TILLAMOOK tìhJADLlQtìT, AUGUST 31. 1911 VICTIMS OF HUMOR. #etor Knott and “Sun»»t” Cox Be­ wailed Their Funny Toga. ■be late Proctor Knott seems to be membered chiefly as tbe author of e facetious Duluth speech, says the >w York World. Yet he was a great tvver, and as chairman of the bouse mmittee on tbe Judiciary he had to with serious and vastly Important fairs. Mr. Knott’s single appearance a humorist fixed his reputation for I time, and no amount of profoundly rious work could change IL Samuel S. Cox had a similar experi- ce with greater reason, for in early 'e he had cultivated the risibles lite devotedly. Mr. Knott lived long ougli to perceive that be was to be entitled uot with learning or public rvice. but with an oratorical exag- ration, and Mr. Cox found In his ma rity that tbe speakership, the goal of I career, was denied him because it is no place for a funny man. Although never a humorist, Proctor aott accomplished something with tire antk irony in which most men II. He made himself understood, rerbody knew that he was joking. >l>ody ever demanded an explana- m of his remarks on Duluth or a re- n-tlou or an apology. From that •wpolnt. therefore, he was one of B successful men of his generation. MARK ANTONY’S TRICK. Worked Like a Charm Till Cleo- patra Learned the Secret. According to Plutarch. Cleopatra i is a votary of the piscatorial art, and keen did the rivalry become be- een her and Antony that he resort- to tbe meanest artifices to insure •tory. Mortified and Irritated by ? queen's superiority, he engaged rers to take live fish and place them bis hook. This was done so ex- rtly that be pulled up fish after fish rapid succession. Learning In some ty the secret of bls suddeu success, eopatra pretended to congratulate tn and to admire bis dexterity, and the same time she devised a cun- tg means of revenge, toother match was arranged, and I it fishing began in the presence of a I ‘ge company of friends. Antony ju had a bite and pulled up a large Ited fish to his great disgust and lid the loud laughter of all present, le secret was out; Antony’s trick is ei|xjsed. and once more woman’s t had proved too much for man’s tenuity. A diver, specially lnstruct- by the queen, had got the start of irony's and attached tbe salt fish to ) book. —Mathews In "Angling.** The Yellowstone Wonders. >r Arnold Hague shows that there a strong contrast between tbe geo- (leal conditions connected with tbe sers of Iceland and those of the lowstone park. Volcanic eruptions y be said geologically to be »till ng on in Iceland, while In tbe Yel- rstone such action ceased many lusands of years ago. The Yellow- ne phenomena as seen today repre- it a phase In the evolution of ther- J springs. The tendency of a gey- 1 is to develop a hot aurface pool, er which explosive action may cease 1 the geyser, as such, become ex- rt. but this Is a very slow process. . Hague rejects the idea that the Bation of activity In a geyser Indi­ es tbe dissipation of the original rce of heat and ascribes it simply i shifting of the channel of tbe as- dlng waters. A CITY IN THE SEA. NAPOLEON LOVED SNUFF. SOUTH SEA FASHIONS. Ruins of an Anoiant Town on th» Bad of the Adriatic. I Near Rovigo, on the peninsula of Istria, in tbe Adriatic sea. tbe ruins of a large town are said to exist at tbe bottom of tbe sea. It had been ob­ served for some years that fishermen's nets were sometimes entangled I d what appeared to be masses of ma sonry, of which fragments were brought up from the sea bed. says the Pall Mall Gazette. A diver declared that he had seen walls and streets be- low the water. The city authorities decided to in­ vestigate. They sent down a diver. who. at the depth of 851 feet, found himself surrounded on tbe bottom of the sea by the ruined walls, undoubt­ edly tbe work of man. Continuing his explorations, he traced the line of walls and was able to distinguish how the streets were laid out He did not see any doors or window openings, for they were hidden by masses of seaweed and incrustations. He traced the ma­ sonry for a distance of 100 feet, where he had to stop, as his diving cord did not permit him to go farther. Some people think that they identify this lost town with the Island men­ tioned by Pliny the elder under the name of Cissa, near Istria. This island cannot be found now, and It is thought the submerged town may have been a settlement on the Island that so mys­ teriously disappeared. And He Pinched th» Boxes as Well a« the Pungent Duet. Napoleon loved snuff; uot only on the battlefield, but at home In the coun­ cil, be had recourse to the dust, es­ pecially when his schemes were Un­ favorably received and he wished to hide his uneasiness or impatience. Un­ able to sit still in his elbow chair, he would try in a thousand ways to divert attention from himself, and among other devices, as soon as be saw a member’s eye fixed on him would hold out his arm and shake his thumb and forefinger, to signify that he wish ed for a pinch of snuff. Not less tbau four, and even six, snuffboxes dis appeared in this manner during a sin­ gle sitting, and it was not till he had left tbe council chamber that be be­ came aware of the larceny. So con firmed was this habit that some of the councilors, whose snuffboxes were heirlooms or presents from foreign princes, hit upon the expedient of car­ rying cheap papier macbe or wooden boxes for the emperor to pocket The snuffboxes, however, always return­ ed to their owners and in doiug so were often found to have undergone a very pleasant metamorphosis. By some necromancy a wooden or tor­ toise shell box, on coming out from tbe Imperial pocket, was usually trans­ formed Into one of gold, set around ( with diamonds, or bearing tbe emper- ors miniature on the lid.—William I Matthews, "Hours With Men and Books.” The Dusky Native Bella» Have Queer Ideas About Dress. It would be hard to find » spot where the subject of dress does uot sway tbe feminine mind. To the world at large its observance causes either a great deal of pleasure or a good store of umusement. In the category of amuse ment may be placed tbe proceedings of the dusky belles described by Beatrice Grimshaw In her book. “In the Strange South Seas:’* A lace trimmed garment of mine, usually worn at night under the shel ter of sheets and quilts, went to a Sun­ day morning church as a best dress in full daylight on the person of tbe laun­ dress intrusted with my wash. The funny side was so conspicuous that she never got the reproof she deserved. A certain flower toque made of pop­ pies. a bloom unknown in the Pacific, first drove tbe women of tbe island half distracted with excitement, then led thirty-six native ladies to appear simultaneously at a dance wearing ex cellent copies of my Paris model done in double scarlet hibiscus from the bush. A wedding from which unfortunate­ ly 1 was absent fnrulsbed the finest display of native dress that took place that year. The bride wore fourteen silk dresses, not all at once, but one after another, changing her dress again and again during tbe reception until the white spectators were fairly giddy. LIGHT REFLECTION The Reason Why Foam Always Ap- pears Whit» In Color. When water or liquid of any color is violently agitated small bubbles of air are mixed up. with It, and thus foam is formed, and its whiteness is due to the fact that when light passes from one medium to another of a dif­ ferent refractive index it is always reflected, and this reflection may be so often repeated as to render the mix­ ture impervious to light. It is, then, this frequency of the re­ flections of the limiting surfaces of air and water that renders foam opaque, and as each particle reflects light In all directions so much light Is reflected that the mixture appears white. To a similar cause Is due the white­ ness of transparent bodies when crush­ ed to powder. The separate particles transmit light freely, but the reflec­ tions at their surfaces are so numer­ ous that the resulting effect is white. Thus glass when crushed is a white powder and Is opaque, but when It Is put under water it once more becomes transparent, because the water fills up the interstices between the particles and the reflections are destroyed. Salt and snow are also common examples of this condition. How Roots Ponetrsto Hard Ground. The extreme tips of a delicate root are protected by a sheath set with minute scales, which as it is worn away by friction against the soli Is as constantly replaced, so that it acts as a wedge and the root thread Is car­ ried down uninjured. Another aid to penetration lies In the provision where­ by the root as It pushes downward In search of nourishment exercises a slightly spiral, screwlike motion which worms Its tip into the ground. An other importsnt agent is the acid cell sap. which exudes on to and dissolves to some extent the rock or bard soil. This may be tested by placing a small piece of polished marble In a pot In which a plant Is set and covering It Money In the Laundry, tree little heaps of silver and cop­ with earth. After some weeks the coin lay on the laundry man's coun- marble will be found to have been cor roded by tbe continuous action of this That is mone; that 1 have Just add. nd tied In the corners of custom­ Why th» Spid»r W»» Th»r». handkerchiefs." be said. "It Is When Mark Twain In his early days inge that with all the purses and was editor of a Missouri paper a su­ id bags manufactured for tbe ac- perstitious subscriber wrote to him I laudation of women so many of saying that he had found a spider in ni will still tie their money up in a bls paper and asking him whether idkerebief. Sending It to the laun that was a sign of good luck or bad Is funnier still. Every day we The humorist wrote him this answer out a little pile of unsuspected printed it: ••th. and many a careless customer and "Old subscriber—Finding a spider in • her laundry back with nearly your paper was neither good luck nor ugh money in tbe package to pay bad luck for you. Tbe spider was bill.*’—New York Sun. merely looking over our paper to see One Species Produces a Sound Like How Infant Claeses In Some Foreign Countries Are Handled. the Snap of a Whip. The man in tbe club had been talk­ One does not think of butterflies as school Inspector making nn.v sounds, nor of caterpillars ing polities with tbe until that gentleman decliued to dis as noisy creatures, yet according to the cuss tbe subject tiny more. late Samuel Hubbard Scudder In “We’ll talk about the youngsters “Frail Children of the Air.” the care­ themselves for a change.’’ be said ful student will find some use for bis "Do you know that both in France and ears when observing the habits of Belgium reading, writing and aritb both. Says the author: metic are being omitted from tbe It is a fact that certain butterflies subjects taught In Infant schools? The i produce sound during certain move­ children are simply taught to lie happy ments, The "whip” butterfly when instead, And when they bring their surprised makes a noise like the snap dinners to school the food has, under of a lash i by opening and shutting its the official regulations, to be put into wings in quick succession. Some hl- a basket. which must be labeled at bernatlng butterflles when dlsturlied the school and set on a spacial etielf make a faint hissing sound by slowly In a clean, airy place, Fancy such depressing and raising their wings. regulations In England! Any old news Tbe noise thus produced resembles paper and any cupboard is good that made by blowing slowly through enough for our children. closed teeth. Other sounds resemble “in Germany toys are provided for the friction of sandpaper. play time, and all little children are A large number of caterpillars make cotn|>elled to bring clean pocket band sound by striking the bead against tbe kerchiefs to school, and they must leaf on which they are resting or by have a bath once a week. swinging tbe head from side to side, "In Finland the tiniest children are catching tbe mandibles in the rough­ taught to wash dolls, dust, sweep, look ness of tbe leaf or on tbe silken after flowers, and so on, and In some threads spun on It It Is said that a Japanese schools a resting room, with certain kind of chrysalis when disturb­ a bed. Is provided, so that overtired ed emits a slight, sharp chirp or click­ children may have a na pi*'—London Answers. ing noise. I I I i Bill and Hie Watch. "Bill, can you give me tbe correct time?" says one of Bill’s friends. “Sure.” says Bill, dragging out hie watch. "My watch was just ’levea seconds slow at twenty minutes of 4 day l>efore yesterday afternoon, and I don't believe It's varied more than a quarter of a second since. It's now twenty-two minutes sod seven sec onds past 6.” "Thanks, old man," says Bill’s friend, who then drops his own watch into bis pocket and goes on hla way. Really be wasn’t so particular about knowing tbe time himself as desirous of giving pleasure to Bill, for tn- knows that Bill is one of the few million nx-o in tbe world who think each that Ills w.itcb is a wonder and who feel them selves flattered when their friends ask them for the correct ili»e.-New York Boa. Caught Mae Saorat. Tips to Traveler». Take a caudle in your bag and a box Old Podkiue lay back In bls cbalr la of safety matches. When they are calm content, and. though bla wife waa wanted you will be glad lhey were quite near him. be waa happy, for aba put Id. Tbe space required for them bad not broken the silence for nearly is small. A passenger on a steamer flee minutes that was wrecked had a small candle, He bad been married for Ove and which enabled her to collect some of twenty long years, and Mrs. Podklua her most valuable jh A scss I ous when almost dally during twenty-four of the lights went out after the collision them bad disturbed tbe domestic peace Carry a few pens In your ' ‘ bag If you by a too full exercise of her tongue do not use a fountain |*u You will I "My dear.** broke in Mrs P.. think­ find that It Is worth while, as tbe ing It time aka as Id something to In pens provided at some hotels and otb- terrupt tbe quiet. “1 eve by tbe paper» er public places are often so bad tbat that a pet rifled Jaw two yards long ______ _____ it is impossible to use them with any has been found In Cornwall ** satisfaction.-San Francis, o Chronicle “Wbatr cried Podkins, starting up "Now I know yoar secret But yen never told me your ancestors came T»»t for Butter. Uere is a test for butter so simple from that part of tbe world!**-Imodee that any housewife can put it Into Advertiear. ________ practice: A e'ean piece of successful PeMW Adv,»». white paper Is smeared with n little There was a traveling man ouca who of tbe suspected butter Tbe paper Is Hto then rolled up and set on fire If the found himself short of funds. butter la pure the smell of tbe burnt flrat I bought, of course, waa ’are himself from loss of time •*d by callers who are a long le In coming to the point, a Paris rtlonary has bad put on his office p « card bearing the words: "Be ""si as to abstain from speaking >.v health or the weather or or the ** quotations. three subjects 1 which 1 am perfectly well ar­ med Start at once on the matter brings you here.”—London Tela- ft, Nursery Windows. If tbe nursery window Is not pro­ tected by outside bars hammer a large screw or nail Into the groove of the lower sash, so that tbe window cannot be raised more than six Inches. If tbe top sash is drawn down this is quite enough for ventilation, and. no matter bow ingenious or venturesome tbe lit tie ones may be. they cannot wriggle through the lower opening-PhUadel Philip*» Reminder. 'IHp. father of Alexander, bad a •at whose sole business It was to phis Press. lnd bin that he was human. It id accordingly that he never went M.yb. Mery Ws. Ta. Mrs. Nnwed—Mary. for ’ 1 ibs house and. having returned. T *•»» audience to any one with- think well have boiled lir»t thia servant would say to him caper sauce Are there any cape« In ‘ 11‘“’■s In a loud voice. “Philip. tbe house? Mary-No. ma am Mja Nnwed—Then go out in the garden •rt but s man!” god cut eotne -Harvard Lampoon. W. A. WILLIAMS & CO., Next Door to Tillamook County Bank. GOLDEN GATE Sailing Days for month of JUNE FOR TILLAMOOK, BAY CITY, GARIBALDI, HOB SON VILLE, And all points on Tillamook Bay. from JOY IN THE SCHOOL NOISY BUTTERFLIES. A Hard Face. Bobby’s papa, who Is a naval offi­ cer, took him to call upon the family of a brother officer who bad Just re­ turned from a cruise to the tropics. Among the treasures exhibited was a large red and blue parrot, whose ap­ pearance and conversational powers proved most fascinating to the little boy. While the grownups were en­ gaged in talking over old times Bob- by. left to his own devices, drew near- er to the parrot’s cage, bent on mak- Ing friends. Presently there was a squawk from the parrot and a little frightened cry from Bobby, who ran to his father, exhibiting a bleeding forefinger. The little man was brave, though, as liefitted the sou of a sailor. He brushed away his tears and said: “Gee, [>apu. but that bird has a hard face!”—Harper's Magazine. We Sell Them. PORTLAND, RUG. 10. 15. 21, 26 and 31. Freight Received Daily at Dock Foot of Washington Street. J. R. GLADDEN, Agent, Til'atnook. ¿XPORT BEER, KAISER BLUME. Unsurpassed, Non intoxicating. MALT TEA STAR BREWERY Beer, Special Brew BOTTLED BY THE Columbia Bottling Co., Astoria, Oregon- Noda Waters, Sipthonx, Bartlett Mineral Water. The Best Hotel. THE ALLEN HOUSE, J. P. AULiBN. Proprietor Headquarters for Travelling Men. Special Attention paid to Tourists. A Eirst Class Table. Comfortable Beds and Accommodation. V ' '< FIFTIETH ANNUAL i OREGON STATE FAIR S SALEM, d O O) September 11-16, 1911. HOME COMING WEEK. LIVESTOCK, POULTRY AND AGRI CULTURAL EXHIBITS. RACES, FREE ATTRACTIONS AND AMUSEMENTS. Ferullo’s Greatest Band Reduced Rates on all Railroads. Send for Premium List and Entry Blanks. PRANK MERBDITH, Secretary, Salem. Oregon. i I • i t. I I 3 I