THE TELEPHONE-«EXISTER The Fashions of Taris. becomes impossible, for he regards what- ■ ever you may say as a mere opening foi I The late fall styles are so pretty and M c M inxvillk , O regon . coquettish that even a plain woman may his own brilliancy. “I have lost my father since I saw 1 look pretty in them if she only knows Decemlier hc-reelf, her failings and her best points, yon,” induces the reply: “He's gone farther but not to fare and dresses to make the host of the worst worse.’’ or perhaps. ‘Profit and loss 1 ones and enhance the best. Two of the prettiest of the season depend upon the ABOUT MISTAKEN WIT. trust it will prove.” I know a person of this sort to whom ensemble for their full effect. One is o1 it is impossible to narrate anything; he THE PIPE IN GRANDFATHER’S MOUTH is so busy in looking for an opening for -HOW GRANDMAMMA DANCED. his own jokes that he cannot follow the thread of any story or take a rational in Will Yon Have Some Claret?—Caricatures terest in any discussion. I once wrote a note inviting him to lunch to meet a Not Relished by Tlieir Snhjects—"tton’l stranger, but added, “And please not to Laugh at Yonr Own Jest»"—When to B« make any puns and very few jokes, as Fanny and When Not to Be Funny. this gentleman is not capable of appre ciating humor, and might think himself (Copyright by American Preu? Association.] We sometimes hear persons playfully insulted.’’ Another mistaken humorist is he who warned “not to be so funny or they will appreciates his own jests more than any hurt themselves." But it is quite true that mistaken body’ else does, and liegins by saying; ideas of humor often do result in mis “I’ll tell you the funniest thing! You'll fortune to the humorist, and one gener just die of laughing,’’ and laughs so im ally feels that the misfortune is weli moderately himself that you can hardly gather what he says, and feel much enough deserved. I knew one young man who cut him more like yawning than smiling. The most successful manner of jesting self out of liis grandfather’s will by ESSENTIALLY PARISIAN. sketching a pipe as coming out of the is the unconscious, and nobody ever mouth of that venerablo gentleman's made me laugh so much as a long, lean, prune faille with velvet stripes, made portrait, and a young lady who lost th« sallow, lantern jawed western man, who sheath shaped in front and Inn shaped in gift of her grandmother’s brocade dresi used to sit looking as if he were at his Hie back, quite plain at the foot. The of unknown value by humorously illus mother’s funeral, and in a low. monoto waist has a Figaro jacket made of a full trating tho old lady’s proimble style o! nous voice without a smile in it tell sto jabot frilling of Spanish lace, with high ries absolutely painful in their mirth puffs and frills of the same on the shoul dancing in her youth. As for more severe practical jokes, few compelling quality. ders. The vest front is of maize colored Two most objectionable forms of hu satin. The gloves are maize color, and persons in these days are so regardless oi decorum as* to practice them, and yet mor are the indelicate and the profane, the felt hat is large, cream colored and some are. Not a year ago I beard a gen and I am happy in lielieving that these trimmed with yellow velvet asters and tieman ask a lady sitting at the sain« are largely going out of fashion among black velvet. This costume can be worn table with me whether she had ever decent people, or, at any rate, in the pres as a carriage dress, a reception and visit tasted an especial brand of Burgundy. ence of people of another turn of mind. ing costume and a dinner toilet. The No matter how funny such a jest or black fan has a bunch of asters and a She said no, and he rejoined, “Permit me to pass you the bottle." She took it such a story may be, it is emphatically a flot of corn colored satin ribbon. and tipped gently and then more stren mistaken form of wit, and I for one al The other charming gown is of faded uously, until it became evident that it ways feel that I liar received an injury indigo blue camel's hair, trimmed with was empty, whereupon not only the by having an association of ideas forced rich passementerie in cashmere colors, donor but his wife began to laugh and upon me which I may never be able to and a high wired frill of laco around the look about for applause. The victim of forget, and by which things that I might neck. A dark blue velvet shirred toque the joke laughed also, but not pleasant reverence or admire, or matters of which is trimuied with shaded plumes in blue. ly, and rejoined, “You might as well I have hitherto taken no thought, Itecome This is a very dainty’ and delicate cos subjects of annoyance and mortification, tume for a young girl. have given me your own head. ’’ The joker ceased laughing and angrily | for no woman wishes to understand, or Walking dresses are divided between i to appear to understand, a double enteu- the distinctively»French and the English. demanded, “Why?” “Because there’s nothing of value in j drr, and to force her to do so is both an One lovely walking gown is of tho beau it," replied the lady, and there were two I insult and au injury. tiful new cacheuierienne. which is of Another odious form of humor is what mauve, brocaded in white laco pattern, enemies for life, not to count the man’s wife and as many of the lady's family a« college IxiyB call hazing, and consists in cut on the bias. The skirt has the wrin the united attack of a certain number of kled apron drapery in front and full she chose to complain to. Another practical joke which came persons upon a solitary victim. There plaits in the back, the bottom plain. under my notice was the contriving that arc persons whose lives are made a weari The corsage is yoke shape, with black two very susceptible youug people should ness and a burden to them through this velvet sides coming down to a pointed discuss “spoons’’ in an arbor where n j kind of persecution, who never can get girdle, with flots of velvet ribbon at the wag was hidden, who, imitating the : anybody to treat them seriously, who arc side. The sleeves are medium high, girl's father, suddenly cried out: “Un j in the position of Victor Hugo’s L'Homme tacked iu gracefully here and there. A hand them, villain! My ducats and my qni Kit, and never open their mouths on dainty little mauve toque with pnrple daughter!" and then fled, but was pur i the most solemn or tender subject with asters completes sued and canght in the midst of his ac out being greeted with derision and jo- complices, and so was started a feud that ; cose replies. This form of humorous persecution is ■ no time will heal. But apart from such crass brntalities ofteu seen in families where all seem to as these how many persons sow endless have tacitly agreed to make some one regrets for themselves and others by 1 member the butt of all the rest, and I mistaken humor. Most women are .sen have often l>cen present at scenes that sitive as to their age. It may bo foolish, reminded me of a pack of terriers wor but it is almost universal, and there is rying a ixxtr puss unable either to escape no intimacy, no degTee of relationship, no I or to defend herself. Qf course it is "all een-tiblenes* on the part of the recipient, in fun" and not maliciously intended, that can make a jest that turns upon age an l probably if the victim were seriously acceptable to a woman, or for that mat ill or in great visible affliction the ter ter to a man. for the lords of creation riers would become sympathetic broth have a great deal more petty vanity than ers and sisters, father and mother, hus they wish to take credit for. I once band or wife, bu t until the matter comes to heard a bachelor of about 50 dogmati some such issue nobody guesses the pangs cally asserting that Washington s inau of humiliation, anger, wounded feeling guration day was very hot. Tho ques and even growing hatred that a long tion was discussed until at last one course of mistaken wit can induce in its young lady flippantly remarked, "Well, object. I have quoted the father whose sous since Mr. So-and-so was there and saw it we must believe it.’’ Poor So-and-so used “rish” as a synonym for stupid, always has a spiteful word for that girl’s dunce, or blundering, and I also knew a wife and mother to whom nature had name whenever it is mentioned. e Nor do any circumstances or relation been unkind in inducing an enormous ship make a caricature of him or herself 1 bulk and unwieldy figure. Her husband WALKING COSTUMES. acceptable or funny to its subject. There I was a witty man. and his two daughters are very few of us who might not l>e inherited this talent as well as n slight The English stylo prodnees a gown of caricatured by a clever draughtsman so and elegant figure. No doubt they were drab smooth faced clotli with a wide as to make all our friends shake with fond of the mother, who was on her part band of brown and white polka dot daughter, bnt not one of them nor blindly devpted to them, but one could suralt around the bottom, and the vest would the artist, himself find a carica hardly pass an hour in their Sbeietv with front ami forearm of the sleeves of the ture of their or his own peculiarities out hearing some jocose allusion to her same. It is sheath shape and tailor one-tenth part so funny; in fact, most of peculiarities. Sometimes she was called finished with high flaring collar. With us would quietly set up an abiding dis |’‘Jumbo." and asked if she could pick this is worn the sailor hat in brown like to the perpetrator of this admirable up needles and hated tailors, and some very correct but not graceful. times Barnum’s fat lady and sometimes jest. Nor is it ever safe to jest upon an ‘•Hippie.’’ as short for hippopotamus. If Tlir Uft L<?~. other's mistakes iu social or educational the family went to drive there was al There is a popular idea that because the matters. ways a jocose discussion as to the safety right arm is more ofteu used and stronger “Just fancy what my wife said when of the carriage springs and th“ cruelty than the left, so the right leg is stronger than the left. This is not correct: there is Professor Lunis asked her if she thor 1 to the horse. that the left leg in most people is oughly understood his theory of aster If she was to go in a boat there was evidence oids. She asked if they weren't :i kind an outcry that she must be put in the stronger than the right. From the theo of punctuation marks! Thought, he i middle, or plenty of ballast taken iu to retical point of view it would appear that in all manual labor requiring increased use meant asterisks!’’ So said a great, stu counterbalance her weight, or a wonder of the right hand, the left, leg is also em pid, good natnred man tho other night if the sheathing of the boat would stand ployed on the principle of equilibrium. in company, and had no idea his wife such pressure: in fact, the manners and In the case of The lower animals (except would rather ho hail surreptitiously forms of gibe were manifold, hut all ambulators, camels, etc. . and babies, when pinched her black and blue. walking on all fours, the right fore limb came to the same end. and in spite’ of Nor. if you would keep your friend, great self control and dignity on the moves with the left hind limb, and vice ever point out or narrate or seem to part of lhe sufferer, I have too often versa. It follows from this that man. using perceive anything absurd in connection seen tho sudden flush, or the compressed the right arm more than the left, would use the left leg more than 1 he with him or her. No matter how ridicu lips, or the glistening eye, to doubt probably right. lous he looked running for the train, whether the family victim felt her posi Many people find Jess exertion in walk with his coat tails flying out behind, tion or not. At last the father died, and ing around large circles to the right than don't make a good story of it. whether it was observed that the widow did not in going to the left. This is also the case in his presence or absence. No matter mourn as one utterly broken hearted, in race patlfs for athletic sports, nearly all how funny her attitude and expression and also it was observed that she found of which arc arranged for the racers to go were when the mouse seemed bound in her companies and her occupation as far in circles to the right in running. Again, seeking refuge under her skirts—if yon as possible from her daughters. Prob travelers hare observed that hunters, when tell anybody else half yon think about ably the wittiest of strangers would not lost on prairies, wander arotin 1 iu circles ’to the right. it yon will win a laugh and very proba consider it appropriate to jest her upon This fact has been attributed to their fol- bly lose a friend. her figure, and she preferred loneliness 1 lowing the course of 1 he sun, but this does “I never since have dared to be as to humiliation. not appear to lie necessarily the case. Many funny as I can," says Holmes, and for In fact, to stun the whole thing up, skaters can perform more figures on the various reasons a good many humorists personal peculiarities arc mistaken ob left than on the right foot—or, at any rate, might echo the confession. jects of humor, and so is anything that I in commencing, figures are more readily Another class of mistaken wit is that shall injure tho amour propre of the i done on the left foot-. With rope dancers by which a rather slow and simple per subject, or anything that shall expose it is usually observed that the more com son is made the target for some sharp him to the ridicule of others, or anything plicated feats of balancing are performed on the left foot.—Nineteenth Century. shooter's stinging arrows for the amuse-1 that shall throw an atmosphere of ab ment of a listening crowd, in the first1 surdity aronnd him and his future ut College Societies. place few ]x-ople are as obtuse as they terances or actions. To monopolize the Thousands of men and women in the appear, and mauy a man who has not [ conversation, or to intrude onr jests upon tho wit to retort, quite comprehends the j other people's serious moods, or to herald United States recall their membership in hidden gibes and innuendoes and almost j them with one’s own approval, or tc the Greek letter fraternities as one of the most enjoyable and profitable features of insnlts the jester is launching at hi» : laugh while one tries to make other? their college life. Longafter the last- traces seemingly stolid comprehension. I was ' laugh, or to make puns where the taste of memory of the Greek conjugation have once preaent at a most jiainful sc-ne, of the hearer revolts at that form of hn vanished, after the Odes of Horace and where the rather deaf, exceedingly com- , mor, or to insist upon being funny when the swinging lines of the Æneid have monplace and decidedly disagreeable I your hearers prefer to be serious, or tc faded into the irrevocable past; after all head of a house suddenly remarked to a be indelicate, or to be irreverent of mat mathematics but the rule of three has guest: 'Madam, I have always thought ! ters sacred to your hearers, whether it lapsed into the secret recesses of the mind; it very ill manners to allnde.'in the pres be the holy cats of the Ganges, the “con after the finer classifications of the “genus'’ "species” have given place to such ence of visitors, to family matters from trol’’ of a Spiritualist, the fetich of a and everyday terms as "mud eat” or “dog which they are excluded, and I will Theosophist, or those matters once uni fennel;’’ after all these and a hundred therefore mention that when my eons versally regarded as holy, whatever the other once important departments of learn use the term ‘rish’ to describe anything thing may lie, if it is a thing held sacred ing have been forgotten, still tho recollec especially slow, tiresom-’ and stupid by your auditor, it should be sacred from tions of the fraternity, the jolly meetings in the old hall, the exclusive picnics and they mean 'fathcrish.' which is with your wit. parties, the dinners, cheap but. seasoned them the synonym of all these qualities. In fact, it is very easy to tell what is with wit and warm geniality; the solemn Those young men were very witty fel mistaken wit, but I have not undertaker lows, but I must confess that I have sel to tell, nor do I intend to attempt telling, advice to the erring brother, the sitting up nights with the unfortunate of the num dom seen a confessed fool look mort what is real wit. Suffice it to say that, at ber who fell sick, the anxiety to outdo all foolish than they then did. like the poetic afflatus, it is “nascitui rival fraternities in securing good men who A phase of this dangerous form of wit non fit"— bom, but not manufactured. entered college, the throb of pride when is that whereby a bright girl or young one of "our lioys” won a prize or some special college honor—these things remaiu married woman seeks to spark!« in the as vivid and fresh in the memory r.s though eyes of certain of her admirers by mak commencement day were only yesterday. ing of others a whetstomi for her satire. —Indianapolis News. Thehutt of herridicnl'-. however clever, however polished her rapier play may Improved Smoking Arrangement«. A Commonplace Buffet. be, feels each thrust with smarting Quite a ch; nge appears to be taking An old fashioned, plain top bureau, anger, and the bystanders, although place iu the general opinion as to the best they laugh and applaud, go away whis arrangement of smoking room accommo without marble or glass, is transform pering in each other's ears: “What a dations on some classes of passenger trains, able into a nice looking dresser or buf tongue! I'm glad she’s not my wife!” and it is quite possible that the common fet. A set of book shelves, the soTt with And to my mind more girls have failed smoking car will lie fore long cease to form carved endsandshelves strongly screwed of the better class of trains. Quite on them and the back, may be placed on to attract the men whose admiration they a a part number of railroads have constructed wished through their wit than through their chair cars with smoking rooms of top of tlie bureau, whose plainness they their stupidity. A man’s ideal woman— sufficient capacity to provide accommoda- will set off. The space in front of the that is, the ideal woman for a wife—is. I | ttons for the occupants of each car. The shelves is to be covered with an em fancy, never very witty, and in fact may practice of thus furnishing a smoking room broidered buffet scarf or a damask be decidedly stupid, but invariably she for each car is rapidly extending to the towel. Place on the shelves any odd or must be amiable, smiling, sweet, patient, 'ommon day coaclies, and a number of very colored pieces of dhina or glass, and the roads are nutting a smoking whole will be no mean addition to a din and in a word comfortable, and those prominent compartment in nearly every car.—New ing room. qualities seldom exist with wit. York Commercial Advertiser. Another mistaken form of wit is the The time to be occupied by a dinner n.vs irrepressible, and this is more often Signor Crispi, the Italian prime minister, gradually been curtailed to such a point of found among men than women, Who is a man of 70, tall, thin and surprisingly brevity that in France fashion is returning doesnot know him. usually middle aged, active for one of his years. He laughs in to a more leisurely service of the meal. often a bachelor, but sometimes the cessantly. IJi< mouth is largo, his eyes ar© Diners complain that courses follow so product of a course of female adulation piercing aud he is completely bald. He quickly on each other that there is oppor yimmiatared by wife, mother and sisters; wears jeweled rings on every finger and tunity neither for appreciation of the food nox for conversation. L.jnjerafc -;.->rcifli 'SUch a person as this his shirt studs are diamonds. CALVES FOR FIFTY CENTS APIECE.’ CULTIVATION OF THE OYSTER. They Make Bob Veal, and Hie Industry How the Crop in Long Island Sound Is ! Thrlvcs In the Catskills. Regularly Planted and Dug. Science is about to-apply its attention to the propagation of oysters in order that every one may be able to buy as many of the succulent bivalves as he wants to eat without extravagance. At present the supply of oysters is but a fraction of the demand. What the fish commission desires to accomplish is to bring the mollusk within the reach of all. To accomplish this cud it proposes^ es tablish at least one station devoted to breeding oysters by methods newly in vented. The young oysters thus obtained, called “spat,” are to be planted in all the oyster producing waters of the United States. Up north, on the Connecticut shore of Long Island sound, and in the rivers and estu aries of New York state, the fishermen are most anxious to be assisted in this way; down south a widespread desire is felt to make use of fresh scientific discoveries for the purpose of creating a new industry. It is only in Maryland that an entire apathy seems to be felt on the subject, and the oyster beds of the Chesapeake are being permitted to go to ruin, simply because the state does not think them worth keep ing up. Within a few years, if things con tinue to go on as they do now, the Chesa peake will have ceased to lie an oyster ground. At all event, so the fish comntis.- sion says. The French people were the first to in troduce oyster culture upon a commercial basis, and in this country the state of Con necticut led the way in taking it up. Ten years ago a law was passed there directing the state to sell, as if it were so much real estate divided into lots, the bottom of Long Island sound outside of the natural oyster beds near shore. Since that time oyster farming has become n large indus try in Connecticut. Oyster beds for many miles out into the sound are cultivated, just as potato fields might be, and with great profit to tb< ¡e who pay proper attention to the work. Such beds arc not usually self sustaining, e? are the natural ones inshore, but by planting them each year with young oys ters they are made to produce several hun dredfold. The production of young oysters for planting in this way has grown to be an important part of the business, and the planting of them lias been reduced to a most scientific basis. To begin with, in making a new oyster ground, a basis is established by covering the bottom over the area to be planted with a material called "cnltch.” This cultch is usually composed chiefly of oyster and clam shells or any stuff of that sort. Thin shells of whatever description that may be most readily obtainable are desirable for the purpose, inasmuch as they Boon rot and fall to pieces, thus distributing the in dividual oysters attached to them. It is important, that the young oysters should be distributed as much as possible, because when a lot of them attach themselves to a single permanent object, like a small rock, they overgrow one another and aggregate themselves into a mass less useful commer cially, while their growth is itself impeded incidentally. A kind of limestone called “bluestone,” from the Hudson, is found very useful for this purpose, smashed up I into about the size employed for macada mizing roads. Having in this way prepared the bottom for what is to lie an oyster bed you must next procure your oysters. Yon can buy them of dredgers, who sell them to you in the shape of old shells and all sorts of such truck scooped up from below, which is found to lie incrusted with young oysters of various ages. From thirty cents to fifty cents a bushel is charged for this material in the crude, and you simply throw it into the water aud let the oysters do the rest. As the shells decay they will distribute themselves, aud soon yon will have an oyster bed of your own. Each year you dump in as many more bushels of young oysters as may lie necessary to recruit the supply and your crop is as sure as any other, so Jong as you take care to keep away the enemies which may nttack it. If you know liow to manage the thing you will lave n number of beds, permitting the occupants of some to grow big while you fi-edge in others.—Washington Star. They are selling calves for a half dollar apiece up in the Catskills. One night a number of farmers met around the store in the office of a Greene county hotel to talk the matter over. They seemed to think that a half dollar was a fair price for the calves, inasmuch as the meat these very young liovincs afford is a questionable article of diet. Tt Is ordinarily called "bob veal.” One farmer said that a neighbor of his was making a great deal of money buying these calves from the farmers. He sends a wagon over a wide extent of country, buying all the new born calves, which the farmers are anxious to get rid of, becauso they say it pays them better to dispose of the calves arid to sell the milk which the calves would require to make them good veal; so the dealer buys the calves at 50 cents apiece when he takes them from the farmer’s barn yard, and sometimes he pays 75 cents or it when they are delivered at his own premises. He kills and skins the little animals, fortheir hides are worth a trifle, and sends the dressed carcasses by the hundreds to New York, where, in spite of the prohibition against bob veal, they are sold in great numbers. It happened that evening that a New York commission man sat with the farm ers in the hotel office. His business in the Catskills seemed to be to stimulate the bob veal industry, and he tried to persuade one old fellow to go into the business of col lecting the calves, telling him that there was really a good deal of money in it. Ac cording to his story very little money is made from one of these calves unless it weighs, dressed, about sixty pounds. A calf weighing from forty to fifty pounds brings only two or two and one-half cents iu the market, while a large calf is often sold for several times that amount as good veal, and the purchaser therefore reaps a large profit. The fanners were curious to know what was done with this sort of meat, which the New York health board prohibits. “Well,” said the commission man, “If you come down to New York you are likely to cat bob veal without knowing it. You step into a saloon and find on the sideboard some chicken salad that looks appetizing. The chicken in this salad nine times in ten is bob veal from Orange, Greene or Herkimer county, or some other cattle producing region. A good deal of canned chicken does not contain an ounce of chicken, bob veal being made to do noble service as a substitute. “The great public does not seem to know the difference. Bob veal, however, flour ishes chiefly on free lunch counters and on excursion steamboats, though butchers both in New York and Brooklyn are known to palm it off as good, honest veal. There is a demand for every bit that comes to New York, and though once iu a while a load of it is confiscated by the health au thorities, the most of it enters into the consumption of the two big cities.” Some of t he farmers present did not seem to regard it as exactly a legitimate busi ness, but every one of them said that if they had any calves to get rid of the dealer in bob veal was welcome to them at from 50 cents to $1 a head.—New York Suu Not a Pressing Creditor. Dr. T. M, S. Kenney tells this story of foreign mission collection experience: “I was preaching,” said he, “iu a certain section of the country, and after the close of the service a dear good lirot her invited me home to dinner. If I had known what I afterward knew I think probably I should not have gone. I had talked for a collec tion for the purpose of missions, and as we were driving to the brother s home he said to me; “ ‘Brother Kenney, did you notice that I did not give anything this morning?’ “ ‘No,’ said I. ‘I never notice win give and who do not.’ “‘Well, I didn't,’ continued he: ‘I couldn't afford it. I'm too much in debt, but when I get rid of these troublesome demands I'll give something to the work of the Lord.’ “ ‘But,’ said I again, 'don’t you owe the Lord something?' “ ‘Well, I don't know; I suppose I do. I never thought of it before in that light.’ “ 'I'm glad you see it now in a different light,’ I ventured to remark, encouraging ly. The dear brother hastened to add, however: “ ‘The I .ord don't crowd me as the others do.’ ’’—Kansas City Journal. South Carolina's Redbones. There are a singular race of people in South Carolina called the Redbones. Their origin is unknown. They resemble in ap- pearauce the gypsies, but iu complexion they are red. They have accumulated con siderable property and are industrious and peaceable. They live in small settlements at the foot of the mountains and associate with none but their own race. They are a proud and high spirited people. Caste is very strong among them. They enjoy life, visit the watering places and mountain resorts, but eat by themselves and keep by themselves. When the war broke out several of them enlisted in the Hampton legion, and when the legion reached Virginia there was a great outcry among the Virginians and the troops from other states because we had enlisted negroes. They did not resem ble the African in the least, except in cases where Africans had amalgamated with In dians. This intermixture, which is com mon in the Carolinas, produces marvel ous results. It takes the kink out of the hair of the African, straightens his feat ures and improves him in every way ex cept in temper.—Interview with Senator 11 am pt on»—_______________ Necklaces of Savages. Uncle Sam has a vast collection of the jewels of savages. He has silverware made by the Indians of Arizona, carved orna ments from Alaska and great bracelets and anklets of gold, silver and brass from Iudia. One of the most curious necklaces iu his collection is one of human fingers which the medicine men of some of tho In dian tribes wear, and one is made of sixty seven human teeth, with holes pierced at their roots to string them. This necklace is ten inches long and a number of tho teeth evidently need filling. It came from the Fiji Islands and was found there in 1840. Another necklace is made of human hair, into which the tusk of the walrus was woven. It is about two inches thick and t twenty inches loDg. Anotherscrage neck lace is one of human and dog teeth com bined, and there are necklaces of stone, of gold, silver, copper and brass, of all shapes and sizes, gathered from all parts of tho world. Pittsburg Dispatch. Turkey's Government. Briefly stated, the government of Turkey consists of the sultan, who is supreme and absolute in theory, if not entirely in prac tice. The legislative functions are per formed by two bodies, one the council of ministers, which consists of the respective ministers of state, such as the minister of foreign affairs, the minister of the interior, the minister of public instruction, the minister of war, of the navy, etc., and the sheik ul Islam, who is head of the religious orders. The council of ministers is pre sided over by the grand vizier, the highest official in the empire. The council of state consists of some thirty members, compris ing the leading men of the empire. Every law has to be passed by both these bodies, and then receive the sanction—styled the irade—of the sultan.—New York Herald. A Feat That "Beats Sword Swallowing. An old colored man about “5 years old, calling himself Uncle I)lck, created a sen sation in this town Monday with a mag nificent rattlesnake four feet long, having nine rattles. Uncle Dick, the “snake charmer,” surrounded by a crowd of Wash ingtoniaus, took a glass of cold water, swallowed it, rolled up his sleeves, made several cabalistic signs, and finally plung ing his right hand into a sack in his basket brought out, to the amazement of the spec tators, a monstrous rattlesnake. The rep tile slowly coiled himself around the neck aud arm of the old man, while its head grazed the white beard of Uncle Dick, who in return was caressing with gentleness the reptile and talking to it as if it were a baby. After handling the snake for twenty minutes the old man announced that he was going to swallow part of the reptile. At that moment the crowd surveyed all the surrounding doors, so ns to be sure of making a successful “break if it should be necessary. Uncle Dick seized the snake by the neck, made more mysterious signs, took a firm attitude, with his eyes riveted on the serpent’s eyes to fascinate it, and all of a sudden he swallowed the snake by the head to about a length of twelve or fourteen inches in his stomach, and quickly brought it out. The spectators expressed freely their astonishment. Uncle Dick, proud of such an ovation, raised himself, stretched his old body, and waving his right hand like an orator, said: “Gentlemen, 1 am the master of all‘in sects,’ aud can make anyone of you gentle men handle that snake just like me.” We will quickly say that Uncle Dick’s propo sition was not accepted. He opened with bis fingers the reptile’s jaw’ and showed the fangs to the astonished spectators. Uncle Dick says ho can pick up the wild est rattlesnake or any other “insect” in the woods as easily as he would a spring chicken.—Washington (La.) Advance. BURIED ALIVE FOR A YEAR. j A writer on East India jugglery tells us of tbc wonderful trick of having the baby fall down from the clouds, con taining his remarkable narrative on the wonders of Oriental legerdemain says: It is impossible to fathom their secrets of working apparent miracles. These fellows have very scanty clothing and apparently no apparatus whatever. I have seen a man throw a number of balls into the air, each numbered from one upwards. Is. As each went up »nd there was no deception about their go ing up, it was seen clearly in the air getting smaller till it disappeared from view altogether. When they were all up, twenty or more, the operator would politely ask you which ball you wanted to see, and then would shout out at the top of his voice, ‘number one!’ ‘num ber seven!’ ‘number fifteen,’ and so on, as instructed by the spectators, when the ball demanded would fall violently at his feet as though coming from a great height. I don’t know of any American, English or French sleight- of-hand performer that could equal that feat. Then, too it is authenticated fact that some of these jugglers, on more than one occasion in recent yeare, have suffered themselves to be buried alive, and have been dug out alive and well after the lapse of a year. That Hacking Cough can be to quickly cured by Shiloh's Cure V e guarantee it. Sold by Howorth and Co. Au Animal Flower. ARE SELLING FAST! It nil the World there Is but one cure, Dr. Haines’ Golden Specific. It can be given in a cup of tea or coffee without the knowledge of tbo person taking it. effecting a speedy and permanent cure, whether the patient is a moderate drinker or an alcoholic wreck. Thousands of drunkards have been cured who have taken the Golden Specific in their coffee without their knowl edge. and today believe they quit drinking of their own free will. No harmful effect results from its administration. Cures guaranteed. Send for cir cular and full particulars. Address in confidence, G ulden S pecific C o ., 185 Race Street, Cincinnati. U. Brick For Sale! We have a large quantity of FIRST CLASS BRICK, Which we will place on board cars in Hillsboro for ■ H6.7 5 per 1 ,OOO Address all orders to J. S. ADAMS, Hillsboro, Oregon. The People’s Market. l arries the Best Line of Choice Meats in the City. Game and Fisli in Season. Poul try. hides, etc , bought for the highest mar ket price anil cash pai<l for same Your attention is called to the fact that we al ways serve the licst meats to be found. Your patronage is -elicited. H. M. BOND. Is T7p EJu.ilc5.izxg' S ood Lot? will be scarce and Command a Higher Price. ZBefoxe Too Sia.37- Price Range» »50 up. For full particular* apply io J. I. KNIGHT A CO.. THE INVESTMENT CO.. S!; rk Kt Portland. Or. > BALNEKOFF a (X).. M< MionviUc Flouring Milla. Beal Estate Agents, McMinnville. PRESTON'S ANY HEADACHE “ While You Wait," BUT CURES NOTHING ELSE. East and South THE YAQUINA ROUTE i —VIA— Southern Pacific Route DRUNKENNESS—LIQUOR HABIT—In j /. • . SHASTA LINE, Express Tyains Leave Portland Daily —AND— 1XAVK. I ARRIVE. Portland 7.00 p in SanFranciscolO.15 am San Fran. . 9:00 p m|Portland 9.35 am Above trains stop only at following sta tions north of Roseburg: East Portland, Oregon Citv, Woodbunn, Salem. Albany, Tangent, Shedds, Halsey. Harrisburg, Jun 225 Miles Shorter—20 hours les« ction city, Irving, Eugene OREGON DEVELOPMEN COM PANY’S STEAMSHIP UNE. Roseburg Mall Dally. leave . arrive Portland . Roseburg. Portland 5: Albany....... 5: pm Albany.. a m'Portland 9: 9: Pullman Bnffet Sleepers. time than by any other route. i 8.00 a m> Roseburg... 5:40 p m 6:20 a m| Portland. 4:00 p m Albany Local, Daily, Except Sunday. leave I ARRIVE »“First clasa through passenger and freight line from Portland and all pointe in the Wil | lamette valley to and from San Francisco. I Time Schedule (except Sunday«). pm Lea re Alban v 12:30 pmlljeavc Yaquina 7 am a in “ .'orvalfa 1:08 prn “ Cor vail si 0 35 am Arr’vYaquina4 :35 pm|ArrivAlbanyll :13aru O. & C. trains connect at Albany and Cor vallis. The above trains connect at Y aquina with the Oregon Developement < o’s. Line of Steam ships between Yaquina and San Francisco. N. B.—PssxengerR from Portland and all Wil- amette Valley Points can make «lose connr«- tiou with the trains of the Y aquina Born at Albany or Corvallis, and if destined to Kan Francisco, should arrange to arrive at Yaquina Hie evening before date of sailing. Tourist Sleeping Cars, For accommodation of second class passen gers attached to express trains WEST SIDE DIVISION Between Portland and Corvallis. Mail Train Daily, except Sunday. LKiVE ARRIVE Portland . 7:30 a m McMinn’. 10:U»a in McMinn’.. 10:10 am Corvallis . 12:10 pm Corvallis .12:55 p m McMinn' 2:56 p m McMinn’. .. 2:56 p m Portland . 5 -30 p rn At Albany and Corvallis connect with trains of Oregon Pacific. Express Train Daily, except Sunday lkave . __ ARRIVE Portland. 4:10pm McMnn .. 7 .25 p ru McMinn’... 5:45 a ni|Portland. 8:90 a m Sailing Dates. The Steamer Willamette Valley will sail FROM YAQUINA. FROM PAX riAMCItCe November 1st, November 9th. November 20th. November SOtn. November 5th, November 15th, November 24th. Passenger and freight rates always tbs low- oat. For information. apply to C. C. HOGUE, Gen’l. Fi t. A Paa«. Agt., Oregon Pacific R. w Co , (,’orval’is, Oregon. Through Tickets to all Points EAST AND SOUTH. Eurisko Market, W B WEBSTER For tickets and full information regard ing rates, maps, etc., call on the Company’« j S HIBBS, ... Proprietor. agent at McMinnville. E. P. ROGERS. Fresh Meats of all kinds constantly on R KOEHLER, Manager. Asst. G F. A P Agt hand. Highest price paid for Butcher's stock Administratrix’ Notice. Titian S treet . M c M ixxvhxi , O r . NOTICE is hereby given that the under JOHN HERBY, JESSE EDWARDS. signed Kittie Davis has been appointed by the County Court of the Countv of Yamhiil State of Oregon, Administratrix of the es tate of Jefferson Davis, deceased Therefore all persons have claims against said estate are hereby notified and required Proprietors of The McMinnville to present the same with proper vouchers to the undersigned at McMinnville Oregon, TILE within six months from the date hereof. Dated this 20th dav of November, A. D . TILE 1890. KITTIE DAVIS. Situated at the Southwest corner of the Administratrix of Said Estate Fair Grounds. All sizes of F. W. Fenton, Attorney for Estate. Gen’l. Frt. A P.i«a. Agt., Oregon Derelopmeal ^«tntjpMnery aWnet, Sun Reaneiaco, Cal. Prom Terminal or Interior Points th» Edwards & Derby, is the Line to Take To all Points East & South FACTORY í!t¡ It is the DINING CAR ROUTE. It run« Through VESTIBULEO TRAINS Every Day in lhe Year to ST. PAUL AND CHICAGO First-Class Drain Tile kept constantly on hand at lowest living prices EDWARDS A DERBY, 41- McMianville, Oregon. 'Ä' CO nsu MP^1^ It has permanently cured thousands of cases pronounced by doctors hope less. If you have premonitory sytnp- toms, such as Cough, Difficulty of Breathing. Ac., don’t delay, but use PISO’S CURE ron CONSUMPTION immediately. By Druggists. 25 cents. DR. ABORN Composed or ( DiM.ld ( AUS unsurpassed) NOTICE is hereby given that the under signed has been by the County Court of Yamhill county. Oregon, duly appointed Administrator of the estate of Jasper N. Cobb, deceased All persons having claims against said estate are notified to present rhe same to me at the office of James Mc Cain, in McMinnville, Oregon, within six months from the date hereof. Dated this 15th day of November. 18U) WM M. COBB. Administrator. «tuns cents » fO«MANY The most speedy, positive and perms nentcure for Catarrh of the Head, Asthma and all Throat, Bronchial, Lung. Heart Stomach, Liver and Kiduey Affections, Nervous Debility, etc. Consumption, iu its various stages, permanently cured. D r . A born ’ s O riginal M ode of T h bat mknt and his M edicated I nhalations gives instantaneous relief, builds up and revitalizes the whole constitution aud system, thereby prolonging life. Weak, nervous, debilitated »nd broken-down constitutions, old aud young, invariably gain from ten to thirty pounds iu from thirty to ninety days. D r . A born ’ s phenomena! skill and mar- v.-lous cures have created the greatest ,‘onishnieiit on the Pacific Coast and ■ >roi:ghont the American contiueut, dur ing the past tweuty-five years. Asthma, ’arrh of the Head, and all Throat, Bron- i-.ial and Lung trouble instautly relieved, ■ o Ear Diseases and Deafness often cured rn-nuanently at first consultation. DR. A born ’ s essay on the ‘ ‘ Curability of Con- ---.’.mption,” aud a treatise on “ Catarrh oi lhe Head,” »nth evidences of some ex- traord’nary cures, mailed free. Call or zd.’.rcss OR. AB0RN> TO I» EÏ AVI >. PILLMBIIiR IHlMi ROOM SLEEPERS (Of Latest E<juipnicnt.) TOl RIST SLEEPIM CARS Bek t that can he constructed anti in which arc«»nimodstions are for hol ders of First or Second-cptss Tick ets. ;in<l ELEGAKT IIIY COACHES, A i In the County Court of the State of Ore gon, for the County of Yamhill. In the matter of the estate of James A. Walker, deceased. To Tiila Walker, George (’, Walker, and James W, W. Walker, greeting: In the name of the state of Oregon, you are hereby cited vnd required to appear in the County Court of the State of Oregon, for the County of Yamhill at the court room thereof, at McMinnville, in the Coun ty of Yamhill, on Tuesday, the sixth day of January, 1891, at ten o’clock in the fore noon of that day. then and there to show cause, if any vou have, why’ the following described real estate be not sold as prayed for in the petition of John H. Walker, Ad ministrator of said estate, to-wit: Beginning at the south east corner of the north half of the south east quarter of section fifteen (15) in t, 3 s , r. 5 w., of the Willamette Meridian in Yamhill County, state of Oregon, running thence north one hundred and twenty (120) rods; thence west eighty (80) rods; thence north forty (40) rods; thence west sixty-four (64)rods; thence south forty (40) rous; thence tfest sixteen (16)rods; thence south one hundred and twenty (120¡rods; thence east one hun dred and sixty (160) rods to the place of l>e- ginning in Yamhill County Oregon, This Citation to be published in the T el - phone -R egibter by order of Hon. \Vm Galloway. Judge of said court. Made at McMinnville, Oregon. December 2. 1890 Witness the Hon. Wm, Galloway, Judge of the County Court of the State of Oregon, for the County of [ seal ] Yamhill, and the seal of said Coin t. hereto affixed this 2d day of Dteember. A. I).. 1890. A’test; J W HOBBS. Clerk. F. W Fenton, Atty for Estate. FOB THOSE WHO CANNOT POSSIBLY CALL FEB HO5AI.LY, HOME TREATMENT PLACED WHU- IN TBE BEACH OF ALL THAT WILL «ITS INSTANTANEOUS BELIEF AND A PERMANENT CUBE. The inhabitants of St. Lucie have lately discovered a most singular plant. In a cavern on that island near the sea, an im mense basin of brackish water has collect ed. The waters are as clear as crystal and reveal millions of varied colored pebbles on the bottom. Each of these pebbles fur nishes a resting place for from two to five of a most remarkable species of plant—a plant much more nearlj’ allied to the ani mal than to the vegetable kingdom. The shallow waters around the edge of the pool look for all the world like well kept beds of rare and wonderful flowers; all bright and shining in color, the majority of them reminding one of the marigold family, only that the tint is much brighter. Those seeming flowers, on the approach of the hand or a stick, retire, like a snail, out of sight. On examining them closely, Fourth and Morrlsoa 8ta.» Portias«, Oregss. the middle of the disk is found to be pro vided with four brown filaments, resem N ote .— Home treatment, securely packed, sent by bling spider s leg-, which move arouDd the Express to all parts of the Pacific Coast, for those whs petals with a brisk, spontaneous motion. »nect possibly call in person. These filaments have pinchers with which ill IÜVÎTED TO CALL FC« FREE CMSWTATK» to seize the food upon which this queer animal plant subsists, the food of the AflVK>RTIQlBD^k M©thm.who with to•xarrWRe. strange creature being spawn of fish and mil Vfell I IWLIIW th»« psp^.or obtain estimates marine insects thrown into the pool by the on advertising space when in Chicago, wiil find it on file at S^^ruLORDiTHOWS. action of the tides.—St. Louis Republic (No Change of Cars) Administratoris Notice. Citation. Escorted to Church by the Footman. A week or more ago of a bright Sunday morning, while the organ at St. Thomas’ was pealing forth the voluntary and the people had risen to their responses, a curious and most wonderful thing hap pened. In the middle aisles, just a scat or two from the front, is one long pew simply upholstered in dark leather that has for a year been quite empty, but which bears on it a silver plate holding a name well known in-Wall street. The pew’s owner we all know has made a pile of money. He has a family consisting of a wife and two daughters, who for the last year or two have lived abroad. Often have we won dered if when they came back to America would they gain an entrance to the upper circles, and much speculation concerning the pew and its holders has been indulged in by inattentive worshipers. Sunday before last curiosity was in one way satisfied and again whetted anew, for, as the services began, the double green in side doors of the church flew open, there was a t read of feet and up the way came first his lordship—the most prosperous man iu the street—rigged out in London clothes, a flower in his coat, and followed by madam, radiant in much rich silk of a sober tone, «and half leaning on a gold headed, tortoise shell stick. Behind her came the daughters, types of English maid ens, severely gowned, prim and haughty; but public astonishment stopped not there, for in the footsteps of the daughters moved with stately stride a gigantic footman in full regimentals, his high nose held well up and a bag of books on one stout arm. The family filed into the pew, settled themselves, the footman unbent, opened the silk embroidered bag, doled out the books and noiselessly stepped back and down to another empty pew, where he humbly said his prayers. Service over, he collected his books and charges, marshaled them out to the street and followed them three blocks to Fifth avenue, watched the entire way by an amazed audience of St. Thomas’ frequenters.—New York Cor. ~ Chicago News. \ di >rri( One of Í hr P* M P* F“ BFXl’Tri-b Ufc» k escapee i «i I B p S b C w the world, «»or MnliUr*er» une«i«»*l‘ d. tad to iatndarreu» Mipcrii'F FO- m !« wetrtb »eviûl KT* tooxr. l-ElrMAM >n h lo- a».»: avabote On’.? th-«* * ho to us at •aceean make swr- • ' the c lisiwe All b«-*«'• • return * t<. «how otir • th« --» "b" and th-*«- ■o>u rfntilnc <>f lb — idre - •hows the an.Kli er-* ’oh The f»no*ine <nt rives ibe eppeamure ©fit rertu Continuous Lino connecting with all lines. afTordiug direct ana unin terrupted service. Pullman Sleeper reMTrationa ran be ««cur ed in advance through any Dgcnt of the road Tlii ’bibdi To All •l’l<l ^ fron p°int* linuil rti TirLok lira» tn in rirA ‘1,1 England «nd Europe ran l»e purchased at any ticket office of this conmanv. Full information concerning ratea. time of trains, routes and other details furnished on application to any agent, or A D CHARLTON. Asst General Passenger Agent» General Office or the Coni|>any. No, 111 First Mt., Cor. Tt ahlngton, I'ortand, Or. ARE YOU GOING EAST? H so be sure and call for your ticket« via the ¡faga it fatetn Mmj< -THE- h1 11 is positively the shortest and fin ill line to Chicago and the east and south and the only sleeping and dining car through line to Ouiaha, Kama. CII». and nil Hirer l’olnt. Missouri lla niagiiillcent steel track, unturpoaaad .rain tervlce and elegant dining and deeping care bat honeatiy earned for It the title of rhe Hoyal Route ’¡hers may imitate.but none can surpass it • >ur motto is "always on time. " Be sure and ask ticket agents for ticket! 'la this celebrated route and take non» itws. _________ ■then. W H MEAD, _____ O. ▲. Ko, < Washington street, FortiaiUL Or ON THE ONLY TRUE I IRON TONIC Will RI~41 recnlatetlte LHer and KMwya and Rm»" th« Haethul nfw<TT««tb I>r«p«pnte. Want of Appetite, IndineviUon. I^tck of btranrth and Tired Feollnt absolute! yenrad .Bon«e. tnuactee and narraa racetvn newforoa. Enliven« the mind nd aoppliee Brain Power, a * a Safterlng from complaint* LADIES rr£i*'H2^rTiiao^ TONIC a saf« and «peedy cum. Give« a etear. b«nl thy ootnplexion. Frequent attempt« at counterfeit ing only add to tho popularity of th« original. Do not exp«rtm«at-g«t the OaiCtMAL «•« BI»T. SALE ----- TO------ DENVER ST PAUL. ST. LOUIS. AND ALL POINT* East. North South. A.T---- OT¿-, GEO. S. TAYLOR’ Ticket Agi iBMdacho. Bempte Dow and Drum Book! Xmalted on rooolpt of twoeente In poataga. F Dr. HARTER MKDIO1NK CO K-Lriii la