■HOCK DER KAISER." the dope a printer thinks, never come through with “ a avu sou — — ii it’ a s war-ume war-time anu and . • -cr- i j t , • .— Introducing the Original and Famous ' it s up to you to drift in with a little Meinself und Gott Poem. I1 kale --' —we need some more, wind in the sail—we want to moisten throat I The original version of “Hoch der and lips and sing more about the Kaiser,” written by A. McGregor ships we’re building here to carry Kose during the Boer war, when Oom grub to fight the chap called Kaiser (Paul went on a mission to solicit Bill—We’ll lick that cuss, you bet we I ,he aid of Kaiser Wilhelm, and was will and change his name to “Sissor- I recited in Washington by Captain Bill.” But while we sing another verse Ifoghlan, of the United States navy just please extract that trusty purse, I at a banquet, and upon complaint of we need the money, on the square, Ithe German government a reprimand there’s rheumatism in our hair. Las administered. It is one of the ' 1 — Lost famous lampoons in existence land is a keen satire on the wellknown WORDS OF ADVICE TO THOSE WHO REGISTERED. [kaiserly character. The text of the ----- o----- kpoem follows: Adjutant General White Says No Use r Per kaiser of dis fatherland Writing to Senators and Con Vnd Gott on high, all dings command gressmen. Ve two—ach! Don’t you understant? ■■■ o----- Meinself—und Gott! Adjutant General White sends out He reigns in heafen and always shall; some valuable information to those Vnd mine own embire don’t vas who are scheming to avoid being drawn, he says: | schmall; | It is only a waste of postage, letter E’in noble pair, I dinks you call paper and time for a man whose claim Meinself—und Gott! for exemption from the draft on in Vile some men sing der power divine, dustrial grounds has been denied by Klein soldiers sing “ De " Wacht am his district exemption board, or for Rhein.” any of his relatives or friends, to Vnd drink der health in Reihish wine write to his Senator, or his Congress Of me—und Gott. man, or the Provost Marshal General Dare’s France, she swaggers all or the President of the United States, aroundt. ~ | , trying to have the ruling of the board Khe’s ausgespeilt (dots no aggoundt) reversed. Strange as it may seem, a great no much, vc tink, she don’t amount— many such letter have been written. Meinself—und Gott! ' They have poured in by the hundred She vill not dare to fight again. thousands to officials at Washington. But if she shouldn't, I’ll show her Some of them have come from Ore blain gon. Dot Elsass (und in French) Lorraine These letters will do no good what Are mein—by Gott! soever. They will not even be consid ered, but will be returned to the send Von Bismarck vas a man of might, Vnd dought he vas clean out of sight; er. If a man having real grounds for But, Ach! he vas nicht good to fight appeal wishes to prejudice his case before hand, the surest way for him Mit me—und Gott! to do it is to write to his Senator, or Ve knock him like ci man of schdraw, Representative, or some official in Ve let him know whose vill vas law, Washington to use his "influence” Vnd dat vc don’t vould schtand his toward fixing up the exemption. jaw— There is just one procedure where Meinself—und Gott! by an appeal may be taken to the President from the ruling of a dis Ve send him oudt in big disgrace; trict board. That is through the dis Ve gif him insuldt im der face; trict board itself, in the manner pre Vnd put Caprivi in his blace— scribed by official regulations. Meinself—und Gott! It must be remembered, however, Vnd ven Caprivi get svelled hedt, that only one class of cases can be Ve very promptly on him set appealed to the president from the Vnd toldt him to get up and get— district board. These are cases over i Meinself—und Gott! which the district board has original Dere grandma* dinks she nicht jurisdiction; that is to say, cases that originate before the district board, schmall beer, and not with one of the local county Midt Boers und such she interfere; She’ll learn none owns dis hemis exemption boards. The only cases over which district phere boards have original jurisdiction are But me—und Gott! those involving claims for exemption She dinks, goct frau, some ships she’s on the ground of employment in a got. necessary industry, including agricul Vnd soldiers mit dcr scarlet goat; ture. Ach! ve could knock dem! Pouf! like No claim for exemption on the dot— . ground of dependency can be appeal Meinself—und Gott! ed to the president under any cir cumstances. The decision of the dis In dimes of beace brebare for vars; trict board in such cases, on which it I hear de shpear and helm of Mars, Vnd c: re not for den tousand czars— sits as an appellate board, is final. There is no further appeal. Meinself—und Gott! The following summary of regula In fact, I honor efry whim tions made by the president to gov Kith aspect dark and vizage grim; ern procedure in all cases appealed to Gott pulls mit me, and I mit him— him, has been issued by the Provost Meinself—und Gott! Marshal General, at Washington, ----- o----- with the request that it be given the (Note: "Grandma” was Queen Vic- fullest publicity. toria of England.) 1. By the regulations of the Presi Notice of Hearing of Final Account ----- o----- dent governing appeals from the a<> Notice is hereby given, that the un tion of district boards, the claim of Going Some. appeal must be filed with the district dersigned has filed his final account ----- o----- board and cannot be received if sent as administrator of the estate of Jes (By Charley L. Grant.) direct to the president, the Provost sie V. Embum, deceased, in the I The world is moving some, by jings Marshal General, member of Con County Court of the State of Oregon, I—the price of meat and other things, gress, or to any other place than to for Tillamook County, and that such Court has appointed October 13th Ihs gone so high by jumps and tilts the district board itself. 2. Papers, evidence, and affidavits 1917, at ten o’clock a.m., at the court II fellow has to walk on stilts to get kithin the reach of meat or any other not considered by the district board room of said Court, in Tillamook Ithing to eat. The kaiser with his Zepp cannot be considered on appeal from City, Oregon, as the time and place for the hearing of objections, if any, land Sub has raised a lot of hell with the district board. 3. The only cases in which there is to the said account and the settlement grub. We tremble at the price of ppuds—the laundry man has raised an appeal to the president arc cases of said estate. Dated September 13, 1917. [bis suds, the barbers say the wartime in which a claim for discharge on the John Embum, Administra lair is making bristles of our hair ground of engagement in agriculture tor of the Estate of Jessie which dulls his razors and his shears or industry has been made in the V. Embum. Deceased. ad does a lot of things that queers district board. There is no appeal to the barber game, increasing toil—and, the president from the action of the too, the price of polecat oil has gone local board in dependency or other TILLAMOOK ASTONISHED BY so high these war scare days the bar cases whose determination is within MERCHANT’S STORY. ker says he has to raise the price of the jurisdiction of the local board. 4. All attempts to appeal cases lair cut, singe and Shave to jave him A merchant relates the following: from a pauper’s grave. They’ve done other than those involving the decis “For years I could not sleep without way with all our booze and now the ion of the district board on agricul turning every hour. Whatever I ate «an who smokes and chews must ture or industrial exemptions from caused gas and sourness. Also had •dl to every stnokc and chew a lot of whatever source received; all affidav stomach catarrah. ONE SPOON its, arguments, evidence, papets FUL buckthorn bark, glycerine, etc., wartime revenue. matter not consider as mixed in Adler-i-ka relieved me I The slaughter house has moved to or other fars, the price of pork is in the stars ed by* the district board; all appeals INSTANTLY.” Because Adler-i-ka Wid butcher stuff lias gone to stray made to the president direct, or sent flushes the ENTIRE elimentary Bmewhere along the Milky Way, and to any other official or person in tract it relieves ANY CASE constipa I surmise that very soon that gink Washington, will have to be returned tion, sour stomach or gas and pre vents appendicitis. It has QUICK who stays up in the moon will take to to the sender. _____ EST action of anything we ever sold. Searing on his yops some very fancy Hutton chops. The poultry, too, has J. S. Lamar, druggist. 10 to 1 Matches. lit the breeze and way up in the .; cussed Chamberlain’s Colic, Cholera and ■ghest trees have found a roosting How many of you have six br their legs—and Mr. Man, the price the sixteen-to-one-match strike Diarrhoea Remedy. Ú. •f eggs has gone so high above the teen to get one light—which has re larth and sell for lots more than they cently made its appearance m the This is a medicine that every fam- Ire worth. Wheat and corn and oats American market? With about 59'of ily should be provided with. Colic and Hid rye have got Mount Baker skin- its companions it comes tn a box diarrhoea often come on suddenly led for high, and even now, the new bearing a vellow label with a three and it is of the greatest importance town hay has taken wings and flown masted schooner imprinted thereon, that they be treated promptly. Con ■way, and all that we can do is wish and along the sides reads sider the suffering that must, be en Made ►hen we bethink ourselves of fish, Sweden.” It is of the safety match dured until a physician arrives or the Sockeye almost failed to soak, variety, and it certainly does not be medicine can be obtained. Chamber *>d cod, and linn and kelp and rock, lie its name for it is about as safe as lain's Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea He humping where the humpback a toothpick. A man pays one cent for remedy has a reputation second to «imps, with prices going up by jumps a box and jeopardizes his salvation none for the quick relief which it af A man today would have to steal everv time he tries to light his fords. For sale by Lamar’s Drug ■> meet the upward price of veal, and Its flame is as fleeting as a Presiden Store.______________ _ i’s as hard as saying prayers to get tial decision, and the presidential sig Notice to Dairymen, 1 mess of Belgian hares. The middle nature to the present tariff law which tan has cornered yams, the law has reduced the duty on matches 50 per lobbied up the clams, the ducks and cent is responsible for its presence in I have for sale three Registered Bull ---------- calves. . They are Qov- jtese come in by drabs, the subma- our market. It is a Democratic match. Guernsey---- . enor of the Chene and Yeksa breed ■nes have killed the crabs. The Jer ing. I won three first out of four en ky cows with coats of silk, de For Sale. tries in the cow classes Senior and mand a fortune for their milk, and Htter-fat and cottage cheese—I never 80 acres, unimproved Alfalfa land, Grand champion cow at Oregon Fair 1 » 16. ,. . . _, Jw such things as these in all my under government ditch four miles mi.es State Correspondence solicited. Inese •e; though it’s a crime I’m going to From Hermiston—For further infor M’e the price on rhyme and prose mation address (owner) P. O- Box calves are priced to sell. W. A. Goodwin, Cornelius. Wash "d ads and little boosts to where I 48, Lafavcttc, Oregon. ington County, Oregon, Owner and tn be introduced to one good, old breeder of Rose City Guernsey Herd. «Hire meal a day—puffs come higher Best Treatment For Bums. •yway. We’ve stinted all that we can —o----- Announcement. the trust has raised the price of If for no other reason. Chamber hnt. so in the high price days to lain ’ s Salve should be«kept «J «* ‘ »7 Mrs. J. C. Holden announces that the printer he’ll be going some. household on account of its she v.ill open her Piano Studio., Sept. The clothier’s raised the price of tie in the treatment of burns. It alia jP’hes. the hosier’s raised the price the pain almost instantly, and nnless 1 for private and class instruction. Mrs. Holden is a graduate cf the •hose, the “pantser’s” raised the the injurv is a severe one, heals the Bee of pants—it only takes a half a i parts without leaving a scan This Dunning Improved System of Music «nee to see I’m patched from bow Salvei s also unequaled for -h»PP«d Study and will establish classes in method. j ‘’■ern. it's taking all that I can earn hands, I sore nipples and diseases of this Anyone desiring further particulars ■Jurnish paper press and ink to print 1 the skin. Urice 25 cents. For sale by may cal! at any time. - sheet and so I think that quite a i *ad of you old ginks who sponge Lamar's Drug Store. I PUBLIC SALE OF Heavy Milking Registered JERSEYS DeaignedTby Rollin H. White, de signer of the famous White Motor Trucks. Mr. White has built the CLEVELAND TRACTOR toper form all of the tnanv tasks requir ing power on every farm. He has made it easy to operate, economi cal to run, easy to care for and absolutely dependable in opera tion. 12 H. P. at tke Draw Bar 20 H. P- at the Filley Thomas Withycombe & Son will SELL at PUBLIC AUCTION a CAR LOAD REGISTERED JERSEY CAT TLE at the FAIR GROUNDS, Tillamook City. These cattle are the first choice of the herd owned by Thomas Withycombe A Son, being the senior member of firm’s part of cattle, who is withdrawing in order to give the young mem hers of the firm of George H. Withycombe room to expand. The cattle are the heavy milking Fontaines, and indi viduals of this family have sold for $3,000 to $6,000 each. The Tillamook people will be able to buy them for their own price at Public Auction, No disease of any kind has been in the herd. The herd is under charge of U. S. Bureau. The sale will be held on SATURDAY NEXT, 1917, At 12.30 P.M. Sharp. Colonel J. W. Hughes will be the Auctioneer. Thomas Withycombe, Sales Manager. Rollie W. Watson, Clerk. Catalogues can be obtained of Thomas Withycombe at the Fair Grounds. High speed, heavy duty 4-cylender motor. 3 point spring suspen sión Weight 2750 lbs., height 52 inches, width 50 inches, length 96 inches, clearance 12 inches, 600 sq. inches traetion surface. We Carry Complete Line of Parts $1185 f. o. b. Euclid, Ohio. McNEFF BROS. Established 1890 Northwest Distributor Portland, Ore. Plttark Bit. References Bradstreets, Duns or Any Bnnk. QR. J. G. TURNER, EYE1 SPECIALIST. PORTLAND — OREGON. Regular Monthly’ Visits to Tillamook anil Cloverdale. WATCH PAPER FOR DATES. T BLAND K ERWIN PIANO INSTRUCTION, Diploma from Chicago Musical College.—Beginners receive the same careful training as the most advanced. Terms:—$4.00 per months Instruc tion. All lessons given at Studio. County Representative for the Wiley B. Allen Co.s’ line of high grade pianos, player-pianos, Victro’os etc. AVIDJROBINSON, M.D., PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON NATIONAL BUILDING, TILLAMOOK OREGON. — ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Complete Set of Abstractl’Bouks in Office. Taxes Paid for Non Residents. T illamook B lock , Tillamook .... Oregon Both Phones. T. BO ALS, M.D., Makes Clubbing Arrangement With The Oregon Farmer Offers Unusue’ Opportunity tc Its Refers I «!* it MONG our large circle of readers there are a great many who are in terested directly or indirectly in fruit growing, dairying and ether branches of farming. All of these naturally wish to keep in close touch with ag ricultural activities throughout the state; and to know about any fight which is being waged for the measures Oregon farmers want and against all sorts of schemes that are detrimental to the people and agricultural interests of this state. A We have, therefore, made a special clubbing arrangement with THE OREGON FAR MER whereby any farmer or fruitgrower, who is one of our regular subscribers and who is not now a subscriber to THE OREGON FARMER, will be entitled to receive THE OREGON FARMER in combination __ with this paper at the same rate as for this paper alone. This offer applies to all those who renew or extend their subscriptions as well as to all new subscribers. If you are interested di rectly or indirectly in Oregon agriculture, do not miss this unusual opportunity, but send your order in now. THE OREGON FARMER is the one farm paper which is devoting itself exclusively to the farming activities and interests of Oregon. It has a big organization gath- ering the news of importance __ to farmers, dairymen, fruitgrowers, ___________ and ___ __ , stockraisers poultrymen; and it has the backbone to at tack wrongful methods and combinations and bad legislation, and support honest leaders and beneficial measures. We are confident that our readers will congratulate us on our being able to make this splendid and at tractive clubbing offer. TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, 1 yr $1 50 OREGON FARMER, 1 year - $1.00 $2 50 By Our Clubbing arrangement, both for •••••• • » • £1*50 PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Surgeon S.P. Co. (I. O. O. F. Bldg.) Tillamook - - . . Oregon, w EBSTER HOLMES, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW COMMERCIAL BUILDING, FIRST STREET, TILLAMOOK, OREGON rp H. GOYNE, ATTORNKY-AT-LAW. Office: O pposite C ourt H ouse , Tillamook .... Oregon. QR. L. L. HOY, PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON T illamook B lock , Tillamook, - • Oregon. J OHM LELAND HENDERSON ATTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR-AT-LAW T illamook B lock , Tillamook - . . • iHegon. ROOM NO. 261. C. HAWK PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. .... Bay City J Oregon E. REEDY, D.VM., VETERINARY. Both Phones. Tillamook . . . Oregon. ^ARL HABERI.ACH, ATTORNEY. AT-LAW. T illamook B eim Tillamook . . . k ,Oregon