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21
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TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, SEP'IFMBER 4, 1910
AGENT GAVE IT UP
Nothing for Him to Do but Hand
Out Tickfct.
Now He Makes Plaintive Appeal for
Rule by Which He Can Tell a Min
ister From Ordinary Run
of Mankind.
“Sky pilots!
Whe-e-w I" whistled
the ticket agent of a Missouri town the
other day, so the story goes. “Well,
it seems to me there are just ten times
hb many as there used to be In this
neck of the woods, and I tell you some
of the guys who come up here to this
window, sayin’ they’re ministers and
asking for half-fare tickets look more
like ballyhoo men at a street fair or
circus than sky pilots.
“The trouble is when a fellow comes
up here to the window and says ‘I’m a
preacher,’ there ain't any rules laid
down for me to go by to tell him from
a professional crook, or moll buzzer, or
a right reverend, and so I have to hand
out the ticket.
“The other night 1 was talking to
my wife about it, and we hit on a
scheme, and when 1 went down to
work next morning I had the family
Bible tucked under my nrm, and when
a sporty-looklng old chap, putting a
cigarette, with a plaid suit and a neck
tie so loud it was screaming at you,
came up to the window, and says ‘min
ister's ticket to Kansas City, please,’ I
said respectful like:
“ ‘Please excuse me, sir, but will you
please tell me who wrote the second
book of St. Paul’s Epistle to the Gala
tians?’
“He smiled at me friendly, and said
pretty quick, ‘Why Paul, of course.
Now get busy with a ticket.’
“ ‘Nope,’ said I. Just as cold ns you
plea Re, looking him hard In the eye«.
‘You’re dead wrong there, Paul didn’t
do any such thing, and nobody else
ever wrote a second book to those Ga-
latians, for there ain't nay such book,’
and I thought I had finished him.
"But, mind you, he Just sort of look
ed at me sad-like for a minute like he
felt sorry for me, and then he reared
back and said in a voice just like he
was praying: ‘Sir, I am a minister of
the holy gospel, whether or not this
finite thing culled mind tricks me in
reference to the number of books writ
ten by the blessed saint, Paul. I teach
the philosophy of rational thought so
as to co-ordinate with the elucidation
of Internal forces upon the outward or
extraneous matter which operate In
opposition to the complete domination
of the purely physical to the Intellec
tual—the soul, some call It—and that
the elevation of the spiritual retards
the development of disease and error
on this terrestrial planet on which we
live and move and have our being.’
“I looked at him a minute, and then
I said out loud, ‘Well 1 be dogged!' For
I was thinking all the time to myself
how a ten-dollar-a-weck ticket man
was ever going to get wise to a line of
talk like that even with a Bible In his
hand. And I handed out the ticket.”—
Kansas City Star
Quaint Island.
Elinley. one of England's oddest
little Islands though only 48 miles
frpm London, Is ¡1 parish whore roads,
shops, bimps. telephones, motor cars,
public houses nnd postotfiecs are un-
known. The Island, which lies oft
the Isle of Shoppe) ■y, Kent, Ims an
nren of about 2.000 acres,
i
nnd Is the
property of Oxford university. The
inhabitants are mostly shepherds of
large flocks of sheep. The oldest limn
of the village is In his seventieth year.
He has yet to see a motor
The
school and church are the
landmarks on the Island.
■on they were built In such
populated spot Is that In
Is almost Impossible to lea vp
Island. ns the fel l) which runs to
from the Island is dangerous.
A novel method of obtaining the
services of the ferryman, who I Ilves
opposite to the Island, is the open
ing of the white floor of n hot facing
the shore. At night a lighted candle
held aloft serves the purpose of the
open door.
SHE HAD NO PATIENCE LEFT
Wife’« Stock of That Commodity
Pretty Well Exhausted in Effort
to Reform William.
A Chicago lawyer said at a ban
quet:
“La* me tell you a temperance
story.
“A long, rangy woman said one day
to a parson:
’“Parson, Bill was drunk again Sat
urday night.’
"But the parson answered In a sooth
ing tone:
" ‘Dear sister. If you would try be
ing patient with William I Patience
and forbearance work miracles, and 1
have faith to believe that in dear Wil
liam's case It would be even so.’
"But the long, rangy woman shook
her bead.
“‘Looks to me,’ she said, 'as If I’d
tried patience and forbearance about
long enough. Talkin’ of forbearance,
don’t I go weeks at a time without
speakin' to the cuss, no matter what
he asks me? Yes, hull weeks, but It
don’t seem no good. Then, when It
comes to patience, why, parson, I’ve
locked him out of the house all night
more oftener than I got fingers and
toes, and time and again I’ve sewed
him up In a sheet when he was full
and walloped him with a rope till I
Jest fair dropped with tiredness; and
I've bolted him In the henhouse three
days runnln’ In the patient hope he'd
sign the pledge, but he. wouldn’t; and
I’ve doused him all over with cold wa
ter on many a freezln’ winter’s night,
and I’ve had him run In twice,
and I’ve mixed vinegar with his
booze so as to make him sick, anil
then waited with the patience of Job
to see If he’d repent when he came
roynd, but, parson, nothin' done no
good. No sirec, It’ll take more than
patience and forbearance to straighten
that man out.”
Who’s Who?
In making the interestlnj portrait
collection of Americans earlier than
the eighteenth century, recently pub
lished by the Boston Athenaeum, the
librarian of that oldest history In the
New England capital had to take into
consideration the tricks thnt time 1ms
a way of playing with the identity of
ancient portraits. Several pictures of
men and women who lived In the
original group of colonies were ex
cluded because It Is no longer possible
to say with certainty that the names
by which they are known are those of
the sitters. It Is now known to be
more than likely, for example, thnt the
English poet, Charles Churchill, was
the original of the picture long be
lieved to represent the American sol
dier of King Philip’s war, Col. Benja
min Church. The portrait generally
thought to be that of Mlles Standish
Is open to the suspicion of really rep
resenting somebody elRe. nnd some of
the surviving pictures supposed to
show the features of Roger Williams
have been plausibly Identified as the
portraits of other persons.
Some astronomers nre of the opinion
thnt the moon was once upon a time
pnrt of the earth. nnd thnt, while the
latter Was in u plastic state, our satel
lite was thrown out from ft. They
point to the Pacific ocean as the gusli
from which it was rudelv rent.
Maybe so. But nobody knows why
the surface of the moon, of which we
never see much more than half, Is
covered with so-called “critters" that
bear no likeness to anything on the
enrth. They nre bowl-shaped, usually
clrcular, nnd rimmed hv cliffs 5.000 to
10.000 feet high. There are at least
25,000 of them visible to the telescope,
the biggest being SOO miles In diam
eter.
The late Professor Pickering of
Harvard wn< convinced thnt the moon
has a little moon of Its own. n few
hundred yards In diameter, which can
be seen only when the earth passes
between the sun and the lunar orb,
throwing the latter Iiu% Its shadow.—
Exchange.
In the Days of the Bustle.
I was making a new dress for my
self. It was n good many years ago, in
the days when we wore bustles. The
bustle which I wore was n home-made,
crude affair. When fitting the dress.
1■».
J had put oil the bustle in order to get
Stonewall's Plan.
the proper hang to the skirt. So. to
As an American troopship pulled save time. I tied the bustle around
away from a New York dock on Its outside of my house dress, and then
journey to France, Stonewall Jackson tried on the new skirt.
nnd Welcome Brown hung over the
During the morning I found It neces
forward rnll and looked with solemn sary to go to the store, nnd while wait
faces down Into the choppy waters of ing In the crowded grocery for m.v
the Atlantic.
parcels, a friend, came up to me and
"Whnt you’all gwlne to do, Stone said, to the amusement of the by
wall. If one of dem pow’ful mean tor standers :
AVh.v. Lillie. what have
pedoes smash Into dls here boat?"
you tied around your waistT”
Stonewall remained silent for a
I found I had forgotten to take
minute, then he turned n sober face
bustle off. and Imd worn It on
toward his brother In sorrow.
outside of my house dress all
"What 1 gwlne tn do? Listen.
way to the store.—Exchange.
Welcome, my ole mammy done tolc
me dnt dore nebher wuz but one mr.l
Americans Rear New Town.
flat eber walked on de water an’ got
A number of views of »be up-to-date
away wld It - but ef one ob dem chas
village, built by the American Red
ers ever smash Into dls hoat—say.
Croev) near Pisa. Italy, are shown In
Welcome, Ali'm goln’ to lie do second
The
one.”—John E. Scroggins, U. S. N., In Popular Mechanics Magazine.
village has been built to
Judge.
«
homos for artisans and their
who fled from Venice during the war
Rats Causa Loses«
and since have not been In a position
!.<».<« from rats In cities are cam-
to return. The village will accommo
mons. In 1008 the biological survey
date 2,000 persons.
■unde h careful study of rat Infests
tlon* in two cities. Wash'ngt« n ami
Handicapped by Law.
Baltimore, with the result thnt actual
“Ton are suffering from brain fag
I oshc - of produce nnd other property
amount I ng aununlly to 8400,000 and and ennnlannounced the specialist.
*100000 respectively, were revealed. "Yon should take more Interest In
euroa are nearly la ratio to the yonr business.”
1 would like to," rvplled ths pa
New Silk
Blouses.
The new Autumn style
Books and Patterns are
now here. Patterns at 15c.
20c.— 25c. — 30c. By Mail
lc. extra for lac. and 20c.
patterns and 2c. extra for
25c. and 30c. Patterns.
Fashion
Sheets
Free,
Quarterlies (including cou
pon good for 15c. on pur
chase of any pattern) 25c.
each.
There are aotne pretty
Georgette Silks made into
the fashionable peplum
Blouses and shown in light
and dark colors.
Also Ribbon laced ‘ and
frill trimmed Blouses in
pretty shades of good qual
ity Crepe de Chine.
Silk Underwear and Neg.
ligees in very dainty effects
modestly priced.
The Store that Sells tor Cash and Selling for Cash Sells for Less
Charming New Fall Patterns and Colors in
Colonial Draperies
and
New Wool Blankets,
Curtain Fabrics
Nashua “Woolnap” Blankets,
of all Kinds
And Clean Cotton Blankets
For these Cool September Nights
Zj4t Wonderfully Low Prices.
I
It will pay you, and pay you well, to investi
gate the remarkable values in Cotton, “Woolnap,”
Mixed and A’l Wool Blankets now being offered
by our Blanket Department.
Our New Fall stocks were contracted for away
ahead of the recent advances in prices made on
these goods and|we are affording you an excellent
opportunity to take advantage of the savings we
made by securing our season’s quota before the
prices advanced.
Cotton Blankets, 54 X 76. Pair $2.75
Cotton Blankets, 64 X 76. Pair $3 75
Cotton Blankets, 66 X 80. Pair $4.45
Nashua “Wool naps” 64 x 76- Pair $5.45
Wool Blankets, 58 X 78. Pair $9.50
Wool Blankets White, Plaid and Checks.
Sizes 66 x 86 to 70 x 80 for $10 to $19.98.
I
I
Comforter Batts
<ylnd Silkolines.
Those who prefer making their own Com
forters will appreciate the splendid values offered
just now in Comforter size Batts and Plain and
fancy Silkolines.
I
Astronomers Puzzled.
Butterick
Patterns.
Batts, 72 x 90 all in one piece, dji in
d»i nr
2, 2i and 3 lbs. from................... $1.1“ Lv $1.4 D
Yard wideJSilkolities.
Plum colors and fancies.
or
4 a
Yard «OC* l»V
jo
Just Arrived By Express.
A splendid quality, perfect tilting, all sizes from 8j
to 10. Also colors in Grey, Cordovan and Champagne
with Black embroidered clox.
““
— ——
'■
Draperies are of greater importance in giv
ing home-like character and style to a room,
than any other detail of the furnishings.
Colonial Drapery Fabrics are designed in
accord with modem ideas in home beautify
ing. • We are prepared to shew you beautiful
fabrics suitable for every room in your home.
Ladies' New
Black Silk Hose,
$1.75 Pair.
—“ 1
FABRICS
New Scrims at Per Yard 25c. to 38c.
Marquissettes, Per Yard 25c. to 73c.
Colonial Draperies from 39c. to $1.50
New Panel Nets at $1.88 and $2.50
See Special Display in our Third St. Window.
■ — ■ "T
Liberty Bonds of any Denomination taken at Face Value in Lieu of Cash.
These Fine New yWodels in
Wirthmor Waists
Just Arrived
Z_/lnd they are Priced
As Always at Only
$1.50 Each
The Ladies’ Ready-to-Wear Department
<ylnnounc<s the Arrival of
New Models In
Stylish Apparel
We cordially invite, we urge, every Lady in tbi.«
county to pay à visit to otir Wometi’s-Apparel Shop on
the Balcony. Every day sees something new unpacked
and marked ready for disposal, something distinctive,
something ultra-modish and yet withal garments that are
very modest in price.
Paulette Dresses
$69.00 to $89.00
Navy Blue and Brown New Paulette Dresses—the
newest and most stylish productions for street and after
noon wear.
It seems as though each month's allotment of
these Beautiful Economical Wirthmor Waists
reproduce« the ultimate in style and quality, but
no, each succeeding selection shows some ad-
.vance in style, some new littlejtouches of individu
ality that puts them just a little ahead of pre
viously designed models.
In this wav Wirthmor Waists are always
ultra-stylish, always superior in quality and work
manship, always worth more than ordinary
Blouses. And yet they are priced—as always—
the nation over at only $1.50 Each.
Wirthmor Silk Blouses
made and sold under the same plan are »sold
here also—and here only—at only $5.00 Each.
New Serge Dresses
$19.98 to $j9.85
Pretty effective mndeis with fancy vesta, military Braid
and Button triinings, some with peplum effects.
Ladies’ and Misses’
Fall Suits and Coats.
Models by the makers of the famoua “Palmer” and
La Vogue garments. Prominent among the styles pre
sented are a number of the fashionable Blouse Back
Models.
• ytfina Taylor
House Dresses and Aprons.
Wonderful values and pretty styles in Bungalow
Aprons and becoming models in House Dresses of Per
cale nnd Gingham at prices from 11.75to $5.98.
*