■
THE TILLAMOOK HEADLIGHT, OCTOBER 13. 189&
IP
WE
DIDN'T
HAVE
TO
EAT.
PBATTLB
Life would be an easy matter
II we didn’t have to ent.
If we never bad to utter.
“Won’t you pass the bread and but
ter.
Likewise push along the platter
Full of meat?”
Yea, if food were obsolete
Life would be a jolly treat,
If we didn't—shine or shower,
Old or young, ’bout every hour—
Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat—
’Twould be jolly if we didn’t have to
eat.
We could eave a lot of money,
If we didn’t have to eat.
Could we cense our huay buying
Baking, broiling, brewing, frying,
Life would then be or, ho sunny
And complete;
And we wouldn’t fear to greet
Every grocer in the street
If we didn’t—man and woman,
Every hungry, helplera human,—
Have to eat. eat, eat, eat, eat—
We’d save money if we didn’t have to
eat.
All our worry would Ire over
If we didn’t have to eat—
Would the butcher, baker, grocer
Get our luird earned dollars? No, air!
We would then be right in clover
Cool and sweet.
Want and hunger we could cheat,
And we’d get there with both feet,
If we didn’t—poor or wealthy,
Halt or nimble, hick or healthy—
Have to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat—
We could get there if we didn’ have to
eat. __ ____________
OF
THE
YOUNGBTKBN.
“Harry,” said the teacher, “in your
esaay on ‘George Washington' you s..y
that he never went fishing. What au
thority have you for making that asser
tion?” “Why,” replied Harry, “haven't
we been taught that he never told a lie?”
TO SOLVE
IT.
rLOAriüii
Kansas City Stair: "The whole trou
hie," said Secretary Alger at Detroit
Sunday, lias been in the volunteer
troops not knowing how to care forthom-
seves.”
W INTKD—100,000 VOLUNTEERS
For the United States army, to serve for
two years, or until the eml of the war, or
until death does us part. Must he not
less than IS nor mole than 38 years old,
and must be fully provided with the
essentials for taking care ot themselves:
1. Medicines, ice and milk.
9 Water.
3. Rations.
4. I'lniiMport ships.
5. Suitable clothing.
tk Healthy camp gioundH,
7. Hospitals.
8. Surgeons.
9. Ambulances.
10. Tenten, cola and blankets.
11. Competent officers.
Wages, |I5.6O a month and the grati
tude of a gi vat nation.
R uhrkli . A. A lgkk , Secretary of War.
CARDS.
PROFESIONAL
"Why do you think he is such a re
markable man?”
"He is the only one I every knew who
had nerve enough to make the responses
in the marriage services loud enough so
that any one could hear him.”
Maud—I think it perfectly disgraceful!
Her fiance hadn’t been dead six weeks
when she married the other man.
Mabie—But you know her trousseau
would have soon gone out of fashion.
T illamook , O heoos .
A five-foot man has to liar® courage to
wal k down the street with a woman
who is five feet eight.
"You notice the atage is set {with a
marine acene?”
"Yea, I just wondered why.”
“Oh. that's to make it less inibarassing
for the actresses who have to appear i>.
tights."
KOI M HtlKX.
MEALS IN Tug
CITY,
Tillamook, Ore
BEST
Headquarters for Forent Grove Stage Line.
Reduced
Fares!
6.00 ROUND TRIP.
3.50 ONE WAY.
ASTORIA
AND
TILLAMOOK.
J. MAY,
attorney - at - law ,
T illamook . O regon .
WILL RUB THE
IJ. J DAI.V.
¡OSCAR HAYTER.
£)ALY & HAYTER,
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW,
(JAMES McCAIN,
fA. W. SEVERANCE.
yjcCAIN & SEVERANCE,
ATTOCNEYS-AT LAW,
Clara—I see Cyntnia has decorated
her room with guns, pistols, swords and
the like.
Cora—Yes; Bhe always has been a
great girl for having arms around her.
Steamer W. H- HARRISON,
or R. P. ELIV1ORE.
Will make trips every five days, the weather permitting, belween Astoria and
Tillamook Gity, carrying freight and passengers.
ELMORE, SANBORN & CO., ASTORIA ; or COHN &
TILLAMOOK, AGENTS.
CO.,
ARE YOU THIRSTY?
ARE YOU TIRED?
WILL YOU TAKE SOMETHING?
CLARK E. HADLEY’S New
I
IS THE PLACE TO GET IT.
"And you took part in the distruetton
of Cervera’s fleet? How glorious to shed
one’s blood for one’s country. Your
name is in the list of the heros, then!”
"No. ma’am. I wasn't one of the he
roes. I was down in the stoke hole,
Bheddin’seven gallons of pres’pration. ”
CLARK KEEPS THE BEST.
])AVID WILEY, M.D.,
PHYSICIAN, SURGEON AND
ACCOUCHEUR.
All call promptly attended to.
T illamook , O regon .
0
E. HAWKE, M.D.,
PHYSICIAN
AND
SURGEON.
Office at Allen House, Tillamook,
"Paolo!” she cried, coming forward. Oregon. Telephone No. 7.
She was very pale as she greeted him.
For his necktie was violent enough to
W A. WISE,
take the color out of anything.
Even the wall paper suffered.
DENTIST,
Cake
made with Schillings Best
baking powder has no bitter
taste.
»
N o
More Darning.
The Magic Hand Loom—Made of polished
Rolled ateel—latest invention for mending
clothing, underware, table linens or heel and
toe in hosiery—A child can work it. Perfect
wave. Send postpaid 25cts. Greater or West
Advertising & Novelty Co., 1155% Washington
St.. Oakland California.
0. B. & N.
Union Depot, Sixth an<l J Street».
TWO TRAINS DAILY
FROM
ALL POINTS EAST.
•'FAST
MAIL
of
C. & E. Thayer
General Banking and Exchange busi
ness interest paid on time deposits.
Exchange on England, Belgium, Ger
many, Sweden, and all foreign countries.
MOOK,
ORE.
G. W. KIGER,
DKALER IN
EXCHANGE AND MONEY
SECURITIES.
Collections Receive Careful and Peouipl
Attention.
BAY CITY, OREGON.
C. A. BAILEY,
DEALER IN
ROUT«.”
Leaves for the East via Walla Walla and
Spokane daily at 2:20 p.m. Arrives at 1045
a.111
Leaves for the East via Pendleton and Hunt
ington daily at 8 p tn Arrives via Huntington
and Pendleton at 7’,2o«.ift
Dalles acominodation leaves daily except
Sunday at 8 am. Arrives daily except Sun
day at 6:30 p.m.
THROUGH PULLMAN AND TOURIST
SLEEPERS.
Water lines schedule subject to change with
out notice.
COME ANÙ SEE FOR YOURSELF.
Tillamoolç Laundry and Dÿe pouge.
S trict attention given to outside orders .
D ying cleaning and renewing a specialty .
W ork called for and delivered .
/All work guaranteed to be first class,
J. W. Atwater,
Manager
T illamook , O regon .
The Deknm Building, Third and Wash
ington, Portland.
STUDEBAKER »’AGONS,
OSBORNE MO IRE RS,
Buggies, hay rakes, plows, and other
farm machinery. You can save
money by dealing with me,
Special Prices on Buggies and Spring
Wagons.
C. A BAILEY, Tillamook, Ore.
Hewitt—I sat at the table next to yours
at the rest urant yesterday and don't see
OCCAM AND KIVKK 4CHBDILI.
how you could laugh at the stale stories
OCEAN DIVISION.—Steamships sail from
Ainsworth dock at Spin. For Sau Francisco:
The preacher will not reap wheat i( he that Guet was telling
Geo. W, Elder sails October 4. it. 20 and 29 ;
Jewitt—He was (raying for his dinner. Columbia sails October J, I4 and 23, State of
BOWS SHIIll.
California sa Is October 8, 17 and 26.
A man may know the time card and
"What sort of a nation is Holland?” COLUMBIA KIVBK MMMKK 8CHBD
yet nils« the train
VLB DIV1M1OM.
ask the snake editor.
PORTLAND, ASTORIA AND TH« COAST.
The «law« of morning are nilgais’ tear«
‘‘At the present it is a coronation,"
r—-------- ij=r- »
Steamer R R Thompson leaves Portland
for the deed* of the night.
daily, except Sunday, at 8 p.m., on Saturday
replied the horse editor.
8HAVING,
at 10 p.m Returning, leave Astoria daily, ex
The «mailer a man's heart, th® bigger
cept Sunday, at a.m.
"There
are
times
when
it
srems
as
if
WII.I.AMKTTB
KIA
BK
KOI
TB.
a dollar looks in his eyes.
HAIR CUTTING,
PORTLAND AND SALEM
The mill wheel may inaks the noise, the line from St John. 'It is more blewwd
Steamer
Ruth,
for
Salem
and
way
poiuts
to give than receive,' should be changed leaves Portland Monday'«, Wednesday* an I Fri
SHAMPOOING,
bill the waler doca the work.
to read. 'It is easier to give than to re daysat6a.m. Returning, leave- Salem Tues
days,
Thursdays
and
Saturdays
at
7
15
a.m.
Ton many want to have the victor’» ceive."
YAMHILL RIVER ROUTE
crown without th® soldier's wounds
"Mention such a time.”
Steamer Modoc, for Dayton and way nofat*,
leaves
Portlaud
Thursday* and Sat
Talk alxnit “looking for op)H>rt unit lea
"When advice is the subj>>ct under dis urday* irt'im Tuesdays.
Returning, leaves 1 havton for EVERYTHIN^ STRICTLY FIRST CLASS
of doing good?” \\ e may hr w *II talk cuMion.”
Portland and way points Mondays. Wednesdays
and Fridays at ? a.m
«•»out I Miking for fire-wool in a forest or
Steamer' Almota leaves Riparia M udays,
The Parson—Tin going to have a Wednesday* and Fridays at 1 45 a.m.. aft. r ar
for water during a flood. The world is
rival ot tra.n from Spokane and Portland.
tough
joo
of
saying
any
thing
good
of
Leaves Lewiaton, rettituuig Sunday«, Tuesdays
full of such opportunities.
and Thursdays at 6 a.m.
the late Brother Bloggsha
Steamer L«w»aton leaves Riparia Sundays,
His Wife—You might any a more de Tuesdays and Thutadays at 145 am; after
The Dearest (Jiri What make«|yoa old
arrival
of train from Spokane and Portland.
Mar
I»achelora <ay such horrid things? !..
w. "*rv,l,8 person has not disd in along Leaves Lenialon Monday.*«, deduc'dtys and SHAVING, HAIR CUTTING,
Saturdays al 6 a m
while.
tied men do not talk thut way
W H HURLBURT.
SHAMPOOING, ETC.
General Pamenger Agent
The .tavagw Bachelor—No. we only say
"I can't blame the young women for
V A SCHILLING, City Ticket Agent.
w hat the married men think
falling in love with the soldiers,” re-
Telephone kMaiu) 714,
New Building, next door to Fust < >fflLe
III.AMT« PHOM
First claim H.ccoiiiin<Hlat¡o|1
at second ola»» rate.
T illamook , O regon .
Ladle"
The man who wants the earth probably
never stopped to think what the taxes
would be.
w.
D allas . O regon .
Minili
•’Gimme,” said Asbury Peppers, re
la|>sing into the dialect of his native
farm, "a fresh porched egg.”
"I presume you mean poached,” said
achoolma'am boarder.
"Was that not what I said?’’
“No: you said ‘porched. ”
‘ If I said porched," replied Mr. Pcp-
pers. railing nobly, "I meant one tliat
had just been shed. ”
J. p. ALLEN,
Proprietor.
attorney - at - l IW,
“I wonder,” said Mr. Blylnns, in a
pensive tone, “why it is that children
ROBERT A. MILLER,
are so anxious to forsake all their joyous
freedom from care and be grown men.”
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
“Maybe,” answered his young son,
O regon C ity , O regon .
“it’s because grown men get attention
Land Titles and Land Office Business a
and sympathy when they have a stom
Specialty.
ach ache, instead of being laughed at.”
There are some men in the world so
good that when they are seen on the
streets after 9 o’clock it is wondered who
is sick at their house. It is known they
must be going for a doctor.
^Ilen ¡¿ouse.
ß L. EDDY,
“What can equal the warmth of a true
A little boy had been sent to the cor woman*s love?” asked the dearest girl.
ner grocery to g<t some eggs and on his
“Her temper,” replied the savage Q O. NOLAN,
way back be dropped the basket con bachelor.
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW’,
taining them. "How many did you
Deputy
District Attorney of Till.... ..
The Husband—My dear did you get
break ?’’
i.'ounty, Office in Alderman Hoiel
any good from the sermon today?
Building,
“Nellie, dear,’’ said the indulgent
The Wife— I did; I am fully convinced
T illamook , O regon .
father to his 4-year-old daughter, "if you
that I might be worse than I am.
like your new dolly, you ought to come
and put your arms about my neck and
“What did your wife say to you rp H. GOYNE,
give me a real nice kiss.” Nellie com when you got home from the club at
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
plied, but ns she did so she remarked: such an unearthly hour thia mornsng?"
“Oh, papa, I does dest spoil you dwead-
* Oh, ask me something easy.”
Office: Opposite Court House,
full”
"What would you call something
T illamook , O regon .
Of course it happened when there was easy?”
"Well you might ask me what she
company present.
“Mother,” said Willie’s elder, who failed to Bay.”
(ALAUDE TIIAYER,
had been reading a nautical story,
My father-in-law is really a simpleton.
"what is a spanker boom?”
ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
The other day I wrote him that my
"You bet I know," broke in
pecuinary embarrassment was turning
vociferously.
T illamook , O regon .
Then they all made haste to change my hair gray, and what do you suppose
the subject, not because Willie knew, i his answer was? He sent me a bottle of
hair dye.”
but lieeause lie thought lie knew.
An exchange says that a little girl in
Hillsdale. Mich., petitioned the Lord for
fair weather and the next morning the
sun shone bright and clear. She told of
her prayer to her grandmother, who
Baid: “Well, now, why can’t you pray
to-.light that it may be warmer to-mor
row so grandma’s rheumatism will be
better? "All right, I will,” was tne re-
s|smse, and that night as she knelt she
incorporated this request in her little
prayer: "Oh, God, make it hot for
Justice of the Peace Reynolds, of Den grandma.”
ver, though newly appointed, is already
The young king of Spain is a bright
popular as a marriage knot tier. He
omits the word “obey” from the cere boy. The following anecdote is told
mony, saying lie does so in defence to about him by the Madrid correspondent
the general opinion of Colorado women. of the London Telegraph: "One after
noon King Alfonso, on returning home
Dr. N. G. Woodward, of Defiance, O., from a walk, ascended the staircase and
sent a wedding invitation to a cousin looked in vain for the officer who should
fourteen yenis Hgo. The invitation went have been in command of the royal
astray urnil last wlek, when the doctor guard on duty. The king called for an
received a check for $2,000 ub a marriage adjutant and nsaed i.im the mime of the
gift.
officeroll duty that day. ‘It is Captain
X., your majesty.’ ’Will you kindly re
A Providence woman ean boast of hav
ing been married six time« and nt her member me to Captain X , then, mi l tell
him I often think of him, though I have
last wedding four of her former liusbtinds
were present mid acted as ushers. The not had the pleasure of seeing him for
quite a long time.' ”
fifth sent his regrets mid a present and
an invitation to the bride mid groom to
A little girl, about 9 years of age, was
spend their honeymoon nt his bouse.
obliged, for some time, to endure the
A Missouri man wbo is in jail for Ibe nagging annoyance of a maiden mini,
trivial offenae of marrying four wive« relates an exchange. The child puzzled
within a year and without doing any her little mind as to the best means of
thing whatsoever toward supporting the getting rid of her tormentor, mid at last
great American divorce industry, ve'V hit u|K>n a plan which, she thought,
chivalrously offers in return for his would have the desired result. She spent
lib tty to get divorce» from the first the whole of one morning writing a let
ter, and, having finished it, slie disap
three women and support the fourth.
peared In the garden. In the course of
The connection between tomatoes and the afternoon her mother asked the
matrimony may not be evident at first gardener what Alice had been doing,
Hight to the unobservant, hut Ihe Chi ami was surprised to learn that she had
cago girl who found at th® bottom of a dug a deep hole and put a letter in it. A
South Water street basket of the new search was made, mid the following
variety of love apples a note from a epistle was discovered, iid lressed to the
farmer, ai swered it and got a husband potentate of the nether regions at his
will be able to explain the matter to all official residence; ‘Dear Mr. Satan—
interested. The marriage took place at Will you kindly come and take away
Cobden, III.
Allot Jane? She is a very fussy person,
and does worry me so. Alice.”
HOW
markt-d a neighbor who had dropped in
for a few minutes.
"Neither do I,” answered the other,
who always had a tired expression. "A
few months of government rations ought
to keep a num from complaining of
home cooking for the rest of his life. ”
CHAS.
PETERSON
"My Kingdom For a Horse."
WELL, WE'VE GOT IT AND MORE TOO
37’ ctjl "^77“a,xxt to
ZSTcie G-entle ZEZoxse
To a, TSTice
Eug'g^r,
Ooxxxe to Oxxx Stalole and
G-et it.
The Tillamook Livery and Sale Stable,
OREGON.
TILLAMOOK,
WHEN
YOU
WANT
LUMBER,
Remember that we keep the best of
everything in Stock and at prices as
low as the lowest-
FOLLOWING IS OUR LIST OF PRICES •
« * - - thoX f^L
•
HI7FI. IP«..
,h,,USHnd feeL
FLOOR?Va m *1 o00 ,,, r "'‘>U8»nd feet,
FLOOHINi'0’ n ’
l*r thousand feet.
RI’<Tin
!>’ al
0° per thousaud feet,
RIT uti J?' m at . *12 00 ,H' r
feet,
USTIC, No. 1 at $16.000 per thousand feet,
^0- L FINISH, at $15.00 per thousand feet,
MOLLDINGS. jkc per foot, per inch in width
— . . .
ALL 3IN. PLANKING at $7 per 1000 feet
lillamook Lumbering Co.
GEO. COHN. P resident ;
JOHN RARKEK, V.P. and M gr . ;
B. L. EDDY. S ecretary .
It is a well known fact that the wealth
of the nation lies in the condition of the
ag’iculhiral district. The farmer is th®
backbone of the country. The farmer
may belter his condition by accepting
such methods in the tilling of his land
and the preparing of his product as will
involve the least labor and expense, our
Hot and Cold Raths.
Mikado and Empire
Cream Separators
EDGAR LATIMER,
BARBER ANO HAIRDRESSER
FOARD
* necessity now. No progressive
farmer can do without one. 'We have
band or power sixes, see or write
• CO.
Astoria. Ore.