1
flOODIRlVEH OLAOlEft fHURflDAY, MARCH 12,1908.
ThilO
BQVS
ER
FLOW
Famous Philosopher Disappears
After Solving Birds' Secret
MRS. BOWSER DISTRACTED.
h. Adv.rtitas For N.ws of Lost Hue
band. Who Thought Ho Could Fly.
Hm Any Ono 8oon Bowoor Bird In
Iho Skyt
Copyright, 1907, by Homer Bprafue.J
One eveulng some daya since ilr.
Bowoer shut himself up In the library
(or an hour under the excuse that be
had some Important business letters to
write. The next day, when I was over
hauling the room, I found that he bad
passed his time making drawings of
wings and reading a magazine article
entitled "Why Can't Human Beluga
Flyr
The next ereulng, as we sat on' the
front steps to get the ereulng air, I no
ticed him carefully watching the swal
lows and bats, and after a time he
queried:
"Mrs. Bowser, have you given the
subject of flying machines any
thoughtr .
"Not a great many thoughts," I at
wered.
"But you must be awure that at the
present moment thousands of Individ'
uals are giving the matter their earnest
consideration. Time and money are
being lavished to solve the puzzle, and
"IX A WKIK TOTJ WIIiTj BID MB) IjISAVTNG
THB HOUSI FOB TUB OFFICE ON WINOH,
the newspapers are full of what bene
fits may be expected when flying ma-
chines are as common as birds.
"Yes, I have read a good deal about
them, but bow con the problem ever be
solved? How can you expect a big and
awkward machine to .fly against the
wind? How can you provide against
audden gusts and squalls? At any
moment some part of the machine may
get out of order, and what's going to
happen then? A flying machine may
be made to sail around a bit on a per
fectly calm day, but of what utility
would It ber
Mr. Bowser looked at me In admira
tion for a moment and then exclaimed:
"By thunder, woman, you have got
a head on youl Ton have stated the
case Just as I have. The flying ma
chine Is an Impossibility. It will never
go beyond the toy stage. Tell me,
then, what must follow?"
"They will have to give It up."
"They will give up the machine, but
turn to something else. Man now
travels under the sea, and he will nev
er be satisfied until he travels through
the air. If he can't do It one way, be
will another, ne not only wants the
novelty, but the convenience of It.
For Instance, It Is two miles from here
to my office. I have to transfer. I am
detained by street car blocks and ac-
cldents. I have to Jam In with tho
crowd. I may be on time or I may be
half an hour late, t have my feet step
ped on, my pocket picked and the con
ductor works lead nickels off on me.
RnnnoBe that Instead of all this I could
go up on the roof of this house and
launch myself Into the air and be at
the office In three or four minutes r-
"It will never be possible."
"Too may witness It within a week,"
tiA ronlled with a laugh. "Mrs. Bow-
up; mnaxepr me this. How does a bird
"By using Its wings, of course.
"But what about the wings r
"Thev are so constructed by nature
na to sustain the bird In the air, the
bones being hollow."
"Ah-ha! Now we are coming down
to business. It's all to the wings ln
ral of the bird. The ostrich has
wing, but cannot fly nt all. The swal
low has wings and can fly all day. The
wing bones of the hen are nearly full
f marrow, and she cannot fly ten rods.
n. win hones of the dove are entirely
hollow, and she can fly a hundred
miles. What deductions do yon draw?"
"Whv. If man is going to navigate
the air he must flo It with wings."
ncxaetlv."
"And the wings must be made after
h. nattAi-n of the bird that flies the
mi1m and the farthest"
Mr Bowser stenned Into the vestt
bule out of sight of the people on the
mtreot and beckoned to toe. nen
waa beside him he put his mouth close
to rtiT ear and whispered:
"Vnn'vo struck It. Mrs. Bowserl
Tour head Is level!"
"And what are you going to dor
asked.
"Do? Do? Why I'm going to make
$10,000,000 In the next ten years ana
a reputation that will last as many
rears. I thought this thing all out
days ago, but I wanted to ee If you
would corroborate me. If we want h
tf'w must go back to first principle!
and take the birds for our pattern.
Birds don't fly with their bodies, but
with their wings. Tut tiwjsJrffht sort
of wings on a man and he flies. You
flyI fly-everybody flies. By thun
der! By thunder!"
"But those wings have got to be
Invented," I protested, a bit startled
by his earnestness.
"Easy as rolling off a log Just
matter of three days' practice, Mm
Bowser. Tou will see me leaving
this house for the office on wings with
In a week. You will see me Bailing
oyer houses andtrees and J&9 rlTet
like an albafroas. "You "will see" the
atreeU full of people looking up at ma
and shouting the name of Bowser. A
thousand reporters will be tramping
through the house and looking Into the
closets and under the beds and up the
chimneys and asking you whether the
mole was on your grandmother's chin
or cheek. The fame of It! And the
millions and millions of dollarsPr
I have seen Mr. Bowser enthusiastic,
but I never saw htm so far gone be
fore. Almost any second I expected
to see him spread bis wings and fly
away. I started out to discourage
blm, but I made a failure of It Boys
might throw atones and men might
bring out their shotguns, but be had
way of dodging them, ne knew
Just how those wings ought to be
made and Just how they should be
worked, and he sat down on all my
arguments and flattened them out I
got bun to fly to bed at last, but It
was a long and sorrowful night for
me. When he slept It was to work
his legs aa If flying, and when be was
awake It waa to tell me how many
eagles and wild geese he would over
haul and bring to market Just before
daylight I fell Into a sound sleep, and
when I awoke he was gone. I ques
tioned the hired girl about him, and
she replied:
"He came down here, flapping his
arms, an hour ago and was In such a
harry to get off that he would only
wait for a cup of coffee. As near aa
I could make him out he expects to be
come a bird. Begging your pardon,
ma'am, but a line, - fat baldheaded
bird will he make. Will he be called
the Bowser bird?"
I was on my dignity and didn't an
swer, but ns the forenoon a ragged
away I became very anxious.- I fig
ured that he hnd gone to some machine
shop to get his wings made, and
could not tell at what moment be might
come flying home and drop with a
plump on the doorstep or be brought
to the gate In an ambulance. At mid'
afternoon I gave a boy a quarter to
circle around and soo if he could see a
large bird sailing to and fro In the air.
No bird.
Then I gave another boy 10 cents to
walk about and Inquire If any one bad
been hurt or killed.
No news.
Night enme on and no Mr. Bowser.
"When a man gots to thinking he's
a bird what euu you do with him?'
asked the girl as I sat down to my
dinner.
Nine 10 11 12. No Mr. Bowser.
He had probably started for Boston or
Philadelphia ou whig.
I awoke next morning to go up on
tho roof of the house, but there was no
clew. Mr. Bowser Is sure to leave
tracks wherever Jie goes, but he had
left none on the roof.
At noon that day I had the police
send out a general alarm. The officer
who came to the house to get the par
ticulars said that Mr. Bowser and his
wings might be hanging to the tele
graph wires out In the country, or have
been caught In some treetop and that
the police would do their best to let mo
know whether I was a widow or not.
The afternoon and the night passed,
and still no news.
It Is now three days and nights
since Mr. Bowser flew away and yet
the mystery Is unsolved. Ills wings
have either carried him upward be
yond the ken of man or they have fail
ed him and his body Is lying In. some
thistle patch and awaiting discovery.
Any news from him, dead or alive, will
be thankfully appreciated and a liberal
reward paid by ' .
MRS. SARAH BOWSER,
Wife of the Only Bowser.
Per M. Quad.
1
COLD, WINDY, WEATHER
Causes Pough Skin of Face and Hands.
Lemon and Witch Hazel Cream ?. f. fouts, prop.
THB PE FECT EMOLLIENT
Corrects this, and makes the skin soft and velvety. Ladies
can wear gloves immediatelo after using. Invaluable as an
application after shaving. Sold in Hood River for 14 years.
25c the Bottle
Hotel Waucoma
Moderate Rates
Excellent Service
A FIRST-CLASS HOUSE
Farmer's Dinner
25c
Hood River, Or
THOS. CALKINS
WALTER I SEN BE RQ .
Esson &"Cu
Graduate Pharmacists
Phone 1001
;7 Twrf
Sucotssors to HALL & ESSON
jJ..aEU
m case of record.
There is no case on re'i-ord of a rough
or cold remlting in ptienmoii a or con-Mimpti-ii
Mfter Foley' Honey and Tar
In b-en tike.i,it wi'lstop vourcouwh
and h up vuuroiild quickly. Refuse
hiiv but Hie Kenniue Foley' I ln-y and
Tar In a yellow pitckage. Contains no
Hates and is fafo ami sure, Uark'f
Drug Store.
Margaret's Alphabet.
Little Margaret was having diffi
culty with the alphabet, which was be
ing taught her In the good old way.
The letter n was a desperate pitfall.
II she could not remember, so her
mother said, "See, Margaret, it looks
like a gate." That was an inspiration.
Now Margaret Is In clover. She never
forgets, but this Is what sho says:
A, b, c, d. e, f, g, gate, L etc. Her
mother sees still harder work ahead In
making the little maid forget. Wash
ington Star.
Do Not Crowd the Season, -
The first warm day of spring bring
with them a desire to get out and enjoy
the exhilirating air and Bunehine.
Children that have been housed up all
winter are brought out and you wonder
where they all came from. I lie heavy
winter clothing is thrown aside and
rnnnv idled their flannels. Then a cold
ave comes and people say that grip is
ei'hleiiilu. IKiias ai mis Beasou are even
more dangerous man in mia-winier, an
there 1- much tnore danger of pneu
moniit. Take Chamberlain's- 'Cbtiah
Itemedv. however, and you will have
nothing to fear. It alwavs cures, and
we have never known a com to result in
imeumonia when it was used. It is
leaeani ana sare w iukb. uimureu
like it. For sale by Keir & Cues.
Revert Action.
The Elder Matron Vou shouldn')
mind the baby crying a little.. It
strengthens his lungs. The Younger
Matron Oh, no doubt, but It weakens
his father's religion sol Indianapolis
Journal.
If yon would not have affliction
visit von twice, listen at once to whit
It teaches. Rogers. ? f ' . ; '
Cures Old Sores.
Westmoreland, Kans.. May 5,1902
Rallard Snow Liniment Co.: Your
8now Liniment cured an old sore on the
side of my ehin that was supposed to be
a cancer, l tie tore was siuooorn ana
would not vield to treatment until I
tried Snow Liniment, uhleh did the
work in short order. Mv sister. Mrs,
Soohla J. Carson, Allenaville, Miffln
Co., I'., has a fore and mistrusts that it
in a cancer. Please end her a 60c hot
tie. Sold by Chas. N. Clarke.
Mere Density.
lie I see that a scientist claims that
a man's brain weighs 10 per cent more
than a woman's.
Bhe No doubt the excess Is all solid
matter. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
JACKSON & JACKSON,
General Merchandise
Groceries; Flour and Feed
and Lumbermen's Supplies,
-W iMi..rv. IIoiw'Hmum' MOOI IHYKll. OK.
Dealer in
Fancy
"n,'K"'TH.'DALLra NURSERIES
li. li. U r liKH, IV.f.
THE DAL LS, OREGON.,
ItKTAIL
(IKOWKK AND D BALKS IN
LISTES
and remember the next time that yon
uffer from pain caused by damp
weather when vonr head nerrly bursts
from neuralgia try Ballard a Know lini
ment. It will cure you. A prominent
bnsitets man of Hempstead, lexns,
wri es: "I have' used yemr liniment.
Previous to wxua it I was r un-at sutler
r from rleumati-m and neuralgia.
in id 'tisml to tav that now I am free
roiii these complaints. I am cure 1
we tin to your linuneni." ooiu uy
t'has. N. Clarke.
. Out of His Line.
Mrs. Muslque Are you fond ol
Brahms, Mr. FUsteen? Mr. Flisteen-
No, ma'am; I can't say that I am.
These fancy dishes always give ma
Indigestion, no matter how well cooked
they are. Cleveland Leader.
Chamberlain's Cmigh Itemed? Is Ruth
. Agreeable and Mtecwe.
CliHiiilerlain'iiCoiiih Keuiedy has no
upeiior for coughf, colds and croup,
an I the fact that it is pleasant to take
and e ntiling nothing in any way in-
uilus has made it a favorite with
mothers. . Mr. W. 8. Pelham, a mer
chant ( Kiikaville, Iowa, taya: -'For
more than 0 years Chamberlain's
Couah Itemedy has been my leadiug
remedy' lor all throat troubles, n l
especially Micoessful in cases of croup.
Children like it and my customers who
Ituvu UMd it will not take any other,"
For sale by Keir '& Cass. '
Cruel Man.
The Groom The minister seems to
think he knows more about you than
do.
The Bride How's that?
The Groom I gave him a ton, and
he handed back five of lt-t-Town
Topics.
titUIT, SHADE
AND
ORNAMENTAL
Eveeeni,
GRAPE VINES
SMALL FRUITS
Rose and 5hrubbey.
TREES
Remember, Our Trees are Grown Strictly Without Irrigation.
C. P. R.
Next bor to McOuire Brothers, ''
Clothes Cleaned, Pressed and Repaired
All work done with Electric "
I rou and guaranteed '' "'
Neglected Cold.
Every part of the mucous mem
brane, the nose, throat, ears, head and
limns, eti'., are subjected to disease and
blight (mill neglected colds. Ballard's
Horelioi il l syrup ! pieasani smi ei-
fective jemed .
XV. Akcndriek, Valley Mills, Texas,
writes: "1 have Used ISallarii 8 lloie-
hotind Svruo for concha and throat
lotililes: It la a uleRMiol and nioi-t
. j. .... . . fct
leelue remet v. poMI OV liias. rs.
(hnke.
'A Double Inheritance.
Mr. Cross That baby over across the
vrav seems to Inherit its voice from
both Its parents.
Mrs. Cross How sot
Mr. Cross It mnkes a great deal of
noise, like Its father, -and keeps It op,
like Its mother.-Detrolt Free fress.
..MILLER'S DRUG STORE..
Has jiirifc received a shipment of American and Im
ported Perfumes, Lundberg's, Rieger's, lloger & Gal
lett's in bulk and presentation boxes.
The Finest Imported Soaps for the Toilet
Toilet Sets, Faney Papetrie, and many other ar
ticles suitable for Prsentk; ... '
On the Heights, 1 n: : Hood River, Ore.
Why Go Down the Hill?
Riverside Dairy
We can supply you with any quautity of Fresh Milk
PRICES ON APPLICATION
Free Delivery.
Phono 41
GOULD & SNYDER
PLUMBING
Steamjand Hot Water Heating
All jobbing promptly attended to.
Our ClosingOut Sale
Has progressed beyond our expectations, all on ac
count of having the goods and giving the prices
that attract.
The Iron Bed stock is still quite complete: forty
different styles yet remaining. ' ..
We are selling $3.50 Beds for $2.80
$4.15 $3.50
" $10.50 $8.10
$12.00 " $9.65
" $22.50 " $18.25
with those you have been paying:
YnmYum Springs $2.40
Fall Leaf Table...... .. ...2.20
Kitchen ' tt-OO
H. H. Treasure. . .'. . ; . . . ; f3.4&
D. Linoleum, 12 ft ; . '. 65c
All Wool Carpet.... 05
We invite your inspection . '
S. E. BARTMESS
Compare prices below
Sanitary Couches 5.25
" Davcu porta I.25
Wool Top Mattresses $:t.55
Three-quarter " 3.55
Single " 2.45
Excelsior " 2.15
HOOD RIVER
Laundry Co.
Does Washing- at
Reasonable Rates
I Call Up Main 3141 1
I HOME PHONE 138 . I
;,:. mi - yjit
Don't Compliilu.
If your ehext pains aiul you are n
able to sleep becne f a ceuith, buy
bottle of liallard's Ilorehiund Kviup.
and von wunt have any vouuh. trt
bottle now anil that couli not Ihhi
lonss. A cine for a'l iiiilinonarv tit
ea-M). Mra. J. (ialventon. T' 'it :
"I ran't any ewmirh for BtMard'a HorL'
hoiii.il Syrup. Tlio rt-lief ii h given
toe i all that ic noceerv for me to
ca." Sold by Chas. N Clarke.
For baeaiua lu real estate see Boh
well Shelley Canou, Wash.
Cause of Stomach Troubles.
When a man has trouble with his
stomach you may know, that he is eat
ing more than he should or of some ar
ticle of food or d el n it not suited to nis
age or occupation, or that his bowels
are hahitHllv cwrtipated. Take Cham
berlain V Stomach and l.tver 1 ablets to
regulate the Irowels and improve the di
gestion; and see if the trouble does not
disappear. Ask for a free ,ample. Sold
ov iveir vans.
Club Chop House
. AND -
RESTAURANT
bo not measure your enjoyment by
the amount of money spent In produc
ing It
Khenuiatle Paiai Relh'ved.
B (1. Crocker, !q. now" 84 years of
ag'1. imd fo- 2i year justice of the pe le
nt M.inliit-lnint. Ia, sy: "I am ter
rildv attliotel i h miatic rheumatism
in uiv left arm and right hip. I haw
i wd three b-t!l- ol i ClmmU'rUiti' IVun
Balm and it d.d m Us of (,,hJ, r' r
sale by Keir A Oi.
11
Merchants' and Famcrs
DINNER
A. M. to 2 P. M
25c
JftjlUlOOilU 1
A SPECIALTY
Oregon
SKotr Line
Union Pacific
3 Trains to the East Dally
Throneh PuMinun utanrtnrrtii nd tonrlt
lwpln i"r i1lly to Omaha, ThlcaR'o, 8po
kno: tonrlnt lprpln run 'tally to Kanmn
Clt: tl.ronh I'ljMniiin lonrlt nlwelng cr
(iwr-nrnillv mnitnrtmt) wwklv to Chicago.
R.Ttlnlng rhiilr f.v (wit frf ) to tbc East
dully
I'n Ion lennt- Uav. Arrive
('lilcHKO-l'orllMnd Sppfllftl for
the Knt vln Mnxllnirton.nioiy B:au am :nu pm
onkn Flyer for Fimtern
WHahliiKtnn. WhIIr walla,
lwllon,oenri1'AI'neiana
(lr.-u Northern point, (tally 8:11 pm (KM am
AtmnticKipmui tonne e.nm
Tla Htmtlnirton.dallv 6:00pm (:45am
Prildnrt-Fndleton loCHlfor
nil .olntu lietK-e'n l'etidleton
nn1 I'ortlnnl, rtally 7:lm fafi pm
RIVER SCHEDULE
A
j -BUY
Comfort for Horses
5 A Blaukets bring comfort
and health to the horse and
save money for the owner.
They protedl horses from the
wintry blasts ; they keep
horses well, save their lives.
Strength, warmth and length
of wear are characteristics of
the SA Blankets. Ask for
5 A. Look for t!:e 5 A trade
mark.
Buy a UK Blm Girth for th Stable.
r.uy SA Square (jr the Street.
If You Want the best
Money can Buy.
.'''.I' ' . "
We Have ' a Car of Fine
-OATS just in. : ;
Hood River Milling Co.
i
FAULTLE&S:
We SaU Them
S. J. FRANK
Harness and Saddles
KOIt ASTORIA Hnd 1:00 P. M.
why point. iHmnPcllne; Dally
nith .iHmerfo' II noo except
,mt Niirtli Heneti meam-l Hnndny,
it HhiwhIo, Ai.li Htreet.HBlunlay,
dirk (WHtor per.) 10:00 V. U.
6:00 P. M
Dully
except
Bnnday.
Kills t'nvion. Own
illy urn! Vstnblll F',l
r i-iln'o. A(i tret
'ib V iwiil-r t'r.l
i A. M.
Dully
exrept
Hunrt-ty.
M
MK l.l'.W IHTt)N,l:IO A.
IiIhIih. itiI wy lioliiU.i Dull
rr..m Hlrla, Wafli.
excctt
fnlnrdiiy
.BICYCLE SHOP.
J. MARION REID
Bicycles, Guns, Sewing Ma
chines, Furniture, Umbrellas,
Stoves and Lock9 Repaired.
KEYS MADE TO OIUER
Iiicjeles, (iuiiK, et., sent by express or
repairs will lie iiratlv and promptly re-1
Daired and retnrncd. Can sve you $1 1
to 13.00 on price of new nlieeU. Tires,
brake, and all kinds of repairs sold at
Port land prices. rritifurmshei on I
npplication. lied renv: Brads trer
Grubbing Machines
Wire Rope and Extras ?
Wire Fencing' of all Kinds
Spray Pumps, Hose and Extras.. Buckeye Well
Pumps. SHARPLES CREAM SEPARATORS
VEHICLES and FARM MACHINERY
J. R. NICREL5EN
y g!- jBf:-' J
WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED A FRESH SUPPLY OF 11
n Nitrate of Soda, Muriate of Potash
7:! P. M.
Dully
exiwi
8und..y
40P. M
Dally ,
exupi
rrtday
7. W. DeBUSSEY
OFrirn Hiit'HH
I r. Wlil Hnims . m to IS noon: 1 '( D.
in Nn frciitht rect lvl nr drllynl m1r t
in
PHuwi'vr Dfpol Hour fur t'tlrrry of ex.
(rrmNnil mtltK 'HI m. till (p. in.
. ' ' WM. McMURRAY.
Oi Ufral Pawcufer Aviil, l'urllaod, Or.
AND ALL KINDS OF FERTILIZERS
COME TO US DIltECT FOIt
WOOD i FIBERED HOUSE PLASTER
CEMENT AND LIME
AS WE UNLOAD DIUFXT FUOM THE CARS li
STRANAHAN& CLARK y
Hood River, Oregon )
tesVaSMdHIUHsllHMa 3 B
C. P. ROSS
Billiards and
Bowling Alley
and Confectionery Milwaukee Nurseries
Have ti offer a good stock of Apple, Peari Cherry, Peach and Prune trees for Hip
coming season. Have 20,000 two-ycar-oM Y, N. Pinpin, Spitzenburg Arkansas
Itlark. Urtley, Hydes King, Winter H;iiii.n.. 80,000 one-year-old Y. N. Vippin
PARLOIiS
THE BEST LINE OF
Tobaccos and Cigars
IN THK CITY
The Oieirmiiin. Telearmn and Journal
ON HALE SUNDAY.
and Spitiseiiburg. My stoi:k is all first cl.is tins year in every reaped,, anu hub
to name. Planters lire invited to call and inspect this stock before placing your
der8' N. B. HARVEY, Proprietor
MILWAUKEE, OREGON.