T illamook headlight , J anuary
How Tourists In Mexico Wrestle
With the Language.
A QUEER RESTAURANT ORDER
Th» Way an American Wcmin Shock
ed a Waiter With a Demand For a
Dish That the Cook Would Not Pre
pare.
•ir» no wonder that men who go
from the States down to Mexico on
business do not get along better," said
a returned New Y rker. “They don’t
study Bpanluh ns they should, In tbe
clubs half of the stock stories are
about those half educated Americans,
“It was In a restaurant where only
Spanish Is spoken that a party of
Amerh-an tourists assembled There
were a woman and her two daughters
and. of course, the attendant and pa-
tlrnt pupa with the wad.
“‘Let me order.’ «aid the mater. ‘I
want to use my Spanish.’ Aud she pro
ceeded to pull out a handy book of
conversation ‘Let me see.’ scanning
the menu; *we want oysters, I'm sure.
A small fry for each would be Just tbe
thing ’
“Running her Angers through the
leaves, she found that ‘chlqulta* means
•small’ nml ‘frlta’ means ‘fry.’ Perfect
ly simple. ‘Cblquita frltas' would
mean ‘small fries.' She held up her
fingers to Indicate four and said com
p’-’eently to the expectant and polite
welter:
“ ‘Cbiqultas frltas.’
“Tbe waiter’s eyes bulged out, and
his Lathi politeness got a shock. ‘Ob
no. senorn.' he cried a» he backed
away; ’no «blqulta» frlta»!’
”'Why not?' returned tbe patron
’Don’t you have ’em?' for In lier sur
prise »be had fallen back on her ver
nacular. Then she remembered Iler
role and con.allied her book.
"Nothing doing. No end of gesticu
lation» on the part of the waller.
•‘'Nice country where one can't get
fried oyster»,' piped (lie woman, and
»he added, 'I wonder why?'
“'You can get 'em. ma'am.' said a
man'» ratio« m voice ul au adjoining
table.
He continued: 'You ordered
fried balile», uud they don't serve 'em
tn this part of lhe republic, The
word "cbiqultas" means babies, a
term of eudeurmeut, but you're all O
K. as to tbe frltas. If you had asked
for "ostras frltas" the order would
have gone through all right.'
“And she ordered 'em, though »he
looked daggers at the stranger, who
was a New Yorker and had lived In
Mexico for twenty years.
“It was tbe same sort of woman."
continued tile traveler, "who tried to
air her Spanish by asking the amount
of her bill ufter she had taken her
dinner in a restuurunt In tlie (Tty of
Mexico, With a bland atnlle she nd
dressed the bend waiter with 'Como
muclio?' Intending to ask how mu li
“Now, the word 'cornu’ not only
mean» ’how,' but also 'I eat,' so that
the woman bad remarked to the wait
er, 'I ent a good deal.' Tills was as
much as to say that the dinner was s<
good that she had eaten all or more
tlinn she ought. In fact, it was a
eompllmeut nud such a compliment a
Is highly appreciated In any Lathi
country.
"With a deep bow the servitor ex
pressed bls delight that his humble
viands should have found approbation
lu tbe sight of lhe most excellent
it na» expressed In the
señora,
choice 1 di rases that so readily leuil
themselves ou such occasions through
the Castilian tongue.
"But my lady didn't understand a
word of the lingo She meant busl
ness. nnd »he repeated In n louder
tone: ’Como muclio? Como mu 11 >
She was sure of her correct Spanish
but somehow »lie couldn't get tile wait
er to do anything but bow and scrap«
and smile.
"The puzzle was solved when the
proprietor. henrlng the excited vol. es
entered and learued that the lad'
merely wanted to pay her bill Had
she known that not 'Cotno tuucilo?
but 'Que es la cuentit?' ('What Is th«'
account?'» 1» the correct expression ebe
would have been am rd trouble ami
mortification
"Time and again United States con
aula hate set forth hi federal public»
lions the advantages of » real knowl
edge of Spanish to the business man
The need is growing more emphatl«
with every day. as our relations lu
trade «re growing with Mexico dally
But I guess (list federal puhll- atl »ns
don't hit tbe people at large as n gen
er 11 rule
’Tine of the easiest ways to learn a
foreign language Is to re.ul good nor
els In that tongue Y< u get »<> Inter
estixl In tbe story that yon Just have to
g«« on to the ««nd to learn whether the
hero and heroine come out »11 right.
“Students of Spanish don't adopt
thnt method In New York I guess, for
you cau't find any Spanish novel» on
the secondhand bookstore tables up
or down or scros» tbe city The only
specimens I have found have t«eeii
Spanish novels translated from the
French novels It Is strange, too. for
there are many excellent novela nows
days by Spanish writers
“Of course an tnstru tor Is n««ede<1
tn obtain the correct pronunciation, but
on visiting Mexico with a g«»»l. ready
knowledge of tbe language you can
soon acquire tbe needed pronunelathm
In fact, you bare tn do it in enter to
get along ' New York sun.
HUMORIST’S ODD GRAMMAR.
LEGAL WORD SPECIALISTS.
Captain Derby Provided Literally For
Figurative Expreeeion.
Have to Know Exact Shade of Mean
ing In Words and Phrases.
Among tbe pieces which made up
the quaint output of Captain Derby,
whose too early death deprived Ameri
ca of one of the most original humor
ists. was one entitled “A New 8ystem
of English Grammar." It seems never
to have attracted much attention; but,
though there are in tbe volume con
taining it articles more broadly amus
ing. there are none in which wit and
wisdom are more fully blended. After
the lapse of years the exact words and
the particular illustrations employed
escape me in part, but tbe line of rea
soning adopted will not vary material
ly from what Is about to be given.
The humorist proposed to have all
descriptions and epithets marked on a
sufficient scale of comparison—not the
beggarly three to which we are now
limited, but to a numlgr large enough
to Indicate every variation of charac
ter In the object under consideration
and every possible degree of human
conception In regard to Its nature. The
lowest conceivable amount of any hu
man quality consistent with its being
at all would be Indicated by 1. Its
maximum would be represented by
100. Here, then, would be a wide
range between the perfection of the
Idea expressed by the one number and
its bare existence merely Implied by tbe
other, as well as the feelings of the
speaker about It. In which all shades
of thought and feeling would be fit
tingly represented.
By prefixing to
each epithet n figure between 1 and
190 the precise truth in regard to It as
It appears to him uttering It would be
conveyed to him hearing It. For ex
ample, you are asked about your
health.
Instead of replylug pretty
well, tolerably well, very well or some
other ambiguous expression, you would
say. bearing In mind that 100 indicates
perfect health. I am 15. or 50, or 75, or
90 well, or any other number, as the
case may be. By this means tbe in
quirer leuriis definitely whnt he wants
to know. lie has not been put off with
formulas of speech whose general ap
plicnblllty to different conditions of
bodily health conveys nothing precise
to the mind. The moment this meth
od of expression comes Into general
use we shall speedily become exact,
ruatbemntical, truth telling In the high
est degree.
How well the rule would work can
be best illustrated by the narrative of
a simple Incident of news communicat
ed by a man to his friend In some such
words ns these:
“On a 7(> fine morning I was 55
slowly walking down the 33 clean ave
nue when I chanced to meet the 22
young and 85 charming Miss Smith,
about whom you ask. We at once ex-
changed the III usual meteorological
observation. ■It Is a 7(1 beautiful day.’
I remarked. 'Indeed. It Is a 95 beautl-
fill day,’ she replied, 'anil I am 97 glad
to have met you. for it is a 99 long
time since I have seen you.’ I felt 77
flattered by words like these coming
from a 79 lovely girl, but proceeded to
make the 71 usual inquiries about her
health, for I knew that on that point
you lind been 89 anxious, Rhe told n>e
in reply that It had been 78 poor, but
she was 100 glad to say that it was
now 87 good.”— Professor J. E. Louus-
bury In Harper's Magazine.
’Tome people seem to think that an
important legal document can be
drawn up by a lawyer in tbe time it
takes his client to smoke a cigar.’ re
marked a gray haired law clerk the
other day. “it takes time and the
moat scrupulous care to get things
Just right. If lawyers were not care
ful the Lord only knows where the
clients would land.
"Why, 1 know a man in one of the
I great law offices who Is a specialist in
tbe exact shade of meaning of each
word or phrase used In a legal docu
ment. Nothing goes out of that office
without being submitted first to him
to pass upon. Sometimes he will give
i a week to tbe study of but one short
but very Important paper, theorizing
as to the possibilities of its meaning
being construed this way and that,
When be gets through with a docu-
ment, however. and has submitted ev-
ery word of it to tbe acid test there is
practically no chance of its not being
exactly right, as to its verbiage at
least. In some cases, too. it is deemed
desirable by clients to Ijecloud the
meaning of a contract so that there is
a loophole for Ils being construed In
another way lb the event of certain
contingencies occurring.
That Is
where the services of an expert word
Juggler are indispensable.
"The biggest case that I ever heard
of In this line was when one of the
great corporations wished to issue
some mortgage bonds against its prop-
erty. A long contract had to be drawn,
and the wording on the back of the
bond had to be decided U|xm. Tbe
matter was so important that, after
tbe attorneys themselves had decided
on the forms to be used. It was turned
over to two of these experts In ver
biage.
"They looked up tbe dictionary
meaning of practically every word
used In the two documents and made
innumerable changes and suggestions.
Before the papers were finished thirty
different drafts of each of the two
documents had been made, and there
was not a word used in the Anal form
of tbe papers that bad not beeD con
sldered carefully, not only ns to its
Individual meaning, but also as to Its
Individual relation to tbe other words
of the phrase or sentence containing
It. It is safe to say that these two
documents are never likely to be as
sailed successfully in a court of law
and that they mean exactly what the
corporation and its counsel wished
them to mean.’’—New York Press.
Have No Jurisdiction
Foreign Ambassadors.
I
1 have just opened up the most com
plete line of
Complete set of Abstract Books
STAPLE & FANCY
GROCERIES
Residents.
in Tillamook, all new and Fresh. The
prices are no higher than others.
We most cordially invite you to
come and look at what we have and
get our prices whether you buy or
not.
W. « M. MILLS,
Opposite the Post Offiee
Taxes paid for non-
in office.
Office opposite Pos’. Office.
Both phones.
COOPER,
W.H
A ttorney - at -L aw ,
O regon
T illamook ,
OARL HABERLACH,
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
Utuiochcr ^buokat,
Office across the street and north from
tbe Post Office.
h . GOYNE,
The Best Hotel
A ttorney - at L aw .
THE ALLEN HOUSE,
Office : Opposite Court House,
T illamook , O regon .
J. P. ALilaEjM. Proprietor.
Headquarters for Travelling Men
yY
W’ SEVERANCE,
Special Attention paid to Tourists.
A First Class Table.
Comfortable Beds and Accommodation.
A ttorney - at -L aw ,
O regon .
T illamook
T. BOALS, M.D.,
PURITY
above everything distinguished
WEINHARD’S BEER
From the
PHYSICIAN
& SURGEON,
TILLAMOOK.
Office- OI mud Building.
Residence: Mrs. Weiss' house, west o
Mrs. Walker’*.
Common
Used ou the family table it turns a dry lunch
into an enjoyable sustaining meal, makes home
cheerful, keep the men at home and offers
effective aid to real temperance.
Orders should be Sent to the
Over
The chief of au embassy Is an au
gust being and one who boauts some
remarkable privilege», it may be men
tioned to begin with that in the land
In which be is officiating an ambassa
dor ranks Immediately after the
! princes of the blood royal.
The ground oil which an embassy
stands is in theory as well as in prac
tice the territory of the nation to
which Its principal occupant belongs.
Even If a criminal were harbored in
an embassy the police could not enter
the premises without permission.
An ambassador Is above tbe law of
A Largs 8al»ry.
the country to which be is accredited.
Mr X.. a proiuluent lawyer of Phil
The courts have no Jurisdiction over
adelphia. wax much addicted to the
him. and. strangely enough, his sub
habit of lecturing hl» office staff, and
ordinates and even Ills domestic serv
the office boy came in for an unusunl
ants are also Inviolate. Tbe humblest
share of admonition whenever occa
employee In the embassy If be com
sion demanded and sometimes when It
mitted a punishable offense could not
did not. That his words were appre
lie arrested without the consent of his
ciated uas made quite evident to Mr.
master, nor can an embassy official be
X. one day when a conversation over
heard on the elevator between Tommy imprisoned for debt.
Ambassadors are to be envied most
and another office boy on the same
of nil |ierbaps for their freedom from
floor was re|ieated to him.
(lie burden of tuxntlon. They dis
"Wliatcber wages?" asked the other
burse not oue penny in taxes, either
boy.
directly or Indirectly, and. as for tbe
“I get $10.000 a year," said Tommy
house. It Is nonexistent so far
"Aw. gwan!" ejaculated tbe other custom
us they are concerned. No duty what-
boy derisively. “Qultcber klddln'."
"Honest. I do," said Tommy; "$4 a ever is charged In respect of wines,
week In cash and tbe rest In legal ad cigars, cigarettes, etc., that are con-
signed to them.
vice."—Harper's Weekly.
Again, tbelr excellencies need not
bother about taxes unless they please.
Blenheim.
A very "famous victory" was that of That they do so is purely an act of
Blenliuliu, which ts our corruption of grace on tbelr part. They are not le-
Itlludhelm, the village on the upper gaily exempt from these tautalizlng
l>auube where John Churchill won tils demands on the purse, but if they de-
dukedom, his magnificent palace In cllued to meet them there would be no
Oxfordshire and his yearly pension of means of enforcing payment.— Cassell'»
£5.(100. This Is still enjoyed by his Journal.
heir, the preseut Duke of Marlborough,
if All Candidate» Wore White.
w ho aunually places a French tieur-de-
The word "candidate’' Is from the
Ils tlaglet over the bust of bls ancestor
In the guardroom of Windsor castle, Latin "candldntus ” Literally It means
the condition of his tenure of the white rolssl. and it was thus called be-
nin e In Rome those who sought office
estate of Blenheim Loudon Answers.
wore a glittering white toga. Fancy,
if you can. all our modern Americans
Th» Comparativ» Mathod.
Theodore had twice been sent to dressed tn accordance with their politi
wash tils bauds and was now return cal ambitions In some sections there
would be no such thing ns a dark suit
ing for the second Inspection.
"My child.” said his mother, compar of clothes. Washington would simply
ing the two hands critically, "your be one shining center of universal
right Is Just as dirty as your left. whiteness.—Saturday Evening Post
What have you been doing all thia
timer
Cost» Somttim»».
"Why. ni.iiiiina,* explained the youth,
"Politeness costs nothing.’’ said the
"last time you said that my left hand man of ready made wisdom.
was cleaner than tny right, so I tried
"I guess." answered Mr Cumrox.
to make them even, i'll go again."— "that you never had any experiences
Youth’s Companion
with these cafe waiters who regulate
their politeness by tbe size of the tip.”
H»r Regret.
Washington Star.
The Nobleman — You bought r
bought me as you would but a
Not at a Loe».
The Heiress Yes, and what I'm i
Miss A sure Hose (from Boston)—Is
aliout now Is that I neglected to t
your doctor's strong point diagnosis?
for my chan««' Cleveland leader.
Mrs Jones «from I’latnvillei No. I
guess It ‘taln't. Leastwise, be don’t
Chagrin.
never prescribe It much.—Baltimore
foule l’ncle. what's cbagrinT Tu- A niertcan.
clse Well, it's wbat a atout man feets
■vhen he runs and Jumpe on a car that
Diplomacy.
doean't start for half an hourCMcfl-
Maud tin you mean to say that you
Any coward can fight a battle when go News.
i actually proposed to him! Belle—Yea;
he's sure of winning, but give me the
but, tny dear, be was so dreadfully
man who has pluck to fight when he's
«uecsM I» tbe chUd ot aadacMy^, rattled I made him believe be did It
sure of losing -George Eliot.
i DtarsslL
himself, Boston Transcript
I
T. BOTTS,
A ttorney - at -L aw
ABOVE THE LAW.
Courts
7, 1909
Columbia Bottling Co.,
Astoria, Oregon
R. I. M. SMITH,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
Office over J. A. Todd & Co..
Tillamook, Ore.
C. HAWK,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
Agents for the H.Weiuhard Brewery, Manufacturers of the
Tillamook Rock Brand Carbonated Beverages.
Agents for the Bartlett Spring Mineral Water.
BAY CITY, OREGON.
R. BEALS,
REAL ESTATE,
F inancial A gent ,
The Oregon Cheese Co.,lncorported,
is prepared to buy all the first class
cheese that conies along. Spot cash
and highest price. Factory men will
do well to see R. Robinson, the mana
ger, before selling. He will be
Tillamookagood part of the time dur
ing the season
Only the best stock
wanted.
Al
THE OREGON CHEESE COMPANY,
126 Fifth Street, Portland
Tillamook, Oregon
R. P. J. SHARP,
RESIDENT
DENTIST,
Office across the street from the
Court House.
Dr. Wise’s office.
^1^ SARCHET,
. The Fashionable Tailor.
Cleaning, Pressing and Repair
ing a Specialty.
Store in Heins Photographic
Gallery.
J^OBERT A. MILLER,
k at a
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4
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a ■ ic « «
EVERYTHING FOR
PHYSICIANS’
PRESCRIPTIONS
■: * tt •
We specialize on pt escrit ptinn
compounding and theteiore
carry a stock which re pre
sents everything that phtsi*
cians hereabout «re likelv to
prescribe. All new worthy
pharmaceutical« are here ns
soon as out and our line ot
prescription drug«* is corn
plete al all times Onlv ^nodi*
of highest purity and quality
are ever used.
Physicians who are ac
quainted with our «tack and
methods invar a lv •vtd stir«
ot host results tmm the medi
cines they hare prescribed
tx hen they see our laid on
the bottle.
Expert services day or right
Prices as low as anywhere.
May we Jill your prescriptions?
4
v < a a b 1
4« v v
CHAS.
I. CLOUGH,
I
Reliable Druggist
Tillamook, Orc
A ttorney - at -L aw ,
Land Titles, Land Office Busi
ness and Mining Law.
PORTLAND,
OREGON.
Room, 306 Commercial Building.
liso Ornes Bvsisg»
a S pecialty .
Phone A. l()09.
COWINC,
LAWYERS
R oom 3SA Woscssvss B vildisg ,
T ribo »so On wrsasT».
Room Nest to the U.S. band Office.
PORTLAND. OREGON.