till «unrw wrädt . tght innnsT 21 ioiq TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, SEP'IFMBER 4, 1910 AGENT GAVE IT UP Nothing for Him to Do but Hand Out Tickfct. Now He Makes Plaintive Appeal for Rule by Which He Can Tell a Min­ ister From Ordinary Run of Mankind. “Sky pilots! Whe-e-w I" whistled the ticket agent of a Missouri town the other day, so the story goes. “Well, it seems to me there are just ten times hb many as there used to be In this neck of the woods, and I tell you some of the guys who come up here to this window, sayin’ they’re ministers and asking for half-fare tickets look more like ballyhoo men at a street fair or circus than sky pilots. “The trouble is when a fellow comes up here to the window and says ‘I’m a preacher,’ there ain't any rules laid down for me to go by to tell him from a professional crook, or moll buzzer, or a right reverend, and so I have to hand out the ticket. “The other night 1 was talking to my wife about it, and we hit on a scheme, and when 1 went down to work next morning I had the family Bible tucked under my nrm, and when a sporty-looklng old chap, putting a cigarette, with a plaid suit and a neck­ tie so loud it was screaming at you, came up to the window, and says ‘min­ ister's ticket to Kansas City, please,’ I said respectful like: “ ‘Please excuse me, sir, but will you please tell me who wrote the second book of St. Paul’s Epistle to the Gala­ tians?’ “He smiled at me friendly, and said pretty quick, ‘Why Paul, of course. Now get busy with a ticket.’ “ ‘Nope,’ said I. Just as cold ns you plea Re, looking him hard In the eye«. ‘You’re dead wrong there, Paul didn’t do any such thing, and nobody else ever wrote a second book to those Ga- latians, for there ain't nay such book,’ and I thought I had finished him. "But, mind you, he Just sort of look­ ed at me sad-like for a minute like he felt sorry for me, and then he reared back and said in a voice just like he was praying: ‘Sir, I am a minister of the holy gospel, whether or not this finite thing culled mind tricks me in reference to the number of books writ­ ten by the blessed saint, Paul. I teach the philosophy of rational thought so as to co-ordinate with the elucidation of Internal forces upon the outward or extraneous matter which operate In opposition to the complete domination of the purely physical to the Intellec­ tual—the soul, some call It—and that the elevation of the spiritual retards the development of disease and error on this terrestrial planet on which we live and move and have our being.’ “I looked at him a minute, and then I said out loud, ‘Well 1 be dogged!' For I was thinking all the time to myself how a ten-dollar-a-weck ticket man was ever going to get wise to a line of talk like that even with a Bible In his hand. And I handed out the ticket.”— Kansas City Star Quaint Island. Elinley. one of England's oddest little Islands though only 48 miles frpm London, Is ¡1 parish whore roads, shops, bimps. telephones, motor cars, public houses nnd postotfiecs are un- known. The Island, which lies oft the Isle of Shoppe) ■y, Kent, Ims an nren of about 2.000 acres, i nnd Is the property of Oxford university. The inhabitants are mostly shepherds of large flocks of sheep. The oldest limn of the village is In his seventieth year. He has yet to see a motor The school and church are the landmarks on the Island. ■on they were built In such populated spot Is that In Is almost Impossible to lea vp Island. ns the fel l) which runs to from the Island is dangerous. A novel method of obtaining the services of the ferryman, who I Ilves opposite to the Island, is the open­ ing of the white floor of n hot facing the shore. At night a lighted candle held aloft serves the purpose of the open door. SHE HAD NO PATIENCE LEFT Wife’« Stock of That Commodity Pretty Well Exhausted in Effort to Reform William. A Chicago lawyer said at a ban­ quet: “La* me tell you a temperance story. “A long, rangy woman said one day to a parson: ’“Parson, Bill was drunk again Sat­ urday night.’ "But the parson answered In a sooth­ ing tone: " ‘Dear sister. If you would try be­ ing patient with William I Patience and forbearance work miracles, and 1 have faith to believe that in dear Wil­ liam's case It would be even so.’ "But the long, rangy woman shook her bead. “‘Looks to me,’ she said, 'as If I’d tried patience and forbearance about long enough. Talkin’ of forbearance, don’t I go weeks at a time without speakin' to the cuss, no matter what he asks me? Yes, hull weeks, but It don’t seem no good. Then, when It comes to patience, why, parson, I’ve locked him out of the house all night more oftener than I got fingers and toes, and time and again I’ve sewed him up In a sheet when he was full and walloped him with a rope till I Jest fair dropped with tiredness; and I've bolted him In the henhouse three days runnln’ In the patient hope he'd sign the pledge, but he. wouldn’t; and I’ve doused him all over with cold wa­ ter on many a freezln’ winter’s night, and I’ve had him run In twice, and I’ve mixed vinegar with his booze so as to make him sick, anil then waited with the patience of Job to see If he’d repent when he came roynd, but, parson, nothin' done no good. No sirec, It’ll take more than patience and forbearance to straighten that man out.” Who’s Who? In making the interestlnj portrait collection of Americans earlier than the eighteenth century, recently pub­ lished by the Boston Athenaeum, the librarian of that oldest history In the New England capital had to take into consideration the tricks thnt time 1ms a way of playing with the identity of ancient portraits. Several pictures of men and women who lived In the original group of colonies were ex­ cluded because It Is no longer possible to say with certainty that the names by which they are known are those of the sitters. It Is now known to be more than likely, for example, thnt the English poet, Charles Churchill, was the original of the picture long be­ lieved to represent the American sol­ dier of King Philip’s war, Col. Benja­ min Church. The portrait generally thought to be that of Mlles Standish Is open to the suspicion of really rep­ resenting somebody elRe. nnd some of the surviving pictures supposed to show the features of Roger Williams have been plausibly Identified as the portraits of other persons. Some astronomers nre of the opinion thnt the moon was once upon a time pnrt of the earth. nnd thnt, while the latter Was in u plastic state, our satel­ lite was thrown out from ft. They point to the Pacific ocean as the gusli from which it was rudelv rent. Maybe so. But nobody knows why the surface of the moon, of which we never see much more than half, Is covered with so-called “critters" that bear no likeness to anything on the enrth. They nre bowl-shaped, usually clrcular, nnd rimmed hv cliffs 5.000 to 10.000 feet high. There are at least 25,000 of them visible to the telescope, the biggest being SOO miles In diam­ eter. The late Professor Pickering of Harvard wn< convinced thnt the moon has a little moon of Its own. n few hundred yards In diameter, which can be seen only when the earth passes between the sun and the lunar orb, throwing the latter Iiu% Its shadow.— Exchange. In the Days of the Bustle. I was making a new dress for my­ self. It was n good many years ago, in the days when we wore bustles. The bustle which I wore was n home-made, crude affair. When fitting the dress. 1■». J had put oil the bustle in order to get Stonewall's Plan. the proper hang to the skirt. So. to As an American troopship pulled save time. I tied the bustle around away from a New York dock on Its outside of my house dress, and then journey to France, Stonewall Jackson tried on the new skirt. nnd Welcome Brown hung over the During the morning I found It neces­ forward rnll and looked with solemn sary to go to the store, nnd while wait­ faces down Into the choppy waters of ing In the crowded grocery for m.v the Atlantic. parcels, a friend, came up to me and "Whnt you’all gwlne to do, Stone­ said, to the amusement of the by­ wall. If one of dem pow’ful mean tor­ standers : AVh.v. Lillie. what have pedoes smash Into dls here boat?" you tied around your waistT” Stonewall remained silent for a I found I had forgotten to take minute, then he turned n sober face bustle off. and Imd worn It on toward his brother In sorrow. outside of my house dress all "What 1 gwlne tn do? Listen. way to the store.—Exchange. Welcome, my ole mammy done tolc me dnt dore nebher wuz but one mr.l Americans Rear New Town. flat eber walked on de water an’ got A number of views of »be up-to-date away wld It - but ef one ob dem chas­ village, built by the American Red ers ever smash Into dls hoat—say. Croev) near Pisa. Italy, are shown In Welcome, Ali'm goln’ to lie do second The one.”—John E. Scroggins, U. S. N., In Popular Mechanics Magazine. village has been built to Judge. « homos for artisans and their who fled from Venice during the war Rats Causa Loses« and since have not been In a position !.<».<« from rats In cities are cam- to return. The village will accommo­ mons. In 1008 the biological survey date 2,000 persons. ■unde h careful study of rat Infests tlon* in two cities. Wash'ngt« n ami Handicapped by Law. Baltimore, with the result thnt actual “Ton are suffering from brain fag I oshc - of produce nnd other property amount I ng aununlly to 8400,000 and and ennnlannounced the specialist. *100000 respectively, were revealed. "Yon should take more Interest In euroa are nearly la ratio to the yonr business.” 1 would like to," rvplled ths pa New Silk Blouses. The new Autumn style Books and Patterns are now here. Patterns at 15c. 20c.— 25c. — 30c. By Mail lc. extra for lac. and 20c. patterns and 2c. extra for 25c. and 30c. Patterns. Fashion Sheets Free, Quarterlies (including cou­ pon good for 15c. on pur­ chase of any pattern) 25c. each. There are aotne pretty Georgette Silks made into the fashionable peplum Blouses and shown in light and dark colors. Also Ribbon laced ‘ and frill trimmed Blouses in pretty shades of good qual­ ity Crepe de Chine. Silk Underwear and Neg. ligees in very dainty effects modestly priced. The Store that Sells tor Cash and Selling for Cash Sells for Less Charming New Fall Patterns and Colors in Colonial Draperies and New Wool Blankets, Curtain Fabrics Nashua “Woolnap” Blankets, of all Kinds And Clean Cotton Blankets For these Cool September Nights Zj4t Wonderfully Low Prices. I It will pay you, and pay you well, to investi­ gate the remarkable values in Cotton, “Woolnap,” Mixed and A’l Wool Blankets now being offered by our Blanket Department. Our New Fall stocks were contracted for away ahead of the recent advances in prices made on these goods and|we are affording you an excellent opportunity to take advantage of the savings we made by securing our season’s quota before the prices advanced. Cotton Blankets, 54 X 76. Pair $2.75 Cotton Blankets, 64 X 76. Pair $3 75 Cotton Blankets, 66 X 80. Pair $4.45 Nashua “Wool naps” 64 x 76- Pair $5.45 Wool Blankets, 58 X 78. Pair $9.50 Wool Blankets White, Plaid and Checks. Sizes 66 x 86 to 70 x 80 for $10 to $19.98. I I Comforter Batts