, Tage Two.
THE ELKS SHOW GAZOOT
Monday. Feb. 21, 1927.
ELKS' SHOV GAZOOT STAFF
"You Can't Bathe Your Feet Tonight, Pa,"
" 'Cauie Ma it Cooking a Roast."
Stop that by 'seeing the t
LOREN2; COMPANY
FOR CORRECT PLUMBING
We bought the entire front row for the first showing of
PURPLE FLASHES
$0 pur entjre, Sflles force, wpukl be posted on the best in HOSE
For the summer season -
Main Otrico of Ih (laioot Noil Door to Jail; Ttre FllftiU vt.
Swing your Partner to the Lett.' '
EDITORIAL STAFF.
Kdltor und Undertaker ...i u ..".Pilnt Bruno" Old
AilnaU'd Editor and (inpman Dynamite" Bplker
Chicken Editor - Kd Hloomlnmuuip
Moniy and Matrimony ... Buck" Wllltami
Wawr Walton Editor - "Eiwex" Martin
Circulation Liar "Shell" Matthewi
Kluff, Pinochle, Rummy and other Sunday Krhool
(latnee Hawkrttaw" Cotad
EDITORIAL
t v
7V.y,
Published This Evening and the Editor Hopes no
Other Evpning. '
Send all mail matter through the United States post
office. 1 '; ' '
Stanips, garden truck, diamonds, 20 gold pieces and
radium taken in exchange for subscription and advertising.
Our newspaper exchange is limited to the following
Sunday School papers, ; PoUcc Gazette, Pcruna, V dia Pink-
ham i Advice to oung Men. '
. Ho ads for intoxicating h'quors will be run in this paper
unless the editor is thirsty.
This paper is published every day in'the week except
Chinese New Year, St. Patrick's Day and D. B. Campbell's
birthday. . ' f - - -
' " ' i V -IX CLOSING ' ' . '
We notice, with regrets, a growing tendency towards
the use of slang; It is the bunk. Cut it out. The line of
chin goods peddled by some ginks in this burg would fraz
zle you. We'll tell the world we must can this slang.
Use the dope in these here columns as models.
, LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
'Mr. Elk's Head Why is there no marrying in Heav
en ? Walt Worrell.' - " . ' "
- Answer Some inducement besides harps and golden
streets must be offered. Editor.
1 PURPLE FLASHES--' , "
Dear Editor Is it proper to say "iall in love ?" Anx
iously. Roy Durbin.- '- ' '
Answer Fall is the word. Editor.
" ' PURPLE FLASHES
My Dear Sir. I have been told I am good looking. Am
Ir Babe Green. - "
Answer You have neglected to send your photo, bo
we must ask you if you have lots of money.-Editor.
. - . ; PURPLE FLASHES: . -'
Dear Editor Is. it all right for me to marry, now that
earn enough o dress a wife as she wants to dress, and
still have some? Ernest Xitchelm. -
.-"Answer No one ever earned that much. Editor.'. '
, . r PURPLE FLASHES
. Dear Editor If a lady tips her lid to me,' what shall I
do?--Bill McMillan. ' ' "
Auswcr Tip back, Bill, and act like you're used to it.
Editor: . . . 1 ',
' PURPLE FLASHES
Dear Editor Will you kindly tell me what Charlie
Moore's daily income is? ReJpectfulIy, Internal Revenue
Collector.' - ' ' :
Answer Thee o'clock in the morning. Editor. -'
PURPLE FLASHES
Dear Editor Was the loose leaf system invested
1888? Qy J. Martin. ' ' . - -
Answer Xo, the loose leaf sj-stem was introduced
Adam and Eve.
PURPLE FLASHES -Dear
Captain I see where you answer some puzzling
questions. J have one.-What is a gollywhopper? I. A.
Towey: . --
Answer A gollyvhopper, according to the Encycvlp
pedia Bullconia, is a species of humdinger, descendant of
the Whangdoodle and cousin of the icthyosarus. Editor.
' - ' . PURPLE FLASHES
P.a.r Editor Wpuidrj't we be far better off without
any clothes? B. L. Hardenbrook.
Answer Yes", the farther off the better. Editor.
PURPLE FLASHES
Dear Sir Why do, hey cajl a cannon, "she?" Zimm
Baldwin. I ' j V. i'r ,
Answer If it were not hat we are married, we might
be tempted to explain it is because they are always shoot
ing off their mouths, but as we are married, we cannot an
swer, his question. Editor. " ' j
The Big Show li
Here.
LETTERS TO THE EpiTOR i
My Dear Editor Can you send me the name of prom
inent movie star who is not, or has not, been married?
No name.
Answer Yes,. Baby Peggy. Editor.
PURPLE FLASHES
Mr. Editor I'm in love with a poor girl and rich
one. Which shall I marry? Martin Ramsbcrg.
Answer Marry the poor one and send me the address
of the rich one. Editor. .,
PURPLE FLASHES
in
bv
No, Brother Connolly, Rex Beach is not ti summer rC'
sort.
PURPLE FLASHES
ADVICE TO T"(RE COMPANIES
' By "CAP" CALKINS "
Perhaps you know those things which are to be seen
along motor highways telling you about the town you will
soon enter? They run something after this fashion
3 Miles from Here '' .
Squidunkville was foundi-d in 1623 by the ' late John
McPherson Squidunk. Here is was that Colonel Michael
O'Toole single-handed and unarmed defied a tribe of Black-
feet Indians in 169a
Use Imperial Tread Tires
The trouble with these siirns is that thev are uninter-
estmg. Generally speaking, the subject matter of them is
of an historical nature, and Henry Ford says hisotry is the
bunk. At any rate the interest in them is not 'what it
should be. Imagine how much more attention would bo
paid to them if the signs were of a really attractive charac-
' BUNKHAMPTON
Eight Miles from Here
Bunkhairipton is noted far and wide Jor having the
crookedest lot of town politicians in the country. As you
enter the town you will note that you pass over a. fairly
new concrete bridge.. Normally such a bridge would cost
about $20,000, However, during Cyrus K.' Hamm' admin
istration as Mayor of Bunkhampton, the bridge was built
by the Cyrus K. Hamm Construction Company at a cost of
$85,000.
Makeshift Tires Go Straight
, MEADONIA ,
Two Miles from Here
Meadonia, beautifully situated on the banks of
Ganawana River, is the principal seat of the tannine
glue industry of the Province. Detour to left.
Speedway Tires For Endurance.
the
and
You are Now Entering
UMPVILLE
Vmp.Y'.I'e is popularly known as "Catty. Corners," a,nl
produces a greater volume of malicious gossip per capita
than any other "community" in the country.. Here resides
Miss Eliza Spysnigglc, for six consecutive years world's
champion troublemaker ' .
Oilytread Tires Have the" Best Reputation "
You have just passed through
, SMUTVILLE
Psalms 146:1-
ri CLm I - i MM lrT
0
first
Headquarters for Garden Hose
ED SAYS
C. J. McNAUGHTAN,
The Elks Show Chief-High-Mogul
drives a Studebaker Cus
tom Sedan.
v
HERB SAY$-" " "
' i ' i '
The Exhausted FootrRule of the
Elklets, High Power Olds drives
a Buick.
DUNHAM MOTOR CO, BUICK GARAGE
WE DO ALL WORK
OLD'S DOES!
We furnish all paint except Noe faint
Let us hang around your home. You'll like
our fireproof wallpaper
Browne's Pint Store
. .
On Main between heaven and hell
WE DO ALL WORK
BROWNE DOES!
. , . , .. .. .. ,
Wooden, legs painted from the ground up
We will furnish complexions forthe
' Beauty Chorus
F.R.OLDS
ARCADE HOTEL
There are three stories to this -hotel Come
in and we'll tell you one.
ELKS IN GOOD STANDING
ADMITTED ANY HOUR -
Aeroplane - Roof Garden Special Room
- for "Tanks'
BUT SERIOUSLY SEE OUR ROOMS
Comfort and Service Await You
ARCADE HOTEL
SPECIAL ATTRACTION
"Purple Flaihet" Will Feature''
Drummond's Trained Type Lice
'. IN A
Novelty Act Entitled
"I'ma-Hunka-Cheese-and-So's-Your Old
Man.
Drummond's Print Shop
P riter of JThe Browse" . ,
I : II :
1
II " ' ; II 1 ; II ' I
What A Man Should Know
WE DO PRINTING AND
SELL OFFICE FURNITURE
.'. S-S-S-H! .
IPS
W, Q, SiyjIT PRITG co,
. o vms r i viu v .u-i. ja
What A Wcaan Should Know
... 1 1'
HARDWARE
HARD1 TO1 GET
i EASY TO WEAR
We'd like to use some of our tools on those
two Elk galoots who' told us that for
seven-fifty we could say we are stiU dojng
v , , i business .
ROBERT'S and HARVEY
1 1 I f - .- ...
MOTOR INN
We can pep the old bus up for you bo
Shorty Foster and Lee Craft can never
catch up with you
. '
gelding Gas and Oil
Legitimate Repairs
i
Half-P,t Two Main St Phone 294 J
"BILL"
Invite us to your next "BLOW-OUT"
IMPERIAL GARAGE
C. T 0, TIRES WESTERN MADE .
Car Storage . Fprd, ncluded
AND
Get Ui; Up. With
Prest-O-Lite