Ayers
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Sayings
and Ooings that Are Old, Curious aud
Laughable-The Week's Humor.
This falling of your hair!
Stop it, or you will soon be
bald. Give your hair some
Ayer's Hair Vigor. The fall
ing will stop, the hair will
Hair Vigor
grow, and the scalp will be
clean and healthy. Why be
satisfied with poor hair when
you can make it rich?
* My hair nearly all cam* ©nt. I than tri*4
Ayar’t Hair Vigor and otilv one bottle »topped
the falllnit Naw hair c*m» in raa thick ar.d
hut a little curly."— M m ». L. M. S mith .
karatoca. M. Y.
fl M a hot tla.
f. C. ITI» co .
1 owe . Mt»«
fo|.
Biggs—Did you ever notice what a
healthy-looklng man Dr. Pellet is?
Diggs—Yes; he looks so different
from his pat lent». [ wonder who ills
physician 1»?
Force of Habit.
"1 appreciate the fact that you have
honored me with a proposal,” said the
deer girl, "but are you sure your love
tor me is tbs real thing?”
"Perhaps not." frankly replied the
young drug clerk, "but ft is less expen
sive and Just as good."
Equal to the Ktnerjrriicy
Thick Hair
A Stingy Woman.
Employment Ageut—Why did
leave Mrs. Goodsoul so soon? She i»
»aid to be a very nice woman.
Domestic—Nice! She'» that stingy she
begrudges the very air ye breathe.
"You »noise me.”
"Judge for y'rself.
Kerosene Isn't
worth over twelve cents a gallon, is it?"
Mr. I.ovelort»—Ob. Mias Matilda, me
“No."
“Well, she 'most bad a fit 'cause I heart is ou Bn* for thee It I» burning:
started to pour a few drops of it iu th'
kitchen stove.”
Undoubtedly.
What is your idea ot a successful
man?” asked the youth.
“A successful mau." replied the sage,
“is one who succeeds iu mskiug others
think as well of him as he thiuks of Lim
eelf.”
For bronchial trou rar. trv rise's Curs
lor Consumption. It is a g.»od cough
medicine. At druggists, price
cents.
In
the Wrong Office.
Caller—IV» are very rich, and we wish
to marry our daughter to a count, a mar
quis or a duke.
Clerk (with dignity)—You are in the
wrong office. This is a matrimonial
agency. You will find the International
Purchasing Agency two doors to the Jett.
VS
Sakes alive!
ought to put It out aud cool ye, too!
His Explanation.
"But why." I asked the good wife,
“are you so anxious to secure the top
fiat in
that
ten-story
apartment
house?”
"Because.” explained the household
I freight payer, "the elevator would be
a great help to us in bringing up the
children. ”
gley LIOUOff-MORFNINE-TOeACCO
Öre HABITS PERMANENTLY CURED
—*
ZOS FULL FSATKL. AFi —
Such Dear Friend*. Too
Clara—I'll tell you a secret, dear, if
you'll promise never to repeat la.
Maude—All right Out with It
The British Museum contains records
Clara—Fred pre|osed to me last
(nJ books written on brick«, oyster shells,
bones and flat stones, and manuscripts on night.
Maude—Ob. say. doesn't be do it
bark, ivory, leather, lead, iron, copper
and wood.
awkwardly, though?
Feminine Charity.
flow's Thia?
Mrs. De Playne—When I married
We offer One Hundred DeHart Reward fox
“¿Tr«ilr‘rh“ure
C“U1Ot ** CUI*d bT
husband bi« eyes gilt was very
F J. C U*n A CO . Prop«.. Toledo, a ! poor.
We, the underai<ned, bavo kr ?«n F. J.
Mrs. Dimple»—Ye*. It must bare
Cheney for the laM 15 years, and ueiieve him
perfectly honorable in all business transac ; been.
tions and financially able to carry out any ob*
Heations made by their firm.
It Looked that Way.
W knt <k T bvax , wholesale I»rurgista, Toledo. O.
Mm Heupeck—1 don't think »he'll
W ald ISO, K ln MAJI <k M a BVLM, V, hvleaalu Drug
gists. Toledo, O.
1 ever marry him.
Hall e Catarrh Cure la taken internally, act
Mr. Henpeck—Why not?
ing directly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. Price 75c. per botue.
Mrs. Henpeck—Oh, she quarrels
Bold by all Druggists. Testimonials free.
with him so and ia so domineering.
Hall s Family Pills are the best.
Mr. Henpeek—Indeed? 1'11 bet they
Going It Alone.
1 have l>een secretly married already.—
No matter what you undertake: no Philadelphia Press.
matter what the game, be it lore or busi
Billville Literary Note.
ness, this advice goes just the same. In
A Billville literary note reads as
your struggle for position, for happiness
or wealth let these words your motto be: follow«:
“Rely upon yourself.”
Then if you
“While one of our leading authors
make a ten strike it will be all your own i was peacefully plowing in the field
and it you in the gutter fall you can some miscreant stole his shirt, his
wallow there alone.
I shoes and six poems. Verily the way
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslows’s Soothing of the literary man Is not as smooth as
Byrap the best remedy to Use lor their children t railroad.”—Atlanta Constitution,
during the teething period..
__
I
_________
What Papa Said.
An
Ear-Splitter.
“We've got a dandy college yell now."
“What is It?"
“We give four Russian battleships, a
liss-boom-ah, aud then two Jap generals."
—Puck.
Absent-Mimled.
Mrs Schoppen—I want five ¡a-unds
of sugar, please
Grocer—Yos m; anything else?
Mr». Schoppen—-No. that's all. I'll
take It with me If it 1*n t bx> heavy a
package.
Grocer—Ob. it’ll only weigh three or
four
pounds,
ma'am -Philadelphia
Press.
CONSUMED BY A FIRE THAT,
WATER WILL NOT QJJEHC
Eruptions
Th© only way to get. rid
of pimples and other erup
tions is to cleanse the blood,
improve the digestion, stim
ulate the kidneys, liver and
skin. The medicine to take is
W here He Was Lacking.
"Br'er Thomas wut always »Ingin*
dat song 'bout 'De Yutber Side of Jor
dan,* but you orter heerd hitu Well de
doctor tol' him his time had coms ter Which has cured thousands.
go dar!"
"What he say denF
"Esprit <le Corps."
"Bellowed lak a bull, eu' hollered: "I
All the tiuy cripples in the nvTgbbor-
can't swim a lick! 1 never did take no liood of the settleiueut house, together
swiuitulu' lesion»!' "—Atlanta Consti with a few able-bodied children, had
tution.
been feasted on cake and lemonade
When one of the deformed mites was
Vnabaehad.
"It Is hinted. " said the close adviser, ready to go home ho missed his coat,
"that there Is no rea»ou for your hav which search failed to Bud. The young
ing so much mouey,"
woman who had been ministering to
"My friend," answered Senator Sor the w ants of the company lisd -on
ahum, "those people don’t understand one of the able-bodied girls go out w ith
our social system. Nowadays It Is a something under her shawl too bulky
waste of time to expect a man to stami to I'e secreted cake.
"Run. uiy dear, to Jenny." she said
up and apologise for having mouey."—
to one of the lads. "In picking up her
Washington star.
shawl perhaps she got bold of some
W hut Did She Vleun?
tiling else by mistake."
“If you feel chilly," said be. as they
The boy moved off on hl« «lumpy
strolled, “remember I have your shawl crutch, «ml w lien he returned he held
here on my arm."
the coat up In triumph The "accident"
"You might put It around me." she had happened: Jenny bad picked It up
said, demurely
Philadelphia Pre««.
with the shawl.
The crippled children crowded close
Prudent touw.
The coutractor frowued up at the round toe young woman In great per
I ricklayer sitting dangerous./ near the turbation. Their self reaped had been
wounded. and they looked disdainfully
edge of the scaffold.
“Git .XT av ihor. Thomas Murphy!" at the few sound children among them.
he finally bellowed, "lint thing Oi Finally one of the lads said:
"Miss Martin, it ain't one of us that
know ye will fall tin stories, break yes
poll* awn «ant an hour tv go out awn did it. Jenny ain't a cripple; »he's
on'y a Sunday school!"
buy a new oue.”
Hood’s Sarsaparilla
Well Fitted to lie « Judge
On the Jersey v'oe»t.
A funny story comes from the South.
"I'm not going to remain at this
hotel another night.”
, where the cynic had gone to upend a
“What's the troub!»?"
few of the cold day« of January. While
"Why, do you know that object tn coursing his way through Georgia bo
our room we took to l>« a trolley car stopped off to see an old friend aud a
fender?”
Jaunt through the country was the out
"Yes?"
I come of bls visit. It happened that Ills
"Well, the laudlord says It’s mos friend was quite prominent Iu pollti,-«
quito netting.”
in the vicinity, aud as they trudged
down the road an old darky approach
Future Assured,
ed and saluted them cheerfully.
"Yes, we found the baby playing
"Mornlu'. Jedge," Iwgau old Saui.
with a volume of verse."
“Howdy.”
“Indeed? He will probably turn out
“Say. Jedge. I'«e like tu t>e
to be a poet."
nex’ ticket for Justice uv de
“But he tore the verses up and
continued Sam.
tossed them out of the window."
“You a Judge!" replied my friend,
"Did. eb? Well. that shows he's go
“Why wbat do you know about the
Ing to be an editor.”
law?"
“Mos' eberjrthln'."
Ho Road It.
“Well. now. Nam. If we should elect
you and a man was brought Itefore
you charged with committing suicide
what would your Judgment be?"
This caused Bam «ome deep uied!ta
tion. and after a conaidarable watt lie
l AM
replied:
SUNI
"Well, under de circumstance», I
guess I'd make him support his wife"
—Philadelphia Telegraph.
Ecimna drives »?• victim almost to the verg»
of distraction by its htlolerablo itching, stinging
ntnl burning.
It seems to set the »ion on tire,
and the tormented »utTcrcr rubs and scr«t< lies
till the flesh is raw and tlio akin i* torn and
bleeds.
Nothing applied externally does much
good, for the duea-o i« internal; the blood It
ailamo with acid tmisona, that are forcing their
v
way through th« glands ntul pores of the skin, causing it to redden
litui swell and break out in splotches, pustules and pimples, from
hardens
and dries, ami
which
a clear, j
yellow
vviik ii tv
oiiuw, watery
«.»•••/ matter
..................... exudes,
-.......... ..........
*
tiicn peels olf in scale« or tine p.irticlos like bran. .
Ecsema kindles a
-
•
....
|,l tlu.t
quench, al
and
that lotions, salve«,
salves, powvier«
powders ami
anti
fire
that
water will
not qm-iKli,
A» warm weather conic« on ami the system is
soap cannot »mother,
reacting and tlm blood making extra cilortt to throw off lite uccuinu*
Frederick Kent Loomis. «b lose body
has been found In Btgbury Bay. IS
uillvs southeast of Plymouth, Englund,
was eu route to
Atrysalntii when he
Ho
disappeared
wn* n passenger on
the Kaiser Wilhelm
II., and wit» ml»»-
ed when Hie boat
reaebed Bremen on
the night of June
lit last. Next day
when
passenger«
landed
nt
Ply luted poisons, Eczema
mouth b* was not tack« with redoubled vio
ECZEMA KRPT HPRKA1>1 NO.
c. K. looMis
seen
With Loo lence, ami the «utTcrcr i« al
Rlw ye«rs atro tuy wtfn had a br*uklns*<nit b«doW
her ku
At llr«t r«4 huuipa appaaied, but s<M»n
mis. who was brother of
stunt Sec
most distracted by lite fear whitn, husky m aba vain«*, Uiol whau litase would
retary of State Loomis, vvtqi William
shod
off
ll»o
i'le^oo be©i«mo rod again« and would
ful itching am! burning. Il
itch aud bur t eo that «he fuuu l It hnpoeelble <«•
II. Ellis, a colored min I.corni» wa«
is the most uncomfortable sleep. At I mes a yoll<>w water ran from tha
carrying to Emperor Meuellk a com
bumps, «n l 11 k ept tfolUntf worse end worse, Ous
mercial treaty Just concluded between am! agj’ravatin;;of all »kin family phy nielan pronounsed II
Soma, and pre-
the Halted State« and Aliv-»Inta
it eruption« and a terror in aorlbad ointments and powders; but It M*v®
spreading, breaking *> »t on her body an I erme,
warm
weather.
ha» been alleged that Ellis |H>sse»»e«
mill alm '«t vl »eed up her ears. Tlie <tru <tf 1st at
Local rcim-tlic«givc tem (lamer told me to t r v M. M. H , which oho did, and
a peculiar Intluenee over Meuellk. and
aftvir
taking e^vor«! bottino was cured, and la
that he ha» a ileslre to luwonte ruler porary ease, but a« Eczema
well to*dov and has boon fur years.
of Abyssinia
Ho is icporteil Io have is not due to out«ido cause«,
Uaruer, N. 0.
W. A. 11OOUTT.
told friend» In New York lu-fore ho but to a disordered condi
sailed with l.ismtl« that lie cX|H-> Irti tion of the system uml an over-acid and impure bl<vod, the treatment
within two years to have control of riust be constitutional, or inlerii.il.
l'urify the blood ami the »kin
|iaO.OtW,l>UO and <>f the rl. Iu I c.uiutry disease will disappi ar.
....................................
nie.ty can I hj found that*
No Ircttcr
blood remed'
Iu Africa.
It builds up tlm sour uml acid blood tl, rids it of all imtniritic«
’L a J/
___ _ ___
s. s. s.
and (Hiisoii, stimulate« tlio eluggioh or
J Mines II. Peabody. Governor ■ f Col
gan», and invigorate« and tone* up lit«
ora do, bus I mm - u i> ailing the «In nil"»«
entire «v-tem; and n* all skin eruption«
life «Ince last August, when the Stats
like T< z.ciim nro only «yniptom*or signs of
began to lie stirred
bad blood, they naturally «li»ap|>ear when
by
t I li e millers'
that vital fluid ia again restored to health.
»trike
that
S. S. S. is guaranteed strictly vege
■Ince resulted
table. It is not only a bh>od purifier, but n splendid tonic and ap|w-tizer,
tunny deaths,
i
r
making it an ideal spring medicine. Treat Eczema through the blood,
court controversie
or you will never gel permanently rid of it. Write for our book on the
■ nd crimes of » u
rlous degrees. Gov
Skin and its Discs»««, which i* muilcd free Medical advice furnished
er nor Peabody 1» a
without eval to you.
yy/t SWIFT SPTCiitC CO., ATLANTA. GA.
native of Vermont
aud la 51 years old
lie was educated lu
it riAiiouY.
the public schotils
and as a young man was a n. tel ith
lete
For a time Governor Peiltody
worked as a dry go.s!« clerk In Hoe
ton. later going to Colorado
lie Set
ertltody m-eda. I'.no |«'r
TAOOMA. WA SH.
tied In Canyon City, hl« pr» - -nt liom >,
month can e«*tiy I** mad»
aud engaged In mercantile bii»ine«s
Gli•• wrlltm contra«!» |o mtut « ¡»»Mliion*
by good workers. No com
Fortune favored him, and In inns no • »r gradual«1» Ihr«« r«*titrart« arr tfuaraiili-r l
bjr a National Hank. 'N rite für catalogua an !
petition. Good va-y «ell-
became a banker
plan ttrilay.
er*. Write tor particular«
Wanted-Salesmen
BEUTEL BUSINESS COLLEGE
■ nd agency at one«.
ITofeesor Gohl« In Smith w ho fU
vor« a home rule p:trilettimi for lie
land, la ■ celebrated I »t- b id mid e«
31.11'ommcrcUl Nk. F«rtla»d. Or«.
say 1st, w ho»» liter
ary fame I» world
G>r ) «»un^
I m » va .
wide He waa t»>rn lU*anhiii;
■ t Rending, Eng B oi J22 Uahcnify Pirk SlAfloa, Pori had, Orr.
land. Aug 23. 1S'J3,
Apply fur ( atAtnfiMi
«ml wa» «-tlut-uti-,1
Eton and
I, gn tnlng
M'bolarshlp«
various prize».
I? ■ |«e day H«-»f<! |i »’ |*r
1M7 be was called
Voice Trom Arkansas.
<
|.* ■«> |*r -fay I «irti
to the English luir,
Cleveland, Ark., August 16 («peciali
irrigation ri'itatrurlloit >*»rwia
tir
nt
rin
I'l-y
niBtit
for ■^**»*1 turn ami
lie
wna
regln»
prie
fii<>r. a
The Deaf aud Dumb Beggar—A — Nearly every newspaper tells ot some
tram«
feaaor of modern
friend told me this morning tint the wonderful cure of some form of Kidney
Ücvchut« Irrigation and Powtr
police are going to stop begging on the : Disease by the Gyeat American liem- history at Oxford fur eight year», und
Vorwimivy unr-inx
' edy, Dodd's Kidney Pills, and this part later was hnnornry professor of Eng
arto
»tree'.».
"
The Blind Beggar—Yes; I read that of Arkansas it not without its share of Hah aud i*on»tltutlonnl history nt Cor
U> »
Professor Rm
evidence that no case is too deeply nell
In the paper yesterday.
* rooted for Dodd's Kidney Pills to cure. of reciprocity between the I tilted
H. X u.
n - as i»o«.
Mr. A. E. Carlile, well known and States aud Canada, mol during the
Willing to Repair.
"Young man." said the »tern father, highly respected here, tells of his cute civil war was an active champion of
"you have been calling on my daughter after nearly a quarter ot a century's the North.
I 'ROM
i > i : aui : r
until you have worn out the sofa. Y<>u suffering. Mr. Carlile «ays:
"I want to let the public know what
The nominee of tbe Prohibitionist a
know wbat that means, don’t you?"
"Certainly, sir." responded the young I think of Dodd’s Kidney Pills. I for President 1» SII iim <’ Swallow, of
man, “I'll send up an upholsterer to think they are the lest remedy tor Pennsylvania. Swallow I* on«» of the
sick kidneys ever made.
shining light« of
morrow."
F
thia minute and write lor our ca ( a -
»
"I had Kidney Trouble for 23 years the
t«*in|M»nin«,t«
logu* wc’r« xfrzid you’«« not .uttrd for a buun«M hi«.
, tx th« best
__
T hu ___
m.y
J
Given a Raise.
and never found anything that did me crump . He | m ¡ hi M
,
•
a
*
,
-
—
...
_
_
_
_*
.
_
t
1.
4
_
thane« you hav« ever had. iJon't waatc it. Wr «ducat« you practically lor
With tender hands they took him so much good as Dodd’s Kidney Pills. his tfctth yenr nnd
butincM and «t you a position when competent. A postal
Xflai card
--»rd will bring
Hing lull <
from the topmoet branches of a tall I recommend them to all sufferers.”
for more than n
> parncuvarx. Ln’t it w.trth , urwh.lc
BENNIE WILIER BUSINESS COLLEGE
pine.
to writ« now brlort you lorgrt it.
Oruuuti.
There is no uncertain sound about generation
has
He knows been engaged In
"What happened?" he ga»ped feebly Mr. Carlile's statement.
"You were tossed by a bull,” they that Dodd’s Kidney Pills rescued him booming Problbl
I from a life of suffering and he wants tlon. He made a
responded.
"Then it's not so bad. I thought I the public to know it. Dodd’s Kidney phenomenal r
The Great Conditioner and Stmk Pettenor. NOItMtS da
I’ills cure all Kidney ills from Back for Treasurer
was tossed by a racing automobile.”
.Moro Work on I e«< l erd, COW'S h I« b More and kkhtf
ache to Bright's Disease.
Milk. Ho<iS | often Qukker If given thl« I oud.
Pennsylvania
Trial» of Cupid.
Package. BOc end ftI.OO.
one time, receiving
Iloecoe Conkling*« Rig Fee.
"Yee,” related tbe romantic young
lixjut 120,000 votes *iLAa < *»w ai . i . ow .
MkKKS
riGS
<)K<»W~<M»<»I> roH BTUMTKI» CAI.VKK.
It 1« «aid that one day when Roscoe
man. "as we sat on tbe park bench 1 ;
Then he run for <iov«-rnor nnd «III
Pat ssirw B nmkdv Co . Nt 1’iuil. Minn.
leaned over aud planted a kiss on her Conkling was l>eginning to attain notin'
(.»
X
rt.Mtf
liM
t
II
Hf
iH-rn frc.lin« your fe? uhm S tock P«»on to my
nearly as well, threatening the !lepub>
thorough .rrd »win« It give« them en appetite, and iimfara the pig«
measure of success be dropped into th«
ruby lip«.”
llran ticket Four years ago he
grow. 1 also UWd It on atuntod ealvro with BMti«fartorr rooalto
"Planted, eh?" remarked the buffoffii office of Charles O'Conor, of New York,
F. W. O nuomb . Ulirin. Neb.
sought the nomination which I min now
I'OMTLANO Sl.fc.1* CO,, Portland, Or,, Coast Agent«
then one of the leader« of the bar.
friend. “Did you raise anything?"
been
given
him,
but
John
G
Woolley
"What's the trouble?” asked the 1st
“Tts. A pollcemau saw me and
wan the auerraaful aspirant. Mr.
soon afterward I had to raise $ 10 fot tor, as Conkling excitedly paced the
Swallow Is a Methodist tnlnlater :ind
floor.
n fine."
“I’ve Just been subjected to the editor of the PeniiMylvnnla Meth«H|iM.
Love in a Flat.
worst insult I have ever received, Tbis
Don Jnlrne, of Bourb n. » ond «<>n
"Why does Harker look so eroe« is the first time a client ever objected
of Don Carlo«, tlm Hpanl-li p
nd r,
these days?”
to my fee.
naw In the lineo .lapilli s <pi.irrei an
“He's married and ha> three little
"¥ou know I defended Glhlion» for
opportunity toshak»
ones*”
arson and put In ionie tremendous
off n little of flic
“I don't see why three children work for him. He vu convicted at
obscurity which has
should put him In a bad humor."
the trial, but we couldn't help It. and
for some time ell-
"Who »aid anything about children* I took the case to the Superior Court,
Vclopcd t he Boiir-
He 1» married and baa three littls and he lost there, then on to the Su
iron princes,
llo
room»."
preme Court, and that affirmed the con-
‘ C^-iaA V
hastened to Nt. I'e-
PORTLAND, OREGON.
viction, and he has been given ten
It Would Heerri Ho,
tirsl'tirg and of-
Write lor Catalogue «n« Prices.
years.
Now, my fee only amounted
"Truth,” remarked the morallzer, "It
fered Iti» « rtlr-e»
to 13.000. and the scoundrel actually
stranger titan fiction.”
Ì to the Czar. Thny
has the audacity to grumble alsiut It.
“Yes.” rejoined the demoralizer."and
were accepted, anil
Maying It'» too high.
What do you
the majority of men seem to be shy of
Iron Jrtline I» now
think of that for Impudence?”
»»»oclatlng with Btrangers.”
an olili er In the
"Well," said O'Conor, »lowly, "of
ItuHslan army In the Far En-t
The
course
you
did
a
lot
of
work,
and
»3,-
Himself and Another.
prince I» In bl» thirty fourth yertr, ,ind
(XX)
Is
not
a
big
fee,
but
to
tie
frank
Him—There are two men of my ac-
ita» Iteen given little chance to distin
with you, Mr. Conkling, my opinion,
qua Inta nee whom I really admire.
guish himself. He I» heir to his fa
Her Indeed! And what la the name founded on mature consideration, is
that ho might have been convicted for ther'« pretension» to the Kpaui«li
of the other one?
throne.
less money."
Columbia
University :
SPECIALTY SELLING COMPANY
■
WANTED
B U V
200 MEN.
1
► IF YOU HAVEN’T SPUNK ‘"{"“T ,rnoi,*(h ,o
r,<h' d,,w" <
PRUSSIAN STOCK FOOD
RUSSELL T oilers
SAW
MILLS
Willie—Why! grandma, are you go
Ing boniej Papa Ju»t said yesterday
that he thought you were going to stay
forever.
I
Ì
>-
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Miss Nellie Holmes, treasurer«
of the Voung Woman's Temper«
ance Association of Buffalo, N.V.,
strongly advises all suffering
women to rely, as she did, up*
on Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege*
table Compound.
*• D rab J! ks P inkham :— Your med
icine is indeed an ideal woman'» medi
cine, and by far the best I know to
restore lost health and strength. I
Buffered misery for several years, being
troubled with menorrhagia. My back
ached, I had bearing-down pains and
frequent headaches. I would often
wake from restful sleep, and in such
pain that I suffered for hours before I
could go to sleep again. I dreaded ibe
long nights as much as the weary days.
I consulted two different physicians,
hoping to ^et relief but finding that
their medicine did not seem to cure me.
I tried your Vegetable Compound
on the recommendation of a friend
from the East who was visiting me.
“ I sm glad that I followed her ad
vice, for every ache and pain ia gone,
and not only this, but my general
health ia much improved. I have a
fine appetite aud have gained in flesh.
My earnest advice to suffering women
la to put aside all other medicines and
Not t.p-to-llate.
"He his a premising future. He's a
very eloquent young preacher.”
“Oh. he'» too old-fashioned, He will
insist upon taking his text» from the
Bible.”—Philadelphia Pre»«.
I*o»«il>le Explanation.
Mile»—There 1» «aid to be a race of
■cv'SKea In Africa whose vocabulary
consist» of but elxbt words.
Giles—What! Do you mean to say
there are uo females among them?
Taken for Granted.
Judge—Why did you arrest this
1 man?
Officer - For profanity on the street.
Judge —Did you b«-ar him using It?
Officer—No. but ills slit.estring broke
twice as he was running for a car.
t'p to Her.
“What would you do if I were to
die?” asked the bride of six month«.
"That'» for you to say, my deer. .” re
' plied the other half of the sk<
sketch.
"Which would you prefer—burial or
cremation?"
Hereditary.
"I hear,” said the irlend of the fam-
I !ly, "that your son Is sowing wild oala
to take Lydia E. I’inklinm’s Vegre
table Compound.*' — Miss N ei . lib
broadenst since he went to the city.”
"Tnkes arter hi« olo dad, I reckoti,"
H olubs , ttO No. Diviaion St., Buffalo, | replied old man 0oroto«ael. "TV farm
twoo forf.n If original of a Sow lotUr fft. er In him Hlr bound tew crop out, by
fSmX««»«M «wnof (« pruduca.
lien!"
PISO S CURE FOR
Advice.
"Anybody kin give advice,” said Un
cle Eben, "but It takes a right smart
man to pick out de right kind an' take
—Washington Star
thst ® rs
Mschincry
The A. H. Averill Machinery Co.
Important to Farmers
GRAIN BAGS
GRAIN BAGS
$4.75 per 100
Jld London Coffee House».
In 1057, we are told, the first coffee
bouse had le-en prosecuted as a nui
sance. In 1708 there were three thou
sand coffee bouse», and each had Its
habitual circle. There were coffee
houses frequented by merchants and
stock-Joliliers carrying on the game
whh-li suggested the new nicknames
bulls and bears, and coffee house»
where the talk was Whig and Tory,
of the last election and change of mln
Istry, and literary resorts such as the
Grecian, where, as we are told, n fatal
duel was provoked by a dispute over
a Greek accent. In which, let us hope,
It was the worse scholar who was
killed, and Wills’, where Pope as a lx>y
went to look reverently at Dryden, and
Buttons', where at a Inter period Addl
son met his little wnate. Addison, ac
cording to Pope, spent five or elx hours
a day lounging at Buttons', while Pope
found the practice and the consequent
consumption of wine too much for his
health. Thackeray notices how the
cltlb and coffee house drinking shorten
ed the Ilves and enlarged the waist
coats of the men ot those days.
Cavalrymen Who Hide Oxen.
The oddest cavalry In the world Is
maintained on the west coast of Ma
dagascar by Governor General J. G.
Galllenl. While the French troops In
that country are ample to meet the
occasional revolutions, the governor
general makes use of the native talent
for police work In out of the way lo
calities. On the west coast of Africa
Is a trllie of natives, possibly racially
connected with the Hovas, who «re
known as the Hakahova, the most
warlike tribe of the country. The na
tive«, In Imitation of French troop
er«, organised an oxen cavalry corps,
under command of a French officer,
They are armed with modern long-
handled lances or spears and aide
arms.
An I nfalr Advantage.
Hhould Have Known Better,
"What was the trouble betwe n
Josher and ids wife?”
"She »tated flint n certain young
lady of their acquaintance was the
handsomest girl In town, mid he
agreed with her." Butte Inter Mo.in
tain.
Know ledge and Experience.
Hlie—What Is a silent partner?
He—Did you ever diitu-e «Ith
deaf and dumb num?
n
Friendly NuaK<'»tlon.
"My heart 1» »till uiiti'i»iiiti-<l," »Iglt-
<*d the «lender summer air I.
"Why don't yon writ,- on your <rird
’Flat to let?'" a«ke<l lu-r plump coiih I
In. who was wearing a broad smile
■ nd a uew engaK<*ment ring.
Never Called Down.
Ths Czar— Why did you loss that .bat-
Hoax Old Adilin had one itdvnnlnga
tie?
Gen. Zoltb off—The Japanese attacked over the modern after dinner peal . r.
Joax—What was Unit?
us in our rear.
Hoax—After he had tlnl lo d no mini
"I was Informed that they attacked
you In front.”
ever »aid, “I always did like that
"Y-e-s, but that was our rear when story.
th»/ gut there.
By order oi the State Board of Prison Directors, I
am authorized to sell grain bags in any quantity
above 500, manufactured at San Quentin Prison at
a price fixed at $4.75 per 100. Baps delivered free
in San Francisco.
Orders must be accompanied
with cash or exchange on San Francisco in full, and
also with the following affidavit verified before a
Notary Public or Justice of the Peace :
“I hereby certify that I am a consumer residing
in
...
and that the bags ordered by
me are for my own personal and individual use’
Subscribed and sworn to be-
........................
(Signature)
fore me this .... day of
[Seal |
..........
The bag» are of the lame capacity as standard Calcutta,,
and superior in quality. Don’t delay - send your order to
day to
J. W. TOMPKINS
Warden San Quentin Priran, California
Sample of these bags can be seen at the office of this newspaper
♦