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About Tillamook headlight. (Tillamook, Or.) 1888-1934 | View Entire Issue (April 30, 1908)
TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, APRIL 30, LEARNED LUNATIC. ict I for * Cruden, the Compiler of tbs Bible Concordance. 1er Cruden. the persevering staking compiler of the fa- scordauce to the Bible, was bookseller to the queen of MgC II. by Sir Robert Walpole. The ^^Bmce which has conferred ce- bls name was publisbed and I lo Queen Caroline In 1737. ■.•rmitted to preseut a copy of you to her majesty, who, he ^^■■ed upon him and assured him > was much obliged to him. She d Bitteen days afterward, and Cru- l did not reap the ben tit of tbe ■eu’s appreciation which he bad au- pated He prepared a second edl- 1 twenty-four years afterward and Heated It to her graudsou. George For this and a third edition ls- d tn |7C9 be reaped a reward of Cruden was a ver.y eccentric charac ter and! was tin Ice placed in private lr.natlf. as*Inins. He designated him- Stif “Alexander the Corrector” aud also the “Corrector of Morals.” hi- tbe title consisting In ^■Ing all persons whom be m»t I places on Sundays and ad- ig.them to go home and keep ■th day holy. He was a great the distribution of tracts •nd spent a great part of Ills means In thin way. It seems difficult to believe that an eccentr!^ man of this sort should have bis name associated with such a re markably painstaking book as his Con cordance undoubtedly Is. as It must have cost an enormous amount of la bor In Ito compilation, but it was prob ably tbaweverlty of bls occupation that unhinged his mind. He died at Cam- de* Street. Islington, on Nov. 1, 1770. AN OCEAN VOYAGE. •f the Thing« It Teaches Is th | Value of System. vrisb." said the bead of a larg less bvi-.' "tli ii c <-n mini " In distresses hla friends and associates b.t lack of method could be told off t > ike a trip or a succession of trips on sea. He’d learn something; he'd have to.fThere’s a force In example you know, mid the effects of shipshape conditions would make themselves fell later. mean to ^^■volutlon In character would ^■y such experience. but with ty of peop'e It Is safe to sa. would be some alteration for , I know, there are certai’ women who are born to di lyou might sa.v. and wh n’t be helped by any course of They are the unfortunates ______ Mbs and professl >nal life. that’. • 11. But for tile ignorant, the th night less. those who never have appreciated 1 hit Ing of time Is Involved in r. little sensible planning or In the fo' lowing of approved system In routine matters, a sea voyage, with Its disci pline. its »revise allotment of time It: matted. In n "ord. must prove a most thing. It's funny that when so much nliout the restful "ban travel so few realize that irity of the life. Its system t adaptation of means to Itntes such a large factor In ■bout this result. And the Ciple can be applied 01) w York Press. Diamond Cut Diamond. Bon a time there were In I papers, the Razor and th hlcb were always going fo with great ferocity. Every bought tbe Razor to read at the Scorpion and the learn bow It stung till philanthropist felt palne.-l violence, so he Invited the to dine In the ho|>e that fare fie could make peace ■m. At the appointed tlm< melancholy man presented was ushered In. After an no other guest approach demanded: sk. are you the editor of tin rorpion?" ild the sad eyed man. I, Myself, hour I decree that my be d from all restraint aud rail®! •e I will, my own absolute He master. I deeply In space. The east 1st are mine. the north and south. 1 aw better than I thought my :epà know that so much bound is was In me. disowns me causes me n< ipbk recognizes me shall be will bless me—Walt Whit- st He Could Do. d tbe Irste parent as be ly entered tbe parlor, "what ■ by kissing my daughter?" me." replied the poor but »onest young man. “but 1 show my appreciation of ter's loveliness, and kiwi ly things 1 can afford tc t the present stage of tbe trolt Tribune. Unintentional Sabbath Breaking. In tbe early days of New England It was tbe custom to keep tbe Sabbath from sundown Saturday night until tbe same hour on Sunday. That this practise was attended by pitfalls is shown by an incident told in "The Pa pers of tbe Connecticut Valley Histor ical Society:” There lived in Ryefield a thrifty dame, an enterprising, driving woman and a notable housewife. The good wo man «as not willing to lose Sunday evening« out of her catalogue of bouso- work, but she was pious withal and strictly kept the day to the sunset limit As soon as the sun was fairly below tbe horizon she would begin her washing and get her clothes ready for drying bright and early on Monday morning. One cloudy Sunday she. supposing the day was ended, changed her Sun day gown, rolled up her sleeves and went to work. As she was scrubbing away In the kitchen, her face toward the west window, the clouds suddenly broke, and the great round sun shone In full on the poor Sabbath breaker at work. She gave one cry of amazement anil horror and fled the kitchen. After that sinful day she never be gan her work on Sunday evening. FORESAW THE OBVIOUS. The Usher Knew What the Answer of His Charges Would Be. "Tbe temperance on;tor of today," he said, “is sure of a respectful hearing. In the past It was not so. At tbe be- ginning of tbe temperance movement drinking men came to our meetings for no other purpose than to Interrupt and confuse. The orator had to be very careful in his remarks. He bad to look out lest be give his hearers an opening for some opportune but ribald Interruption. “I remember.” he said, “when they began temperance work here In Wash ington. A series of meetings was held In a large- hall. The audiences were always numerous, but they Interrupted horribly. In the end an ex-prize fighter was hired to sit every night in the ob streperous gallery aud keep order there. “Well, one night the orator contrast ed tbe clean content of home life with tbe squalor of drunkenness. He spoke beautifully, and at his climax he cried In ringing, impassioned tones: "'What do we want when we return from our-dally toil? Wbat do we de sire to ease our burdens, to gladden our hearts, to bring smiles to our faces and song to our li^s?’ Lincoln's Rules. "Here the orator paused for effect, On one occasion President Lincoln and the conscientious prize fighter tip ou entering the telegraph office of tbe toed hurriedly to the front of the gal war department, writes Mr. Bates In lery. shook his finger at his unruly “Lincoln In the Telegraph Office." wan charges and said In a threatening stage beard to remark to Secretary Seward. whisper: “By Jings. governor, we are here at “’Mind, tbe first feller among ye wot last!" Turning to him In a reproving manner. Mr. Seward said. "Mr. Presi says "Beer!”—out he goes.’"—Wash dent. where did you learn that inele ington Star. gant expression?" Without replying to the secretary. Lincoln addressed the IT WROTE ITSELF. tdlegraph operators, saying: "Young gentlemen, excuse me for The Author’s Story of the Origin of swearing liefore you. ‘By Jings’ Is “My Maryland.” swearing, for my good old mother Brander Matthews wrote an account taught me that anything that had a of the circumstance^ under which ‘by’ before It was swearing." "Maryland. My Maryland,” was writ One day Secretary Seward, who was ten. and the poem's author, James not renowned as a Joker, said he had Ryder Randall, approved Professor been told that a short time before on Matthews'^ account. - In April, 18C1, a street crossing Lincoln had been Colonel Ilandall read In the New Or seen to turn out In the mud to give a leans Delta news of the attack on the colored woman a chance to pass. Massachusetts troops as they passed “Yes," said Lincoln, “it has been a through Baltimore. rjjle of my life that If people would “This account greatly excited me,” not turn out for me I would turn out Mr. Randall wrote In answer to a let for them. Then you avoid collisions. ter from Professor Matthews. "1 had long been absent from my native city, What He Meant. and the startling event there Influenced Park row at 1 a. m. and a policeman my mind. That night I could not dis and a sailor in conversation. miss from my mind what I had read "Keyside, keyside!" said the salior. In the paper. About midnight 1 arose, “ ’Ow will Hl reach the bloomin’ key lit a candle and went to my desk. side?” Some powerful Influence seemed to “G'wan wld ye. D'ye think I’m a possess me, and almost involuntarily locksmith, that I know about yer old I proceeded to write tbe soug of ‘My key and its side? There’s one key and Maryland.’ lock I'll be after glvln’ ye, and that's “I remember that this idea seemed to to a cell. Move on now." take shape as music in my brain—some “Keyside! Hl said keyside as plain wild air that I cannot now recall. The as Hi could, bllme!” whole poem was dashed off rapidly Just then a high brow who had been when once liegun. It was not com to the postoffice buying stamps so that posed in cold blood, but under what bis rejected contributions would come may be called a conflagration of the back to him stepped up. senses If not an inspiration of the In "The man wants the keyside, what tellect. No one was more surprised ever that Is. and I dunno.” said the po than I was at the widespread and In liceman. “I believe he’s looney and stantaneous popularity I had been sc I’ll run him in." strangely stimulated to write." “He wants the quayside—the docks," Colonel Randall always told bls said the high brow as he directed the friends that the poem “wrote Itself."— man to the water front, while the po New York Herald. liceman said: “Well, I'll be blowed!"—New York Doing Chores. Press. To dig one's own [Mitatoes, to shock one's own corn, to pick one's own ap A Slap at Mother. ples, to pile one's own squashes at Dinner was don», and the family was one's own barn! It Is like tilling one's assembled In the sitting room. Mother system w ith an antitoxin before going had taken up the evening paper and Into a fever plagued country. One is was reading an account of how a high Immune to winter after this, provided wayman bad been operating In tbe sub be stays to bake his apples In Ills own urbs. Father was down on bls bands wood Are. One works himself into a and knees trying to act like a horse glow with all his digging and picking while little Willie drove him around and piling that lasts until warm weath the floor. er comes again, and along with this "Papa." finally remarked the good harvest glow comes stealing over him lady, glancing toward her husband, the after harvest peace. It Is the se "here Is a story about another man renity of Indian summer, the mood of who was waylaid. Do these holdups the after harvest season, upon him— always stop you with a pistol and then upon him and his Helds ami woods.— go through your clothes?" Dallas Lore Sharp tn Atlantic. “Oh. no." grlnfully replied father, arising from the floor. “Sometimes Case For an Expert. they wait until you bang your clothes "Have you fixed up my will Just the over the back of a chair and go to way I told you?" asked the sick man, sleep.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. who was the possessor of many needy relatives and some well to do but Nevertheless He Got Her. grasping ones. “You say my daughter loves you?" “I have." asserted the lawyer. questioned tbe old man. "Just as strong and tight as you can “I’m sure of It,” replied tbe young make It. eh?” asked bls client. man. » The lawyer nodded. “Well, well,” returned the old man. “All right," said the sick man. “Now looking the young man over critically. I want to ask you one thing—not pro “There's no accounting for tastes, Is fessionally—who do you think standa there?” the best chance of getting tbe property And somehow, although tbe young ' w hen I'm gone?"—Youth's Companion. man knew that he ought to be happy : over the possession of the girl, he Would Take Nothing. couldn't help scowling and speculating Mrs. Green (who thinks of hiring)— on that remark of tbe old man's. But Is the girl honest? Can she be trusted. Mrs. Brown (the girl's former , Power of Deceiving. mistress;—You need not be In tbe least There is a Brooklyn woman who pos- alarmed. Sbe Is perfectly honest. Al) sesses a servant who Is a model in all the time she was with me I never respects save one—In that sbe is none knew her to take a thing, not even my too truthful. advice as to how things should be lately the mistress has been using done.—Boston Transcript all her eloquence to make Nora see the error of deceitfulness. But at last sbe Waits and Measures. had to own herself beaten when Nora, "Wbat sort of a table do they set at with a beaming smile, turned and in your boarding bouse?" asked the young a most cajoling tone said: man who was contemplating a change. "Sure. now. mum. an' wot de ye sup "A table of waits and measures," re pose the power of desartn' waa given plied bls friend, “the first long and us fer?” the latter abort.”—Chicago Newt. Marital Troubles. Most of the people who write about troubles of married life are single, if Unmanned. they were married they would be so bat errors these novelist« busy with their troubles they would re tbe author of this book not have time to writ#.— Moorhead In bH heroine ■■ b»lng un- dependent IFagg— Mavhe she was dl Uadelphla Record. Forced Out. Ebe-Mr. Bloom does not pay his 'bo hopes to innwl must wife much attention, does be? Ho— I seriously, even If It be bli No Tbe only time I ever knew of bls banish seriousness —Chico going out with her was owe when tbe lerald. i gas exploded. _ _ . • 1 Almost. Horace—Did the college authorities reinstate young Smith after be waa expelled? Helen-Almost Horace- Almost? Helen—Yea; I heard bla folks say be was halfback His Contributions. Missionary Do you ever contribute money for the heathen In foreign lands. •Ir? MllllonsIreOb. yes. Both of my daughters married foreign noblemen.— Judge. j 1908 A Willing Informer. “What Is the uumber?" repeated MS- trnl. "Violet Park, eight-seven-seven.” “Violet park, eighl-doutile-seven?” "I reckon so." "And wbat number do you want?” “Elmdale. tw<»-u»:nght four-seven. "What Is your name?” “My name is John Henry Mlgg’es. I live at «5 Bllcken street. Violet I’ark My bouse phone is Violet Park, eight seven-seven or eight-double-seven, as you choose. 1 am married, have no children. We keep a dog and a ent and a perpetual palm aud a Boston fern, and"— “All that is unnecessary, sir. We merely"— “Aud last summer we didn't have a bit of luck with our roses. I tried to have a little garden, too. but the neigh bors' chickens got away with that. The bouse is green, w'th red gables. There Is a cement walk from the street. I am forty years old. My wife is young er aud looks it. We have a piano, keep a cook and an upstairs girl. Had the front bedroom papered lust week, and I want”— “Did you want Elmdale two-naught- four-seven ?” “Yes!" gasped Mr. Mlggles. "Well, the line is busy now. Shall I call you?" But Mr. Mlggles wrote a letter.—New Orleans Picayune. Her ’Art Was Right. Mr«* 11 had a warm hearted and In An Attempted Innovation That Did Nst dustrious but careless servant, who broke so many dishes that her mistress Meet With Favor. It Is not always wise to force upon one day said to her: “Really, Ellen. I think I must take the price of the a people new customs, even those of dishes you are breaking out of your advanced principle, lu the face of long wages. Don't you think you would be established tradition. Lady Burtou dis more careful if I did?” covered this truth when sbe attempted “Hl might ma'am.” replied Ellen to introduce Europeau courtesy Into contritely, "but HI think, ma'am, it’d the orient. She tells of her experience be better to take it out of my ’ide.” lu “Inner Life of Syria." Tbe incident “Out of your hide? Why, what do occurred at one of her own receptions. yon mean?" It Is de rigueur every time coffee, "Hl. mean, ma'am, that if you broke tea or shertiet comes In for every fresh my 'ead hevery time Hl broke a cup or relay of visitors that I should take it a saucer Ht’d mind myself better.” with them aud drink first. When 1 One day poor Ellen fell her full first arrived I used to get up as a mat length on the kitchen floor with a gal ter of course, make tbe tea aud coffee lon pan of milk In her hands. Her and carry It round. Tbe dragomans shrieks of dismay brought Mrs. H in would sit lazily and watch. great haste to the kitchen. There lay One day 1 asked them to get up and Ellen in the pool of milk, making no help me. They were pleased to do so effort to rise. and willingly handed the refreshments "Knock me in the 'ead. ma'am! to any of the Europeans, man or wom Knock me In the ’ead!” she walled. an. but not to tbelr own ladles, who "Oh. get up. Ellen! Get up and mop blushed, begged their pardon and were up this milk. This accident la more quite confused when 1 made it known a fault of your heels than your head.” this attention was for them as well as "You speak the truth, ma’am," re for others. The women looked appeal plied the weeping Ellen. “If my 'eels ingly at me and stood up. praying not 'ad lieen where my 'art Is this uever to be served. One man who was real would 'ave 'appened, for Hl mean right ly in love with his wife, a beautiful In my 'art. ma'am, no matter wbat HI creature, gave her a teacup as If It does with my 'ead and my ’eels."—Lon were a good joke, with a little sneer. don Scraps. She bent, kissed his band and begged his pardou. Need of Covers While Asleep. I felt quite indignant with the men "The reason It Is necessary to be for so behaving to their wives, moth well covered while sleeping,” said a ers and sisters, but one said to me: physician In giving some advice to a “Pray. Mrs. Burton, do not touch our patient, “Is that when the body lies women things they do not know about down It Is the Intention of nature that and never saw." It should rest, and the heart especially After that I held my tongue, but 1 should be relieved of Its regular work let him know that with Europeans It temporarily. Tnat organ makes ten was the height of bad tuste not to wait strokes a minute less than when the on any woman. body Is In an upright posture. This COURTESY IN THE ORIENT. Squaring ths Circle. There Is a record of an attempted quadrature in Egypt 500 years before the exodus of tbe Jews, and, if we are to take Hone as an authority, tho problem was solved by Hippocrates, the geometrician of Chios, nearly 500 years B. C. By some it is claimed that the efforts of Hippocrates were in the direction of converting a circle Into a crescent because he had found that means 000 strokes in sixty minutes. the area of a figure produced by draw Therefore In the eight hours that a HAD HIS REVENGE. ing two perpendicular radii Is exactly man usually spends In taking his equal to the triangle formed by the But the Heartless Hotel Man Got In night's rest the heart is saved nearly line of conjunction. This last Is the 5,000 strokes. As It pumps six ounces the Last Laugh. famous theorem of the "lunes of Hip A hotel proprietor in Kansas City of blood with each stroke. It lifts 30,- pocrates." The "Papyrus Itbind.” the once told of an amusing incident con 000 ounces less of blood In the night’s oldest mathematical book In the world, nected with the stay at his bouse of a session than It would during tbe day written by oue Ahmes about 2,000 rural politician. when a man Is usually In an upright B. C., gives a rule for “squaring the The politician had come to the hotel position. Now, the body Is dependent circle.” The rule given requires that for but one day. and he had taken Illa for Its warmth on the vigor of the cir the diameter of a clrc!“ shall be short dinner elsewhere with a friend. When culation. and as tbe blood flows so ened by one-ninth and the Bquare erect on coming to pay his bill he found much more slowly through the .veins ed upon this shortened line. The early himself charged with a day's board, when one Is lying down the warmth Babylonians also worked at this old dinner and oil, he protested vigorously. lost in the reduced circulation must ba mathematical problem, as Is attested It was explained to him that the supplied by extra covering.” by several references lu tbe Talmud. American plan was based strictly on Ths Soaks and ths Umbrella. time and that if he chose to eat else "I spent a pleasant hour with a trav The Only One. where it was his own lookout. The Henry VIII. of England, being at one man, however, refused to be pacified eler." said the truthful man, "who time at variance with Francis I. of and paid the bill under protest. Then, told a lot of snake stories. I remem France, decided to send an ambassa to every one's surprise, he asked if din ber tbe last of them. It was a I tout a dor and to charge him with a very ner were “still on.” Upon belug In man who took a nap in the woods, fierce and menacing message to this formed that it lasted until U in the laying his umbrella on a rock beside him. prince. He chose for this office an evening he exclaimed: "After awhile it began to rain, and English bishop In whom he bad great "I've eaten one dinner, but I'm going confidence and whom he believed to get my money's worth out of this the man awoke. He was all wet. He would be tbe most proper person to house if I suffer all the torments of took hold of hla umbrella aud opened It hurriedly. It seemed rather stiff In carry out his design. Ills prelate, be dyspepsia.” ing informed of tbe nature of bis mis He then rushed into one of tbe dining going up. and there was a ripping, sion and fearing for his life should he rooms, seized a bill of fare and or tearing sound. Then a live blacksnake treat with Francis in the haughty dered everything he could think of. fell to the ground, split in two from uannner bls master desired, represented When he finally reached bls limit, the its head to its tall. "You see. It had swallowed the um to the king the danger to which he waiter handed him a check for $8.35. brella all but the handle, and tbe man was exposing him and begged not to be “What’s that for?" he demanded. did not notice what had happened till, sent on this mission. “Your dinner, sir,” “Oh, never fear," ' said Henry. "If "But I have already paid for my putting the umbrella up, he halved the tbe king of France should kill you, I dinner lu my bill,” protested the un snake from stem to stern." will have the head of every French fortunate man. “I am staying here on Cigar Cutters and Dlseass. man I find In my kingdom." tbe American plan.” “No," sulil the Sixth avenue tobac “I believe you, sire,” replied tbe bish "Then you should have gone Into the op. “but permit me fo assure you that other dining room," said the writer. conist, "I have no cigar cutters In my of all the heads you will cut off there “This Is the European plan cafe.”— store. They’re too much a menace to the public health. How? Why, every Is not one of them that will fit on my Harper's Weekly. mini who buys a cigar cuts the end of body as well as my own!" It off tu a cqtter If be sees one on tbe His Lecture on Job. Ths Letter M. “I dunno what dey call Job a pa counter, but that Isn't all. He has The Hebrew name of M was Mem, tient man for," said Brother Dickey, a habit of putting the end of the cigar water, and It is curious to note that "kaze of all de growlers I ever beam In his mouth first, thus wetting it the original form of this character In tell on he sho' wuz de growllest! But and preventing the dry tobacco leaf the most ancient manuscript is a wav lie sho’ did have enough ter make him from splitting too much. If the man ing line, which to the not too particu growl—dat he did! De devil say, Is afflicted with tuberculosis or any lar ancients represented water. By ’I.ooky yer, Job, you In my power now, other disease, he may transfer germa some philologists the letter M as used an’ I gwlne ter 'flict you wld a few to the cutter, and the next man who by the Phoenicians Is supposed to have biles.’ An' Job say, 'All right; I kin stlckn his cigar In there to cut off the cotde from a picture t »presenting the •tan' it ef you kin.’ But de biles com eud gets them on his cigar, and In this human face, the two down strokes rep mence ter break out .ao thick an’ fast way to his mouth."—New York Press. resenting tbe contour of the counte dat Job say. ’Looky yer. man. dese Thrifty. nance, the V stroke signifying the ain't no biles—dis de smallpox, sho’ ez Two Rcottlsh women were arguing nose, the two dotB, long since 'disused, yon bo'nl’ An’ he eeteh so dat he had and a stroke beneath the V represent ter scratch hlsse'f wld a goat's head. which of them was tbe more thrifty. ing the eyes and the mouth. Tbe old Den de devil git In a high win’ an’ ’ First Woman-Dae ye see that purse? Phoenician form of tbe letter does in blow down Job's bouse, an’ dat wuz Weel. that's my first sue, an' It's as deed bear a comical sort of resem too much! So ol' Job Ilf’ up bls voice, gi ld as the day I got it. Ye canna blance to the human face. an' he say: ‘Ixxiky yer. I bargain fer come up to that. noo. Second Woman-Mlchty me! Whit a lilies, hut I didn't want no hurricane Ths Curs. th'owed in fer good measure!’ ”— poor Isiaxt! Ye ken Dugald, ma bus "You look glum." said the husband of [ Frank Stanton In Atlanta Constitution. band? “Oh. aye. What aboot him?” one clever woman to the man who had ■ "Weel, he’s ma first man. an’ noo His Place at tha Broom. married her companion. The famous coup d'etat by which Na- j you've got yer third, so dlnna preach “So would you If your wife studied geology and filled the house with poleon ill. gained control of France la thrift to me again.” stones until there wasn’t a place left vividly described In tbe "Memoirs of The Ambitions of Youth. Monsieur Claude." Among the many for you to sit." “Johnny, why don’t you be a good "Don't worry about that," was the anecdotes of tbe eventful evening of cheerful reply. “Turn your wife's Dec. 1, 1851, M. Claude gives the fol hoy like your brother Willy?” the thoughts to astronomy. That will ault lowing: "Comte de Moray, tbe chief mother was sternly admonishing her "Willy here may be her Just as well, and etoe can't collect spirit of the nocturnal drama about to naughty son. lie performed, was at the Opera Co president some day. while you will specimens.”—Sketchy Bits. mbine In order to allay suspicion. A have to dig In the sewer.” "But. mother." walled Willy, “can’t I Putting It Gently. lady said to him, 'M. de Moray, la It Mr. Henpeck I hear that young true that they are going to sweep out dig in the sewer sometimes too?”— Jones and bls wife are not getting the chamber?' ‘Madame. I don't know Harper's Weekly. along very well. Mrs. Henp'-ck (au- | anything about IL’ he replied, 'but If What Ho Draw. thorlt.itlvelyi—Jones should never have there la auy sweeping to be done I “I notice that you nearly always married when he did. He was too , shall try to be on tbe side of the broom smoke when you are writing." said the young to realize the step he was tak handle'” caller. “Do you draw your Inspiration ing Mr. Henpeck Yes, I know, but I ■ An Exception. from your pipet’ like the boy. We have many things In j “No." replied tbe horse reporter, “I "My faith in newspapers has receiv common.—Puck. ed a sad shock," said the burglar Just draw smoke.”—Chicago News. Ns Other Course Open. captured In the act. “How so?" asked the policeman ad- ' Ha Got Plenty. “Now." said the physician, "you will j Hl Tragedy—Whew! (Ranter must have to eat plain food and not stay out ■ justing tbe cuffs. ”1 had read so often that a copper have found food for thoqgbt' th tbe late at night." "Yas,” replied the patient; “that Is j waa never around when needed.” re-1 dramatic editor’s article thia morning. wbat I have been thinking ever since Joined the prisoner, lapsing into sullen ’ Lowe Comedy—Food? I should ,say a full meal. He got a roast and all bis you sent In your bill."—Catholic News. ! silence.—Philadelphia Ledger. desserts.—Philadelphia Press. Satire. After tha Quarral. What Than? Satire la a sori of glass wherein be Kind Old Gentleman—Why have you) Ir a cemetery at Mlddlebnry, Vt, la holders do generally discover every had trouble with this poor little boy?> body's face but their own. which Is ths Johnny Eastside (haughtily)— No trau- J a stone, erected by s widow to her lov rblef reason for that kind reception It tile at all, mister. I done him up with ing husband, bearing this Inscription: •Rest In Peace Until We Meet Again." meets with In tbe world Swift. oue band. Brooklyn Life. If you want your patent leather •hoes to last twice as long, rub them frequently with sweet oil or vaseline Wjere Is the man who will pretend You know moat people either too weir nr not well enough to trust them.—Dt. to call himself a philosopher aad lay down no rules of duty t- Arlstotla. Louis Globe-Democrat
