THE DAILY CAPITAL JOURNAL, SALEM. OREGON. SATURDAY. JAN. G, 1917. IBNUCILE Jim Tells -Mew Me AmpHatthe Woke STMPE&-' f I MA' NT GOT TH'V E WOT 'S fei$r (St3m5 j" wiM yy Man and boy, afore the mast, I've stood con-sid-er-able abuse in my time, but I'm no hand to complain, not me, but when Cap tain Soakum o' th brig Dancin' Sally, ordered me V lay twenty nine stripes on my old mate Bill, I rebelled, I did, an' you can lay to that. I never see th master o' a craft take on as did this same Cap tain Soakum. It was sumpin ter-rif-ic t' see, but that night arter we'd been clapped in irons wot d'ye s'pose, if that ape o' Bill's didn't sneak down t' th' bulkhead there 'ith a lantern an' turned us loose. Arter drif tin' out o' sight o' th' vessel on a sort o' raft th' se-gacious critter had rigged up, stove my sides if we didn't bump into a school o' man-eaters that 'us a caution, an' if Bill ha'n't brought along th' ship's ax, which he most generally always did,, we'd a been swamped sartin. i ANY APE MEAT Bit.7 fwe'Bt savedI '" " " SnvE thought ' J Sh-ST Li jM youd come baC. "-tH- parbot pio fpgm&$i M fm? s.lU cr J , " lnterntionl Cartoon Co.. N Y. 178 Arter three weeks 'ithout sightin' a sail th' supplies run out, j an' poor Bill's mind begun to wander in his head. At mess-time I he'd think o' th' crew safe an' snug on board th' Dancin' Sally an' say 'at Captain Soakum wusn't such a bad man at heart arte ,all, an then he'd abuse that poor ape shameful. Just as things 'us githin' desprit an' sumpin' had t' be done, an' it looked like th' ape, poor feller, that animal, who'd been knin' a uncommon night lookout, sighted a full rigged ship an we proceeded t' make signs o' distress, if dancin' a hornpipe can be considered sich. Well, sir, w,e 'us that glad t' git aboard 'at we never took bur bearin's nor noticed the trim o' th' craft, an' blow me a breeze if it wusn't no more nor less than that same Dancin' Sally 'ith Captain Soakum in charge. Well, to wind up a long story short, Bill an' me wore stripes from that 'ere ca,t-o'-pine-tails for many a lonir dav arter. " - - - I m I He INc W-UMtiK Hi 3 MKKl.k S. BRANNON. HKN flrBt h saw her sho mp seated on the low wooden ! stoop of the poor ' farm, the Bunny Bide wlurs soft silver: a u n h h I u Altered : through the verdant green of young bud-1 dtng tree. By her aide wan an Indian basket tilled with old potato which she waB preparing for Hid noonday meal. She glanced up M the stranger, the newcomer to the home, sauntered around the house, j his arms plunged Into his pockets up I to his elbow. A little old man he was. sullen of face, rather unattrac-! tlve In every respect save a sort of human expression In his ey's when i they spoke of th past, not the fu-1 lure, j He glanced at her, noted the blue f her yes, saw th faded pink of au ofttlmo washed pink apron, even the patch thereon. Then he sat down, drawing a Jack-knife from his troua r pocket and whetting it on hut kwivy Bhot preparatory to peeling po tato c ft, too. "How do you tand ltT" he blurted out by way of an Introduction. ''I came last night, and I have been over vary Inch of the plaoe, and I can't, I simply can't stand It I Just came from the second floor and while walk ing there I saw" "1 kuow," the added." It la quite a hock to see thos plno coffins, the very last thing that awaits us on earth. I have seen quit a few leave this place, and have watched them takon over to the 'Place' a we call It, and seen them lowered Into the earth ' But I can stt here, look up, see the sky, hear the birds and some how or other I forget that other part. Only It was Yry, very ami to bear at tret," "It Is," he ejaculated dismally, then picked out a second potato and (at ry quiet while paring It jJhe had no intention of saying any thing of the past. Instinctively she realized the depths of the little man' woes. Who. she wondered, was he? Then Instantly go recalled her com ing Into the home. Ill at the time, friendless, hopelessly alone, bereft of husband, children, relatives, It was imperative. Never could Bhe forget that day when they brought her to the poor farm. It was the Itth day of j April, and the trees were sending' aMtl I ' i . . i FI...U lilnaunrtia 1 ul.i that night a light spring snow fell, and us sho gazoti from her window at the rear of her new home she very naturally tomrared these elemental conditions, to her own life spring flowers touched by the snow-white hands of winter. The man possessed no Imaginative powers. He had been an ordinary man, conteut in his little home. Then she, the only woman in his life of any consequence, had died, and his chil dren svero acattered over the t". not oue wauting the old man! After a long Interval he told her about it, then closed the Jack-knife hastily and strode down the walk to the wide gate at th front of the yard. Bhe watched him, remembering as he did so, that at a very early date he, too, had taken the lume lonely walk. But one day she found In the corner of the yard a sad-looking little Michigan rambler rose. It wanted to grow and it had no possible oppor tunity, Bhe gathered It up tenderly, looked at the bitten leaves, then she tralued It up over Uie tenoe and tied It In places with ptece of twine to hold It In place. Carefully she dug around its deep roots, and as tender ly she cleaned the leaves so that by the time the little buds opeued'the leave were a brilliant green back ' ground to the pale pink blossoms. It ! was the ouly flower in the yard. On afternoon an automobile stopped at the gate, the women came into the house where they eang to and prayed for the inmates. When leaving, the matron accompanied them down the walk, then returned jo the house and procured a pair of eoissors. She cut her rose from that one bush and gave them to the young woman who o ardently admired them) How sad ly true, "To them who hath not shall be taken away." Tears of angry resentment filled 1 the eyes of the little woman who had watched the roses as carefully as a mother watches her babes. Why should any wcunan take from thorn tho only thing on the place which made It possible to believe there was a Qod? She went down to the rose buBh, looked at it lovingly, then blipped back to her room to cry. That winter was Intolerable to her. She stole the crumbs from her plate for her pets that oanve to her win dow, the ofily living thing that meant a part of the old time world; and tho matron stormed upon her and Bhe had to leave the little harbingers to their fate, though they called and called to her from the wlndow-f!l, but nothing could she give. Sho had no more pets. What was the uae? She went about the home ly tasks assigned her, but nothing they did took from her any of her In nate sense of light heartodno. Let fate be ever o unkind, she could And samething which made It worth her while to be cheerful. Spring merged Into summer and the little old man, miserable all the time, would walk around to the stoop and talk with her when there was an op portunity. He was dull enough in his way, and she knew it, but she reasoned that ho desired to talk with some person, and why should it not be herself? True, be did nothing but make complaint, quite a departure from her sunny replies, hut at any rate they were congenial. One hot morning durlug the Bum mer he came to the stoop and found her mirring. She was 111. It was many days before he saw her, and when hi did he w as surprised at the ad little figure who sat pathetically noar her usual work. But when he came up to hr he looked up and smiled. Then he realized that her smile meant a great deal to him, that she had been smiling for many month I and he had never noticed before. So he smiled back, acted almost human, i and sank down beside her, anxious to . perform any little task for her sake. to help her with what must be an arduous duty. "My Lord, but I want peach pie," he remarked. "Can you make peach pie?" She laushod JlaMlx. "1 ought to know' now tor I suppose I have made hundreds, yes thousands of good pies in my time. Fred said I made the best pies in the world. But you'll never get pies here. First we haven't the fruit, lard is so expensive, and I don't imagine they would use sugar o lav ishly. I have wanted pie myself so often that It 1b as true as I live that sometimes I di earn I am making them, and sometimes I get a bite before I am awake." "My old woman made the beet cus tards. Why when I took a spoonful up it Just quivered like Jelly. Lord, I do wish I had a saucerful Just now. When I think of hot potatoes, hot bread, hot tomatoes, hot everything, I could stand up and swear by note. I OLD MARTIN, wast custard. Are they expensive? Nor she replied. Of course, when egg are not plentiful they are I always used three egg to a quart of new milk- and never missed it but we dont have 'em here." "When I was a boy at borne," be continued, "mother made an apple pie that she put butter on, and she gave that to me with a glass of milk with the cream sticking to the glass. Oh, Lord, I can taste It now. Cut you make an apple pie?"' Again she smiled, then chuckled. "I said I could make any kind of a pie. How would a cinnamon roll with cur. rants taste in it today?" she asked teaslngly, His eyes drew down into a little pucker on eaoh side of his unshapely face, and his lips drew up into a comic pucker, but there was a smile In the poor old seamed face. "I'd give my chance in heaven fori it," waa nis nasty reply, But the summer passed and they had no pie. The fall came with its dreary falling of rusty leave, and when snow capped the hills once nibro there were fewer coffins in the warerooin and a few more vacancies at the two long wooden tables. But the little old lady with her ever pres ent smile, and the little old man waiting, Just waiting, came and went with the usual regularity of a piece Of machinery which drives back and forth like a slow piston rod. One day be oame no more. He had gone from the home, and she missed Elm. He never said good-bye to her and that hurt her. No one seemed to say anything concerning him, and she did not ask. Then spring oame once more and, as usual, she pared pota toes while sitting on the sunny stoop. It was there she was gjated one day when be arrived and came as quickly as his years would permit him to find her. "Say," he began, "when J left here I had to go in a hurry, but I come bach for you. A relative of mine died and left me a few thousand dollars and I have had a long tussle to get my share, but I have It good and tight in the bank, and now I want you. ! have never forgot your talk about making pies and puddings, and I am going to have them." That afternoon the queer little cou ple lined up before the marriage clerk's window. Youthful lovers look ed at them and some laughed aloud, little thinking that, perhaps. In noma remote years they might experience some of the sorrows that fall in step with old age. "Your name?" Inquired the clerk. "Thomas R. Martin," "Occupation?" "I ain't doing a thing and don't In tend to I I'm rich!" "The lady's name?" "I'll swan, I don't know. Ssy, what's your name? I never thought to ask you.'' "Mrs. Beulah Hanson," she whis pered low, Then the marriage li cense was handed out at several young persons hastily pushed the happy old couple ahead. From Jokeland What It Teaches. "The life of the average great man is an object lesson," remarked the home-grown philosopher. "What's the answer?" queried the party of the dense part. "It teaches the rest of us that there's no excuse tor our not being great," explained the philosophy dispenser, Wemstt the Waitress, "A woman," remarked th Wise widow, "U always waiting for a hus band." "How do you figure that outr" queried the interested spinster, "If she isn't married," answered the w. w., "she is waiting to get one, and if she Is, she's always waiting tor him to come home." - e Not So Bad. "Th" feller what went V congress frum (his deestrict sent me a whole passel uv garden seeds," said the pes simist granger, "an not a gosh blam ed one ur 'em ever come up, by grass 1 " "Ob, well," replied the opttmlstio proprietor of the crossroads grocery, "you ain't got no kiek oomfn', He might hare sent you his speeches on phonograph records." Rights ol Mas. "Every man has a right to nil own opinion.'' remarked the morallser. "Ye' rejoined the demoralizer, with a sigh both broad and long, "and if be is a married man he has a right to keep them under cover" The Rest Cure, "Now that you have had a square, meal," said the old farmer, "I s'post you'll be willing to do a little work! to sort of even things up?" "I'd like f. erbllge youse," replied the husky hobo, 'but me doctor sed I wuzn't V do a t'lng but take de rest oure." man' times, Her Viewpoint, His Wife Oh, I suppose a Judgment is fairly good at out Her Husband But what? His WifeiA woman's Instinct is ah ways better, 1 O ' ' Bigger Yefc "That," said Blinkers, as be eased in astonishment at his wife's new hatj "is the biggest thing I ever saw," ! "Oh, that's nothing," rejoined Mrs, JO it." 'Juat wait till you get th bill to Heal Thing-. , Little Wime-lay, pa. what to ape BimlBtf Pa A pessimist, my ton, it a mafi who derives most of his pleasure froffl his effort to spoil th pleasurt of otM ext Taking ChaneMi Harker That fellow BuggiM to t& ways making bad breaks. Parker Yes I he's oat ot tbj ohaps who believe that 1ft never late to mena. a Asked and Answered. Little Willie Say, pa, what to 1 kleptomaniac? 1 Pa A kleptomaniac, my son, it t eftj thief seldom worth less than $100 si Couldn't Stop Him. Blox Newpop Is a great boaster-, Knox That's what. Why, only y4M terdar he rras boasting about hoilj loud bis baby can cry. 0 Much the Sane, . I This world is like an, apple barrel And if for a moment you'll stop, You will find the big apples and mti Always manage to reach the tajfe-J Try The Capital Journal Want Ad Way They Work Twenty-four Hours a Day and You Bring Results