THE DAILY CAPITAL JOURNAL, SALEM. OREGON. SATURDAY. JAN. G, 1917.
IBNUCILE Jim
Tells -Mew Me AmpHatthe Woke STMPE&-'
f I MA' NT GOT TH'V E WOT 'S fei$r (St3m5 j"
wiM yy
Man and boy, afore the mast, I've stood con-sid-er-able abuse
in my time, but I'm no hand to complain, not me, but when Cap
tain Soakum o' th brig Dancin' Sally, ordered me V lay twenty
nine stripes on my old mate Bill, I rebelled, I did, an' you can lay
to that.
I never see th master o' a craft take on as did this same Cap
tain Soakum. It was sumpin ter-rif-ic t' see, but that night arter
we'd been clapped in irons wot d'ye s'pose, if that ape o' Bill's
didn't sneak down t' th' bulkhead there 'ith a lantern an' turned
us loose.
Arter drif tin' out o' sight o' th' vessel on a sort o' raft th'
se-gacious critter had rigged up, stove my sides if we didn't bump
into a school o' man-eaters that 'us a caution, an' if Bill ha'n't
brought along th' ship's ax, which he most generally always did,,
we'd a been swamped sartin.
i ANY APE MEAT Bit.7
fwe'Bt savedI '" " " SnvE thought '
J Sh-ST Li jM youd come baC. "-tH- parbot pio
fpgm&$i M fm? s.lU cr J ,
" lnterntionl Cartoon Co.. N Y. 178
Arter three weeks 'ithout sightin' a sail th' supplies run out,
j an' poor Bill's mind begun to wander in his head. At mess-time
I he'd think o' th' crew safe an' snug on board th' Dancin' Sally
an' say 'at Captain Soakum wusn't such a bad man at heart arte
,all, an then he'd abuse that poor ape shameful.
Just as things 'us githin' desprit an' sumpin' had t' be done,
an' it looked like th' ape, poor feller, that animal, who'd been
knin' a uncommon night lookout, sighted a full rigged ship an
we proceeded t' make signs o' distress, if dancin' a hornpipe can
be considered sich.
Well, sir, w,e 'us that glad t' git aboard 'at we never took bur
bearin's nor noticed the trim o' th' craft, an' blow me a breeze
if it wusn't no more nor less than that same Dancin' Sally 'ith
Captain Soakum in charge. Well, to wind up a long story short,
Bill an' me wore stripes from that 'ere ca,t-o'-pine-tails for many
a lonir dav arter. " - - -
I m I He INc W-UMtiK
Hi
3
MKKl.k S. BRANNON.
HKN flrBt h saw her
sho mp seated on
the low wooden !
stoop of the poor '
farm, the Bunny Bide
wlurs soft silver:
a u n h h I u Altered :
through the verdant
green of young bud-1
dtng tree. By her
aide wan an Indian
basket tilled with old
potato which she waB preparing for
Hid noonday meal. She glanced up
M the stranger, the newcomer to the
home, sauntered around the house, j
his arms plunged Into his pockets up I
to his elbow. A little old man he
was. sullen of face, rather unattrac-!
tlve In every respect save a sort of
human expression In his ey's when i
they spoke of th past, not the fu-1
lure, j
He glanced at her, noted the blue
f her yes, saw th faded pink of
au ofttlmo washed pink apron, even
the patch thereon. Then he sat down,
drawing a Jack-knife from his troua
r pocket and whetting it on hut
kwivy Bhot preparatory to peeling po
tato c ft, too.
"How do you tand ltT" he blurted
out by way of an Introduction. ''I
came last night, and I have been over
vary Inch of the plaoe, and I can't,
I simply can't stand It I Just came
from the second floor and while walk
ing there I saw"
"1 kuow," the added." It la quite a
hock to see thos plno coffins, the
very last thing that awaits us on
earth. I have seen quit a few leave
this place, and have watched them
takon over to the 'Place' a we call
It, and seen them lowered Into the
earth ' But I can stt here, look up,
see the sky, hear the birds and some
how or other I forget that other part.
Only It was Yry, very ami to bear at
tret,"
"It Is," he ejaculated dismally, then
picked out a second potato and (at
ry quiet while paring It
jJhe had no intention of saying any
thing of the past. Instinctively she
realized the depths of the little man'
woes. Who. she wondered, was he?
Then Instantly go recalled her com
ing Into the home. Ill at the time,
friendless, hopelessly alone, bereft of
husband, children, relatives, It was
imperative. Never could Bhe forget
that day when they brought her to
the poor farm. It was the Itth day of j
April, and the trees were sending'
aMtl I ' i . . i FI...U lilnaunrtia 1 ul.i
that night a light spring snow fell,
and us sho gazoti from her window at
the rear of her new home she very
naturally tomrared these elemental
conditions, to her own life spring
flowers touched by the snow-white
hands of winter.
The man possessed no Imaginative
powers. He had been an ordinary
man, conteut in his little home. Then
she, the only woman in his life of any
consequence, had died, and his chil
dren svero acattered over the t".
not oue wauting the old man!
After a long Interval he told her
about it, then closed the Jack-knife
hastily and strode down the walk to
the wide gate at th front of the
yard.
Bhe watched him, remembering as
he did so, that at a very early date
he, too, had taken the lume lonely
walk. But one day she found In the
corner of the yard a sad-looking little
Michigan rambler rose. It wanted to
grow and it had no possible oppor
tunity, Bhe gathered It up tenderly,
looked at the bitten leaves, then she
tralued It up over Uie tenoe and tied
It In places with ptece of twine to
hold It In place. Carefully she dug
around its deep roots, and as tender
ly she cleaned the leaves so that by
the time the little buds opeued'the
leave were a brilliant green back
' ground to the pale pink blossoms. It
! was the ouly flower in the yard. On
afternoon an automobile stopped at
the gate, the women came into the
house where they eang to and prayed
for the inmates. When leaving, the
matron accompanied them down the
walk, then returned jo the house and
procured a pair of eoissors. She cut
her rose from that one bush and
gave them to the young woman who
o ardently admired them) How sad
ly true, "To them who hath not shall
be taken away."
Tears of angry resentment filled
1 the eyes of the little woman who had
watched the roses as carefully as a
mother watches her babes. Why
should any wcunan take from thorn tho
only thing on the place which made
It possible to believe there was a
Qod? She went down to the rose
buBh, looked at it lovingly, then
blipped back to her room to cry.
That winter was Intolerable to her.
She stole the crumbs from her plate
for her pets that oanve to her win
dow, the ofily living thing that meant
a part of the old time world; and tho
matron stormed upon her and Bhe
had to leave the little harbingers to
their fate, though they called and
called to her from the wlndow-f!l,
but nothing could she give.
Sho had no more pets. What was
the uae? She went about the home
ly tasks assigned her, but nothing
they did took from her any of her In
nate sense of light heartodno. Let
fate be ever o unkind, she could And
samething which made It worth her
while to be cheerful.
Spring merged Into summer and the
little old man, miserable all the time,
would walk around to the stoop and
talk with her when there was an op
portunity. He was dull enough in
his way, and she knew it, but she
reasoned that ho desired to talk with
some person, and why should it not
be herself? True, be did nothing but
make complaint, quite a departure
from her sunny replies, hut at any
rate they were congenial.
One hot morning durlug the Bum
mer he came to the stoop and found
her mirring. She was 111. It was
many days before he saw her, and
when hi did he w as surprised at the
ad little figure who sat pathetically
noar her usual work. But when he
came up to hr he looked up and
smiled. Then he realized that her
smile meant a great deal to him, that
she had been smiling for many month
I and he had never noticed before. So
he smiled back, acted almost human,
i and sank down beside her, anxious to
. perform any little task for her sake.
to help her with what must be an
arduous duty.
"My Lord, but I want peach pie," he
remarked. "Can you make peach
pie?"
She laushod JlaMlx. "1 ought to
know' now tor I suppose I have made
hundreds, yes thousands of good pies
in my time. Fred said I made the best
pies in the world. But you'll never
get pies here. First we haven't the
fruit, lard is so expensive, and I don't
imagine they would use sugar o lav
ishly. I have wanted pie myself so
often that It 1b as true as I live that
sometimes I di earn I am making them,
and sometimes I get a bite before I
am awake."
"My old woman made the beet cus
tards. Why when I took a spoonful
up it Just quivered like Jelly. Lord,
I do wish I had a saucerful Just now.
When I think of hot potatoes, hot
bread, hot tomatoes, hot everything,
I could stand up and swear by note. I
OLD MARTIN,
wast custard. Are they expensive?
Nor she replied. Of course,
when egg are not plentiful they are
I always used three egg to a quart
of new milk- and never missed it
but we dont have 'em here."
"When I was a boy at borne," be
continued, "mother made an apple pie
that she put butter on, and she gave
that to me with a glass of milk with
the cream sticking to the glass. Oh,
Lord, I can taste It now. Cut you
make an apple pie?"'
Again she smiled, then chuckled. "I
said I could make any kind of a pie.
How would a cinnamon roll with cur.
rants taste in it today?" she asked
teaslngly,
His eyes drew down into a little
pucker on eaoh side of his unshapely
face, and his lips drew up into a comic
pucker, but there was a smile In the
poor old seamed face.
"I'd give my chance in heaven fori
it," waa nis nasty reply,
But the summer passed and they
had no pie. The fall came with its
dreary falling of rusty leave, and
when snow capped the hills once
nibro there were fewer coffins in the
warerooin and a few more vacancies
at the two long wooden tables. But
the little old lady with her ever pres
ent smile, and the little old man
waiting, Just waiting, came and went
with the usual regularity of a piece
Of machinery which drives back and
forth like a slow piston rod.
One day be oame no more. He had
gone from the home, and she missed
Elm. He never said good-bye to her
and that hurt her. No one seemed to
say anything concerning him, and she
did not ask. Then spring oame once
more and, as usual, she pared pota
toes while sitting on the sunny stoop.
It was there she was gjated one
day when be arrived and came as
quickly as his years would permit
him to find her.
"Say," he began, "when J left here I
had to go in a hurry, but I come bach
for you. A relative of mine died and
left me a few thousand dollars and I
have had a long tussle to get my
share, but I have It good and tight in
the bank, and now I want you. !
have never forgot your talk about
making pies and puddings, and I am
going to have them."
That afternoon the queer little cou
ple lined up before the marriage
clerk's window. Youthful lovers look
ed at them and some laughed aloud,
little thinking that, perhaps. In noma
remote years they might experience
some of the sorrows that fall in step
with old age.
"Your name?" Inquired the clerk.
"Thomas R. Martin,"
"Occupation?"
"I ain't doing a thing and don't In
tend to I I'm rich!"
"The lady's name?"
"I'll swan, I don't know. Ssy, what's
your name? I never thought to ask
you.''
"Mrs. Beulah Hanson," she whis
pered low, Then the marriage li
cense was handed out at several
young persons hastily pushed the
happy old couple ahead.
From Jokeland
What It Teaches.
"The life of the average great man
is an object lesson," remarked the
home-grown philosopher.
"What's the answer?" queried the
party of the dense part.
"It teaches the rest of us that
there's no excuse tor our not being
great," explained the philosophy dispenser,
Wemstt the Waitress,
"A woman," remarked th Wise
widow, "U always waiting for a hus
band." "How do you figure that outr"
queried the interested spinster,
"If she isn't married," answered the
w. w., "she is waiting to get one, and
if she Is, she's always waiting tor him
to come home."
- e
Not So Bad.
"Th" feller what went V congress
frum (his deestrict sent me a whole
passel uv garden seeds," said the pes
simist granger, "an not a gosh blam
ed one ur 'em ever come up, by
grass 1 "
"Ob, well," replied the opttmlstio
proprietor of the crossroads grocery,
"you ain't got no kiek oomfn', He
might hare sent you his speeches on
phonograph records."
Rights ol Mas.
"Every man has a right to nil own
opinion.'' remarked the morallser.
"Ye' rejoined the demoralizer,
with a sigh both broad and long, "and
if be is a married man he has a right
to keep them under cover"
The Rest Cure,
"Now that you have had a square,
meal," said the old farmer, "I s'post
you'll be willing to do a little work!
to sort of even things up?"
"I'd like f. erbllge youse," replied
the husky hobo, 'but me doctor sed I
wuzn't V do a t'lng but take de rest
oure."
man'
times,
Her Viewpoint,
His Wife Oh, I suppose a
Judgment is fairly good at
out
Her Husband But what?
His WifeiA woman's Instinct is ah
ways better,
1 O ' '
Bigger Yefc
"That," said Blinkers, as be eased
in astonishment at his wife's new hatj
"is the biggest thing I ever saw," !
"Oh, that's nothing," rejoined Mrs,
JO
it."
'Juat wait till you get th bill to
Heal Thing-.
, Little Wime-lay, pa. what to ape
BimlBtf
Pa A pessimist, my ton, it a mafi
who derives most of his pleasure froffl
his effort to spoil th pleasurt of otM
ext
Taking ChaneMi
Harker That fellow BuggiM to t&
ways making bad breaks.
Parker Yes I he's oat ot tbj
ohaps who believe that 1ft never
late to mena.
a
Asked and Answered.
Little Willie Say, pa, what to 1
kleptomaniac? 1
Pa A kleptomaniac, my son, it t
eftj
thief seldom worth less than $100
si
Couldn't Stop Him.
Blox Newpop Is a great boaster-,
Knox That's what. Why, only y4M
terdar he rras boasting about hoilj
loud bis baby can cry.
0
Much the Sane, . I
This world is like an, apple barrel
And if for a moment you'll stop,
You will find the big apples and mti
Always manage to reach the tajfe-J
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