TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT. DECEMBER 1. 1010. RM HUMOR Diversions That it on the Bills. TACTFUL QUERY. Embarrassing Situation ■ Painful Silence Into e |#hter—A Simple Notioe n Audience Roar. ! bumor to tbe unlnten- ■be best comedy Is that ITer been rehearsed or but springs to life In ;ben everything of roc- platform performer de­ ciding the spot light of attention through a cru­ ised by unexpected dl- , Involuntary humor of Is worth remembering For Instance: time a lecturer reached I. He had to get bls sup­ dress between then and heduled starting time. ;lv he dressed with more I bad Intended, and two if bls trousers failed to t attention. This showed > glare of the footlights, his dress shirt protruded he audience had a hard jurteous and reconciling mess of the speaker's ap I the serious dignity and lecture. Still, all would II but for the fact that at he address and while the uit on the platform lu bls dishabille the platform i and announced tmpres- number on this splendid e given two weeks from ir. Robert McIntyre, who his celebrated lecture > People.’ " ice shrieked, and to this the tender hearted for- :boae people, that lecturer w why the announcement ere’s beautiful word pic- created just that kind of le Dr. Thomas E. Green .d to the long Introduction stood it as patiently ns so did the audience, but roducer ceased and bowed I speaker of the evening alked forward and said in ilsterlal tone : ig to add a phrase to tbe :lug It read as follows: traducers and our Intro- Lord deliver us!’" i u town committee Is can lud takes ou a degree of lever dreamed of or aspir- i city committee. At one Day. a makeup artist, was scene* laying out Ills wigs. .. when a committeeman to see him. After the itlugs the committeeman 3 goodness you’re better n uber ou our course was!” i Itr asked Mr. Day. ell Conwell of Phlladelfy.” >u like him?” asked Day in said the committeeman. >e before that?’ Powers of Boston.” 1 liked him, of course.” rotten!" □st did you bn ve before ed Day, now prepared for i-Iietak ar.d her cotnpa- bear her?’ ly s kickin'. Bald she was •roe taleut.” aid Day. tbe sett led neas of bls tone, “you'll like me!” ips tbe best Instance of por­ tion on the spur of the too- ind in an anecdote Bob Bur­ ied for as having been the I of his illustrious content II Nye. Burbank were being starred by Major Pond. They were Canadian provinces and on of the special episode were l. British Columbia. Bur doing heavy dramatic work at ¡sMslble foil for Nye’s •Ide racking bumor. But len< e were several men who reulng tasted too frequently Ing bowl. These would oc- break forth with remarks model* of untimeilneoa. 'ben Burbank was in the ■ m.«t fascinating and trag and tbe audience was bold •th. one whose breath was eued to de­ velop and that there were other things of so much more Importance that we should not consider it too seriously or take precious time to cultivate It di­ rectly. We are beginning to find, however, that even as an economical Invest­ ment it pays Immensely to tnuke u business of being happy and being Just ns good to ourselves as possible, although not In a selfish way. We could not be good to ourselves in tbe higher sense by being selfish. A Cold Afghan Robber Who Had a bsnss of Humor. An East Indian officer, writing of life in l’eshnwur lu the early seven I ties of the last century, relates the following: The medical officer of my regiment was informed one night that a valua- ■ ble aud favorite Arab steed of bto hud beeu stolen. Over the border, gone I forever, be never expected to see his I horse again, but next day. much to his i surprise, there came to him a bearded ruffian riding bure backed tbe stolen . steed. Ho confessed that he bad taken tbe animal, but. learning that It was tbe property of a hakim (physician), had brought it back. Tbe horse bad beeu , tethered in line with others, with 1 men. women and children sleeping in tbe open about them. “How did. you manage it?” asked the doctor. "If the sahib will give tbe necessary order." he said. "I will show him.” The entire scene was reproduced, even to the nlgbt watchmnu asleep In a corner. Noiselessly tbe Afghan crawled toward the Arnb. treading Bnckelike through tbe prostrate forms to where it was standing at tbe end of the row. Softly hissing to attract the animal’s attention without causing alarm, he gently raised himself with arm extended. In bls open palm were some lumps of goor (native sugar), beloved of horses, nud while the Arnb was enjoy­ ing these tbe man was caressing him with the other hand, whence suspend­ ed a watering bridle taken from bto wallet. Quickly this was adjusted, and then, stroking soothingly, tbe rob­ ber passed bis band over tbe animal's buck and dowu tbe hind quarters. Swiftly the heel ropes were unhitched, then tbe beud gear released, and with a bound lie was astride and awuy. bls right hand backward flung, shouting triumphantly as be passed. "Thus was it done!” POET OF MANY VERSES. The joke was that he uever came An Anecdote of Pellegrin, an Eight­ back! A double restitution would have been too much of a wrench. eenth Century Bard. The impecunious French poets of the middle eighteenth century used to con­ sort at the cafes, where sometimes they would pick up customers. One of the worst and at tbe same time tbe most facile of the bards was Pelle­ grin, of whom a characteristic story to told in "An Eighteenth Century Mar qulse.” One day a newcomer entered tbe cafe and began complaining that he was going to be married and bad no eplthalamlnm for his wedding, Pel- legrln hastened to offer one of bls own compositions. A deal was soon ar­ ranged. and the price agreed upon was 20 sous a verse. The poet disappeared. Tbe bridegroom was presently accost­ ed by a stranger, who began a con­ versation on various subjects and sud­ denly said: "By the by. my friend, what price are you paying Pellegrini’’ “Twenty sous a verse." “IT tn.” "Is that too dear?" “No”—doubtfully—“not if you fixed the length of the poem.” “I never thought of doing that” “When 1a be to bring your epltbala- tnlum?” “Tomorrow morning.” “Tomorrow morning!” cried the stranger. “Why. you must be rolling In money!” , “What do you mean?” “That you will have to pay for at least a thousand verses.” “Oh. wbnt a fraud f exclaimed the bridegroom and rushed off to find Pel­ legrin in his attic. Tbe versifier bad Just completed his hundredth verse. J Î Ì T. BOiTS, I TT A ttornky - at -L aw . A- -L » Complete set of Ab.tract Books in office. Taxes paid for non- Residents. The Fast Steamer GOLDEN GATE Office opposite Post Offiee. Roth phones. C arl haberlach , Leaves Tillamook for ATTORNEY AT-LAW, £>eiit«cher Jtbvohat, Rstotua and Portland, i I Office Rcroa* the street aod north from the Post Office. THURSDAY of [Q.EORGK WILLETT, Each Week A ttorney at -L aw . Next to Tillamook County Bank, Freight and Passengers. T illamook - O regon GOYNE, A ttornkv - at L aw . FOR RATES—ADDRESS J. R. GLADDEN, Agent Office : Opposite Court House, T illamook , O regon . T. Hl‘ALS, V.D, PHYSICIAN & SURGEON, TILLAMOOK. Oflic*. OI m > i > Builtlnia. A live business training school. Endorsed by business men. Reaiiknre ; Mpe. Wrun»' h«mæ, Mn Wölkt»> The school whose graduates secure positions and hold them. Living expenses low. School in continuous session. Send for catalogue. M. KER RON, W. I STALEY, Principal. nf Salem, Ore PHYSICIAN & A MAN'S WHISKERS. atri C oncrktk The Best Hotel. SURGEON, B uilding . Thay Should Not Bo Renovated With Oregon. Tillamcok the Shoebrueh. If men would devote as much loving care to tbelr whiskers as women do to J. P. ALLEN. Proprietor. their hair they would contribute great­ ly to increasing tbe dignity of tbe sex. A woman wouldn't think of coming Headquarters for Travelling Men. PHYSICIAN A SURGEON, downtown without having her hair Special Attention paid to Tourists. Office orrr J. A Ar to. properly arranged. She combs it. and Tillnmooh. Ort. fusses with it. and pads it out with A First Class Table. Comfortable Beds and Accommodation. rats, and puts wire cages under it. and runs ribbons through it, and she to a vision of loveliness when she appears (1 IIAWK, in the busy haunts of men. • I But a man gives his whiskers no at­ FAMILY tention further than to brush tbe egg thooo you hove l»oen in the habit of paviap. PHYSICIAN mel Fillings 1.00 F inancial A gent , the most intricate prescrip­ a pink or blue ribbon. .60 Silver Fillings Gand Rubber The alfalfa editor gets tired of see­ tions. 5.00 Piefee Tillamook, Oregon. ing tbe same old fashions In whiskers Bert Red Rubber 7.50 Retee ----- grade Our fresh, high wheu It would be so easy to devise m W 1 win tamni w, > mm .. , ••«)«• t.lr'l»« 60 .. • .50 new and striking ways of wearing drugs will help to make w m«-« ■ -Hn« aaav «n«o»« R P. J. SHARP, them. All work toll, auar»n«~d tor nflrwa raam these remedies more effet- There should be a whiskers club In tive than ever. Emporia. If such an organization RESIDENT DENTIST, Painless Dentists were formed and tbe members held r.llliw »«lldlnz. Third .nd WMlUoaton PORTl*«. Mt Right prices are also weekly meetings to exchange Ideas 0Mr.i..r> tan ».•» w to«n. IV) Office across the street frotr llir assured. and compare notes the results would Court House. soon be apparent. The town’s whls Did You Ever Try kers would soon become distinctive, Dr. Wise’s office. and tbelr reputation would cover tbs HARRIS’S' NEW FEED AM» A Sartorial Freak. CLOUGH, I Food to "chow” in tbe east, meals country. LIVERY BARN, SA RUH ET, Let us have a new deal In spinach.— are "tiffin." and an I. O. U. la a “chit,” Reliable Druggist. If not, give him a call. China and India making these addl Emporia Gazette. L . The Fashionable Tailor. Hons to dietetic nomenclature. Everything first-class. Second Tbe moat shocking sartorial thing A Deadly Weapon. ("•ea’jing, Pttssmg and Repair­ visible in the east to tbe dinner jacket There Is a horrible weapon favored Notice of Bale of Tide Landa. block South of P.O. of white duck affected by tbe British by certain of the hill tribes In tbe ing a Specialty. N uticb is IfgBgwv OlWBit,—That ths and. ulaa, by some expatriated Ameri­ Ghauts of western Asia, which con 4Uite Land Board «»f the hint» «4 »»rrgon W. G. HARRIS, Prop. will sell to the highest bidder ■< its office In cana. It Is cut very short, barely •tots of four sharp, curved blades hid Store in IleiD» Photographic the CnpHol H’llldiag at walem. Oregon <»• reaching the suspender buttons, and den under tbe fingers and securely held OrcemlH-r 27. 1V1«» at 1UUU o'clock a m of said day. all the htntr'e Inicrrwt in »he Hares widely In front. High collar in place by rings passing over two of Gallery. tide aodoretl!«»w lands hereinafter <1« m *pitted. and black tie complete tne abominable them. With such a contrivance Bbl Riving, however t<» the owner or owntri of any lande nbuttlnx of fronting on Mt»dw combination. Yet uo Briton can eat vajl, tbe Maratba hero, la credited ..nd oversow lande. the prwfrrriM-v rfght bls evening meal without being thus with having disemboweled bis Mo­ N S WHITEHOUSE St to owrehaae eaid twie and overflow lands at the highest price offired provide«! soch offer garbed. White duck "pants." of hammedan overlord when making • is made in go«>4 faith and ale«» providing SON, course, cover tbe unmentionables. Tbe pretense of rendering him bls humble that the land will not Ire sold nor an» offer thrrei<»r accepted f<»r less than >7 5«» per white suits of Mark Twain and Frank INSURANCE, FIRE, robmlaalon. Tbe vagnaks (“tiger’a acre, the Board reserving the right to reject Vanderltp wbk-b once excited New any and all bids Raid lande are situated MARINE, ACCIDENT. claws"), as they are called, are die in Tillamooh Count r. Oregon, and describe«! York are outdone and quite as a mat­ tlnctly more brutal than their western BONDS, Etc. as follows ter of course. —New York World. lande fronting snSrf 4 IB1M- GRADUATE NURSE. “Poverty baa Ita Messina«." «aid the KILL.™« pbllooophlc friend CURE ™« LUNCE MRS. PAGES HOUS I •Thafa right." replied Mr Sudden s VIERECK. gift "It was annovlog to be wiped ORE. net to Wall street aa I was last week Tillamook Bakery. TI LIA MOOR. • Rat It pat aa Immediate stop to two threatened breach of promtoa auRs"- OFFMirr THf Alli* HOUSE- i THE ALLEN HOUSE, Compare Our Prices Wise Dental Co.,i™ I Fbley’s Orino I c mb couch New Discovtry fMCsüír* kM from cry tag" ■^oo hadr -I shaaM aay •» Dara ■