T illamook
SILVER BOWL
SEEING A JOKE.
Jl of Water, and it Puzzled
* Week End Guest
j young politician in New
‘this story on blmself. He
■ recently to spend a week
buutry bouse where things
a notch or two more eiab-
hn be was accustomed to.
nd tn not a little awe of the
freon who was assigned to
kporary valet to him. The
me when this functionary
bls door on Sunday morning
|m It was 8 o'clock.
It. 1’1» get up." said tbe vte-
he solemn man disappeared
Btbroom. from wblcb pres-
bolse of water running Into
lb was audible. In half a
re tbe solemn person emerg-
| a large silver bowl full of
h which he approached tbe
It Depends on the Brand of Humor to
Which One la Accustomed.
Foreigners, as a rule, do not under
stand our wit and bumor. Sir Alfred
iJarnmwortb ouce remarked to me,
says a writer in the St Louis Globe
Democrat, that American bumor was
coarse and sometimes brutal. Mark
Twain and Finley Peter Dunne are
tbe only American humorists wbo are
accepted by Englishmen. On tbe other
hand, we do not appreciate tbe bumor
of I'uucb. tbe Englishman's delight
I bave yeen an Englishman laugb
heartily over a Joke in Punch that I ’
couldn't see any point to until It was
explained to me. and no doubt that
gentleman considered me as dense as
we consider them when we tell them a
runny story and get a sort of pained
look, ratber mystifying to be sure. In
stead of the laugb which was expected
It Is tbe local application of tbe Joke
that counts tbe world over Tbe fun
nlest thing I ever saw was tbe charge
a yearling Hereford bull made at a
barbed wire fence in tbe Texas Pan
handle. He struck tbe fence full tilt,
and the rebound cnused him to turn a
complete back somersault. He landed
on bls hoofs all right, and there be 1
stood all straddled out wltb a look or
astonishment on bte face that was al
most buman. It was so ludicrous that ;
I lay down in tbe mesquite grass and
rolled over In spasms of mirth. Then 1
be began to bawl like a whipped child,
turned tall and ran as from a bansbee.
I was at dinner In a Bradford club
and told about It expecting to get a
laugb. but all I got was this from Hon
Stnltb Feather, mayor of that York
shire city:
“By Jove. I didn't know those wire
fences were so strong.
It's a Jolly
good thing the poor brute wasn't tn
Jured.”
let have seen tbe astonlsh-
|y face.” said tbe New York-
■idn't conceal It. it was a
hr game to me. and 1 didn't
Ether 1 was expected to dip
in It or to drink It It was
■loment, but that man was a
I He realized my embarrass-
I be Just let drop in a cold and
I as if be bad outsiders to
| every day, the simple ex-
íperatnre of your bawtb.
York Sun.
EATER SEATS.
keying Indeed It Was Before
Ihey Wore Numbered.
who nowadays book tbelr
keband for tbe play cannot
of tbe discomfort of other
■stance of wblcb is given by
le In “Comedy Queens of the
Era.”
I Charles Matthews' newspa-
|gs.” be says, “contains a let-
a disgusted playgoer dated
1776. protesting against tbis
f 'permitting a footman to
¡ act or two of a play next to
of tbe first quality by way
ig a place for his absent mas-
WATERSPOUTS.
headlight , august
Chine ae a Bluffer.
Professor Ian C Hannah tn hie
book. “Eastern Asia—A History." says
that taxicabs, or, rather, automatic
registers attached to horse cabs, were
Invented about 630 A. D., durlug the
Tang dynastry In China In bls opin
ion tbe Chinese empire is “tbe great
est bluff in the world," and It sug
gests to him a very ancient Chinese
fable, which he relates.
A monkey was captured by a tiger.
He whined that be was thin and bls
flesh of poor taste, but he knew of a
fine fat donkey for the tiger. The ti
ger consented to be led to where the
donkey was tied. When the donkey
saw tbem coming he was frightened,
but recovered bis composure and bawl
ed In bls masterful donkey voice:
“Monkey, you used to bring me two
tigers. Why only one today?"
Tbe tiger did a record bustle back to
tbe Jungle.
China, says Professor Hannah, has
shown much of that donkey’s resource
fulness in its history.
*
amount of money a person has which
makes him or ber a parasite on soci
ety. but the way it is used.
“Tbe wife of an American million
aire," says Mrs. Schreiner, "was visit
ed by a woman, the daughter and wid
ow of a small professional man. She
stated that sbe was in need of both
food and clothing. Tbe millionaire's
wife gave ber a leg of mutton and two
valuable dresses. Tbe woman pro
ceeded to whine, though in vigorous
health, that she had no one to carry
tbem home for ber. Tbe American,
the descendant of generations of able,
laboring. New England Puritan wom
en, tucked the leg of mutton under
one arm and tbe bundle of clothes un
der the other and walked off down
the city street toward the woman's
dwelling, followed by the astonished
pauper parasite."
The Timtd Ono.
Aa odker in tbe army, noted for bls
bravery, langbed at a timid woman be
lauae sbe was alarmed st the noise
of a cannon when a salute was fired.
Tbe brave odk-er eotoeqnently mar
ried that timid woman, and six
months afterward be took off hl« t>oo<e
In «he ball when be came In late at
nlgbt -lx>ndon Telegraph
Loss of Time Means L'ss of Pay.
Many a Suffering Woman
Drags herself painfully through
her daily tasks, suffering from
backache, hendache, nervousness,
loss of appetite and poor sleep., not
knowing her ills are due to kidney
and bladder troubles. Foley Kid
ney Pills give quick relief from pain
and misery and a prompt return to
health anil strength. .No woman
who so suffers can afford to over
look Foley Kidney Pills. Chas. I.
Clough Co.
;
i
I
r
i B
AYOCEAN
Leaves PORTLAND Tuesdays.
,,
POR TLA ND Saturdays.
,,
BAYOCEAN Mondays.
„
BA YOCEAN Thursdays.
Round trip from Portland to
Bay ocean, $10.00.
Further information apply to
T B. POTTER REALTY CO.’S Office at
Bayocean, or phone.
Child Portraits Made by
Us are Child-Like.
Just as cur portraits of adults
possess strength and character.
We are experts in lighting
and posing, and our equipment
is complete. Come in and see
our line.
ai ■ • .« * * • •
i •
Monk's Studio,
The valued family re
■ cipes for cough and cold
i cure,
Next to the Post Office.
liniments, Tonics and
other remedies have as
careful attention here as
the most intricate prescrip
tions.
Our fresh, high grade
drugs will help to make
these remedies more effec
tive than ever.
Right prices
assured.
are ÿlso
The
Reliable Route
Steamer
“ Sue H. Elmore”
(CAPT P. SCHRADER)
CLOUGH,
Reliable Druggist.
Tillamook & Portland.
--------------------------------------- ’------------ ------------------------- >
Foley Kidney Pills
TONIC IN ACTION - QUICK IN RESULTS
Give prompt relief from BACKACHE,
KIDNEY and BLADDER TROUBLE,
RHEUMATISM, CONGESTION of the
KIDNEYS, INFLAMMATION of the
BLADDER and all annoying URINARY
IRREGULARITIES. A positive boon to
MIDDLE AGED and ELDERLY
HtOPLE and for WOMEN.
NAVK HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION
IA. Dari«, tS7 Wanhirurton BL, ConnernTill»
lad., is in hi*
year. lie writes us: ‘T have
lately suffered much from n>jr kidue« • and blad
der I had severe back aches and my kiduey action
was too frequent, causing mn to lone much Bleep
at night, and in my bladder there was constant
pain. I took Foley Kidney Pills for s<»mo time,
and am now free of all trouble and again able tc
bo up and around. Foley Kidney Pills have my
highest rocommeudatioD.*'
C.I. CLOUGH. Tillamook.
TOWER’S FISH
WATERPROOF
OILED
CLOTHING
will give you full value
for every dollar spent
and keep you dry in
the wettest weather.
SUITS »322
SLICKERS *12,92
POMMEL SUCkEilf-
•302
sat nnn^ict
AJ.T ower C o . B oston , us a .
Town C anadian C o uwrza Toaemo cm
--------
Leaves Portland, Couch St. Dock
Every Tuesday, Arrives Tillamook
Wednesdays.
Sailing for Portland, every Thursday or Friday
according to Tides.
PACIFIC NAVIGATION COMPANY.
H. C. LAMB, Agent,
S. ELMORE A CO,
Lamb’s Dock, Tillamook. Orc.
Agentn, Antoriu, Ore
I. W. W. BROWN, Agent,
Couch Street Dock, Portland, Oregon.
f/OREGDNÁGRICULTURAL COLLEGE
P diûniitinû
THE
k- INDUSTRIES
-----------;
Thl. Is tbe till* of a beautiful ee-pago HU whltb
will «bow aay boy or girl how w SUCCI» Bros •
pootal in Un null TODAT and 1« will bn nnnt ran
Tbe aim ef Uo Collega Io U «InUy and sosularlio
tb. induotrioo, and to corvo AU Uo pooplo. ItoSoro
couroo* In Agriculture. Civil tnglaooriag, Bloctrloal
Znglnoorlng. ■oobaaleal Zuginoortag. Blnln« Engin
oorlnc, Porootry. boaoootta. Science and Ari. Coa
morco. FbarmAoy and Muele. 7bo Collose eneas
September lad Catajos free.
Addroea BZOISTBAS. OSBGOB AOKICVLTVBAX
COLLtas. Corvelli*. Oregon.
------------------------- :—-i
MAJOR WEITZEL,
Registered No. 33271.
Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy
During lb« peel 36 year* no roue-
ody baa proven mora promt»* or
■poro «ffocwal In Ito aurea of
Coughs. Colds and CrouD
tBnnCbamboriatn’a Cough Bamedy In
many botano It la rolled upon a. Im
pIMtly aa the family pbyetclan I.ron
mlns no opina. or « ber narooUc, and
may bo given aa oonfldently to a baby
astone adult. Price 35c. large eta* MAe
Owe Virtue.
Tbe Lady-Poor tramp! Have you
OPPOSITE THE ALLEN HOUSE.
anything In yoer Hfe to he proud of?
Stillwell Ave. on-1 Fira
The Hot» Teseum I never beat no Corner
body out of no laundry Mil.-Toted»
St. West, and both Phones.
Blade
T<
The flecu Ocean Going
Yaeht
FAMILY
RECIPES.
Tillamook Bakery,
1
I
I
Attack Like Tigers.
In fighting to keep the blood pure
the white corpuscles attack disease
germs like tigers. But often germs
multiply so fast the little fighters
are overcome. Then see pimples,
boils, eczema, salt rheuiu and sores
multiply and strength and appetite
fail. This condition demands Elec
tric Bitters to regulate stomach,
liver and kidneys and to expel poi
sons from the blood. “They are the
best blood purifier,” writes C. T.
Budahn, of Tracy, Calif., “I have
ever found.” They make rich, red
blood, strong nerves and build up
your health. Try them.
50c at
Chas. I. Clough's.
Kidney trouble and the ills it
breeds means lost time and lost
pay to many a working man. M.
Ba lent. 1214 Little Penna St., Strea
tor, 111., was so bad from kidney
and bladder trouble that lie could
not work, but he says: '‘I took
Foley Kidney Pills for only it short
time and got entirely well and was
soon able to go back to work, and
am feeling well and healthier than
before.” Foley Kidney Pills are
Two Women.
tonic in action, quick in results--a
In her book “Woman and Labor" good friend to the working man or
Olive Schreiner gives an amusing Illus woman who suffers from kidney
tration of the fact that It is not tbe ills. Chas. I. Clough Co.
Old Tims Mariners Fought Them With
Noise and Cannon.
In tbe waterspout tbe medieval
The Size of Some Stare.
mariner saw a malevolent living mon-
M. Nordmann of the Paris observa
ster-a sea dragon. There were vari
ous means of combating tbem. Once tory believes that be has devised
all sailors carried black handled knives, a successful method of determining
fecency of tbe practice is wblcb the monster was believed to tbe diameters of stars by a comparison
of their effective temperatures with
* aggravated by tbe usual bold In special abhorrence.
tbe dirtiest servant of tbe
When a spout made its appearance tbelr parallaxes. In the case of some
I this duty, for tbe men of these knives were produced and point of the brightest stars be has reached
d figure are to prance be- ed In Its direction, waved In tbe air so Interesting results. Thus he finds that
• lady's chair with lighted as to make tbe sign of tbe cross or. ac Aldebaran, tbe bright star in Taurus,
'or bang like a rope of on- cording to tbe recommendation of cer is veritably a giant sun. the ratio of ita
fl her coach.'
tain contemporary authorities, driven diameter to that of our sun being
HDedy for this nuisance the i several times into tbe side of tbe ship. greater than that of tbe sun to the
this letter made tbe revolu- Certain passages from the gospel of planet Jupiter. This means that Aide
ggestion that tbe sittings in St. John weri recited aa charms baran has a diameter probably not less
than 8,000.000 miles, or more than
Should be numbered, a plan against waterspouts.
thirty times the distance from tbe
a not seem to bave occnr-
A loud noise of any kind was also
r one previously and which believed to be efficacious against tbem earth to the moon. On the other hand,
dopted till long afterward." —shouts, tbe clash of swords, tbe beat Sirius. or the dog star, to our eyes th*
brightest of all tbe stars, is, accord
Gentlewoman.
ing of drums and gongs, ete Tbe cus
Ing to M. Nordmann. but little larger
tom of firing cannon against water
than our sun.
Woman In Tibet.
spouts. says tbe Scientific American,
Bg the manners of Tibetans dates back at least as far as tbe rtx-
Juggernaut.
i writes: “Tbe male part • f teentb century. The original Idea ap
Juggernaut—or “lord of the world’
population is fond of meet- pears to have been to frighteo tbem
er for frivolous conversation away by tbe noise of the report, but in —was supposed to be one of tbe In
carnations of Krishna. The Idol Is
Itable and unsuitable occa-
tbe later times it was believed that tbe
formed of an irregular pyramidnl black
• most the men do is to go
watery column could be cut In twain
Bd robbing, Tbe domestic by the cannon ball and tbe spout thus stone, with two large diamonds to rep
resent eyes. The nose and mouth are
b as tending the cattle, col-
dissipated. It would be interesting to
painted vermilion. An Immense num
Bl. drawing water and. in
know whether tbe cannonading of wa
ber of pilgrims visit tbe idol annually,
ly thing. falls on tbe women.
terspouts is atlll sometimes practiced
wife is working incessantly
reaching up into tbe millions. Jogger-
It was certainly common much less
Ig tbe husband grows weary
naut worship used to be a terrible
than a century ago. It la hardly nec
less and does not go to her
thing, but it is not wbat It once was.
essary to say that it la entirely futile.
unless she is physically ln-
Tbe state allowance to the temple was
' doing any work at all. On
suspended by tbe Indian government
The Bawbee.
tbe women are as dexterous
In 1831. and tbe festivals nre growing
Englishmen are familiar with the
B. To catch any horse sbe
less and leas popular year by year
name
"bawbee."
applied
to
tbe
Scotch
if tbe troop, lay her band on
Tbe growing Intelligence of tbe people
halfpenny,
but
to
few
does
it
bring
tbe
ind quickly spring on to tbe
and tbe restraining Influence of tbe
is barebacked steed and ride association of a baby queen and a loy government are doing tbelr work, and
al
people.
It
appears
that
tbe
first
at
i direction sbe wishes Is an
Juggernaut is steadily losing ground.—
•at for any young Amdo wo- tempt at tbe portraiture of tbe unfor New York American.
tunate Mary, queen of Scots, was made
Icago News
in her infancy, and her small face was
Tea Tremona.
engraved upon tbe Scottish halfpen
The Oil Bird.
"1 used to be a tea taster in Han
nies
at
tbe
time
of
ber
coronation
In
the animal curiosities of
kow." said a New York tea dealer,
•rica la tbe “oli bird." of 1543. when the was but nine months "but I got a bad attack of tea tremeus
! It breeds In rocky caves. old. A number of these small coins and .had to give up tbe job. Tea
t its favorite baunta is tbe are still preserved, and it will be easi tremens is a recognized disease among
Trinidad. It lays ita eggs ly understood bow tbe name “bawbee."
Chinese tea tasters. These men don't
Bade of mud. and tbe young or baby, came to be given to tbe coin swallow a drop of tea from one week's
i prodigiously fat Tbe na- i bearing tbe effigy of tbe baby. Tbs
end to another. They simply bold tbe
I tbe fat down tn clay pots halfpenny of Scotland is still common tea In the mouth, get an Idea of Its
ce from it a kind of butter. ly called tbe bawDoe. although tbe baby aroma and then eject It but neverthe
I inhabited by tbe birds are : face no longer appears on IL—Pear less the aroma of tbe tea causes vio
feasible only from tbe tea. son'a
lent nervous attacks, with sleepless
I
■ -
biting of them la sometimes
ness and even hallucinations that are
Fsport
The Wise Bride.
known all over China as tea tremens
“Yes. the girls gave tbe bride a com
| bave never Lad delirium tremens
miseration ebower."
Word of Wrath.
bet If It’s one-half as bad as tbe tea
“rabbits" on board a Corn
“What tn tbs world is tbatT”
sort I pity tbe poor victim ”
-Why. they all told ber bow sorry
mark arouses the Ire of the
■Id tbe bated word be nt- they were she was going to marry
When a Soft Drink Is Hard.
' boat is leaving tbe harbor such a ma? as tbe coming bride-
“Tou are arrested on s very serious
ird expedition tbe speaker
charge, my g<K>d man." began tbe
d a fair chance of being
court looking at the man severely
board. Tbe mere mention
"Tou are accused of getting Into s
' destroys all chances of a
fight and hitting tbe complainant over
xidon Chronicle.
the bead with a bottle. Wbat bave
yen to say for yourself?"
"Tonr honor. I didn't mean to hnrt
th*
him
I never tboogbt that It would
hurt him very much, 'cause tbe bot
tie contained nothing but a soft drink."
returned the prisoner. — Milwaukee
Free Fanes
bave
17, 1011
Tbrev would net be ee many opan PE Cl AL TV IN ALL KINO Cf CfSIB
moeth* If «bere were Mt aa maur
epen earn. BaB.
ALL KIND Of HUS.
I
Having ao thoroughly established ard maintained hi>
reputation as one of the highest classed prize winning Stallions
of this coast, and the producer of colts that wins the blue ribbons
among the very best and highest classed colts of the state, it is
not necessary to comment on quality.
He wiil continue being at the Roger’s Livery Stable, in
Tillamook, until Monday, July loth.
Commencing at tint time will start for Nehalem, on Mon
day mornings and returning on Wednesday evenings until Sep
tember rst.
I will return to Tillamook County next summer with both
stallions, Major Weitzel, No. JJJ7r. and Lord Rex, No. 4W6J.
I am in the field for business.
Respectfully yours,
E. F ROGERS, VS.
Mutual Telephone.