TILLAMOOK tìhJADLlQtìT, AUGUST 31. 1911
VICTIMS OF HUMOR.
#etor Knott and “Sun»»t” Cox Be
wailed Their Funny Toga.
■be late Proctor Knott seems to be
membered chiefly as tbe author of
e facetious Duluth speech, says the
>w York World. Yet he was a great
tvver, and as chairman of the bouse
mmittee on tbe Judiciary he had to
with serious and vastly Important
fairs. Mr. Knott’s single appearance
a humorist fixed his reputation for
I time, and no amount of profoundly
rious work could change IL
Samuel S. Cox had a similar experi-
ce with greater reason, for in early
'e he had cultivated the risibles
lite devotedly. Mr. Knott lived long
ougli to perceive that be was to be
entitled uot with learning or public
rvice. but with an oratorical exag-
ration, and Mr. Cox found In his ma
rity that tbe speakership, the goal of
I career, was denied him because it
is no place for a funny man.
Although never a humorist, Proctor
aott accomplished something with
tire antk irony in which most men
II.
He made himself understood,
rerbody knew that he was joking.
>l>ody ever demanded an explana-
m of his remarks on Duluth or a re-
n-tlou or an apology.
From that
•wpolnt. therefore, he was one of
B successful men of his generation.
MARK ANTONY’S TRICK.
Worked Like a Charm Till Cleo-
patra Learned the Secret.
According to Plutarch. Cleopatra i
is a votary of the piscatorial art, and
keen did the rivalry become be-
een her and Antony that he resort-
to tbe meanest artifices to insure
•tory. Mortified and Irritated by
? queen's superiority, he engaged
rers to take live fish and place them
bis hook. This was done so ex-
rtly that be pulled up fish after fish
rapid succession. Learning In some
ty the secret of bls suddeu success,
eopatra pretended to congratulate
tn and to admire bis dexterity, and
the same time she devised a cun-
tg means of revenge,
toother match was arranged, and I
it fishing began in the presence of a I
‘ge company of friends. Antony
ju had a bite and pulled up a large
Ited fish to his great disgust and
lid the loud laughter of all present,
le secret was out; Antony’s trick
is ei|xjsed. and once more woman’s
t had proved too much for man’s
tenuity. A diver, specially lnstruct-
by the queen, had got the start of
irony's and attached tbe salt fish to
) book. —Mathews In "Angling.**
The Yellowstone Wonders.
>r Arnold Hague shows that there
a strong contrast between tbe geo-
(leal conditions connected with tbe
sers of Iceland and those of the
lowstone park. Volcanic eruptions
y be said geologically to be »till
ng on in Iceland, while In tbe Yel-
rstone such action ceased many
lusands of years ago. The Yellow-
ne phenomena as seen today repre-
it a phase In the evolution of ther-
J springs. The tendency of a gey-
1 is to develop a hot aurface pool,
er which explosive action may cease
1 the geyser, as such, become ex-
rt. but this Is a very slow process.
. Hague rejects the idea that the
Bation of activity In a geyser Indi
es tbe dissipation of the original
rce of heat and ascribes it simply
i shifting of the channel of tbe as-
dlng waters.
A CITY IN THE SEA.
NAPOLEON LOVED SNUFF.
SOUTH SEA FASHIONS.
Ruins of an Anoiant Town on th» Bad
of the Adriatic.
I Near Rovigo, on the peninsula of
Istria, in tbe Adriatic sea. tbe ruins of
a large town are said to exist at tbe
bottom of tbe sea. It had been ob
served for some years that fishermen's
nets were sometimes entangled I d
what appeared to be masses of ma
sonry, of which fragments were
brought up from the sea bed. says the
Pall Mall Gazette. A diver declared
that he had seen walls and streets be-
low the water.
The city authorities decided to in
vestigate. They sent down a diver.
who. at the depth of 851 feet, found
himself surrounded on tbe bottom of
the sea by the ruined walls, undoubt
edly tbe work of man. Continuing his
explorations, he traced the line of
walls and was able to distinguish how
the streets were laid out He did not
see any doors or window openings, for
they were hidden by masses of seaweed
and incrustations. He traced the ma
sonry for a distance of 100 feet, where
he had to stop, as his diving cord did
not permit him to go farther.
Some people think that they identify
this lost town with the Island men
tioned by Pliny the elder under the
name of Cissa, near Istria. This island
cannot be found now, and It is thought
the submerged town may have been a
settlement on the Island that so mys
teriously disappeared.
And He Pinched th» Boxes as Well a«
the Pungent Duet.
Napoleon loved snuff; uot only on the
battlefield, but at home In the coun
cil, be had recourse to the dust, es
pecially when his schemes were Un
favorably received and he wished to
hide his uneasiness or impatience. Un
able to sit still in his elbow chair, he
would try in a thousand ways to divert
attention from himself, and among
other devices, as soon as be saw a
member’s eye fixed on him would
hold out his arm and shake his thumb
and forefinger, to signify that he wish
ed for a pinch of snuff. Not less tbau
four, and even six, snuffboxes dis
appeared in this manner during a sin
gle sitting, and it was not till he had
left tbe council chamber that be be
came aware of the larceny. So con
firmed was this habit that some of the
councilors, whose snuffboxes were
heirlooms or presents from foreign
princes, hit upon the expedient of car
rying cheap papier macbe or wooden
boxes for the emperor to pocket The
snuffboxes, however, always return
ed to their owners and in doiug so
were often found to have undergone
a very pleasant metamorphosis. By
some necromancy a wooden or tor
toise shell box, on coming out from tbe
Imperial pocket, was usually trans
formed Into one of gold, set around (
with diamonds, or bearing tbe emper-
ors miniature on the lid.—William I
Matthews, "Hours With Men and
Books.”
The Dusky Native Bella» Have Queer
Ideas About Dress.
It would be hard to find » spot where
the subject of dress does uot sway tbe
feminine mind. To the world at large
its observance causes either a great
deal of pleasure or a good store of
umusement. In the category of amuse
ment may be placed tbe proceedings of
the dusky belles described by Beatrice
Grimshaw In her book. “In the Strange
South Seas:’*
A lace trimmed garment of mine,
usually worn at night under the shel
ter of sheets and quilts, went to a Sun
day morning church as a best dress in
full daylight on the person of tbe laun
dress intrusted with my wash. The
funny side was so conspicuous that she
never got the reproof she deserved.
A certain flower toque made of pop
pies. a bloom unknown in the Pacific,
first drove tbe women of tbe island
half distracted with excitement, then
led thirty-six native ladies to appear
simultaneously at a dance wearing ex
cellent copies of my Paris model done
in double scarlet hibiscus from the
bush.
A wedding from which unfortunate
ly 1 was absent fnrulsbed the finest
display of native dress that took place
that year. The bride wore fourteen
silk dresses, not all at once, but one
after another, changing her dress
again and again during tbe reception
until the white spectators were fairly
giddy.
LIGHT REFLECTION
The Reason Why Foam Always Ap-
pears Whit» In Color.
When water or liquid of any color is
violently agitated small bubbles of
air are mixed up. with It, and thus
foam is formed, and its whiteness is
due to the fact that when light passes
from one medium to another of a dif
ferent refractive index it is always
reflected, and this reflection may be
so often repeated as to render the mix
ture impervious to light.
It is, then, this frequency of the re
flections of the limiting surfaces of
air and water that renders foam
opaque, and as each particle reflects
light In all directions so much light Is
reflected that the mixture appears
white.
To a similar cause Is due the white
ness of transparent bodies when crush
ed to powder. The separate particles
transmit light freely, but the reflec
tions at their surfaces are so numer
ous that the resulting effect is white.
Thus glass when crushed is a white
powder and Is opaque, but when It Is
put under water it once more becomes
transparent, because the water fills up
the interstices between the particles
and the reflections are destroyed. Salt
and snow are also common examples
of this condition.
How Roots Ponetrsto Hard Ground.
The extreme tips of a delicate root
are protected by a sheath set with
minute scales, which as it is worn
away by friction against the soli Is as
constantly replaced, so that it acts
as a wedge and the root thread Is car
ried down uninjured. Another aid to
penetration lies In the provision where
by the root as It pushes downward In
search of nourishment exercises a
slightly spiral, screwlike motion which
worms Its tip into the ground. An
other importsnt agent is the acid cell
sap. which exudes on to and dissolves
to some extent the rock or bard soil.
This may be tested by placing a small
piece of polished marble In a pot In
which a plant Is set and covering It
Money In the Laundry,
tree little heaps of silver and cop with earth. After some weeks the
coin lay on the laundry man's coun- marble will be found to have been cor
roded by tbe continuous action of this
That is mone; that 1 have Just add.
nd tied In the corners of custom
Why th» Spid»r W»» Th»r».
handkerchiefs." be said. "It Is
When Mark Twain In his early days
inge that with all the purses and
was editor of a Missouri paper a su
id bags manufactured for tbe ac-
perstitious subscriber wrote to him
I laudation of women so many of
saying that he had found a spider in
ni will still tie their money up in a
bls paper and asking him whether
idkerebief. Sending It to the laun
that was a sign of good luck or bad
Is funnier still. Every day we
The humorist wrote him this answer
out a little pile of unsuspected
printed it:
••th. and many a careless customer and
"Old subscriber—Finding a spider in
• her laundry back with nearly your paper was neither good luck nor
ugh money in tbe package to pay bad luck for you. Tbe spider was
bill.*’—New York Sun.
merely looking over our paper to see
One Species Produces a Sound Like How Infant Claeses In Some Foreign
Countries Are Handled.
the Snap of a Whip.
The man in tbe club had been talk
One does not think of butterflies as
school Inspector
making nn.v sounds, nor of caterpillars ing polities with tbe
until that gentleman decliued to dis
as noisy creatures, yet according to the
cuss tbe subject tiny more.
late Samuel Hubbard Scudder In
“We’ll talk about the youngsters
“Frail Children of the Air.” the care
themselves for a change.’’ be said
ful student will find some use for bis
"Do you know that both in France and
ears when observing the habits of
Belgium reading, writing and aritb
both. Says the author:
metic are being omitted from tbe
It is a fact that certain butterflies subjects taught In Infant schools? The
i produce sound during certain move children are simply taught to lie happy
ments, The "whip” butterfly when instead, And when they bring their
surprised makes a noise like the snap dinners to school the food has, under
of a lash i by opening and shutting its the official regulations, to be put into
wings in quick succession. Some hl- a basket. which must be labeled at
bernatlng butterflles when dlsturlied the school and set on a spacial etielf
make a faint hissing sound by slowly In a clean, airy place, Fancy such
depressing and raising their wings. regulations In England! Any old news
Tbe noise thus produced resembles paper and any cupboard is good
that made by blowing slowly through enough for our children.
closed teeth. Other sounds resemble
“in Germany toys are provided for
the friction of sandpaper.
play time, and all little children are
A large number of caterpillars make cotn|>elled to bring clean pocket band
sound by striking the bead against tbe kerchiefs to school, and they must
leaf on which they are resting or by have a bath once a week.
swinging tbe head from side to side,
"In Finland the tiniest children are
catching tbe mandibles in the rough taught to wash dolls, dust, sweep, look
ness of tbe leaf or on tbe silken after flowers, and so on, and In some
threads spun on It It Is said that a Japanese schools a resting room, with
certain kind of chrysalis when disturb a bed. Is provided, so that overtired
ed emits a slight, sharp chirp or click children may have a na pi*'—London
Answers.
ing noise.
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Bill and Hie Watch.
"Bill, can you give me tbe correct
time?" says one of Bill’s friends.
“Sure.” says Bill, dragging out hie
watch. "My watch was just ’levea
seconds slow at twenty minutes of 4
day l>efore yesterday afternoon, and I
don't believe It's varied more than a
quarter of a second since. It's now
twenty-two minutes sod seven sec
onds past 6.”
"Thanks, old man," says Bill’s
friend, who then drops his own watch
into bis pocket and goes on hla way.
Really be wasn’t so particular about
knowing tbe time himself as desirous
of giving pleasure to Bill, for tn- knows
that Bill is one of the few million nx-o
in tbe world who think each that Ills
w.itcb is a wonder and who feel them
selves flattered when their friends ask
them for the correct ili»e.-New York
Boa.
Caught Mae Saorat.
Tips to Traveler».
Take a caudle in your bag and a box
Old Podkiue lay back In bls cbalr la
of safety matches. When they are calm content, and. though bla wife waa
wanted you will be glad lhey were quite near him. be waa happy, for aba
put Id. Tbe space required for them bad not broken the silence for nearly
is small. A passenger on a steamer flee minutes
that was wrecked had a small candle,
He bad been married for Ove and
which enabled her to collect some of twenty long years, and Mrs. Podklua
her most valuable jh A scss I ous when almost dally during twenty-four of
the lights went out after the collision them bad disturbed tbe domestic peace
Carry a few pens In your ' ‘ bag If you by a too full exercise of her tongue
do not use a fountain |*u
You will I "My dear.** broke in Mrs P.. think
find that It Is worth while, as tbe ing It time aka as Id something to In
pens provided at some hotels and otb- terrupt tbe quiet. “1 eve by tbe paper»
er public places are often so bad tbat that a pet rifled Jaw two yards long
______
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it is impossible
to use them with any has been found In Cornwall **
satisfaction.-San Francis, o Chronicle
“Wbatr cried Podkins, starting up
"Now I know yoar secret
But yen
never told me your ancestors came
T»»t for Butter.
Uere is a test for butter so simple from that part of tbe world!**-Imodee
that any housewife can put it Into Advertiear.
________ practice: A e'ean piece of
successful
PeMW Adv,»».
white paper Is smeared with n little
There was a traveling man ouca who
of tbe suspected butter Tbe paper Is
Hto
then rolled up and set on fire If the found himself short of funds.
butter la pure the smell of tbe burnt flrat I bought, of course, waa <o wlra
paper Is rather pleasant, but tbe odor bla firm, which ho did. In a night let
Is distinctly tallowy if tbe “butter" ter be el plained the situation and ask-
Is made up wholly or in part of animal ad:
"How shall i act?"
fat.—Chicago News.
Tbe next moralng be got a day mee-
aage which was nothing if not IllomP
natlve:
"Act as if you were bcukv. ”-HM
Francisco Chronicle
which merchant is not advertising, so
that he can go to that store, spin bls
web across the door and lead a llfe^of
undisturbed peace ever afterward.
Protected Against Boras.
*> ’are himself from loss of time
•*d by callers who are a long
le In coming to the point, a Paris
rtlonary has bad put on his office
p « card bearing the words: "Be
""si as to abstain from speaking
>.v health or the weather or or the
** quotations. three subjects
1 which 1 am perfectly well ar
med Start at once on the matter
brings you here.”—London Tela-
ft,
Nursery Windows.
If tbe nursery window Is not pro
tected by outside bars hammer a large
screw or nail Into the groove of the
lower sash, so that tbe window cannot
be raised more than six Inches. If tbe
top sash is drawn down this is quite
enough for ventilation, and. no matter
bow ingenious or venturesome tbe lit
tie ones may be. they cannot wriggle
through the lower opening-PhUadel
Philip*» Reminder.
'IHp. father of Alexander, bad a
•at whose sole business It was to phis Press.
lnd bin that he was human. It
id accordingly that he never went
M.yb. Mery Ws. Ta.
Mrs. Nnwed—Mary. for
’
1 ibs house and. having returned.
T *•»» audience to any one with- think well have boiled
lir»t thia servant would say to him caper sauce Are there any cape« In
‘ 11‘“’■s In a loud voice. “Philip. tbe house? Mary-No. ma am Mja
Nnwed—Then go out in the garden
•rt but s man!”
god cut eotne -Harvard Lampoon.
W. A. WILLIAMS & CO.,
Next Door to Tillamook County Bank.
GOLDEN GATE
Sailing Days for month
of JUNE
FOR
TILLAMOOK, BAY CITY, GARIBALDI,
HOB SON VILLE,
And
all points
on
Tillamook Bay.
from
JOY IN THE SCHOOL
NOISY BUTTERFLIES.
A Hard Face.
Bobby’s papa, who Is a naval offi
cer, took him to call upon the family
of a brother officer who bad Just re
turned from a cruise to the tropics.
Among the treasures exhibited was
a large red and blue parrot, whose ap
pearance and conversational powers
proved most fascinating to the little
boy. While the grownups were en
gaged in talking over old times Bob-
by. left to his own devices, drew near-
er to the parrot’s cage, bent on mak-
Ing friends.
Presently there was a squawk from
the parrot and a little frightened cry
from Bobby, who ran to his father,
exhibiting a bleeding forefinger.
The little man was brave, though,
as liefitted the sou of a sailor. He
brushed away his tears and said:
“Gee, [>apu. but that bird has a hard
face!”—Harper's Magazine.
We Sell Them.
PORTLAND,
RUG. 10.
15. 21, 26 and 31.
Freight Received Daily at Dock
Foot of Washington Street.
J. R. GLADDEN, Agent, Til'atnook.
¿XPORT BEER,
KAISER BLUME.
Unsurpassed, Non intoxicating.
MALT TEA
STAR
BREWERY
Beer,
Special Brew
BOTTLED BY
THE
Columbia Bottling Co.,
Astoria, Oregon-
Noda Waters, Sipthonx, Bartlett Mineral
Water.
The Best Hotel.
THE ALLEN HOUSE,
J. P. AULiBN. Proprietor
Headquarters for Travelling Men.
Special Attention paid to Tourists.
A Eirst Class Table.
Comfortable Beds and Accommodation.
V
' '<
FIFTIETH ANNUAL
i
OREGON STATE FAIR S
SALEM,
d
O
O)
September 11-16, 1911.
HOME COMING WEEK.
LIVESTOCK, POULTRY AND AGRI
CULTURAL EXHIBITS.
RACES, FREE ATTRACTIONS
AND AMUSEMENTS.
Ferullo’s Greatest Band
Reduced Rates on all Railroads.
Send for Premium List and Entry Blanks.
PRANK MERBDITH, Secretary,
Salem. Oregon.
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