Impaired Digestion Repartee Ab Ovo. “Hello!" exclaimed the egg that May not be all that la meant by dytj^ptia was still intact, “you appear to be all noW, but It will be if neglected. broke up.” The uneasiness after eating, fits of nerv “Nevertheless,” replied the one in ous headache, sourness of the stomach, and the bowl of eggnog, “I’m in good disagreeable belching may not be very bad spirits. ” now, but they will be if the stomach is “So I observe. I suppose you’ll be suffered to grow weaker. drunk in a little while.” Dyspepsia is such a miserable disease that the tendency to it should be given early attention. This is completely over come by Hood's Sarsaparilla which strengthens thewhole digestive system One Use for a Missionary. Rev. Mr. Goodleigh—I understand that the last missionary that was here was esteemed very much by you? Chief Uppi—No, sah; we roasted him, sah. Couldn't Pawn It. A Balloon Ascensionlst Killed. Mr. Straits—It may seem a strange thing for me to do on such a short acquaintance, Miss Slasher, but I have called to pledge you my love. Miss Slasher—You have made a mistake, Mr. Straits. Miss Eisen- heffer, the pawnbroker’s daughter, lives in the next block. A balloon ascensionist was recently kill ed while making one of his daring trips. Life is too valuable to »ride with in fool hardy adventures. It is better to employ our>elves in peaceful pursuits where we may be secure. Then if we take care of our health, we can live io a good old age. The best means of prompting good health is Hostetter’s Stomach Bitters. This med icine cures dvspepsia. indigestion, consti pation, flatulency and insomnia. Be sure to try it. Th* Best Prescription for Malaria Chills and Fever is a bottle of Grove’s Tasteless Chiu Tonic. It is simply Iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No Cure. No Pay. Price 50c. A Conundrum. Erastus—Why is er tack like lim- Surely It Does. burger cheese. Ephriam? Ephriam—Dun no. Daughter—Wnich is correct, papa, Erastus—Cuz dey is bofe easy to Miss Brown married Mr. Smith, or find in de dark. Mr. Smith married Miss Brown? Papa— That depends, my child. Had he the money, or had she? Piso's Cure for Consumption is an infal lible medicine for coughs and colds.—N. W. 3 amckl . Ocean Grove, N. J., Feb. 17, 1900. World'i Record Apple. SCHOOL CLOSED The Teaoher Injured In a Run- away Accident and Reported to Have Gone Insane. British Columbia grew the worlds record apple last year. It was 16 inches in circumference and weighed In October, 1896, one Monday one pound and three ounces. morning the Rushford school did not open and it was reported that the Holtt's Fchool* teacher had gone insane. The physi At Menlo Park, San Mateo County, Cal., with Its beautiful, surroundings, perfect climate, cian in attendance pronounced the careful supervision, thorough instruction, trouble nervous prostration and said complete laboratories, and gymnasium, easily that school work was mentally and maintains its position in the front ranks of schools for boys on the Pacific Coast. Ira G. physically impossible. The teacher, Hoitt, Ph. D., Principal. who is now Mrs. L. A. Gullickson, of Rushford, Minn., in a recent inter How She Knew, view published in the Star of that Little Sister—I guess you accepted place, gives the true story of the event. Mr. Sweetly. “To begin at the beginning,” she The Grown-up One— What makes said, “when I was about seven years you think so? of age a sudden fright brought on a Little Sister— He don’t give me dreadful condition of nerv-ousness. candy any more. When, in 1896, I was injured in a runaway accident, this, combined with Beware of O1 ntmentfl for Catarrh That my former trouble, made me so ill Contain Mercury, that I was unable to open school the At mercury will surely destroy the sense of following Monday.” smell and completely derange the whole sys tem when entering it through the mucous sur “Was it true that you were report faces. Buch articles should never be used ex cept on prescriptions from reputable physi ed to be insane?” asked the inter cians, as the damage they will do is ten fola to viewer. the good you can possibly derive from them. “Yes, and the members of my Hall’s Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, O., contains no mercury, family thought that I was becoming and is taken internally, acting directly upon so. Words do not express the agony the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. In buying Hall’s Catarrh Cure be sure you get I endured with my head and eyes. the genuine. It is taken internally, and made in Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney A Co. Testi The least noise would cut through monials free. my nerves like a knife. I was hot Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle. and cold by flashes, had piercing Hall’s Family Pills are the best. pains in my temples and in the back of my head and a red mist was con Sullivan's Instruments Sold Well. stantly before my eyes. Sixteen of the violins and violon “I was dizzy and faint with fearful cellos owned by the late Sir Arthur nausea, which nothing relieved. I Sullivan were recently sold for $1,- could take no solid food for 10 days, 800. The greatest price realized for but lived on milk and lime water. any one of the instruments was $850, When the doctor had treated me for which was paid for a violoncello by nearly six weeks without helping me, Joseph Guarnerius. Mrs. J. Webster, a nearby friend, recommended Dr. Williams’ Rink FOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING I took them When vou take Grove’s Tasteless Chill Tonic, Pills for Pale People. because the formula is plainly printed on every faithfully for not quite three months bottle showing that it is simply Iron and Qui and was perfectly cured. I have never nine in a tasteless form. No Cure, Ne Pay. 50c. heard of a single case where they did not prove beneficial and know of sev The Difference. “How can you go out with Fred eral persons who have taken them suc Squandret, Laura? He is such a cessfully for rheumatism.” Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale spendthrift. ” “What if he is? He spends it People are not like other medicines. They act directly on the blood and nearly all on me. ’’ nerves. This makes them invaluable in such diseases as locomotor ataxia, 1 Try Before You Buy! Ten cents buys a box of Cascarets, but if yon partial paralysis, St. VituB’ dance, want a free sample and booklet adress Sterling sciatica, neuralgia, rheumatism, nerv Remedy Company .Chicago or New York to-day I ous headache, the after effects of the grip, palpitation of the heart, pale Quakers In Cuba. One of the curiosities of Cuba is a and sallow complexions and all forms Quaker meeting house which has been of weakness either in male or female. At all druggists or direct from Dr. erected at Gibara, near Santiago. The congregation of Friends is said to Williams Medicine Co., Schenectady, N. Y. Price 50 cents per box; six number over 200. boxes |2.5O. SOME NEW INVENTIONS. The novelty of the Hull hammock consists in its ability to keep on the shady side of the tree at all hours of the day. and it also has the advantage of being adapted for use on a single tree or the side of a bouse where only one support is available. Of course, it will not curve from eud to end like the ordinary hammock, but It has a swing ing motion of Its own, and it can be made quite as comfortable for resting as those now in use. The attachment to the tree is made by a ball and socket joint, and the two hooks, with the sus pending cables, the joint allowing the hammock to swing laterally in substan tially the same place. By providing duplicate heads for suspending the hammock it can be moved around the tree into another position as the day advances, thus always keeping under the shady side of the tree, and when not In use it folds up flat for storage in small compass. Many aids for the kindergarteners are already in common use in schools for the smaller children, and now the typewriter Is to lie added, making It possible to spell the name of any object and aid the children In learning the alphabet. Tile type faces are formed on separate blocks Inserted In the face of a circular band, which Is rotated by the left hand to bring the letter desired opposite the striking hammer, the lat ter being connected with the key by the horizontal rod. The circular pro jections on either side of the hammer contain inking rollers, and as the type faces are revolved to bring the desired one in front of the striker it Is inked by one of the rollers. The paper Is in serted in a sliding carriage in conjunc tion with the hammer when it is de sired to write a sentence, and by asso ciating a picture with the letter the child soon learns to recognize the lat ter at sight. If it is desired to vary the pictures the printing disk can be re moved and another Inserted In Its place. The machine is also capable of use for writing business letters, and has cheapness and simplicity to recom mend it. To Motììeps of Large ^smiHes In this workaday world few women are so placed that physical exertion is not constantly demanded of them in their daily life. We make a special appeal to mothers of large families whose work is nevei done, and many of whom suffer, and Buffer for lack of intelligent aid. To women, young or old, rich or poor, we extend an invitation to accept tree advice. Oh, women 1 do not let The Grip of Etiquette. “What? Marry you?” cried the fair young girl. “Why, you are only an apology for a man." “True,” he sighed; “but you are not so lacking in courtesy as to fail to accept an apology.” Her boarding house etiquette for bade her flying in the face of conven tion, so she resigned herself to fate. Another Thing. Poems by King James I. ABSOLUTE SECURITY. Carter's Little Liver Pills. CARTERS Th A ChiliANINDEX K I III dlllll THE BLOOD A Jungle Telephone. Peculiar to Summer Weather Promptly Cured by Pe-ru-na. "Yes, I'm studying French. I’m going to take a run over to Paris, you 1 now.” Miss Marie Coats, president of the "So vou think that will help you, Appleton Young Ladies’ Club, writes' eh?” "Why, certainly. It’s easy enough the following concerning Peruna: Appleton, Wis. to speak the language." The Peruna Medicine Co., Colum "Yes, but it's hard to make the bus, O.: Frenchman understand it.” Gentlemen—"I find Peruna an ex cellent spring and summer medicine Knew His Failings. and am glad to call the attention of Mas. C abbib Biuinux Mr. Homely is not a beauty and he my friends to it. When that languid, knows it. When his first baby was your lives be sacrificed when a word of tired feeling comes over you, and advice at the first approach of weak born be asked: your food no longer tastes good, and "Does it look like me?" neas, may fill your future years with small annoyances irritates you, Peru healthy joy. Address a letter to Mrs. Of course they said yes. na will make you feel like another Pinkham's Laboratory, Lynn Maas., “Well," said he, "you must break person inside of a week. I have now and you will not be disappointed. it to my wife gently." used it for three seasons and find it “ When 1 began to take Lydia E. very reliable and efficacious. ”—Marie Pinkham's Vegetable Compound I war The Gentle Beggar. not able to do my housework. I suf Coates. fered terribly at time of menstruation. “I’m hungry, sir, ” said the beggar. If you do not derive prompt and Several doctors told me they could de "Won’t you give me enough to get a satisfactory results from the use of nothing forme. Thanks to the Pink meal?” Peruna, write at once to Dr. Hart ham advice and medicine I am now "Here, my good man,” said Mr. man, giving a full statement of your well, and can do the work for eight 1* Pompus, "here's a penny for you.” case and he will be pleased to give the family. A “O! thank you, sir. By the way, you his valuable advice gratis. “ I would recommend Lydia E. Pink Address Dr. Hartman, president of ham's Vegetable Compound to all have you a pepsin tablet about you? mothers with large families.”—M rs . I always get dyspepsia when I overeat The Hartman Sanitarium, Columbus, C aj UUB BXU.XVILI.K, Ludington. Mich myself. ” Ohio. An interesting literary discovery is ARE PAID TO SMOKE PIPES. reported from Oxford, where a num The Professional Meerschaum Colorers ber of hitherto unknown poems by King James I have been found in the Make a Good Living at It. They are stated Coloring meerschaum is a long and Bodleian library. delicate process, and unless a man likes t-o be undoubtedly genuine and bear to do a difficult feat there is no reason the royal autograph. why he should sot himself to the task TO CUBE A COLD IN ONE DAT of putting a beautiful shade on his cost Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablet*. AU druggist* refund the money if it fail* to cur*. ly pipe. That is a business in itself, K. W. Grove’s signature Ison each box. 2.'«. and an experienced smoker knows, or Live Up Stairs and Be Healthy. can learn the location of establlshmests to which he can take his pipe and have Scientists have declared that the it smoked until the desired color is ob purest air in cities is found about 52 tained. Such an enterprise exists in feet above the street, and hence it is the outskirts of lyondon, and makes a concluded that the healthiest apart fine competence for its proprietor, an ments are those on the third floor. Austrian. It is a large house that used to be the country seat of an English gentleman. Hither come every day a score of young men who are the expert enced employes of the house. They pass upstairs to the business room In the rear of the house, seat themselves in armchairs, and forthwith begin their day's work of smoking nicer schaum pipes. Each one knows the art of smoking steadily, neither too fast nor too slow. The tobacco they use is Genuine a special blend of the proprietor's, for he knows it is only rarely that the right kind of tobacco is used for tlilk pur pose. The bowls of the pipes which these young men smoke are covered with wash leather, so that they cannot by any chance be harmed or improperly stained. The highly accomplished among these Must Bear Signature of young fellows can get away with four ounces of tobacco a day. They are paid well, and they have their regular holl days. Some of them have been with their employer for five years. But It isn't a business in which one may stay a lifetime, for, though they appear to be able to smoke for years, night and day without hurting them, when they get to tie old men their occupation has made them too nervous to be useful. | The proprietor himself smokes not at all. except when he Is teaching an ap Paul Revert’» Invention. One Glance Was Enough. prentice how to go about ft. The new I Paul Revere, the famous revolu Mr. Cityman—What on earth do hand receives a cheap pipe, and after tionary hero, was an inventor and was the first in this country to refine you want with such an enormous being told how to go ahead is left to himself to show what he can do. There and roll copper. The concern he woodpile? Mr. Subbubs— Protection against are prize competitions, and these thirty founded in 1801, the Revere Copper newly arrived young men who are on tramps. CURE SICK HEADACHE. Co., still exists at Canton, Mass. an upper floor when they become pro flcient are graduated to take their seats Our People Well Fed. with the notables on the second floor. | back. I The people of the United States This kind of work, as a rule, takes all are the best fed people of the world, the time ami attention of the men. but and consume more per head and year some of them are so perfect that they than the inhabitants of any other can devote themselves to designing country of the world. shapes and figures for new pipes, spe CITQ Permanently Cared. No fits or nervousner Millions of little glands or tubes connect the blood withThe skin, and throyiRTi ■ I IQ after first lay> of Dr Kliao’n Great Nerve these small drain pipes perspiration passes out, carrying with it the impurities that cial attention being given to the possi Restorer. Send fur FR EE $2.00 trial bottle and treat are thrown off by the blood. Should the pores of the skin be entirely closed for bility of producing quaint effects In th-- ise. D b .R.H K line . Ltd ,v3i ArchSt., Philadelphia,Pa. even a brief space of time, and the poisonous matter forced back into the circula coloring. Aggrieved Woman Aquitted* tion instant death would result. Tn addition to the sweat glands, the skin is The liest meerschaums, ft Is said, provided with certain others which pour out upon it an oily substance, keeping A woman in Adrian, Mich., who the skin pliable and soft and protecting it from heat and cold The blood and skin come from Turkey, and the designs are protested without avail against a are so closelv related that whatever affects one senoualv interferes with the func worked out and cut upon the meer gambling den which got all her hus tions of the other. Not only health, but life itself depends upon perfect harmony scliatim In Vienna. band’s earnings, set out with a can of between the blood and skin. When, therefore, the - - —ansd Probably the class who are the best blood becomes poisoned from any cause, it quickly IftlSmai 000 buyers of these colored-to-order meer- , kerosene and burned the place to the manifests itself upon the skin in the form — ■ DnJanne schaums is collegians, who want to ground. She was acquitted in court. of sores and ulcers, pimples and various ^^X.fGPf9Gf ! S G fl S show fine pipes, but who have neither eruptive diseases. By the character of the wrt w' are enabled to determine the nature of the poison or humor in the blood, the patience nor the skill to produce the as every disease originating in the blood has its own peculiar sore or pimple. The effect themselves.—New York Press. skin i7not only *tErt*d by the poisons generated in the system, but poisons from ___________________ without enter through the open glands or pore* “4 qu»ckly infect the blood. Mercury rubbed upon the skin will produce Rheumatism, and Poison Oak and Ivy other wild plants gain easy access to the blood through the skin. As so-called F diseases originate in the blood, the application P uma of powders, soaps and washes can do no permanent » WXW - good, but often do immense damage by BArffV closing up the outlet to these little tubes OOFTg nSSfinj aod with the Batural action of the skia. The treatment must begin with the blood, and the acid or other pois- ons antidoted or neutralized. S. S. S. does this and punfies the circulation, builds np the blood and flushes the little elands or pores with pure, new blood, and restore* healthy action to the skin. The use of cosmetics never yet brought he»lth sad beauty to a rough, red, pimply skin or sallow complexion. What is needed is rich pure blood, such as S. S. S. makes. It not only relieves you of all disfigur ing blackheads blotches and irritating, itching eruption*, but improve* your general health S. S. S. contains no mercuiy, potash, arsenic or other mineral but is a purely vegetable remedy and the safest and best in all blood and skin »^I m . pyrite ourphysicians for advice or information; they have made a study of blood —a .Win diseases and you can have the best medical advice without cost. Book us ■toed and 8kin Disease* free. THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO., ATLANTA, 6A SYSTEMIC CATARRH Aborig Ml Instinct. When the statue of Washington was unveiled at Paris last summer a huppv group of American students were waking the echoes from time to i time with their college yell. One French woman said nervously to an- ' other, “Why do they make that frightful noise?” Her companion answered with calm superiority, "My dear, its the savage in them!” Thia *lgn*tore i* oa «vary box sf lb* (Main* Laxative Brofno-Quinine T*bi*t* th* r*m.dy that emrea a eaM la aae **jr The recent laying by the Moeara- Enlm Company of the telephone wires through the Sumatra Jungle was a dif Tr«v«llng With Ox Team*. ficult and dangerous undertaking. In A novel vacation tripi* being taken the forests were elephants, tiger*, hogs by Banker Jenkin* and a party of and other wild animals, and these were eleven friends, from Carrelton, Kan. not only a source of danger to the They are traveling aero«« the state workmen, but they frequently uproot- - of Colorado in an old style prairie ed the telephone pole* and dislocated schooner behind relay* of oxen span*. the wires. The natives steal wire from the line to make and mend their trajis The companle* are obliged to place line watchers at Intervals of twenty miles to watch and catch these wire wreck ers, and also to quickly repair the line whenever It la Injured. -Petroleum. FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, CHAMPION BINDERS Foot ot Morrison StrMt, Can give you Bugiiir*. Plows. Win. mills and- Machinery. bee the best bargains la Boilers and Engines, Pumps and General us before buying Where do You- Sell Your Hides? rirr mk . We al way* pay the Highest Price. We Gcf«f*enfee That the Eccentric Sprocket Wheel on this machine will give an absolute gain of 16’3 per cent of power at time of tieiug and discharging bundle. The Force-feed Elevator will waste less grain than i n»' other. There is le*s »-battering. The Relief Rake keeps inner end of platform clear. Everyone of those using Champion Binder says it has no equal. Chas. La Mastick & Oo. 75 Front St., cor. Oak, Portland, Or. A (lltKAT FIRE WALK. Of 15,000. Stock of the New York Dry Goods Co.'s goods, I'sintg d by Water o ily, is placed on «nle al THE LEADER at one-half, and in some cases, onr-ienth Its value. I The stock consia’s nf almost e ery’hing in the line of Dry • o ds and he..era! Meichan- d sv, and being a Wholesale one w.ll continue SEND KOR CATALOGUE. f< r ten < ays, at least, and there there will be plenty for everyone Let everybody come. The opportunity of a lifetime. At THE LEADER, The People s Bargain Store, Flr«l and Taylor St*. FORTLAND, OK 710Second ave .Seattle Wash. Mitchell, Lewis & Stater Co., “ADAMANT” The Perfection of Wall Plaster, will not fall off, even though a leakage occur by the bursting of water pipes. LAND PLASTER £NF~ Send us your address and receive circular showing what others have gained by the use of Land Plaster. THE ADAMANT OO., Portland, tragon. Agents wanted in every town. Foot ot 14th Street, THE AULTMAN & TAYLOR MACHINERY CO. Builders of High Grade THRESHERS, CLOVER HULLERS, HORSE POWERS, TRACTION AND FARM ENGINES AND BOILERS, SAW MILLS, ETC. EDWARD HUGHES, General Agent. 182-186 Madison St., Portland, Oregon. Catalogue Mailed Fret, GEISLER PATENTS COMPANY, Chamber of Commerce, PORTLAND, OREGON. Not Oysters Alone. Church—Let'* *ee; what is it we have to go without in the months without R? Gotham—Heavy flannel*. atona tha Dough anti moria Off tha Ootd. Laxative Bromo-Qulnlnn Tablet, cure * cold In one day. . No cure. No Pay. Price 26 cent*. Turning th* Table,. "Mr*. Newbride isn't at all satisfied with her husband'* salary.” “No; she says it isn’t nearly *o good as her lather used to make.” Secures patents for Inventions in the United States ami foreign countries. Also negotiates mar kets and defends patent inven tions. No better terms or facilities than we offer obtainable any where. Pavment of our fees may be deferred till patent is allowed. Write for pamphlet BEST FOR THE BOWELS If you haven't a regular, healthy movement of thfl bowel« every day, you're «lek. or will be. Keep youf bowel« open, and be well. Force, in the «hape of violent physic or pill poison, i« dangerous. Thfl .mootbest. easiest, most perfect way or keepinc thfl pc wsls clear and clean is to take CANDY CATHARTIC Mother* will find Mr*. Win*low’» Sooth ing Syrup the be«t remedy to u«e lor their children during the teething period. He W m Not Mode>L She—It is no use; I wouldn’t marry the handsomest man alive. He—Well, anyhow, you will hence forth have the satisfaction of knowing that he has asked you. SEAFARING MEN KNOW THE VALUE OF 5 È ar OILED CLOTHING Pleasant, Palatable. Potent. Taste Good Do Good, NflVflr Nlckon. Weaken, or Grip«. iOe. Mo Writfl for free sample, and booklet on health. Address kw^Sy rsaoeay, Cktow». ■•alrwal, lev Verb. Mfle KEEP YOUR BLOOD CLEAN ir&L,xWîNFA°: peinsioin ■ I BICKFORD, Washington, 0. C.* thev will re* ■ I cflive quick replies. B. fith N. H. Vols Stat 20th Corp*. Prosecuting claims since 1H7S. Is best time to cure rat art h. Bronchitis and Consumption. Our remedy is guaranteed, <1. P. O. Box »73. SUMMER W. I. SMITH 1 CO., Oilftlo. 0. T. S m .TOr Reiolutlont IT WILL . THK 1 o^KEEP YOU DRY in th « WETTEST WEATMU rO# ABOVE TSADf WM ON SALE EVERYWHERE CATALOGUES F8EE OT GAPtltNTS ANO MATS .. RO3TONMA53 M Keeley Cure »nr. r*ll*f hom liquor, opium *nd tob*co* h*bitr. 8*nd for pnrlloular* to iNlty lastitita, a. r. ■- a. IIKN writing 5?^ «•. * >-i**u advertiacra W asutBs thU pa*«v. pleas«