A Wee
Difficult Digestion
Drop.
Sandy—And will ye tak’ a drap o’
whisky afore you you gang hame?
That is dyspepsia.
Tamilian—Ah, weel just a wee drap
It makes lite miserable.
Its sufferers eat not because they want la, ple.
Sandy—Then say when, laddie.
— but simply because they must.
They know they are irritable and fretful; 1 Tanmias—Nay, mon, the glass will
say when.
but they cannot be otherwise.
Making the Punishment Fit Crime.
Vigorous but Futile,
Mrs. Boreum(hopelessly)—Mortimer,
1 cannot make Willie mind.
Mr. Boreum (sternly)—Willie, do as
your mother wishes or I will make you
go and sit in a cozy corner.”—Brook
lyn Eagle.
Wealthy Patient—What is your bill
for amputating my leg?
Eminent Surgeon—Three hundred
dollars, sir.
Wealthy Patient (filling out a check)
— Iliat's u worthy effort, doctor, but it
»ill never restore the leg to its normal
length—Chicago Tribune.
The Clouds of Doubt.
They complain of a bad taste in the
Neither Small Nor Short.
“He has told me that he loved me,”
mouth, a tenderness at the pit of the stom
“‘Andrew Carnegie is a small man.” said the fair girl, “but I don’t know
ach, an uneasy feeling of puffy fulness,
headache, heartburn and what not.
“Small! There’s never been any whether to marry him or not.”
The effectual remedy, proved by perma
“1 am sure he does his best to tell
nent cures of thousands of severe cases, is thing small about Carnegie.”
H ood ' s F ills are tire beat cathartic.
Useless Friends.
Electric Road to Mt. Blanc.
Then He Get, Noisy.
When It's Contagious.
Hoax—I wonder if insomnia is ever
contagious?
Joax—Well, I find it affects me
whenever our baby has it.—Philadel
phia Record.
Rheumatism and Neuralgia will not
live under the same roof with Hamlin's
Wizard Oil. 50 cents a bottle.
•
________________
Mrs. Biggs—Your husband isn’t
much for show.
He always dresses
very quietly.
Mrs. Diggs—Huh! You ought to hear
him sometimes when his collar button
rolls under the dresser.—Chicago Daily
News.
During the past summer an electric
railroad was completed to the foot of
Mount Blanc at Chamounix, which
makes it possible to reach that place
from Geneva in three and three quarters
hours. But recently the journey was
by dilgience and took the greater part
of a day.
A Woman's Mercy Fad.
An Inspiration.
OUT OF DEATH’S JEWS
O’Hoolahan—.Will, the barn is paint
ed an’ Oi’ll take thot money if it’s all
the same to you.
_________
Ottinger (surprised)—Why, you can’t
THRILLING RESCUE OF A UTICA
have painted it so soon, Pat!
WOMAN.
O’Hoolahan (triumphantly)— Sure,
Oi hov, sir. Oi mixed the yellow paint
The Story of the Evant a. Told by Mi-., for the first coat wid the grane for the
Tncker A Horrible Experience
second, an’ Oi put both coats on to
With n Happy Ending.
gether to save time.— Brooklyn Eagle.
Changing a Camel Path.
The camel path which for centuries
has formed the only connection be
tween Jersusalem and Nablus (Sy-
chem) has at last been made into a
carriage road nearly twenty feet wide.
F|TC Permanently Cured. So fits or nervousuee
lllw after first lav’* meof l»r Kline’s Great Nerve
Itartorer. Send lor Fit EE $*¿.00 trial bottle and treat
ise. D r .R.H K link . Ltd..931 Arch St.. Philadelphia. Pau
How Mrs. Anna M. Tucker, of 352
No Model.
1 Kossuth avenue, Utica, N. Y., was
•‘I know a man whose wife never
Edith—Why do you think Mr. Field saved from a horrible fate when death’s spoke a word to him about money,” he
| jaws were almost closing upon her is said.
means business?
Ethel—He has asked me why I did told in the following statement made
“What a model husband he must
by her to a reporter.
not attend cooking school.
have been!” remarked a woman in the
“It was soon after the birth of my company.
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth little boy,” she said. “Three different
“What a model wife, I should say,
ing Syrup the best remedy to use tor their doctors had done their best for me, but
rather,” corrected the second man.
children during the teething period.
they all failed to do me any good. Mv
“I don’t know about that,” said the
case seemed to be a combination of first speaker, “she was deaf and
Life's Little Frictions.
nervous and stomach troubles.
I had
“Are you getting ready for winter?” fainting spells, my food did not digest dumb.”—Salt Lake lieraid.
“Oh, yes; we’e had our last scrap and caused me great distress. My head
A Thoroughbred.
with the ice man and have begun to ■ felt very badly and at times I was de
She—Is it true that when you pro-
quarrel with the coal man.”—Detroit lirious. I lost in weight from 130 to
posed to me you didn’t know whether
Free Press.
98 pounds, I had no color, my feet and I van worth a penny?
hands were cold and my limbs had a
He—Absolutely. But I always was
Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal prickly sensation as though asleep.
I willing to take chances — Detroit Free
lible medicine for coughs and colds.—N.
W. S amuel . Ocean Grove. N. J., Feb. 17, was not refreshed by sleep although I Press.
1900._____ _________________
slept heavily. I learned of Dr. Wil
liams’ Pink Pills from a published case
A Chinese Pen.
lhe Language.
similar to mine that had been cured by
The Chinese pen from time imme
Floor Walker—Do you wish to look the pills. I took three or four boxes
at some suitings and some trouserings? before I was certain that I was being morial has been a brush made of some
De Jones—No; I want to see some benefitted, but continued their use until j soft hair and used to paint the curiously
formed letters of the Chinese alphabet.
collaring« and cuffings.
I was entirely cured.
“I am glad to recommend Dr. Wil
Didn’t Keep Count.
DEAFNESS CANNOT BE CURED
liams’ Pink Pills for Pale People for
“How many times did you vote in
By local application«, a« they cannot reach the they are the medicine that saved my
the election?”
diseased portion or the ear.' There is only one
I do not believe that ordinary
way to cure deafness, and that is by constitu life.
“Marse Tom,” was the reply, “ain’t
tional remedies. Deafness is caused by an in medicine could have cured me.”
you knowed me long ’nuff ter know dat
flamed condition of the mucous lining of the
Although Mrs. Tucker’s was a severe I don’t know nuttin’ ’bout ’rithmetic?”
Eustachian Tube. When this tube gets in
flamed you have a rumbling sound or imper case, Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills cured
—Atlanta Constitution.
fect hearing, and when it is entirely closed
Lesser troubles yield even more
deafness is the result, and unless the inflamma her.
tion can be taken out and this tube restored to readily to the potent action of this mar
Providing Himself With Business.
its normal condition, hearing will be destroyed
Not only will these
forever; nine cases out ot ten are caused by velous medicine.
“
You
run your automobile very fast
catarrh, which is nothing but an inflamed pills cure cases similar to Mrs. Tuck
through the streets,” said the friend
condition of the mucous surfaces.
er
’
s,
but
they
have
been
proven
to
be
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
to the doctor.
Case of Dealness (caused by catarrh) that can an unfailing specific for such diseases
“Yes,” replied the man of pills and
not be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Send for
as locomotor ataxia, partial paralysis, bills, “I’m always in a hurry to get
Circulars, free.
F. J. CHENEY A CO., Toledo, O. St. Vitus’ Dance, sciatica, neuralgia,
there; and, besides, when times are a
Sold by Druggists, 75c
rheumatism, nervous headache, after little dull I can pick up a few cases on
Hall's Family Pills are the best.
effects ol grip, of fevers and of other the way.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
acute diseases,
palpitation of the
It Depends.
First Chappie — f say, old chap, heart, pale and sallow complexions
The Easiest Way.
I’m going to a big shoot. What sort and all forms of weakness either in
Husband—What are you doing in my
male or female. Dr. Williams’ Pink
of a tip should I give the keeper?
pockets. Haven’t you any money?
Second Chappie — It depends on Pills for Pale People are sold by all
Wife—I have money of my own, but
dealers, or will be sent postpaid on re
where you hit him.—London Punch.
a man’s pockets are so much easier to
ceipt of price, fifty cents a box, or six
find.
boxes for two dollars and a half (they
are never sold in bulk or by the hun
dred) by addressing Dr.
Williams
For Infants and Children.
Medicine Co., Schenectady, N. Y.
| They act directly on the blood and
nerves. Avoid imitations; substitutes
never cured anybody.
Signature of
A Straw.
CASTOR IA
The Kind You Have Always Bought
A Cinch.
The Boss—No I must have a married
Chasing the Foxy.
She—Is your ,friend going to marry man for this position.
Applicant—Just keep it open for an
the widow?
He—I think not.
He told me he hour. It’s easier to get married than
it is to get a job.
had a better offer.—Smart Set.
No ExternzS
Symptoms.
The blood may be in bad condition,
yet with no external signs, no skin
eruption or sores to indicate it. The
symptoms in such cases being a variable
appetite, poor digestion, an indescribable
weakness and nervousness, loss of flesh
and a general run-down condition of the
system — clearly showing the blood has
lost its nutritive qualities, las become thir
and watery. It is in just such cases that
S. S. S. has done some of its quickest and
most effective work by building up the
blood and supplying the elements lacking
to make it strong and vigorous.
His Real Reason.
Biffkins—I tell you I hate to think
of my wife going away on a vacation.
Bilkins—I dare say you will be lone
ly, old man.
Biffkins—It isn’t that, but she
always mowed our lawn.—Boston Post
Detected.
"
3
I-
5
OIL. ED
CLOTHINC
Explained.
“She brags because her hushnad de
signs all her dresses. Aren’t they hid
eous?”
“I went to school with him.
He
always was color blind.”
A Great Orchard Man.
BLACK OR
How He Kept Up.
“Well. Billy, how did camping go?”
“Oh, all right; I slipped off to the
farm houses around now and then and
got a square meal on the sly.”
It contains full directions for garden
work and many useful tables for the
farmer. Noone sells better
Seeds than
LAMRERSON’8 HEEDS.
LAMBERSON - Portland, Oregon
TAKE NO SUBSTITUTES
CATALOGUES FREE
SHOWING FULL LINE OF «ARMENT5 AND HATS.
so
r
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES.
1
Founded 1810
A Home School for Boys
Military and Manual Training
Write for Illustrated Catalogue
ARTHUR C. NEWILL
For
The Farmer
The Gtrdener
and
|
I The Housewife |
I ' nr.-
They cost a little more. They
worth a gre«/ deal liiote
than the ordinary kind. Sold
everywhere, lw« annual free.
D. M. FERRY A CO.
Detroit, Mich.
A]
PRINCIPAL
w
f.
i R
Complete Annual Cata
logue for 1902, FREE!
YELLOW
WILL KEEP YOU DRY
NOTHING ELSE WILL
A. J. TOWER CO.. BOOTON. MASS
In 1875 Fred Wellhouse, the Kansas
“apple king,” was a wage earner. He
knew a great deal about orchards, how
ever, and began on a small scale to
raise fruit. Now he has 1,240 acres
of orchards, and his apple crop this
year is 60,000 bushels.
Our
*•*
I
T
As ¿¿r
Little Liver Pills.
Must Bear Signature of
Seo FooSImlla Wrapper Below.
¡7
13 REFRESH A nd A cts
.
P leasantly and G ently .
V
FA8""’«*
CARTERS
To 0 VERpojAt
—Barrwie line
1
CURE SICK HEADACHE.
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon,
AooloA Morriaoa Street.
Can give yea the beet bargains In
Buggies. Plows.
Windmills and
Bolters and Engines.
Pnmns and General
ÀGENTS MIKE MONET
P ermanently
With many millions of families Syrup of Figs lias become the
ideal home laxative. The combination is a simple and wholesome
one, and the method of manufacture by the California Fig Syrup
Company ensures that perfect purity and uniformity of product,
which have commended it to the favorable consideration of the
most eminent physicians and to the intelligent appreciation of all
who are well informed in reference to medicinal agents.
Syrup of Figs has truly a laxative effect and acts gently with
out in any way disturbing the natural functions and with perfect
freedom from any unpleasant after effects.
In the process of manufacturing, figs are used, as they are
pleasant to the taste, but the medicinally laxative principles of the
combination are obtained from plants known to act most bene
ficially on the 3ystem.
Tò — óet
its u. beneficial
effects —
■*
...
x______
buy ai the ^erwiirYer/A^nvifactvirecl by
Keeley Cure
Mir« relief horn ila «or, opium tad t>9aeee
Matita.
If One L oma .
CONSUMPTION
Sunday School Teacher — Now,
Jolihny, whom, more than any body
else, do you wish to see when you go
to heaven?
Johnny (eagerly)—Goliath.—Boston
Herald.
Carter's
“What mkes the actor criticise you | Machinery. Bee us ueiore ouying.
so severely?
“My dear sir,” answered Rtorming-
ton Barnes, “he hopes to make people
say it is professional jealousy, thereby
conveying the impression that he is in
Selling my goods. Big profits. No ex
my class.”—Washington Star.
perience. New plan. Write for circular.
Matched.
Lock Box 606, Portland. Or.
Mr. Drinker—I want a blue necktie
to match my eyes.
New Year Resolutions
Salesman—I'm sorry, sir, but we are
just out of blue ties; but I can sell you I
one to match your nose.”
THE SWIH SPECIFIC C3, ATLANTA. CA.
™
1« made in hi« «election of seed.
Send for
David Discounted.
Genuine
All Planned.
Teacher—An island is a body of
land entirely surr- rinded by water.
Take Cuba, for instance.
Tommy—My pa says that’s what we
are going to do before we get through.
—Boston Herald.
,,
The Farmer’s First Profit
i V j
“Our college colors are pink and
gold,” said Miss Frocks.
“Our college colors were black and
blue when I was initiated into the
secret societies,” added her brother.—
1 Detroit Free Press.
is the greatest of all
tonics, and you will !
find the appetite im
proves at once, strength 1
returns, and nervousness vanishes as new I
rich pure blood once more circulates
through all parts of the system.
S. S. S. is the only purely vegetable
blood purifier known. It contains no min
erals whatever. Send for our free book
on blood and skin diseases and write out
physicians for any information or advice
Wanted No charge for medical advice.
PJSO S CURE FOR
A Boston woman will agitate for a
law prohibiting the boiling or rousting
of < hestnuts, on the ground that it in
M rs . F rank C arter
volves painful death of worms “whose
3 Merrill Street, Amesbury, Mass.
Mr. Inane Brock, the Oldest Man in the
United States.
This letter should carry Faith right to life, liberty and the pursuit of
and Conviction to thoHearlj happiness is no less than that of the
Mr.
Isaac
Brock,
of McLennan county,
most highly dowered man.”—New
of all Sica Women.
Tex., has attained the great age of 111
York
Tribune.
“ I suffered with inflammation and
years, having been born in 1788. He
falling of the womb and other dis
is an anient friend to Peruna and
agreeable female weaknesses. I had
Food Luxuries for Soldirs.
speaks of it in the following terms:
bad spells every two weeks that would
All European armies have certain
“During my long life I have known
last from eight to ten days and would
have to go to bed. I also had head extras weekly in the way of food. a great many remedies for coughs,
ache and backache most of the time Sugar is given in England and France, colds, catarrh and diarrhoea.
I had
and such bearing down pains I could two gallons of beer in Russia, half a always supposed these affections to be
hardly walk across the room at times. gallon of wine in Italy, three pounds of different diseases, but I have learned
I doctored nearly all the time for fish in Spain, and five ounces of butter
from Dr. Hartman's books that these
about two years and seemed to grow in Belgium.
affections are the same and are prop-
worse all the time until last September
! erly called catarrh.
I was obliged to take my bed, and the
doctors thought an operation was the
“As for Dr. Hartman’s remedy, Pe
Never Heard of It.
only thing that would help me, but
Amazed and Delighted Foreigner (his runa, I have found it to be the best, if
this I refused to have done.
not the only reliable remedy for these
"Then a friend advised me to try the first view of Niagara Falls)—Why ees affections.
Pinkham medicine, which I did. and zees so far from Buffeelo?
“Penina has been mv stand-by
Native—Great Scott, mister!
How
after using the first bottle I began to
improve. I took in all five bottles of could we move it any closer to Buffalo? for many years, and I attribute my
Lydia E. Pinkham's Blood Purifier,
Foreigner—How?
Ees eet not u good health and my extreme age
It exactly meet«
four boxes of Lvdia E. Pinkham’s Dry part of zee Pan-American Expozee- to this remedy.
all my requirements.”
Form Compound, three boxes of Liver slieeon?—Chicago Tribune.
Pills and used three packages of Sana
“I have come to rely upon it almost
tive Wash, and I ain as well now as I
entirely for the many little things for
Sideshow Gossip.
ever was, I am more than thankful
which I need medicine. I believe it to
every day for my cure.” — M rs . F rank
lie especially valuable to old people.”
“
The
armless
wonder
is
a
cute
one.
”
C artkr , 3 Merrill St., Amesbury. Mass.
Isaac Brock.
“What’s he been up to now?”
Catarrh is the greatest enemy of old
$5000"
,h,la
“Sent a specimen of his writing,
nial /« not genuino.
Lydia E. Plnkham Medicino Ob. done with his toes, to a woman who age.
A person entirely free from ca
makes a business of reading character tarrh is sure to live to a hale and hearty
from hand writing. But she was cute, old age. A free book on catarrh sent
too. Siie wrote backthat he must lie by The Peruna Medicine Co., Colttm-
Reserved Situations.
“Yes, poor fellow, she married him left handed.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. j bus, 0.
to reform him.”
“Well?”
“And now he‘s got his hands full WET WEATHER WISDOM!
trying to reform her.1”—Denver Tinies.
THE ORIGINAL
College Colors.
" My wife used sev
eral bottles of S. S. S.
as a blood purifier and
to tone up a weak and
emaciated system, with
very marked effect by
way of improvement.
“We rega
great tonic arid
purifier.”— J. F. D uff ,
Princeton, Mo.
vo
I
I
ABSOLUTE
SECURITY.
Changed Plans.
“Is your poor aunt consolable yet for
the loss of her first husband?
“Oh, yes; but now her second bus
band is «inconsolable over it!”—Flie-
gande Blaetter.
Tells How He Escaped the
Terrors of Many Winters
by Using Peruna.
Tom—I’m broke and I want some
money.
Dick—Why don’t you write to some
of your friends?
Tom—That’s the trouble.
I’ve got
too many friends.
I wish I knew a
stranger.
the truth. But, you see, he works in
“Well, then, he’s short.”
“Short, with $280,000,000 to give the weather bureau.—Washington Star.
away!”—Cleveland Blain Dealer.
Hood’s Sarsaparilla
OLDEST MIN IN AMERICA
Mr. Dobbs (on the way to the races)
—Nice ride to the race course, don't
you think?
Mr. Hobbs (nervously)— Yes, but
i think what a long walk back.
Mod tar particolare m
V bb I bw I mb I ì I.U a
IBBIDy
Moved to 4'40 William«
insuline, A,.., Portland. (Ireron
Louiovilla. Ky. San frArxc.iaco.CAL Mew YorKNY
FOR
M. P. N. U.
'..4
iwoi.
HIN writing to arieertieers please i
M i U jb this paper.
W
B ali
BV
all
OWUOO'BTS
PRICE 30* FCR
BOTfLI
p
K n
i
I