TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT. DECEMBER 1. 1010.
RM HUMOR
Diversions That
it on the Bills.
TACTFUL QUERY.
Embarrassing Situation
■ Painful Silence Into e
|#hter—A Simple Notioe
n Audience Roar.
! bumor to tbe unlnten-
■be best comedy Is that
ITer been rehearsed or
but springs to life In
;ben everything of roc-
platform performer de
ciding the spot light of
attention through a cru
ised by unexpected dl-
, Involuntary humor of
Is worth remembering
For Instance:
time a lecturer reached
I. He had to get bls sup
dress between then and
heduled starting time.
;lv he dressed with more
I bad Intended, and two
if bls trousers failed to
t attention. This showed
> glare of the footlights,
his dress shirt protruded
he audience had a hard
jurteous and reconciling
mess of the speaker's ap
I the serious dignity and
lecture. Still, all would
II but for the fact that at
he address and while the
uit on the platform lu bls
dishabille the platform
i and announced tmpres-
number on this splendid
e given two weeks from
ir. Robert McIntyre, who
his celebrated lecture
> People.’ "
ice shrieked, and to this
the tender hearted for-
:boae people, that lecturer
w why the announcement
ere’s beautiful word pic-
created just that kind of
le Dr. Thomas E. Green
.d to the long Introduction
stood it as patiently ns
so did the audience, but
roducer ceased and bowed
I speaker of the evening
alked forward and said in
ilsterlal tone :
ig to add a phrase to tbe
:lug It read as follows:
traducers and our Intro-
Lord deliver us!’"
i u town committee Is can
lud takes ou a degree of
lever dreamed of or aspir-
i city committee. At one
Day. a makeup artist, was
scene* laying out Ills wigs.
.. when a committeeman
to see him. After the
itlugs the committeeman
3 goodness you’re better n
uber ou our course was!”
i Itr asked Mr. Day.
ell Conwell of Phlladelfy.”
>u like him?” asked Day in
said the committeeman.
>e before that?’
Powers of Boston.”
1 liked him, of course.”
rotten!"
□st did you bn ve before
ed Day, now prepared for
i-Iietak ar.d her cotnpa-
bear her?’
ly s kickin'. Bald she was
•roe taleut.”
aid Day. tbe sett led neas of
bls tone, “you'll like me!”
ips tbe best Instance of por
tion on the spur of the too-
ind in an anecdote Bob Bur
ied for as having been the
I of his illustrious content
II Nye.
Burbank were being starred
by Major Pond. They were
Canadian provinces and on
of the special episode were
l. British Columbia. Bur
doing heavy dramatic work
at ¡sMslble foil for Nye’s
•Ide racking bumor. But
len< e were several men who
reulng tasted too frequently
Ing bowl. These would oc-
break forth with remarks
model* of untimeilneoa.
'ben Burbank was in the
■ m.«t fascinating and trag
and tbe audience was bold
•th. one whose breath was
<O tw held t,UPM
into
•natch of song which utter
I’d and dto< ouraged tbs toc-
"* «peaker stopped, loot and
»»rood recall
< as tbe silence was begin
felt Nye stepped blandly
7 from behind tbe scenes.
*''• companion s arm
fhou<btfully over tbe boose
fcU4 bet distinct voice, bo
W MENTAL DISCORD.
STEALING A HORSE.
An Uncompromising Enemy to Happi
ness and to Health.
It is a law that every state of mind,
' whether good or bad. affects every cell
i in tbe system and to outpictured lu tbe
body, says Ortoou Swett Murden in
I Success Magazine. We are thus tbe
1 arbiters of our fate through our
' thoughts, emotlous and passions.
The time will come when we shall
' know bow to refresh ourselves by
mental chemistry—that to. by buldlug
' in our uiluds tbe antidotes of tbe
things that have wearied uo or vexed
us, by bolding the mental attitude
wbicb will neutralize tbe thought ene
mies tbut have thrown our bodies Into
confusion.
There to nothing so deadly to happi
ness as mental discord. It lmralyzes
the thinking ability aud destroys the
power of concentration and effective
ness.
All diseases and sickness of what
ever kind are the outplcturlng of some
form of discord. If the mind to kept
as happy as possible it to difficult for
discord to get a foothold in tbe body.
A happy mind to tbe best possible
health producer, disease killer and
discord destroyer.
,
For centuries man’s happiness was
looked upon by many earuest. think
ing people as a condition largely be
yond his control. They seemed to
think that It depended mostly upon
the temperament one hap|>eued to de
velop and that there were other things
of so much more Importance that we
should not consider it too seriously or
take precious time to cultivate It di
rectly.
We are beginning to find, however,
that even as an economical Invest
ment it pays Immensely to tnuke u
business of being happy and being
Just ns good to ourselves as possible,
although not In a selfish way. We
could not be good to ourselves in tbe
higher sense by being selfish.
A Cold Afghan Robber Who Had a
bsnss of Humor.
An East Indian officer, writing of
life in l’eshnwur lu the early seven
I ties of the last century, relates the
following:
The medical officer of my regiment
was informed one night that a valua-
■ ble aud favorite Arab steed of bto hud
beeu stolen. Over the border, gone
I forever, be never expected to see his
I horse again, but next day. much to his
i surprise, there came to him a bearded
ruffian riding bure backed tbe stolen
. steed.
Ho confessed that he bad taken tbe
animal, but. learning that It was tbe
property of a hakim (physician), had
brought it back. Tbe horse bad beeu
, tethered in line with others, with
1 men. women and children sleeping in
tbe open about them.
“How did. you manage it?” asked
the doctor.
"If the sahib will give tbe necessary
order." he said. "I will show him.”
The entire scene was reproduced,
even to the nlgbt watchmnu asleep In
a corner. Noiselessly tbe Afghan
crawled toward the Arnb. treading
Bnckelike through tbe prostrate forms
to where it was standing at tbe end of
the row. Softly hissing to attract the
animal’s attention without causing
alarm, he gently raised himself with
arm extended.
In bls open palm were some lumps
of goor (native sugar), beloved of
horses, nud while the Arnb was enjoy
ing these tbe man was caressing him
with the other hand, whence suspend
ed a watering bridle taken from bto
wallet. Quickly this was adjusted,
and then, stroking soothingly, tbe rob
ber passed bis band over tbe animal's
buck and dowu tbe hind quarters.
Swiftly the heel ropes were unhitched,
then tbe beud gear released, and with
a bound lie was astride and awuy. bls
right hand backward flung, shouting
triumphantly as be passed. "Thus was
it done!”
POET OF MANY VERSES.
The joke was that he uever came
An Anecdote of Pellegrin, an Eight back! A double restitution would have
been too much of a wrench.
eenth Century Bard.
The impecunious French poets of the
middle eighteenth century used to con
sort at the cafes, where sometimes
they would pick up customers. One of
the worst and at tbe same time tbe
most facile of the bards was Pelle
grin, of whom a characteristic story to
told in "An Eighteenth Century Mar
qulse.” One day a newcomer entered
tbe cafe and began complaining that
he was going to be married and bad
no eplthalamlnm for his wedding, Pel-
legrln hastened to offer one of bls own
compositions. A deal was soon ar
ranged. and the price agreed upon was
20 sous a verse. The poet disappeared.
Tbe bridegroom was presently accost
ed by a stranger, who began a con
versation on various subjects and sud
denly said:
"By the by. my friend, what price
are you paying Pellegrini’’
“Twenty sous a verse."
“IT tn.”
"Is that too dear?"
“No”—doubtfully—“not if you fixed
the length of the poem.”
“I never thought of doing that”
“When 1a be to bring your epltbala-
tnlum?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
“Tomorrow morning!” cried the
stranger. “Why. you must be rolling
In money!”
,
“What do you mean?”
“That you will have to pay for at
least a thousand verses.”
“Oh. wbnt a fraud f exclaimed the
bridegroom and rushed off to find Pel
legrin in his attic. Tbe versifier bad
Just completed his hundredth verse.
J
Î
Ì
T. BOiTS,
I TT
A ttornky - at -L aw .
A- -L »
Complete set of Ab.tract Books
in office. Taxes paid for non-
Residents.
The Fast Steamer
GOLDEN
GATE
Office opposite Post Offiee.
Roth phones.
C arl
haberlach ,
Leaves Tillamook for
ATTORNEY AT-LAW,
£>eiit«cher Jtbvohat,
Rstotua and Portland,
i
I Office Rcroa* the street aod north from
the Post Office.
THURSDAY of
[Q.EORGK WILLETT,
Each Week
A ttorney
at -L aw .
Next to Tillamook County
Bank,
Freight and Passengers.
T illamook
-
O regon
GOYNE,
A ttornkv - at L aw .
FOR RATES—ADDRESS J. R. GLADDEN, Agent
Office : Opposite Court House,
T illamook , O regon .
T. Hl‘ALS, V.D,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
TILLAMOOK.
Oflic*. OI m > i > Builtlnia.
A live business training school. Endorsed by business men. Reaiiknre ; Mpe. Wrun»' h«mæ,
Mn Wölkt»>
The school whose graduates secure positions and hold them.
Living expenses low. School in continuous session. Send
for catalogue.
M. KER RON,
W. I STALEY, Principal.
nf
Salem, Ore
PHYSICIAN &
A MAN'S WHISKERS.
atri
C oncrktk
The Best Hotel.
SURGEON,
B uilding .
Thay Should Not Bo Renovated With
Oregon.
Tillamcok
the Shoebrueh.
If men would devote as much loving
care to tbelr whiskers as women do to
J. P. ALLEN. Proprietor.
their hair they would contribute great
ly to increasing tbe dignity of tbe sex.
A woman wouldn't think of coming
Headquarters for Travelling Men.
PHYSICIAN A SURGEON,
downtown without having her hair
Special Attention paid to Tourists.
Office orrr J. A
Ar to.
properly arranged. She combs it. and
Tillnmooh. Ort.
fusses with it. and pads it out with
A First Class Table. Comfortable Beds and Accommodation.
rats, and puts wire cages under it. and
runs ribbons through it, and she to a
vision of loveliness when she appears
(1 IIAWK,
in the busy haunts of men.
•
I
But a man gives his whiskers no at
FAMILY
tention further than to brush tbe egg
thooo you hove l»oen in the habit of paviap.
PHYSICIAN <t SURGEON,
shells or clam chowder out of them With
•nd job will
that we offer ?ou s euhetaatial ear
RECIPES.
on all work and you cannot tret bettor painless
with the shoebruah. It never seems to ing
work anywhere, no matter how much you pay.
occur to him that bto whiskers might
We finish piste and
BAY CITY, OREGON.
bridge work for out-
be made beautiful if he would devote
of-town vstrons in
«1
day if desired.
one-half the time to them that a worn
The valued family re-
nl»ton ertrectirm
free when y ate« or
an gives to her hair. He might easily
bridtre work is order
cipcs
tor cough and culd
R. BEALS,
•4. ConBultitien Irae.
have made a wire cage to attach to
tonics
and
cure,
liniments,
Mehr Crews* $5 00
bto chin, and then be could weave bto
other remedies have as
22k,Bndt.r.«n4.0l)
whiskers around it In captivating
REAL ESTATE,
GoWOllirr«
1 00
careful attention herr as
styles and tie the ends together with
fn>mel Fillings 1.00
F inancial A gent ,
the most intricate prescrip
a pink or blue ribbon.
.60
Silver Fillings
Gand Rubber
The alfalfa editor gets tired of see
tions.
5.00
Piefee
Tillamook, Oregon.
ing tbe same old fashions In whiskers
Bert Red Rubber
7.50
Retee
-----
grade
Our
fresh,
high
wheu It would be so easy to devise m W 1 win tamni w, > mm .. , ••«)«•
t.lr'l»«
60
.. • .50
new and striking ways of wearing
drugs will help to make
w
m«-« ■ -Hn«
aaav «n«o»«
R P. J. SHARP,
them.
All work toll, auar»n«~d tor nflrwa raam
these remedies more effet-
There should be a whiskers club In
tive than ever.
Emporia. If such an organization
RESIDENT DENTIST,
Painless Dentists
were formed and tbe members held
r.llliw »«lldlnz. Third .nd WMlUoaton PORTl*«. Mt
Right prices are also
weekly meetings to exchange Ideas
0Mr.i..r> tan ».•» w to«n. IV)
Office across the street frotr llir
assured.
and compare notes the results would
Court House.
soon be apparent. The town’s whls
Did You Ever Try
kers would soon become distinctive,
Dr. Wise’s office.
and tbelr reputation would cover tbs HARRIS’S' NEW FEED AM»
A Sartorial Freak.
CLOUGH,
I
Food to "chow” in tbe east, meals country.
LIVERY BARN,
SA RUH ET,
Let us have a new deal In spinach.—
are "tiffin." and an I. O. U. la a “chit,”
Reliable Druggist.
If not, give him a call.
China and India making these addl Emporia Gazette.
L . The Fashionable Tailor.
Hons to dietetic nomenclature.
Everything first-class. Second
Tbe moat shocking sartorial thing
A Deadly Weapon.
("•ea’jing, Pttssmg and Repair
visible in the east to tbe dinner jacket
There Is a horrible weapon favored
Notice of Bale of Tide Landa.
block South of P.O.
of white duck affected by tbe British by certain of the hill tribes In tbe
ing a Specialty.
N uticb
is
IfgBgwv OlWBit,—That ths
and. ulaa, by some expatriated Ameri Ghauts of western Asia, which con
4Uite Land Board «»f the hint» «4 »»rrgon
W. G. HARRIS, Prop.
will sell to the highest bidder ■< its office In
cana. It Is cut very short, barely •tots of four sharp, curved blades hid
Store in IleiD» Photographic
the CnpHol H’llldiag at walem. Oregon <»•
reaching the suspender buttons, and den under tbe fingers and securely held
OrcemlH-r 27. 1V1«» at 1UUU o'clock a m
of said day. all the htntr'e Inicrrwt in »he
Hares widely In front. High collar in place by rings passing over two of
Gallery.
tide aodoretl!«»w lands hereinafter <1« m *pitted.
and black tie complete tne abominable them. With such a contrivance Bbl
Riving, however t<» the owner or owntri of
any lande nbuttlnx of fronting on
Mt»dw
combination. Yet uo Briton can eat vajl, tbe Maratba hero, la credited
..nd oversow lande. the prwfrrriM-v rfght
bls evening meal without being thus with having disemboweled bis Mo
N S WHITEHOUSE St
to owrehaae eaid twie and overflow lands at
the highest price offired provide«! soch offer
garbed. White duck "pants." of hammedan overlord when making •
is made in go«>4 faith and ale«» providing
SON,
course, cover tbe unmentionables. Tbe pretense of rendering him bls humble
that the land will not Ire sold nor an» offer
thrrei<»r accepted f<»r less than >7 5«» per
white suits of Mark Twain and Frank
INSURANCE,
FIRE,
robmlaalon. Tbe vagnaks (“tiger’a
acre, the Board reserving the right to reject
Vanderltp wbk-b once excited New
any and all bids
Raid lande are situated
MARINE,
ACCIDENT.
claws"),
as
they
are
called,
are
die
in Tillamooh Count r. Oregon, and describe«!
York are outdone and quite as a mat
tlnctly more brutal than their western
BONDS, Etc.
as follows
ter of course. —New York World.
lande fronting sn<l abutting on L'»t
prototype, the "knuckle duater"— For Stomach Trouble, Sluggmh No. Tide
5 of Section 4. T 2 N W lo W
T illamook .
Ossax
Peginning at a point
Wide World Magazine
________ _ 4 ____
o
Both Phones.
Barrett Wsndell’s Pun.
and _____________
V T 2 M M
Liver and Habitual Conatipation. line between flections
„
_
______ i» t lie high watrrof bchnku’
W..
mteri
When Professor Wendell of Harvard
. located H nv &!' W 47. 54 »* fret fron»
Its Daatinatien.
It cures by aiding oil of the t Hay
entered upon bto Sabbatical year be
H« corner common to Bert ione 3 4 V and
"Ilarv's a nickel." aald a thrifty digestive organs—gently stimu |U and running »hence
remained In Cambridge some weeks
’leaf *
7 «ret «o tow water
•. “ “
after bls leave of absence began and housewife to a tramp at her door lates the liver and regulates the
“
Now.
what
are
you
going
to
do
with
•SI
.1
feet atoag tow watet
N
persisted lu taking part In tbe depart
bowels—the only way that
mental meeting. Tbe bead of tbe de itr
«77
0
teet
atoa« tow « ater
N
"Weil, mum.” replied tbe hungry chronic constipation can be
partment protested
ate»
N
"Sir." said be. "you an» officially ab man. “if I buy a Pairing ear I shan't cured. Eepeciallyrecommended
wnt er
W
,
St.
•
atoag
•)«»
have
«sough
left
to
pay
my
chauffeur:
•
sent. You are non eat.”
women and
children.
"Oh. Very well." replied Professor If I purchsae a steam yacht there for
w V.M I <wt «)■•«« b<ah water
B.
a irfac*
toalwnto« cornatola.
Wend-Hl; "a non est man to tbe noblest won't be enough left to defray tbe coat Clears blotched complexions.
»ere«
r»«s a«w1 W4« •h«»aH
•44'««►•€♦
work of God - Ruccee* Magaziue
I of manning ber. ao I guess, mum. I'll Pleasant to take. Reiuse sukstitstea.
Bros»«. Clerk Mata L«»*4 R< ar4
get a arbooeer and handle it myself
rg.»M »«4 market
Ap|f'*i»’w
Sold bvChas. I. Clough
Everybody's Magazine
iMiri-baae tklr lande
A Matter •« Che.ce.
O G IBR o WN
An old darky servant devoted
Clert »««te Land Board
Nat an Unmiaad Evil.
Oitîl tbUO.’t>Srf 4 IB1M-
GRADUATE NURSE.
“Poverty baa Ita Messina«." «aid the
KILL.™«
pbllooophlc friend
CURE ™« LUNCE
MRS. PAGES HOUS I
•Thafa right." replied Mr Sudden
s VIERECK.
gift "It was annovlog to be wiped
ORE.
net to Wall street aa I was last week
Tillamook Bakery. TI LIA MOOR. •
Rat It pat aa Immediate stop to two
threatened breach of promtoa auRs"-
OFFMirr THf Alli* HOUSE-
i
THE ALLEN HOUSE,
Compare Our Prices
Wise Dental Co.,i™
I
Fbley’s
Orino
I
c
mb
couch
New Discovtry
fMCsüír*
kM from cry tag"
■^oo hadr
-I shaaM aay •» Dara ■
<brt
eMT naaitoa whoa ft to hato« •■■■’*
-Loatovlua Coartar Journal
at au pw*T ase urne Tweusm
anta a TMP BATISF JtXTTOT
OB BOMBT MTVMDKD
Corner
Millwell ?.ve and Fira«
St. Weat. and both f'honea
IFECtAlTY Ft All KINO OF CAKit
All KINO «f BRtAO.
»