pilloried before the country. It Is Republicanism itself that at last is naked and hideous. It is Re publicanism itself that has violated all promises, debauched the Government and entirely Ignored the interests of the people. Of what use la It to over throw a figurehead unless the ship go with it? Until Republicanism itself Is overthrown there is no hope for the people: until then special privilege will be in the ascendancy in Washington. OREGON APPLES AMAZE BOSTON. Which Leads to an Appeal on Behalf of New England. Boston Herald. The concourse of wondering New Englanders which daily views the mar velous specimens of apple growing from the Pacific Coastal plain at the Summer-street exhibition, are being told that there is no place in the world where such apples can be grown as Washington and Oregon: that a little place of ten acres, and the little work necessary to attend Its phenomenal ap ple crop will furnish a good living in come for any family. Incidentally they are told that the land "out there" can be bought for the low, small and in significant sum of $400 per acre. Also, incidentally, they are shown pictures of Improved land, with bearing orchards and buildings thereupon which sell at $2000 per acre. Acres of diamonds. Every New Eng lander Is thereby Impressed with the great ' desire to go West and share in the fruits of this new Eldorado. It is a tempting proposition, especially when the great symmetrical Arkansas Black fruit and the juicy Wlnesaps are ex hibited in overwhelming profusion, and you know that each apple would bring anywhere from 8 to' 15 cents at the corner fruit store. But what about New England? W. D. Gibbs. of the New Hampshire College of Agriculture, rightly termed New Eng land the "virgin soil" of the country. For when fertility and general ad vantages are all considered, the cheap est soil is to be found within 100 miles of Boston. Besides the opportunity on the old abandoned farms, there are libraries to be had In almost every country district center; there are good highways, better railroad and trolley accommodations, besides the many ad vantages of settled community living. New England was once famous for her apple crop. Hubbardston has a Na tional reputation by way of her "None such" trees. The climate formerly was highly extolled as the great producer of "fine-tasted apples." But that is all changed, and the farmer with little or no faith in his holding is easily car ried off by the Western propagandists. The very cream of our agriculturists has been carried off In a" succession of waves of Western emigration. The youth of our- farms has been drawn away by the cities and their factories as well. And the result is an oppor tunity in New England's rural districts today that would make gruff old Hor ace Greeley take back his other words and make the saying "Come East, Young Man, Come East." Alphabet of Health. Atchison Globe. ' Abstain from intoxicating liquors. Breathe good air. Consume no more food than the body requires. Drink pure water. Exercise daily. Find cqngenial occupation. . Give the body frequent baths. Have regular habits. Insure good digestion by proper mas tication. Justify right living by living right. Keep your head cool and your feet warm. Make definite hours of sleep. Never bolt your food. Overexerclse Is as bad as underexer cise. Preserve an even temperament. Question the benefit of too much medicine. Remember, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Sacrifice money, not health. Temperance in all things. Under no condition allow the teeth to decay. Vanish superstition. Worry not at all. X-tend the teachings of this alphabet to others. Yield not to discouragement. Zealously labor in the cause of health and gain everlasting reward. How Ciphers Rule a Census. Chicago Inter-Ocean. Few realize how many potential mos quitoes they kill with one blow. Of course, at the time it is only one mo squito, but If undisturbed for six months its progeny would be 3.000,000,000,00olw0, 000. 000.000.000. ooo.ooo. 000,000'. Miss M. E. Smallwood. a teacher at the Lane Technical School, told the members of a woman's society all about it in a talk on "Household Pests." "The mosquito lays between 200 and 400 eggs every ten days," she said. "Taking the usual minimum and supposing that ten days later every one of the progeny lays as many more, in six months all of its descendants would number about three with 39 ciphers after it. I don't know what to call that number, but that's it." Berlin Is an Idler's Paradise. Berlin Corr. Westminster Gazette. The finances of Berlin are in an even worse state than those of the empire and of Prussia. One reason for the enor mously increased expenditure is the reck less way In which Berlin supports all sorts of victims of misfortune or of Idle ness. More than a fifth of the children living in the orphan asylums have both parents living; the town shelters and sup ports thousands who have no claim upon the town; vagabonds in all parts of the empire hear of Berlin's reputation for In dlacrlmlpite charity and crowd thither. "COLLIER'S WEAKLY" A EW JOKE Burlesque by William Collier, Actor, on a Weil-Known Muckraker. New York Times. When the editors of Collier's Weekly reached their offices one recent morning what looked like a new number of their periodical was lying on their desks. On the cover was the figure of a young man In mining costume, and just over his left shoulder a crimson star. None of the editors recalled ever having seen an artist's proof of that illustration. More over, it wasn't the day for a new issue of Collier's. Beneath the name "Collier's" in bold faced letters were the words "The Irra tional Weakly," and at the bottom of the front page the date April 1. Also below the figure of the young man In miner's attire they read "Not drawn by Maxfleld Parrish," and still lower down, "Given Away For Ten Cents." The edi tors hastily scanned the 16 pages of Col lier's Irrational Weakly, and a light dawned upon them. It was not their magazine at all, but a clever burlesque, published by William Collier, the actor, not entirely In a spirit of fun, but as a daring means of getting back at Collier's Weekly and some of the other magazines for their recent attacks on the com mercialism of the American stage. It was Collier's picture in mining costume which appeared in startling colors on the cover page. The editorial page of the Irrational Weakly confessed that the publication is entered "in the waste basket as- second class matter." The "feature" article is "The American Stage Exposed," by "A. Muckrake." in which the author tells of an investigation of the American stage with the result that he finds it shock ingly commercialized and the actors ac tually accepting real money for their work. Even playwrights write for money here, and the managers themselves were caught with the goods, as the author sets forth in a wealth of detail. National affairs are dealt with in The Irrational Weakly in a manner which seeks to poke fun at the department In Collier's Weekly under that head. Under the heading "Comment on Congress by John L. Sullivan" appears: "The week In Congress, as in other American Legislatures, usually begins on Tuesday or Wednesday and ends on Fri day, as the great American institution is home life. Congressmen whose homes are too far away for these week-end re unions go to New York. Several Broad way restaurants aim to supply the com forts and atmosphere of home to these unfortunate men. Saturday' night Is bath night in Congress, as in New England." That five-foot book shelf and "The Har vard Classics" of Collier's Weekly finds a prototype in The Irrational Weakly un der the title, "The Yale Classics, a Liter ary Symphony; or. the Roy grafters Put to the Bad." A classic is announced as a book that everybody talks about but nobody reads. Here are the Yale classics: Did Bacon Write Henry James? Nick Carter in 41144 Vols. Deadwood Dick. Old Cap Collier. Jack Harkaway. Shortey Stories. Buffalo Bill's Last Biff. Calamity Jane Working Girl's Revenge. Beans I Have Eaten In Boston. The Noisy Streets of Philadelphia. Actors Who Tell Their Real Salaries Vi Volume. Who's Who in Whapperinger's Falls. What's What n Elmlra. Vulgarity as an Aid to Con-Men. By Old Mother Hubbard. (Bound In extra limp leather ooze.) It's It in Ipswich ' Julius Cahn's Guyed Book. Three Weeks from Next Friday. Sanford Ink and Merton Mush. Hoyle on the Blink. Custer's Last Slide. Chicago Sun Sets. An American at Home. By William Waldorf Astor. Plays, Punk and Piffling. By O. Shaw. William Collier, the actor-publisher, ad mitted in his dressing room that, having thoroughly investigated the commercial depravity of the stage and finding it guilty, he felt that his literary labors for the season were partially fulfilled at least and that he had returned to his first love the stage with, as he expressed It. "malice from none and charity from all." Knee Breeches for Men Are Here. New York Dispatch. Men's clothes generally in all the up-to-date shops are being built on more natural lines and the popularity of tight sleeves, short-waisted coats, "poke" collars that suggest the high collars in the period of the '50s and "twice around" neck scarfs, in appear ance not unlike the stock In the olden days, indicate how radical the changes are. Even knee breeches are now popular for evening dress. One concern in this city recently received orders for 30 suits of evening dress, with special Instructions about the nif.ty knickerbockers that were to re place the long trousers that are so easily wrinkled. At the formal dinners and balls the "knlckerbockered bri gade" will be very welcome, and later, perhaps, the "short clothes" will be quite the thing for the opera. Steps are being retraced, too, in the matter of the color of evening clothes. Dark blue and deep purple material is to be found In the leading shops. Those Fool Republicans. Aberdeen (Wash.) World. So far the Democrats in the House have played their part In the little drama that has been enacted there with consum mate skill. But they have been strict partisans. They could, of course, have done nothing without a first defection in Republican ranks. This they have en couraged and aided. Themselves they remain true to party. Suppose now they get into power. Will they retain the new rules committee Idea? Who is so foolish as to think it? The situation is delightful from a Dem ocratic standpoint. Responsibility for legislation falls not on the Democrats, but on the Republicans. Future war is certain In Republican circles, and when the fight is on next Fall, the Democrats can go home, claim due credit for the overthrow of "Cannonlsm," and at the same time shift the burden for anything done or left undone by Congress. Table Represents a Barnyard. New York Dispatch. Twenty young women enjoyed one of the first Chantecler luncheons given in New York, in the Venetian dining room of the Hotel Gotham, and Miss Hurlbut, daughter of Mrs. William H. Hurlbut, was hostess. The table was laid to represent a barnyard scene, with miniature chickens and other fowls, owls, frogs and rabbits, over a cloth strewn with ferns. There was a tiny bede of roses, and in the center of the table was a large pheasant made of candy. The favors were fluffy toy chickens, and the Ices were molded in the shape of chickens. To "Choke Off Futilities." New York Evening Post. Sober consideration of the endless difficulties that in these modern days stand in the way of effective dispatch Of Congressional business has convinced thinking men In general that rules must be such as to permit the chok ing oft of futilities of various kinds; and in our system this choking off must be done chiefly through the power of the Speaker. Even in the House of Commons, where the general conduct of affairs is in 'the hands of the Min istry, closure has been found a neces sary instrument The Best.. Hartford Times. One strong magazine, or one strong newspaper, or one strong Insurance com pany Is worth a dozen weak magazines, or a dozen weak newspapers, or a dozen weak Insurance companies. LIFE'S SUNNY SIDE Glenn H. Curtiss. at a recent aviation dinner, said of the Wrights good-hu-moredly: "They don't own the air, you know. Did you hear about that conversation that was overheard between them at the Day ton -plant? " 'Orville,' cried Wilbur, running out of doors excitedly, 'look! Here's another aviator using our patent!' " "He certainly is!" shouted Orville. 'That's our simultaneous warping and steering movement to a T!' " 'Call a cop!' screams Wilbur. 'Get another Injunction!' " "But Orville. who had looked up through his binocular, laid his hand gent ly on his brother's arm. " 'Come on back to work. Wilbur," he said, 'It's a duck.' "Washington (D. C.) Star. Henry Arthur Jones, the English play wright, was giving the students of Yale an address on the drama. "Your American vernacular Is pictur esque." he said,, "and it should help your playwrights to build strong, racy plays; but neither vernacular nor anything else is of moment if perseverance Is lacking. "No playwright t.-an succeed who is like a man I know. 1 said to the man one New Year's day: " 'Do you keep a diary, Philip?' "Yes." he answered. 'I've kept one for the first two weeks in January for the last seven years.' " Indianapolis Star. A clever young Philadelphia lawyer. Al bert Strange, had as his guest last week an Englishman. The Englishman asked some serious questions as to the status of the legal practitioner in this country, and the lawyer answered him with witty flippancy. "When I die," he said. "I shan't have my name on my tombstone. I'll have In scribed instead. 'Here lies an honest lawyer,' and every one who reads it will say, 'Why, that's strange.' Somewhat to the surprise of the young attorney, the Englishman saw the Joke at once, and laughed long and loudly. This was the cleverest of all the clever sayings he had heard, he declared, since he crossed the pond. Americans were brilliant, there was no doubt about that, and young Albert Strange was the most brilliant of them all. The next day he had luncheon with a friend of the lawyer, and asked him If he had heard the story about the tombstone. The friend said that he had not, and the Englishman was delighted. "Then I'll tell it to you," he said. "It's the funniest story I've ever heard In all my life. By Jove, I've been laughing ever since I heard It. Strange says that when he dies he won't have to have his name on his tombstone. He'll have instead, 'Here lies an honest lawyer.' "And then every one who sees It will say, 'How very extraordinary.' " He burst into spasms of mirth and gazed at his grave-faced companion, who was plainly puzzled. "You chump, can't you seek a yoke?" said the Englishman. "Why don't you laugh?" Philadelphia Times. e A shiftless colored boy named Ransom Blake, who, after being caught in a num ber of petty delinquencies, was at last sentenced to a short term In a peniten tiary, where he was sent to learn a trade. On the day of his return home he met a friendly white acquaintance, who asked: "Well, what did they put you at in the prison, Ranse?" "Dey started In to make an honest boy out'n me, sah." "That's good, Ranse, and I hope- they succeeded." "They did. sah." "And how did they teach you to be honest?" "Dey done put me in the shoe shop, sah. nailln' pasteboard onter shoes fo' leather soles, sah." Exchange. . A young college man, city bred and raised, answered the call for harvest hands In Kansas. Reaching a farmhouse late at night, he was promised work and assigned to a room. It seemed to him that he had hardly fallen asleep when he was asked to get up. Disgustedly the young man dressed himself In the dark ness, and, .picking up his grip, walked downstairs. 1 "Say, there, young feller." said the farmer, trying to be helpful, "you don't need to take your valise out to the field with you." "I know It." replied the young man tartly. "I'm going to look for a place to stay all night." Success Magazine. Bishops of the Church of Rome have robes which no lesser dignitary of the church may wear without committing sacrilege. The story is told of Bishop O'Donaghue. who Is shortly to remove from Indianapolis to take charge of the Louisville diocese, that he was visited one day by a negro preacher of a Protes tant denomination. It Is characteristic of Bishop O'Donaghue to see every one, and the colored minister was shown !n. "I would liks to borrow one of your robes," said the colored man. with vis sions of a beautiful red robe In mind. Want to hang yourself?" said the bishop, facetiously. "No. sir: no. siree: I don't want to hang myself, but I thought If you would loan me one I'd have my wife make one Just like it." "What good purpose would that serve?" asked the bishop. "Why, pshaw. Mr. Bishop. It would cer tainly make the colored folks in my con gregation sit up and hallelujah for de kingdom come." Indianapolis News. The Democratic Opportunity. Mobile (Xla.) Register. Why cannot the Democrats take advan tage of their opponents' weakness? They can do so if they will but adopt sound and conservative policies and nominate a man whose life, character and public utter ances command the approval of the con servative men of the country. Shall we go on forever making blunders that help the foe? Shall we fail again to under stand that Democracy has a mission to perform, and that that mission is in line of conservatism and not radicalism? In the name of all that is good and profitable, let Bryan and Bryanism and all that It stands for be not only set aside but distinctly repudiated. It never was sound Democracy, and can never be dressed up so as to deceive the people Into believing that It is the real thing. Again and again the people have rejected it, preferring to keep the Republican party in office to venturing upon experi mental politics. Now Is the time to get out of this slough of despond; recall old and tried principles to mind, adopt a stralghtout tariff reform policy, and go to the people with a leader who can command public confidence. It Is a great opportunity. Heaven grant our leaders the wisdom to embrace It! A Diet of Wild Honey Is Tiresome. . National Geographic Magazine. With honey as a change is an agree able sweetmeat, but after a few days constantly partaking of It the Euro pean palate rejects it as nauseous and almost disgusting. Our experience ex tended over a fortnight, during which period our food consisted solely of It and maize. It has escaped the Biblical commentators that one of the principal hardships that John the Baptist must have undergone was his diet of wild honey. Music Helps to Make Cigars. South Bethlehem, Pa., Dispatch. Sustaining the logic of Dixie, where mu sic makes darkies in groups work faster, the Collosseum cigar factory here has put In a pipe organ, worked by electric ity, to try Its continuous music on several hundred white employes.