The INDEPENDENT, January 15, 2004
What my mother
taught me...
1. My mother taught me TO
APPRECIATE A JOB WELL
DONE. “If you're going to kill
each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning.”
2. My mother taught me RE-
LIGION. “You better pray that
will come out of the carpet.”
3. My mother taught me
about TIME TRAVEL. “If you
don't straighten up, I'm going to
knock you into the middle of
next week!”
4. My mother taught me
LOGIC. “Because I said so,
that's why.”
5. My mother taught me
MORE LOGIC. “If you fall out of
that swing and break your
neck, you're not going to the
store with me.”
6. My mother taught me
FORESIGHT. “Make sure you
wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident.”
7. My mother taught me
IRONY. “Keep crying, and I'll
give you something to cry
about.”
8. My mother taught me
about the science of OSMO-
SIS. “Shut your mouth and eat
your supper.”
9. My mother taught me
about CONTORTIONISM. “Will
you look at that dirt on the back
of your neck!”
10. My mother taught me
about STAMINA. “You'll sit
there until all that spinach is
gone.”
11. My mother taught me
about WEATHER. “This room
of yours looks as if a tornado
went through it.”
12. My mother taught me
about HYPOCRISY. “If I told
you once, I've told you a million
times. Don't exaggerate!”
13. My mother taught me the
CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought
you into this world, and I can
take you out.”
14. My mother taught me
about BEHAVIOR MODIFICA-
TION. “Stop acting like your fa-
ther!”
15. My mother taught me
about ENVY. “There are mil-
lions of less fortunate children
in this world who don't have
wonderful parents like you do.”
16. My mother taught me
about ANTICIPATION. “Just
wait until we get home.”
17. My mother taught me
about RECEIVING. “You are go-
ing to get it when you get home!”
18. My mother taught me
MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don't
stop crossing your eyes, They are
going to freeze that way.”
19. My mother taught me
ESP. “Put your sweater on;
don't you think I know when
you are cold?”
20. My mother taught me
HUMOR. “When that lawn
Page 13
mower cuts off your toes, don't
come running to me.”
21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don't eat your vegeta-
bles, you'll never grow up.”
22. My mother taught me
GENETICS. “You're just like
your father.”
23. My mother taught me
about my ROOTS. “Shut that
door behind you. Do you think
you were born in a barn?”
24. My mother taught me
WISDOM. “When you get to be
my age, you'll understand.”
25. And my favorite: my
mother taught me about JUS-
TICE. “One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out
just like you!”
OREGON TRIVIA
1. What hazard to ship-
ping is located at the mouth
of the Columbia River?
2. What 1979 film about a
rodeo cowboy included
scenes of Ontario?
3. Who was John Day?
4. How many Oregon
newspapers have won a
Pulitzer Prize?
5. What NFL Hall of
Famer played for Portland’s
Jefferson High School, the
University of Oregon, and
the Dallas Cowboys?
6. What are anadromous
fish?
Answers on page 17
Forest Resources Directory
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