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TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, JANUARY 6. 1910
BOlTS,
T.
Gladdening a Humorist.
The financial burden which Mark
Twain carried some years ago weigh'd
on bln mind beavlly. tn those mo
menta of despondency there was ou*
tactful friend who could make the hu
morist forget bia troubles. This was
Dan Beard, tbe artist who Illustrated
some of Twain's books.
“Dan Heard, there Is no tonic that
can equal tbe company of a cheerful
mail." said tbe humorist as be entered
tbe artist's studio.
“Ah. but 1 have such a pleasant sub
ject to work upon that I am not In
need of either man or tonic for my
cheerfulness.'' retorted the artist.
"Beg pardon; It Is I that need the
tonic, and tbat Is why 1 am here."
said Twain forlornly.
"Then allow me to prescribe a d«*e
-of your own medicine." And Mark
was banded a copy of bls book which
Beard bad been studying.
“I thank yon.” refilled the humorist.
“It took me a yeur to get tbat medi
cine ou’ of my system, and I do not
propose to Itublbe It again.”
A discusstem of the book was fol
lowed by a bearty dinner, and T wain
left hla friend, bating received I tbe
cheer tbat be needed.
Tho Alligator's Tongue.
On oue occasion when traveling
along tbe west coast of Africa wltb an
old skipper wbo bud known many
mlMlooarias, but "did not see Ibe use
of tbetu.” Bishop Taylor Smith was
obliged to endure a string of taunting
questions, oueb st "Wbat was tbe
good of spouting at Elder hull?” slid
"Wbat did missionaries know, any-
way?”
At last the bishop could eta nd It no
longer. Turning to tbe skipper, be
said: “I know yon are an expert. Can
you tell mt tbe leugtb of uu nlllgntor's
tongue/'
"Certainly," was tbe reply, "lint It
depends on tbe length of tbe alligator."
"Very well, tbeu; given an alligutor
fifteen feet long, what would bo the
length of Its tongue/'
“Three feet." waa the answer,
But tbe bishop, wbo had kept • III-
gators aud watched tbelr ways, knew
belter. "It la evident tbat you are hii
authority on tbe west coast of Africa."
be «aid. "but It la also ei Ident that
some people see more In ten minutes
than others lu twenty years. l.et me
TeH -you tbat au alligator bus no
tongue.”
Declinod the Job.
A writer of cheap fiction relates a
trick played on blm by a collaborator
lu tbe days when dime novela were
longer than they are now. anil the
compensation made It worth while for
two men to write one atory between
them. After bla partner had Uitlahed
tbe Bret chapter of tbelr Initial col
laboration It was handed over with
tbe following announcement:
"There. I've just thrown the hero
over a tbouaaud foot cliff and told the
reader tbat nothing could prerent the
lad from falling to death ou tbe rocks
belbw. It Is up to you to save the
bo»."
The Other writer said nothing, but
eat down and wrote furiously for an
boar. Then he quietly banded I lie
manuscript back.
A glance at tbe
eeound chapter showed tbe funny man
tbat bls friend had completely Ignored
tbe events In tbe first part of tbe
story. Introduced a new aet of char
acters and left tbe hero still banging
over tbe cliff, waiting to tie rescued
by bls creator.—New York Ruu.
Pastry Didn't Save Them.
A New York prisoner act used of
driinkeuneaa wbo pleaded hla case le
rhyme before a magistrate got a aeu-
teiice of six months ou "tbe island."
tor. aa tbe judge remarked, bls "Jag"
Wa« bad euougb. but bls imrtry was
worse. Over In Ixiudou a "plalu druuk"
pqt forth tbla:
I've been drinkins wine lhet le drawn
from the wood;
Ne bottle rubbish. but eperkjlns end
good
•of II sot In my head, co my friend* all
ex plain
That the wine haa gone bach to the wood
once again
the effuelou aud Ibe celebration cost
Mb 10 etillllnga. —Nvw York Tribune.
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Collega •antimoni.
Or. Rlnnk. about twenty year« n
Itnfraaor In a cartata college, was on
th eve of a trip tv Europe. to tie ab-
•»at two years, lu pathetic and rath
♦r harrowing tonco be made bla fare-
vali addrraa to bla clan.
"Yea, I am about Io part wltb Joo
Tbla la nmrv than distressing lo me.
Would tbat there waa a window In my
kreaat. my dear boya, that you might
tbe Innermost recee.ee of my
Mart."
A strilli!ng In the rear, seized wltb
1 happy ttmugtif shouted
"Professor. would a pane Io the
atonia- b do?”-Lippincott's.
tbat haunted
your hand» no
d*.
Baffled.
Twb brothers were ones at Count
von Moltke's house at an evening
party. Both were cnptalns of tbe gen
eral staff. Tbe general came up to a
group of gentlemeu. ons of whom was
one of tho brothers. After joining In
the conversation be said to the latter:
“Just tell me wbo Is tbat tall officer
near tbe fireplace on tbe other side. 1
forget his name.”
“That’s my brother, jour excel-
leucy.” was tbe answer.
A smile stealing over the general’s
face suggested the Idea tbat be had
not obtained tbe Information be wish
ed. Some time after tbe general went
to another group of people and there
joined tbe officer whose name be had
Inquired. Suddenly the others saw blm
tnrulng away, wltb the same smile on
bls face.
Afterward, when they inquired from
tlm young officer wbat the general had
asked blm. be replied:
"He asked me wbo that officer was
over there."
“And what illil you say?"
“I aald that be was my brother?"
Th«« general gave up Inquiring the
name of the two brothers for that
evening.
Wanted It to Take.
Mrs R believed In Infant baptism,
but for some reason tbat rite was not
performed for Tommy till be was some
four or five years old. While tbe cere
mony was lu progress tbe mother was
very much gratified wltb Tommy's be
havior
lie seemed duly Impressed
wllli tbe solemnity of tbe occasion
and remulned wltb bowed head for
some Hine after the sprinkling bad
been done.
"The angel!" exclaimed tbe mother.
"Tbe little dear!" said a good sister
as she weut up to give blm a "God
bless you" and n pat ou the bead. But
Just as her baud was descending wltb
tbut benediction a very wrathful and
uunngellc couuteuunee «as turned
upon her. a pugilistic little list deliv
ered a paralyzing blow on ber biceps,
and tbe Indignant TOtntny exclaimed.
"You git away from here!”
Of course be was led out In disgrace
and questioned by his horrified mother
"Why. don't you know she would 'a'
rubbed Uli tbe baptizing water off be
fore It would 'a' tind time to soak In/'
explained Tommy, who from bls point
of view was fully justified.-Los An
geles Times.
Buffoonery In “Hamlot.”
The buffoonery once tolerated In pro
vincial I heifers Is illustrated In an an
ecdote set forth lu the memoirs of Bar
ry Hulllvau. Wrlglit. wbo was tbe first
gravedigger, prepared himself to take
tbe house by storm by having Incased
hla person wit bln a dozeu or more
waistcoats of all sorts of shapes and
p-itteins. When about to commence
tbe operation of digging the grave for
tbe fair Ophelia Wrlglit began to un
wind by tnklug off waistcoat after
waistcoat, which caused uproarious
lutigliler among tbe audieuce. Hut as
fust ns he relieved himself of one
waistcoat Paul Bedford, tlie second
gravedigger, Incased himself lu tbe
castoff vests, which Increased tbe Ml-
vos of luugtiter. for ns Wrlglit wae
getting thinner I’nul grew fatter and
fatter, Wright, seeing himself out
done, kept on ibe remainder of ille
waistcoats mid weut on wltb bls part
quite crestfallen.
How Sugar Melts.
If we drop a lump of sugar Into a
cup of ten we find It takes a consider
able time to melt if allowed to remain
at the bottom of tlie vessel, but If ue
bold II up lu Hie Spoon uear the sur
face of the liquid it dissolves much
more rapidly. This is owing to tbe
sugar as It melts rendering the |«>rtlou
of tbe tea containing It heavier. 'J be
sweetened part, therefore, descends,
leaving tbe sugar constantly In contact
wltb unsweetened or only lairtiatly
sweetened tea—in fact, a continual
circulation of fluid Is promoted until
the whole Is dissolved. When the
sugar Is placed or |iermltted to lie at
tbe bottom of the cup It dissolves until
the layer of fluid next It is thoroughly
sweetened or saturated, when It prac- j
tlcally ceases to dissolve any further,
tbe sweetened and heavier stratum
above It acting for n considerable time
until tbe law of diffusion comes gradu
ally into pla.v. like an impervious cov
ering, in keeping back tbe lighter, un
sweetened fluid above; bence tbe rea
son also why stirring, in breaking up 1
tbe saturated layer and allowing ac
cess to the unsweetened portion, is so
effectual In bringing about Ibe uni
form sweetening of tea. Life Is not In
frequently sweetened by Ibe sume stir
ring up process.
The Family Pair.
The wriggly stillness of the study
period was broken by a slamming disir.
and a tblu boy in dirty, ragged clothes
slouched across tbe room. Halfway to
the teacher's desk be drawled. "Pa
wants tbat you should let Jim go borne
right uow." As Miss Davis looked a
little doubtful, be added. "lie kin come
back right away."
Tbe permission given, the two badly
soiled, half Htarv<«d sons of the most
shiftless family In the district sLuffled
down tbe stairs. Very shortly Jim re
turned. wearing n pleased and fmpor
tunt smile on bls pathetic little face.
“I come ns soon's I could.
Pa’s
brother's dyin' to Poplar." be announc
ed cheerfully. “That's why pa wanted
me.”
"But you weren't gone long; you
didn't stay home. I can't see why you
went nt all." answered tbe bewildered
Miss Davis.
"Why. pa's goln'," explained Jim.
"Yes. but wlint has tbat to do wltb
you?" iisktsl the teacher.
“Pa bad to hnve bla euapenders.”
waa Jim's matter of fact reply.—Ex
change.
EYES AND TEETH.
You spend from $5. flO to $20.00 per year on
and think nothing of it.
Which would you prefer to loose :
your teeth
»
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The Frying Pan.
"People are alwaya decrying the fry
ing pan." said an experienced cook,
“but the thlug they refer to—cooking
meat. etc.. In n shallow pau with but
ter aa fat—Isn't really frying It; It Is
sautelug. Tbe real frylug pan Is a
deep kettle filled with bot clear lard
or olive oil. In tbls tbe food-dougb-
nut. croquette or whatever It may be
ta linineraed just long euougb to make
It crisp and browu on the outside and
feathery and light on tbe Inside. Fond
cooked In tbla way la entirely digesti
ble If properly made. But so many
cooks make tbe mistake of putting too
much sbortenlug In Ibe mixture to lie
fried, and tbe fat Inside, combining
wltb tbe fat outside, prevents Ibe for
mation of tbe crisp crust aud uiakes
tbe food soggy.
Hi« Idea of Economy.
"lFu all very well for you to preach
economy." uM bis wife, “but I noite-e
whenever I cut down expenses tbit
you smoke belter cigars and apeud
more money for your own pleasure
than at aay other time.”
"Watt, confound tt. what do you sup
poso I want you to economise for. any
wajr-Chk-ago Record Herald.
in office.
Taxes paid for non-
Residents.
Your eyes can lie looked after from $1.00 to about $».00,
and this will be the total expense for about 3to
5 years, and often a great deal longer.
Remember you can get NEW TEETH, but not NEW
EYES- What VALUE do you place on YOUR
EYES ? What per cent of insurance would you
pay to keep them as good as at present ?
Make yourself a ’Xmas, present of a pair of glasses?
All work guaranteed to lie satisfactory in every respect.
Dr, Henry E. Morris.
Office opposite Post Office,
Both phones.
h cooper ’
$
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A ttorney - at -L aw ,
O regon .
T illamook ,
C arl
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Bargains in Canned Goods,
Dried Fruits and Rasins.
Tomatoes, $1.90 a case, 2 doz. Cans
Corn .
2.20 a case,
Peas
2.50 a case,
Beans.
2.10
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Peaches • 3.30
il
Pears .
3.90
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Cherries . 3.75
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50
50
25
25
25
25
lbs,,
lbs.,
lbs.,
lbs.,
lbs.,
lbs.,
ATTOKNEY-AT-LAW,
Office across the street and north from
the Post Office.
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A ttorney - at L aw .
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Office : Opposite Court House,
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H. GOYNE,
oy.
Im-
nee
T illamook , O regon ,
$3.00
5.60
2.15
3 40
1.30
1.10
oad
the
if a
i he
Ings
that
with
W. SEVERANCE,
A ttor nev - at -L aw ,
O regon
T illamook
RAY FEED CO
X
haberlach ,
11
3 CROWN RASINS
FANCY DRIED APPLES....
FANCY PEACHES ...............
FANCY APRICOTS .............
LARGE ITALIAN PRUNES
SMALL ITALIAN PRUNES.
te is
i the
gtion.
laand
»ere a
in the
-e for
T. B-’ALS, M.D.,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
TILLA MUOK.J
Office- Olson Building.
Residence: Mrs. Weiss' house, west of
Mrs. Walker's.
g
M. KERRON,
■n the
boy ie
Aurch,
looses
1 mea
PHYSICIAN &
SURGEON,
C oncrete B uilding .
Tillamcok,
Oregon^
R. T. M. SMITH,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
Office over J. A. Todd & Co..
»rofane
f,drink
n of no
.-Orks of
‘ most
merican
ftli gon.
joked to
nd leave
to them
. w
lowing a
Tillamook, Ore.
ay more
¡Jiment
’^^7’
»liable to
I Every
C. HAWK,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
BAY CITY, OREGON.
r
•worse,
¿lurch,
■ baa ■
V lhM
• nation
J a* he
;Bient ia
llttempl
ippreM.
REAL ESTATE,
F inancial A gent ,
Tillamook Iron Works
General Machinists & Blacksmiths.
Boiler Work, Logger’s Work and Hear; Forging.
Fine Machine Work a Specialty.
TILLAMOOK
Tillamook, Oregon.
t
.
k
OREGON.
J-^R. A. D. PERKINS,
RESIDENT DENTIST.
G ove .
I.
ery,
just.
Office In Sturgeon's Building.
All Work Guaranteed.
J
HARNESS, COLLARS, etc.
You Use Them.
We Sell Them.
W. A. WILLIAMS S CO.,
Next Door to Tillamook County Bank.
TILLAMOOK.
JJR p- J-
sharp ,
DENTIST,
Office across the street from the
Court House.
Dr. Wise’s office.
sarchet ,
THE ALLEN HOUSE,
The Fashionable Tailor.
am
Cleaning, Pressing and Repair«
ing a Specialty.
9-
Store in Heins Photographic
Gallery.
J. P. AUUEN, Proprietor.
Headquarters for Travelling Men
J^OBERT A. MILLER,
Special Attention paid to Tourists.
Comfortable Beds and Accommodation
A ttobnky - at -L aw ,
I^and Titles, Land Office Busi
ness and Mining Law.
CUERN1NC & PRESSING
Did You Ever Try
neatly done
BARRITO NEW FEED AND
LIVER! BARN,
at the
TOGGERY 1
PORTLAND,
If not, give him a call.
Everything first-class.
OREGON.
Room. 306 Commercial Building.
L amb
Oenca Msnaa
a SreciALTv.
Z-A OWING
Second
block South of P.O.
W. G.
CAK
OREGON.
RESIDENT
T .
The Best Hotel
A Frist Class Table.
f«»r tbat
for him.
It? Mio-
Nora-
Complete set of Abstract Books
YOUR EYES or YOUR TEETH ?
The Power of Snails.
One day by way of experiment 1
harnessed two coiumou garden snails
to a toy gun carriage to see If they
could pull It along, says a writer In a
London magazine. Although I lip gun
carriage was a heavy leuden one. tbe
snails pulled It so easily tbat I loaded
tbe body of tbe carriage wltb small
shot. Tbe snails, however, were more
than equal to tbe task. Anxious to
test their powers still further, 1 at
tached a toy cannon (made of lend and
brass* behind the guu carriage, but tbe
snails and tbelr additional load moved
ou ouce again wltb tbe same apparent
ease. Out of curiosity I decided to
weigh tbe cannon, guu carriage and
shot and to my great surprise found
tbe total weight to be almost one
pound. 1 venture to tblnk tbls a very
good load for two snails to manage.
An Awkward Selection.
The first Baron Keuyou was rather
fond of telling the story of bow wblla
on circuit with Justice Hook they en
tered a village Juat lu time to accom
pany tbe isipulatlon to tbe little vil
lage church. Tbe imrlsb clerk, anxious
to have the congregation show due ap
preciation of the honor conferred by
the presence of llie distinguished ju
rists. gave out two verses of one of
tbe metrical |«alma: "Speak. O ye
Judges of the earlb. If just your sen
tence tie. or must not Innocence ap
peal to heaven from your decree? Your
wicked hearts and judgment a are alike
by malice swayed, your griplug banda
by mlgbty brllies to vloleuce tietrayed."
Ily tills time moat of tbe adults had
woke up to the application of tbe
Mssnnsss to a Blind Man.
psalm and remained silent. allowing
A man wltb dark glasses ov
the children to continue the second
eyes touche.I ibe conductor ou
v erne. - Loudon Ta t ler.
shoulder as tbe car ueured Euclid ave
nue aud East Flfty-nrtb street
A Soft Answer.
"Pardon me." the man said, "but If
Jewel-Arrati. Jimmy, why did I
marry ye? Just tell me tbat. fue It's you're tbe conductor I warn to ask a
mistelf that's bad to maintain ye ever favor. I'm blind, and I «nut you to
«luce tbe blessed day tbat I became lead me over tv tbe curb wbeu the car
stops. If you'll be so good."
your wife.
"Not tbat I minded tbe little botber
Swats jewel." replied Jimmy, not
rvllsblug the charge, "and It's tneeelf of doin' tbat for blm.” remarked tbe
tbnt boiMta I may live to see tbe day conductor wbeu he got back uu bis
when you're a widow weeptag over car. "but 'tain t right to let a blind
tbe cold sod that covers me. Tbeo I'll man go arouud all alooe like tbut at
eee bow you'll get along without me. night trying to find bla way arouud In
tbe dark.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
bouey."-lxmdoti TH Hite
Needed Rapairs.
“Dora your typewriter orad repairs’"
asked tba meandering tinker aa ke ea
tere,! iba other
"It would seem ao," replied Ike
ployer. "Bha has Juat gone
•treat to consult a dentist. *
A ttorney - at -L aw
A
n,ow A 1<w
COWINC
LAWYERS.
na» «•»'rua OTMar»"*"* '
Nea« «o Ita C X Laad «NBre. '
HARRIS, Prop.
PORTLAND, OREGON.
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