"DENNIS THE MENACE"
"Hi.Mcm! Aw telephone calls Atom mv
Half Million
, Elevated To
CHICAGO (UPI) - More than
a half million Americans will be
elevated to new heights this year
via the nation's commercial
airliners.
A survey compiled by United
Air Lines showed that over half
these novice air travelers will be
traveling over routes they once
covered by car, train or bus. A
majority will journey more than
1,000 miles from home.
Shorter travel time is the prime
object of three-fourths of the new
Clergyman To Aid
OS Chronic Liar
By ANN LANDERS
Dear Ann Landers: My heart
aches (or the young boy who
wrote and said he was a chronic
uar ana aian t
know how to
stop. The poor
i lad said he nev
er told lies that
S would hurt, flnv-
t body. He just
SH dreamed up sto-
ries to mane
himself seem
more important or to make his
humdrum life seem more glam
orus. I was like that when I was
a youngster and I took my prob
lem to a wonderful clergyman.
He "cured" me. Perhaps the
same technique will work for
him. Here it is:
When you hear yourself weav
ing one of those fabulous yarns
bring the story to an abrupt end
with a ridiculous phrase such as
this: "And then I shot myself
and died." Smile and add, "Beat
that one if you can."
This is an easy way of saying,
"It was all in fun and I didn't
mean it." - EX-PREVARICATOR
Dear Ex: Thank you for the
suggestion. It sounds workable
and I hppe the boy tries it.
Dear Ann Landers: Erma is a
dear friend of whom I am ex
tremely fond. The standing joke
about her in our crowd is that she
was an 11-month baby and lias
been late ever since.
Erma lives near me. She
doesn't drive but I do, so that
means I pick her up several
times a week. She's one of these
disorganized people who. no mat
ter how far ahead she plans, she
can't seem to get herself togeth
er on time. I have sat out in
front of her house for as long as
25 minutes chewing my finger
rtails. Each time I tell myself
I am never going to pick her up
again. But she is such a lovely
person I can't bring myself to
do it.
Last week we arrived at a fu
neral 20 minutes late. This week
we missed the door prize draw
ings at the Ladies Aid. I don't
remember the last time I heard
a meeting called to order. I dis
cussed the problem with my hus
band last night. He said, "This is
one for Ann Landers." I agree
with him. Can you help? NO
NAILS NANCY
Dear No Nails: Erma is not
going to change unless she has
:jjiiuwiti
r m
KAY BROS.
CIRCUS
JULY 18th
Two Performances
1 P.M. and 8 P.M.
ALL-STAR ACTS
Klamath Auditorium
General Admission $1.00 Children (Under 12) 50c
Doors Open 1 Hour Early Before Performances
PRESENTED BY LINKVILLE KIWANIS CLUB
" 5
Americans
New Heights
flyers, according to A. J. Beve-I
rett, market research manager!
for United. "To illustrate, a family
living in Ohio or New York can
easily spend 12 or 14 vacation
days at a West Coast vacation
spot if they fly there and back,"
he said.
Half the first-time flyers will be
vacation-bound, the survey indi
cated. Women appear to be the
most adventuresome in the sur
vey results, as 60 per cent of
those experimenting with air trav
el will lie female.
to. And she doesn't have to so
long as you continue l(i sit out In
front and wait for her.
The day you tell her that you
won't slop if she isn't out in
front then do it that will be
the day when Erma pulls up her
socks and gets herself ready
on time. Unill then wear mil-
tens.
Dear Ann Landers: I once read
in your column that you thought
it was perfectly all right for peo
ple to take home from restau
rants the food they were unable
to eat at the table. What do you
tiiinK ot the following?
We attended a beautiful wed
ding last week. The woman next
to us had a large beaded hand
bag almost the size of a shop
ping bag. After the dinner was
served she wrapped up the rolls
and put them in her handbag.
She then got herself four pieces
of wedding cake, wrapped them
in paper napkins and put them
in the bag, "for the children."
Later in the evening when the
dancing started, she dumped all
the nuts into a plastic envelope
which she had brought from
home. Then she grabbed all the
candy. The woman didn't leave
one edible thing on that table.
When she noticed me looking
at her she said, "I hate to waste
anything." What is your opinion
of this? GOGGLE-EYED
Dear Goggle: The woman had
no right to clean up the table.
It would have been permissible
for her to ask the hostess If she
might take an extra piece of
wedding cake or two for her chil
dren, but it was downright boor
ish to swarm all fiver the rolls,
nuts and candy.
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There Are Still
BOOXVILLE, Mo. (UPI) I
There are still giants in this land.
Often you have to get out of the
big cities to see them clearly. 1
refer, in this instance, to the
finest Harrigan and Hart vaude
vine-type act now rampant on
television.
It is composed of Jerome Han-
na Dean, commonly known as Diz
zy, and Harold Henry Reese,
commonly known as Pee Wee,
and they broadcast "The Game
of the Week" on Saturdays and
Sundays on about 50 per cent of
the LBS network. The unlucky
half of the network that doesn't
get them includes all the major
Large Dogs
Now Loved
CHICAGO (UPI I - There are
signs that large dogs, after being
rejected the past few years in fa
vor ot apartment-sized canines.
are staging a comeback.
The German Shepherd, on the
basis of a 13 per cent gain, dis
placed the poodle during the past
year as the most exhibited dog
in championship ocmpetition, ac
cording to a poll (by the Quaker
Oats Co.).
The increasing popularity of big
city "K-9 Corps" and other fac
tors connected with protection of
life and property combined to
hoist the shepherd into the top
position.
In the champion competition
category, poodles dropped to sec
ond place despite an increase of
four per cent, while dachshunds
showed a six per cent loss to re
tain third place and cocker span
iels registered a five per cent
loss to remain in fourth spot.
Poodles, however, continue to be
the most popular dog in number
of stud book registrations.
Another big dog, the boxer, so
lidified his fifth place exhibition
ranking with an increase of four
per cent. Collies showed a small
gain to hold the sixth position.
The powerful Doberman clung to
seventh place, holding on with a
minor gain, while Great Danes
registered a six per cent gain to
strengthen their grip on eighth
Chihuahuas stayed in ninth, with
Shetlands moving up one place to
tenth.
CARD SUITS
Four suits of the familiar pack
of cards represent the four orders
of society in -the Middle Ages.
Spades, an adaptation of the scep
ter, represented the nobility
hearts, modification of a chalice,
depicted the clergy; diamonds,
the merchant class; and clubs, an
adaptation of an acorn or a stave,
represented the peasantry.
EE
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league cities, which means 20 of,
our biggest towns are bereft.
They do a running comment on
what is going on at the baseball
game of the moment, throwing in
accounts of their own titanic ca
reers in the baseball of yore, and
divers other matters, while you
look at the game. (Anytime Deanj
says the word "yore," incidental-!
ly, he's pronouncing the word
your. I
I took it all down for about four
innings one day, and 1 still don't
believe it. However, I offer the
following fragments:
Dizzy: "Yeah, that pitch I used
to throw had a vapor trail."
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Giants But Not
Pec Wee: "Really? That was
pretty good, Diz."
Dizzy: "Yep, a lotta times the
umpire hadda call 'cm by the
sound."
Two Bump Heads
Dizzy: "Look at that! I never
seen two ball ketchers butt heads
in my life hardern they did.
They're laid up, all right, they're
hurt but boy, it was somep'n to
see on television.
Pee Wee: "He has a three
point, five-eighths earned run av
erage." 'I can't swear to this
one. but it sounded like "three,
point, five-eighths.")
HERALD AND NEWS, Klamnih
Z, o ; SKt&GJ Thompson v .
COPYRIGHT lwa, SArEWAY STORES,
Dizzy: "He dove back in there
If he'd a-slud, he'd a-made it."
Dizzy: That batter's shakin' his
head he don't know. I don't know
what he don't know, but I know he
don't know. Look at tliem um
pires, they don't know neither.
They're talkin' to each other and
shakin' their heads like they don't
know. And that third base coach,
he's liftin' his hands he don't
know. And I don't know. If I
knowed what they don't know, I'd
tell ye."
Pee Wee: "Podres has always
had a bad back. He stood outta
Kalis, Oregon
Monday,
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.. . ii. . r I r
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thing on
INCORPORATED
Always
the service for a while with a
bad back.
Pee Wee: "Where
Diz?"
you gom
Takes Leave
Dizzy: "Get a steak sandwich.
Be back in 20, 30 minutes."
Dizzy: "Stan the Man's on first.
Now he tosses his skull cap over
to the coach so that it'll lighten
the load, case he has to run to
second."
Dizzy: "Got a wire today from
George (Doaks, or some such
name i. Says he remembers when
I's just breaking in when I s 17
and he said at that time that this
July 15, 19(13
PAGE 7
your shopping list.
Pricei effective Monday,
July IS thru Wednesday,
July 17 ot Safeway in
Klamath Falls . . . Wa
t r3 .. ........
lorvt tho right to limit.
Bn The City
boy would be a great pitcher.
And George, if you're listening
in today, I wanta tell you, you
was right. I was a g-r-e-a-t
pitcher..."
Dizzy: "Folks, reason we had
da laugh up here at that was that
if that guy hadn't swang and
hit it, it woulda hit him r-i-g-h-tl
in the belly."
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I .1,1 . l.: M... .
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WE GIVE
III
rvir
I III
re-
wmm
Dean is meticulous in his lin
guistics and never would commit
the grammatical gaucheria of us
ing "like" as a conjunction, when
all the other broadcasters use the
more tidy "as." Like the follow,
ing, on a windy day: "That high
fly was blown right in from cen
ter field, as you seen on your
screen.
CANCEL YOUR
MORTGAGE
Through , . .
Equitable' Living Iniuronco
John H. Houston
Sfrvlcw- Since l!P'M
, . . practicuuy every
ill I